Funny Things my

Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket

Funny Things my

Funny Things my Friends Have Said, because Leafy's one died but this idea is too good to not have a thread for. Post your funny things here!

-"YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME?  *continued*" 

-"Which joke is dirtier, Oliver's Cheetos or the fajitas?"

-"Keep it PG, we say *censored* here"

-"Rest in pieces, fidget pen." 

-"Can you do me a favor and put a 'kick me' sign on Oliver?"

-"Captain America is just a 100-year old guy on steriods with a frisbee"

-"You're so disappointed by my lack of Super Mario knowledge"

-Gavin: Eliza is just a girl with messy hair and insomnia

Me: Hey that's not wrong

-"If I saw Dear Evan Hansen my soul would become a pile of goo on the floor."

-"You look like Shrek"

-"I think Logan just called me mentally weak"

-"Oliver should run the 666-meter in track!"

-"This confetti sucks"

-"I am SORRY I do not know what a METHANE HYDRATE IS-" 

submitted by Soren Infinity, age 27 eons , BeaconTown
(April 27, 2019 - 11:05 am)

And now, the last few weeks of school+ a smorgasbord of family shenanigans.

-J.: *makes popcorn in microwave*

Me: you're gonna have to share some of that with me.

J.: Communist

-"Hello, my name is Steve Rogers and I- on your left, ON YOUR LEFT-"

-T.: don't touch me

Me: everyone touch T

- "If I don't know what I'm saying, then you definitely don't know what I'm saying."

- my dad: maybe you should put that back

me: Too late, I licked it

-Gavin: Eliza, you're a nun! Bless her!

me: Oh yeah-! Wait, what?

-"Sometimes you just gotta fall down."

-"Is the trampoline gonna be the only reason you come to my house?"

"No, it'll be... 50% of the reason"

-*making shapes out of clouds* "It looks like a piece of candy covered in dust"

-"So there was this old guy in a car and then there was this other guy on a bicycle and the old guy in the car was so slow that the guy on the bike went nnnyyeeaoow right past him"

-"I understand everything except anything."

-"It's a Voldemort snake!"

-"Get Shreked"

-"Pantsy fants"

-"RICHARD" 

-"NO! Lukas has to be taller than Jesse. Jesse is a smol boi." 

@Alta, "The pee pee dungeon". XD This is my new favorite thing. 

submitted by Soren Infinity, age 27 eons , BeaconTown
(May 25, 2019 - 1:08 pm)

I got a BUNCH of these

-Are peaches mammals? (Not as a joke)
-Imagine Calliou walking up to you in the hood and saying "Want a Sprite Cranberry?"
-IF YOU LOOK IN THE FRIDGE I WILL CHUCK YOUR MCDONALD'S OUT THE WINDOW
-Why does Belgium exist?
-(Context: Conversation about anchient China) Y'ALL EVER JUST TURN ON THE GODFATHER?
-Black Widows sandwich had more screentime than Captain Marvel in Endgame
-Logan, stop putting your friends in chokeholds.
-CRINKLE ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL CRINKLE YOUR SPRINKLE
-Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum, I NOW WILL TAKE A PACK OF GUM
-I AM THE CHUCK NOW! BOW BEFORE ME YOU PUNY MORTAL! NOW, HAND ME THE AVIATOR GLASSES OF POWER! 

submitted by Unknown, age 14, Somewhere in America
(May 26, 2019 - 9:45 pm)

"I used to think that you had poor judgement but now I realize that you have no judgement at all."

"...so in conclusion, acupuncture is completely painless-" *gets stabbed with a pencil* "-ahhhhh!!" 

"Do I have to do everything?" (Directed to everyone) Everyone responds with some form of: "No only the stuff we don't want to do." 

 

submitted by Spell Caster
(May 29, 2019 - 4:15 pm)

@Unknown, do u do Brazillian jiujitsu?U remind me of someone from my jiujitsu school

 

submitted by Faith C.
(May 30, 2019 - 5:29 pm)

@Faith C Wait, someone else on here does BJJ? I used to do it! 

submitted by Fleet, Zephyr Transit Hub
(May 31, 2019 - 9:33 am)

These are kind of disjointed, I just had the first one hanging around and then I looked through some email chats to find a few others....

"Ten years of meat grease."

"Bring on the mini ice cream tacos! I can eat fifteen of those!"

"Kylo." "BENNY." "Kylo." "BENNY." "KYLO." "Benny!" "KYLO." "TAMATOA." "William Turner's father." "A ZEBRA."

"Peter Parker picked a peck of pickled peppers" 

submitted by Leafy, age No, not a cat
(May 31, 2019 - 12:02 pm)

here's one i said once:

 

"and number two... oooohhhh, that came out wrong." 

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(May 31, 2019 - 2:44 pm)

-"hi, how are you?"

"i'm good, how are you?"

"i'm fine, how are you?" etc.

 

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(June 1, 2019 - 2:27 pm)

-"I had lots of ambitions for this project and then reality set in."

-"You had this like expression on your face like fight me boi like ya know."

Don't let this thread die. It's too entertaining! 

submitted by Spell Caster, age Eons
(June 3, 2019 - 6:41 pm)

-"I slept so much that I'm tired."

-"Popcorn is like magic."

-"Homer Simpsons your way through that food!" 

submitted by Soren Infinity, age 27 eons , BeaconTown
(June 4, 2019 - 6:28 pm)

"I am literaly so desparate for something even mildly unhealthy that I'm petting dark chocolate-covered almonds. This is just sad, Mom."

submitted by Soren Infinity, age 27 eons , BeaconTown
(June 7, 2019 - 10:22 am)

Who said that, Soren??

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(June 9, 2019 - 5:54 pm)

*while watching a tv show*

"I think we've got everything in the house, so you can just move on now."

*someone says*

"In other words, 'go away, Chip!'" 

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(June 9, 2019 - 5:57 pm)
  • “It’s every WAMEN for themselves”
  • “COUNTER THE COUNTER THE COUNTER THE COUNTER THE COUNTER THE COUNTER THE COUNTER THE COUNTER THE COUNTERSPELL!!!”
  • “Sir Stabby”
  • “Knifu waifu”
submitted by Topping Topking!
(June 15, 2019 - 12:37 pm)

-"That cop just pushed me in the water!"

-"I just three sixtyed that boi."

-"You wanna fight? Woof Woof."

-*to the tune of Sweet Home Alabama* "Keep calm your a midget!"

-"You scare me and I've done Taekwondo for multiple years now." 

-"gimeejimmygimmejimmygimeejimmygimeejimmy!!" 

submitted by Top!
(August 10, 2019 - 5:48 pm)