Funny Things my

Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket

Funny Things my

Funny Things my Friends Have Said, which is either number five or six. I know Abi usually does this but I couldn't resist making another one, since they always make me laugh. Also, I've learned to write down funny things my friends & family say.

"You DON'T need to tell me where my FACE is."

"I cordiallly invite you to play Assassin's Creed tonight...no wait, scratch that, I'll eat toast." 

"You should dye your hair light black!"

"I hit Inara!" "No, you hit the chair, and will you STOP THROWING THE CHICKEN!"

"My goat supply is secure!!"

"We're going to a Hunger Games tournament." "REALLY?" "No, it's just archery class." "Aww..."

"Does technology include Oreos? Just wondering."

"Kylo Ren is a shiny crab that SINGS."

-that time when my friend Sarah was describing her plan to become a hermit and live in a hut in the woods, (out of her exasperation with humanity) and our friend Maggie overheard the conversation, made an indignant expression, and said "Did you steal my plan?" and then said "Well, we'll just have to have a hermit rivalry, then." 

"DEATH PICKLES."

"Guys! We need to go and set up lawn chairs in the mall and get into wizard robes and sit and Avada Kedavra everyone who walks by, and see how long we can go before the police show up and detain us."

"You read E-BOOKS??" "Yeah...?" "I OFFICIALLY HATE YOU." 

"It was REALLY good, although I'm sure you could poke a dozen holes in the plot with a toothpick" 

"I ended up pacing back and forth until like 1:00" 

"Miraculous Ladybug Is The Only Repetitive Show I Like."

"I'm quite chuffed about how these characters have turned out." 

 

submitted by Leafpool, age Finite, This side of reality
(February 16, 2018 - 4:47 pm)

My friends and I like to trash-talk fake people in Valley Girl accents. Example:

Me: "Argh, can you believe Patricia?"

My friend Brian: "Ugh, Patricia!"

My friend Tommy: "What about Amanda?"

Me: "Don't even get me STARTED on Amanda!" 

Tommy: "Yeah, her hair is horrible!"

Me: "It looks like Albert Einstein's hair got lit on fire!" 

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"WHERE ART THOU, BROTHER NATHANIEL?!"

"Maybe he's riding the elk." 

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"I'm a slimy piece of salami!"

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"I read somewhere that hitting your head on the wall burns 100 calories an hour, so I tried it."

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"Are you drawing Jared Kleinman?"

"What? Samson, no, this doesn't even remotely look like Jared Kleinman!"

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"I think they should start dating so they can go annoy each other and leave the rest of us alone."

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"Once there was a war, and France and England had to fight Gernamy." 

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"Sean, you need some eyeliner. It will totally make your nose POP! "

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"The kindergarteners were annoying me and my WiFi wasn't working, so I looked at my blank screen that was loading YouTube and told them that my entire video was of the loading circle going around and around." 

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I might post more if I can think of any. 

submitted by Brooklyn Newsie
(May 22, 2018 - 8:40 am)

- Me: “I am Moana of Motunui. You will board my boat an-“ “You are literally going to drown us!”

- “Oh, so you only slow dance when you’re 30 feet in the air now, huh?”

- “I’m not Stanitarian, I’m Christian”... “Stancrifice him!!!”

- “Stan is approximately all and approximately all is Stan (except for Larry)”

- (sung) “Ron Jon Rin Tin Tin, George Fred the Butterfly!”

- Some other names we have for each other: Dead Cheerios, Lettuce, Baby Powder, Frederick von Tasslebug von Noodle von Yum Yum, and, obviously, STAN

- “I have a marshmallow and you have hair.”

- William: “I am now going to recite the entire Gettysburg address” *proceeds to do so* Everyone else: “There goes William monologuing again.”

- “Ladies, lets not fight over the weird old guy” (yeah, its kind of hard to explain XD)

- “Would you like to dance?... with that pole?” 

- “Hey! Give me back my college roommate!” (Said roommate was, in fact, a fish.) 

If you want context, I have plenty. 

submitted by The Riddler
(May 22, 2018 - 3:02 pm)

"Chuckapotato!!!" "No, dude, say it right: hashtag chuckapotato four five one."

"NUMBER FIF-TEEEEEN!!"

"YO HADRIAN THIS GAME'S ABOUT TO GO INTO OVERTIME!!!! OOOOH! OOOOH! NO DUDE I TOTALLY SAID IT FIRST!!!"

"Soldier number twelve... they say it was you who farted at the meeting?"

"I've done a lot of wierd things on sleepovers with you: eat mud, climb dirt mounds..." (all those things are true)

Levana says orra. Or a what, Lev?  

submitted by Soren P., age 0.53, world-in-my-head, Fantasy
(May 22, 2018 - 4:25 pm)

I just remembered a hilarious conversation I had recently: 

"Squeeze Pizza Sauce?" "That's just wrong." "SQUEEZY PIZZA! SQUEEZY PIZZA!"

submitted by Agent Winter, Classified
(May 22, 2018 - 6:37 pm)

"We call her Tinkerbell because she's rude to us."

"Ninkerbell is the ship name."

"It's a gnome!" (gnome pronounced guh-no-mey)

"It's not Charles Lee!  It was George Eaker!"

"I'm surprised they had Game of Thrones in the library."

"Everything that everyone thinks is a 'c-k-' sound is actually two c's."

"You're a biscuit."

"Hey, is a cracker close enough?"

"Oh my gosh!  'Tis Bucky!!!" (We're Marvel fans please don't judge me)

"Is that the dead doggo?"

"Excuse me, I am the snack!"

Elle: "We have this running joke that if we like something, we smack it."  Kyra: "Wait, so do I get to smack you?"  Elle: "WAIT NO THIS WAS A BAD IDEA" 

"I have yet to meet weird people on Instagram, but I'm sure it will happen at some point." 

submitted by Lucy B., age 13, Emmilvien
(May 22, 2018 - 5:25 pm)

I don't judge! I'm a Marvel fan too!  

submitted by Agent Winter, Classified
(May 23, 2018 - 11:24 am)

I WON'T JUDGE EITHER!!!! I HAVEN'T SEEN CIVIL WAR YET SO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Sorry. I'm a little obsessed with Captain America, but I haven't seen Civil War so I will EXPLODE 

submitted by Soren Infinity, age 0.53, World-in-my-head, Fantasy
(June 14, 2018 - 7:38 am)

"I thought we agreed that pancakes should not be used as frisbees?" 

''I can make a coat made out of toast?! That's awesome!''

''These Sour Patch kids have gotten out of hand. Literally and figuratively.''

''Well, for one thing, an eel wouldn't want to be stuffed in a backpack.'''

''I could steal people's houseplants and sell them in the houseplant black market.''

''Why do people call the fire department when a house is on fire, but they're ignoring a fire that has been burning for a heck of a long time? Like, jeez, people, the sun is right above your head!''  "The sun is made of gas. Not fire."  

''Why does the red team get a t-rex as their mascot but we don't?'' "Joaquin. You are on the red team."

''You get a cat! And you get a cat! And you get a cat! And everybody gets a cat!!! " 

submitted by Quirker, age 14
(May 22, 2018 - 6:20 pm)

I've got some more: 

"DON'T FRONT ME, CHICKEN!!!" (said to a chicken that was walking around in Minecraft)

"I don't think a toilet could spontaniously burst into flames, if that's what you're saying."

 

 

submitted by Moon Wolf , The Moonflower Kingdom
(May 23, 2018 - 11:33 am)

Today Oliver said the phrase 'pinky dinky onion breath. Even if I told you the whole story, it still wouldn't make sense.

submitted by Soren P., age 0.53, world-in-my-head, Fantasy
(May 23, 2018 - 4:26 pm)

"The madness stopped, it's not fun anymore."

"Is that everyone?" ""Yeah. Those of us who haven't died of heat stroke, anyways."

"Eliza, you're a sausage." "Oh yay, I'm a pinecone!"

"Dying in a hole is a great pastime, I've done it loads of times."

"Eliza, you forgot to put your mom's credit card number on here!"

"I decided to rename it Heat Stroke's Outlet."

Levana says moka. Ok, Let's go to Starbucks. 

submitted by Soren P., age 0.53, world-in-my-head, Fantasy
(May 24, 2018 - 3:45 pm)

There is also BEHOLD MY ENCHANTED DIAMOND HOE OF DOOM, and yes it is a Minecraft reference. Soren, in fact, is a Minecraft Story Mode reference.

submitted by Soren P., age 0.53, world-in-my-head, Fantasy
(May 24, 2018 - 4:38 pm)

My brother has a friend who has a list that he makes of really weird band names. The only rule is that the names have to come up in conversation, not premeditated. A couple of them include

"Interpretive Body Swastika"

"Imploded Strawberry Head"

and one that I said:

"Seriously Player One" 

(It was originally a question) We were playing Marioparty, c'mon, don't judge. ;P Also another thing that my sister said:

"STOP. THROWING. BLUE. FREAKING. SHELLS!!!"

She was playing Mariokart. 

submitted by Rogue Wildling, age Guess, Somewhere precarious
(May 24, 2018 - 8:30 pm)

We named a friend’s brother Vladimir Butterbeer Ketchup Smear.

submitted by The Riddler, age 15, Here
(May 24, 2018 - 10:14 pm)

Also: “Well you stuck your hand in a meat grinder, what did you think was going to happen?

submitted by The Riddler
(May 24, 2018 - 10:15 pm)