100 Ways To

Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket

100 Ways To

100 Ways To Annoy Lord Voldemort (Hah, Voldemort's in the world around me ... )

Because I saw it somewhere. And it looked like fun. Feel free to add.
1. Call him Voldy.
2. Call him Tom. Or, if you're feeling really brave, Tommy.
3. Call him Mr. Riddle.
4. Say, "You know, I really do think it's about time you and Bella got together.
5. Say, "It's not nice to hurt people. It's mean. And we don't want to be mean, do we? Of course not."
6. Point your finger at him and say, in a sing-song voice, "Moldy old Voldy! Look at Moldy Voldy!" Fall down laughing.
7. Say, "You know, this whole 'I must kill Harry Potter' thing is getting really old."
8. Give him a birthday present. Like a teddy bear. Or a dollhouse.
9. Give him a Valentine ...
10. ... and misspell his name on it.
11. Mispronounce his name. ("Voll -- Voll-dee --" "Voldemort." "Mind if I just call you Bob?")
12. Say, "You're a big fat meanie!"
13. Tell him you think he's cute.
14. Pet Nagini. (Or at least try to.)
15. Tell Nagini, "Oh, oo's a good wittle snakey wakey, yes oo is!"
16. If you're with another witch or wizard, casually turn to them while
Voldemort's talking and say, "So, as I was saying earlier ...." Have a
completely unrelated conversation.
17. Say "You're half muggle. HA!!!!"
18. Say "You're a pathetic, stupid, dumb old man!" *Throw peanuts or anything at him*
19. Take his wand away and break it in two, throw it on the ground, walk awa, and say, "Now you're useless."
20. Make him pickle rat brains, and if he doesn't, then throw them at him.
21. Say, "What kind of name is Voldemort?! It's not very scary..."
22. Give him a card or letter that says, You stink. Harry is much stronger than you and you should take some lessons from him.
23. Sing "Love Story" in front of him and make him sing along
24.Tie him up and force him to watch little kids shows about friendly animated dinosaurs.
25. Say, "Will you be my best friend? Pleaseprettyplease?"
26. Listen to your Ipod while he's making a big long speech, then take the
earphones out and ask him if he could say it again. Put the earphones
back in and repeat.
27. Give him the Nice (or Mean) Person of The Year Award.
28. Force him to dress up as a My Little Pony for Halloween.
29. While you Trick Or Treat with him (still on Halloween concept) ,
tell the people who give out candy that he can't have any because he'll
"poison it."
30. Whenever you see someone with black hair and glasses, say "Look! It's Harry Potter!" Then throw a water balloon at him.
31. When you're talking with him, call him You Know Who.
32. Say: "You should use this nice shampoo....." Give him a tube of
Beautiful Barbie Shampoo: Very Berry Strawberry. (This brand doesn't
exist, so don't look for it.)
33. Hold a Wizard Contest. Make sure he gets disqualified because it's for "Masters Only." Then let Harry win.
34. Tell him that black isn't his color, that he's more of a summer.
35. After a brief period of desperation, say "Oh! I love what you did with your hair!"
36.Ask him why he kept a diary.
37.Say "Your nose looks funny."
38. "The whole snake thing isn't very convincing."
39. Say, "Hey Voldy, my bff!  How's it going?  You know, I really think you should spruce up your cloak a little bit... maybe change the color to hot pink with a flower print.  That should do it."  End with an innocent smile and walk away.
40.Hand him the Evil Overlord list. Full stop.
41. While he's asleep, paint a lightning bolt on his forehead.
42. Attack him with a paintball gun loaded with blindingly pink paintballs.
43. Send him fanmail. Written in curly floopy handwriting on pink paper. With little hearts on it. ((No, floopy isn't a word. I just made it up. Silence!))
44. Leave plastic surgery pamphlets lying around whatever Derelict Manor he's using for headquarters.
45. Follow him around suggesting that maybe he wouldn't be so depressed/angry all the time if he would get out in the sun more.
46. Slip him a love potion. Be on the other side of the world when it wears off.
47. If you ascribe to the He Probably Has Hair school of thought, dye it pink while he's asleep.
48. Follow him around and laugh hysterically at everything he says.
49. Mock his plans incessantly.
50. Point out that the Evil Overlord list is a list of things not to do, not a bloody to do list.
51. If you ascribe to the He Probably Doesn't Have Hair school of thought, send him a new wig every week. Bonus points if they're brightly/garishly coloured.
52. Take every opportunity to point out that he got owned by a one-year-old.
Cast a spell on him that gives him warts, then call him Voldewart.
53. Dress up as Harry Potter and walk through the city with him. Tell people you're giving him lessons.
54. Make him watch Chamber of Secrets. Fast foward through all his big scenes.
55. Put that big snake from Chamber of Secrets in his bed. Adult help required.
56. Tell him: "Here's your new cloak!" Give him a huge rainbow cloak with flowers and unicorns on it.
57. Put a sign on his back that says: I'm Dangerous. 
58. Tell him that he would make a good swimsuit model
59. Ask him to go to prom with you (not that Ive been to one)
60. While he is sleeping try to paint his nails the most annoying color possible
61. Don't give him nail polish remover unless it's as a bribe to make him walk around town wearing a pink polkadot cape.
62. Say "Wazzup bro? Long time, no see!" Then do one of those greetings when you bump shoulders or whatever.
63. Read him the Harry Potter books as a bedtime story.
64. Make him watch the Harry Potter movies, every-single-one-non-stop.
65. Make him do an academic research paper, then when he's almost done, "accidently" delete it and say "Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to. Guess you'll have to re-do it. And remember, it's gotta be done by tommorrow. But no pressure or anything."
66. brush his hair and put bows in it, or shine his bald head and still find a way to put bows in it. Then after his torture is done say in a high voice "Aren't you a handsome little boy? Yes you are! Yes you are!"
67. Pretend that you're in love with him, then after he says 'but I'm a dark wizard' grab the front of his robes and say "But I don't care! I don't care!"
68. Lean over confidentially and whisper, "Bella asked me to tell you that she likes you. Like, she like likes you." Giggle.
69. Put on a Cloak of Invisibility so he doesn't see you, and say: "This is your consience speaking, you stink, Harry rocks, and you owe him an apology." Then throw the cloak off and say,"I think your consience is right. Let's go." Hold his hand as tight as possible and tell the other bad guys what you're doing.
70. Steal his wand. Wave it around and yell, "Abra Kadabra!" then accidently break it. "Whoa! That was almost as weak and brittle as you!"
71. When he is angry, say "You should look on the bright side! At least you don't have to worry about washing your hair!"
72.  give him scented candles for every holiday. this includes Earth day, hug day, squirrel apreciation day, harry potter's birthday, etc.
73. celebrate harry potter's birthday with a big birthday bash and have the deatheaters do the limbo
74. name your owl Voldemort. Talk to it.
75. play would you rather with him. Woud you rather have snape hair or go a few more years without plastic surgery? Hard choice hmm, I see. Would you rather kiss Bellatrix or Bella swan? Edward? would you rather have me tell you the secret that harry is your son or that... oops sorry, spilled the beans. James made me promise but- what are you doing, don't raise your wand on me young man Ahhhhh!
76. constantly remind him that he is a fictional bad guy in a children's book and thus can't win. 77. Tell him he'll never be as great as his father.
78. cut his robes so that they only go up to his knees. Complement his long legs.
79. introduce him to youtube, namely Potter Puppet Pals
80. put a spell on him so that he sparkles in the sun
81. Tell him to start using anti-aging cream.
82. Throw him a copy of How to Improve your Spells a Whole Lot so That You can Defeat Little Kids at Least by Badwiz Ard Curse.
83. Whenever Bellatrix and he are in the same room together, sing "Here comes the bride, big fat and wide, here comes the groom, skinny as a broom!" in as loud a voice as possible. Repeat ad nauseum.
84. Add, every time, after 'skinny as a broom,' "not to mention white as a sheet of paper."
85. Walk into his room with a tiger and say, "See, THIS is a scary pet!" Proceed to point at Nagini and laugh hysterically.
86. Dress up as a little kid and say, "You awe a meanie, Voldy-more! Meanie, meanie, meanie!" Then put the full Body-Bind Curse on him.
87. Every time he comes out of a door, run past as fast you possibly can. Repeat.
88. Draw a mustache on his face while he's sleeping.
89. While you're on your knees saying, "Pleasepleaseplease don't kill me," suddenly say, "In accordance with the prophecy," and whack him in the head.
90. Also on the prophecy line: Whenever he finishes saying something, say, "In accordance with the prophecy," and smack him in the face.
91. Whenever he's walking down the street, suddenly scream and jump on his back, and shout at the top of your lungs, "I've caught a heffalump!" Bonus points if you dress up as Harry.
92. Ask him if he can smell. He doesn't have a nose, right?
93. Tell him that he needs a teddy bear. 
94. Convince him to get an e-mail account. When he's not looking, hack into it and send an e-mail to Harry saying, "Hi! Sorry about all that trying-to-kill-you stuff. Lets be friends! We can come over to my house and play with My Little Ponies. Your pal, Voldy." 
95. Tell him "Harry Potter is better than him at wizard chess, dueling, potion making, being awesome, getting girls, can wear a cape SO much better, (goes on and on and on in a list of random things)"
96.. Tell him "Killing is SO last year!"
97. Ask him "Why do you like killing people? It makes nobody want to be with you. Well, even if you were the good guy, I would stay away. You really need to take a bath." Wave your hand in front of your nose and walk away.
98. On Halloween, have him ask you what he should be and say, "I think that you would be AWESOME! for Luna Lovegood. It would really bring out your eyes."
99. When he invites you to his house, ask him for a drink, try some of it, and spit it in his face, say, "This is the more gross than pig bladder!"
100. Take him ice skating, then leave him there when you go home.
submitted by Daisy
(September 17, 2016 - 12:36 am)

Hahahahahahahahahahaahaaaaaaaaaaa.................... That is HILARIOUS. Wowwwwwwwaaaahaaahaaahaaaaahaaaaa........... *starts crying from laughter*

submitted by Leafpool
(September 17, 2016 - 1:22 pm)


submitted by Daisy, age 14, NC
(September 17, 2016 - 1:38 pm)


submitted by Daisy
(September 17, 2016 - 1:50 pm)

Hee hee hee! That is so funny (even if I'm not a Harry Potter fan)!

submitted by BumbleBuddy, Deep in a book
(September 17, 2016 - 2:11 pm)

I personally like numbers














best.  hey, button says "dfur." Voldemort doesn't need to de-fur; he already has no hair.  

submitted by Daisy, Among the Flowers
(September 17, 2016 - 2:24 pm)

I love you Daisy


I mean as a friend. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! 

submitted by Icy, age 12!!!, The Forest
(September 17, 2016 - 2:48 pm)

OH MY GANDALF, THIS IS SO FUNNY!!!!! I AM LAUGHING MY LUNGS OUT AT THE MOMENT!!!!! THIS IS AMAZING!!! also, i really like #92 it is so true :)

submitted by DRAGON, age 15, the library
(September 17, 2016 - 5:29 pm)

So much Blue Fairy nostalgia!!

submitted by S.E.
(September 17, 2016 - 8:27 pm)




submitted by Somebody, age Who cares, Various places
(September 18, 2016 - 11:56 am)

HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAH! That's sooooo fuuuunny Daisy!!!!! Love it! 

submitted by Cockleburr
(September 18, 2016 - 12:27 pm)