Funny Things my

Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket

Funny Things my

Funny Things my Friends Have Said, because Leafy's one died but this idea is too good to not have a thread for. Post your funny things here!

-"YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME?  *continued*" 

-"Which joke is dirtier, Oliver's Cheetos or the fajitas?"

-"Keep it PG, we say *censored* here"

-"Rest in pieces, fidget pen." 

-"Can you do me a favor and put a 'kick me' sign on Oliver?"

-"Captain America is just a 100-year old guy on steriods with a frisbee"

-"You're so disappointed by my lack of Super Mario knowledge"

-Gavin: Eliza is just a girl with messy hair and insomnia

Me: Hey that's not wrong

-"If I saw Dear Evan Hansen my soul would become a pile of goo on the floor."

-"You look like Shrek"

-"I think Logan just called me mentally weak"

-"Oliver should run the 666-meter in track!"

-"This confetti sucks"

-"I am SORRY I do not know what a METHANE HYDRATE IS-" 

submitted by Soren Infinity, age 27 eons , BeaconTown
(April 27, 2019 - 11:05 am)

"Stop jumping on other people's cars. That's illegal!" 

"You're criminalization!"

submitted by Jwyn, age 15
(June 28, 2020 - 9:45 am)

-I'm a late sleeper. Like, once I woke up at 6:09!

-Mom, I think I lost my bladder!

-S: freeze, young lady! You've been arrested by the FBI for STEALING! 

A: hey, I didn't steal anything!

S: except my heart.

S&A: *smooching sounds* ( this was a skit my friend and I made up. I have no idea where it came from)

submitted by DoodleGirl, age 13, Earth
(June 28, 2020 - 4:05 pm)

-“Glorgo the Hutt”

-“Flamin’ James”

-“GET OFF MY THRONE OR I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE”

-(playing Minecraft with another Hamilton fangirl XD) “If you throw paper into Nether lava while singing Burn, I will pay you a diamond.”

-“Why are you throwing eggs everywhere?!”

-“Since we can’t have a party, I’m just gonna hang up some streamers and play with the garbage disposal”

-“You know if you elect yourself as queen, James will start making angry squirrel noises”

-“Sith hood ornament”

-“You get a chicken! And you get a chicken! Everyone gets a chicken!”

-“I’m making a Gerald shrine”

-“Hello. My name is [Agent Winter]. You killed my face. Prepare to be kinda hungry.”

-“Sound the thrumpets”

-“Yeah that’s what we secret owl people do”

-“Mermaid Squad”

-“A blare of crumpets for the king!”

-“James is on fire again”

-“I love that you guys are trying to put out a fire and Sam is just waiting behind you for the burnt sheep”

-“Ohhhhhhh Bob...”

-“Cosmo’s dabbing again”

-“Why are you moonwalking out the door with a Stormtrooper?”

-“I am cupholder hear me roar”

-“I just stabbed myself with stabbing”

-“Bacon spices”

-“It was a surprisingly engaging tale of fajita delivery!”

-“Afternoon cheese”

-“Protect the lightning fish!”

-“WHYYYYY, LAFAYETTE?!”

-“Charcoal Uvula”

I can attempt to provide explanations... 

submitted by Agent Winter, age Classified, Really tho?
(June 28, 2020 - 4:30 pm)

The Hamilton/Minecraft one is beautiful. XD

submitted by Starchaser, age 12, Pyrrhia
(June 30, 2020 - 10:14 am)

XD Yes, playing Minecraft with my friend who loves Hamilton is amazing, we were looking for an End City and singing Stay Alive the other day lol (because she kept getting killed by Endermen and I told her “try to stay alive ok?” And that sort of spiraled...)

submitted by Agent Winter, age Classified, Enceladus
(June 30, 2020 - 11:18 am)

I'm sure we'ev said many memorable and wacky names lately, but here's some pretty memorable ones...

Me: Maybe she has, like, a flower name.

My mom: Oh, like June?

*pause*

Mom: *hysterical laughter*

Me: Oh, yeah. Junes are lovely. They're my favorite flower.

"That looks like some childhood"

"They should do a Mystery Science Theater 3000 reboot, and they should watch Sharknado and Twilight." 

"You are no match for Jack Sparrow's jar of dirt." 

submitted by Luna-Starr, age 27 eons, Existential Ponderment
(June 30, 2020 - 12:43 pm)

Honestly no one is a match for Jack Sparrow's jar of dirt

submitted by Leafy, age No, not a cat
(June 30, 2020 - 7:33 pm)

-"I can see the fire in your eyes. No, literally. The fire is reflecting off your glasses."

-Mom: I'm hungry.

Me: me too! Actually, no I'm not. I just want donuts.

submitted by DoodleGirl, age 13, Earth
(July 1, 2020 - 11:33 am)

I read, like, two pages, and I'm already laughing my head off!!

 

J: Who do you like better, this YouTuber, or this actor?

Me: *Pretends to think hard* Can I have lunch?

J: WHAT?!?!

 

I'M GOIN' NUTS!!! *Gets a sledgehammer and breaks a new car for no reason* 

(Whaaa...)

Yeah, don't ask.

 

Bradley said "frbed". BRADLEY SAID HIS FIRST ACTUAL WORD BRADLEY I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!

(Awwwt) (hhhxx.)

 

submitted by Emekittycon Kitten, age 12, Kitten Kingdom
(July 1, 2020 - 11:58 am)

I'm dying of laughter. TOPTOPTOPTOPTOP.

submitted by Top Hat
(August 12, 2020 - 9:48 am)

~ C- “A hundred soldiers die in a thousand degree heat... waaaait...” 

~ Aaron Burr- I wanna- C- gummy bear!  

~ M- I can sing ‘Satisfied’! That’s five words per second! Ch- yeah, you just sing it slower...

~ Me- don’t touch the floaty unicorn! K will kill us!

~ C- Radioactive Chicken!!! 

 

submitted by Dolphin, age Toooooop!, Top!!!
(August 14, 2020 - 9:23 pm)

Ahh! I forgot one! 

~ C- wait! One more thing! Ch- why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room? C- because I am!

 

Vixen said keyed!!! A real word!!! 

submitted by Dolphin, age Toooooop!, Top!
(August 14, 2020 - 9:26 pm)

"Smells like... America."
"I think I just reached nirvana. Whatever that is."
My dad: "When I was a kid, we just learned our morals from tv programs."
*little girl playing with barbies in a camper outside*
My mom: Oh, they're camping!
Girl:*dead serious* No, they're GLAMPING.

(During a charades game in which the actor is making a crown on their head)
T: "QUEEN ELIZABETH THE THIRD!"
D: *in a proper-sounding voice* "The duchess of sussex."

"I don't understand how you LOSE a SHED-"
My mom: "Well, don't be having any close conversations-"
My sister: "Oh no, I dont talk to people anyway."

submitted by DoodleGirl , age 13, Earth
(August 16, 2020 - 9:25 am)

A: *sends a gif of mean girls*

C: OOOOHHHHHHWWWWWWW

C: Is that Amelia Membrosas?

A: Have you watched mean gls*

C: yes but I fell asleep at some parts

C: is that actress amelia membrosas tho?

A: Oh

A: Idk

---

This is a conversation about our math assignment

Me: I'm freeeee kinda

A: okay could you help  me

Me: Sure what do you need

THE GARDEN THING!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay what are you having trouble with

I did like 4 pictures and NONE OF THEM ARE RIGHT

How do you know none are right

did he** say so

what the heck are there three boxes of 4

because my parents said

or 4 not of

So first draw a rectangle

ya i did that

then, divide the rectangle in to two parts

One is a purple part, and one is a pink part

yes...

should i color them in

then divide each half in to thirds

sure

okayyyyy

so for the pink part, he wants one third to be geraniumns

for the purple part, he wants 2 thirds to be lavender

ya the preety pink flowers

but how do I draw that?!?!

draw a rectangle

then divide it into halves

where???

???

I don't know on a random piece of paper

are you being sartastic

IM SOOOOOOOOOO CONFUSEDDDDD

as I was saying, write purple under on half and pink under the other

NO PAY ATTENTION.

okay

then, divide each half in to thirds.

he wants on third of the pink half to be geraniums, and he wants two thirds of the purple half to be lavender

are you still there?

hi 

sorry C

anyway, YOU are supposed to pick some pink flowers you find online and put them in the two thirds section of the ink half does this make sense

no

do you wanna facetime so I can explain it better?

i think I'll pass

lol

it would be soooo much easier but fine

no I get it though

are you suuuuuuuure?

no

hold on

...

okayyyy

i get it nowwww

okay did C help you

no if you can't help me then C can sertanly not

do I use numbers???

on the garden bed thing

yeah

where?

it took me 11 minutes to try and explain this you and you still don't get it.

yeah but where?

in the THIRDS!!!!

-----

andddd I'll just cut that off there... 

* girls

** our math teacher 

 

 

 

submitted by Jubilee, age unknown, the stratosphere
(August 17, 2020 - 8:38 am)

-"Machmud's cat does not look like a rat." This is not inherently funny, except that we had this really long discussion about it in Ivrit class. Like, a really long discussion. 

-"Superman! Oh, no. Sof zman krias shema! DAB!"

"DO NOT DAB OR ELSE."

-"I am sharpening your head with my sock."

-"This narwhal looks like Voldemort."

"It's a manitee."  

 

submitted by Zahava S., age 13, the stars
(August 17, 2020 - 9:54 am)