Funny Things my

Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket

Funny Things my

Funny Things my Friends Have Said, because Leafy's one died but this idea is too good to not have a thread for. Post your funny things here!


-"Which joke is dirtier, Oliver's Cheetos or the fajitas?"

-"Keep it PG, we say *censored* here"

-"Rest in pieces, fidget pen." 

-"Can you do me a favor and put a 'kick me' sign on Oliver?"

-"Captain America is just a 100-year old guy on steriods with a frisbee"

-"You're so disappointed by my lack of Super Mario knowledge"

-Gavin: Eliza is just a girl with messy hair and insomnia

Me: Hey that's not wrong

-"If I saw Dear Evan Hansen my soul would become a pile of goo on the floor."

-"You look like Shrek"

-"I think Logan just called me mentally weak"

-"Oliver should run the 666-meter in track!"

-"This confetti sucks"

-"I am SORRY I do not know what a METHANE HYDRATE IS-" 

submitted by Soren Infinity, age 27 eons , BeaconTown
(April 27, 2019 - 11:05 am)

*a scene appears on tv with pretty scenery around some smokestacks* I gasp in awe and say, “...... POLLUTION!”

-a few weeks after my friend kicks around a Temmie plush, I come up and say to her, Hey, have you suffa Temmies wage yet? (I will tell you the translation if no one gets it)

-Another friend makes this speech a lot for some reason:

I am THOR, SON of Odin, RULER of Asgard, KNEEL before me PATHETIC MORTALS!

It gets better though, when I try my hand at saying the speech and it comes out like this: 

I am Thor, son of Asgard, ruler of Odin! 

-(we decided to make a few plays one time, and one of them was the story of Adam and Eve from the Bible. We didn’t have much props, but we dealt with what we got)

*me as God* “You can eat of every starburst candy here, but you shall not eat of the Doritos of good and evil.”  

-*us watching the world of light cutscene before it shows Kirby living*  

My friend: Welp, everybody died. 

-My friend plays the trumpet  

My other friend: Your trumpet sounds like a dying goose.

-Me: You will need to be punished. Lock her up in the FORTNITE PRISON! *shows rooms with people playing Fortnite*

My friend who is getting ‘punished’: NOOOOOO!

-*friend pretends to die* 

Friend who is dying: I’m dead. 

Me: But-

Friend: I am sorry, I’m dead.


this post is getting too long I will stop now. Maybe I will make a part 2 sometime! 

submitted by Dusk S., age ????, ????
(September 6, 2019 - 11:18 am)

- "It's like a love quad-angle..." "You mean... a square?"

- "Wait wait wait, what am I supposed to do with the butt now?" 

-"R squared times pi = Captain America"

-"So... then I calculate the area of the butt cheeks--"

-"If you get anything wrong, you DIE"

-"If these pants flare at the bottom, you will face the wrath of a Hunter Nightstalker."

submitted by Fleet, blueberries!
(September 10, 2019 - 7:43 pm)

-“I don’t need my house to smell more like dirty tacos”

-“Steampunk doesn’t smell like cough drops”

-“My soul is composed of floof puppies, hoodies, and slightly tainted honor”

-“It was just a sign... with a beard on it... that said “Bro Camp”! AND I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!”


-“Well, the Xbox probably isn’t working cuz you stabbed a paperclip in it!

submitted by Fleet topping!, Toptop!
(September 20, 2019 - 8:42 am)

And it resurfaces! Here are some funny things that my friends have said lately--


"It's not like I'm going to break into someone's locker and be like 'give me your gym shorts'."

"I'm so clogged up I feel like a hosepipe."

"Why have a kid when you could have a yacht?"

"I have the entire Hamilton soundtrack downloaded to my phone, do you have a problem?" 

submitted by Leafy, age No, not a cat
(September 21, 2019 - 9:23 am)

Well you guys, it's been 3 weeks and there's a lot of funny stuff I documented just for you!

~"This is a C cord *plays* it sounds like death"



~"Anyone with... *eyes the girl with a boot* foot problems"

~"It smells like air freshener and... death"

~G: Hey Eliza it's a Nimbus 2000

Me: Oh yeah well I have a Firebolt so... yeah

~"I'm the holiest! Haha losers"


~"Homer Simpsons is a spaceship"

~"Hey Logan, you're wearing a noun"

~"Biggest Chungus!"

~"...They're not talking about a lolipop."

~"I need an N word for this acrostic that isn't nostalgiac, narcissistic, or Nutella."

~"You are a POTATO"

~"Timmy the volleyball is a LEGEND"


~"I think if we added avoado to it, it woukd be trendy enough to be a picture" 

submitted by Luna-Starr, age 27 eons, Existential Ponderment
(September 22, 2019 - 2:26 pm)

This is what ends up happening on a Sunday night in my household.

-*is carrying a cauliflower around like an offering at a slow march* "caully caully Caully CAully CAUlly CAULly CAULLy CAULLY CAULLY!!!"

-"Okay you just take your picture of a bird projectile vomiting and go!"

B- *is peeling apples and finds a worm* "I don't know if I want to eat that now."

M- "Don't worry the oven gets hot enough to kill anything in there."

B- "Isn't that like eating...incinerated poop ash?"



submitted by Spell Caster
(September 22, 2019 - 4:37 pm)

What happens when you put two gamers in the same room for an hour

-"There are four levels of dead: kinda dead, dead, really dead, and extra-dead!" 

-"It's a heavy AT-AT this time... so don't try to pick it up!"

-"If you do that again I will FLAMETHROW YOU" 


submitted by Fleet, Fields of Glass
(September 23, 2019 - 4:02 pm)

~"They haven't seen The Princess Bride?? Inconceivable!!"

~"It's like Donald Duck with sleep paralysis"

~"I dunno, I just told her I wasn't blind and---" 

submitted by Luna-Starr, age 27 eons, Existential Ponderment
(September 27, 2019 - 4:55 pm)

I’m going to die, I’m in an acting class, and we always mess up our lines!

-Marisol; “I’m sorry, señorita, come back tomorrow.” It was supposed to be “I’m sorry Santa, see you tomorrow” *giggling in he background*

-WeLl DoNe PaLiDiNs! (Me playing Dungeons and Dragons)


-“Jermey the worm has DIED”

-“It was a caterpillar, Susie”


-“Commence the rock music”

-“Take me ouuuut to the baaaaall gaaame”



submitted by La’crosse, It's Different Every Time
(October 1, 2019 - 7:14 am)

~ Running around I'm a headless tractor I'm too late to get on amazon

~ Bear hair is yellow and smells like pear bales!

~Yip yip yip yeah yeah yeah It's MEGA EX!

~ If all the sea was salt and all the food were sheep, would a cat's ears burn orange? 

submitted by Darkling, age 27 moons, Bloomfield
(October 4, 2019 - 1:34 pm)

~"Oh, he's just writing his paper. And wrestling with a plastic snake"

~"You smell like a wet dog"

~"I called Emma a potato"

~"Are you a kangoroo?"

~"Mmm, poison."

~"He knows too much! Gavin, get out the rubber band."

~"My eraser is a member of Student Council"

~"Are you trying to lay an egg?" 

submitted by Luna-Starr, age 27 eons, Existential Ponderment
(October 6, 2019 - 12:55 pm)

The rubber band and... the eraser...

*bursts out laughing* 

submitted by Jwyn, age 14
(October 7, 2019 - 7:22 pm)

Ha! Thank you for appriciating our weirdness. My eraser actuaally does have a student council (or our school's version of student council) pin stuck through it... also it's named Jeff

submitted by LS@Jwyn
(October 10, 2019 - 4:33 pm)

me: d, why are you depressed

a: because she's a seventh grader

me: makes a lot of sense 


Probably what my class talks about the most is how dead they are.  

submitted by cerinthe
(October 9, 2019 - 5:58 pm)

Haha sorry, this is kinda long... 


-*hugging my friend* “It’s a chokehold!!”

-“Having a starfish on me doesn’t facilitate my sleep!”

-“Is that a snake sneezing out its beard?”

-“Our fireteam requirements should be: do you like to eat fruit, toot, be cute, wear a suit, and play the lute?”

-“Oh MAN, do you smell like a tortilla—“

-“If you don’t stop with the infinitives, I will break your face!”

-“When I try an Australian accent, it sounds like a dying armadillo in a vat of coconut butter.”

-“This is about a ship being pulled into a pocket universe, not throwing apple cakes!”

-“But he’s supposed to be saving the day with well-timed farts!”

-“He’s a beast in noodle sparring though—“

-“Every day, a new mutton joke”


-“Pick up the rice, it’s going to die of exposure!”


submitted by Fleet, Fields of Glass
(October 10, 2019 - 10:38 am)