Funny Things my

Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket

Funny Things my

Funny Things my Friends Have Said, because Leafy's one died but this idea is too good to not have a thread for. Post your funny things here!

-"YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME?  *continued*" 

-"Which joke is dirtier, Oliver's Cheetos or the fajitas?"

-"Keep it PG, we say *censored* here"

-"Rest in pieces, fidget pen." 

-"Can you do me a favor and put a 'kick me' sign on Oliver?"

-"Captain America is just a 100-year old guy on steriods with a frisbee"

-"You're so disappointed by my lack of Super Mario knowledge"

-Gavin: Eliza is just a girl with messy hair and insomnia

Me: Hey that's not wrong

-"If I saw Dear Evan Hansen my soul would become a pile of goo on the floor."

-"You look like Shrek"

-"I think Logan just called me mentally weak"

-"Oliver should run the 666-meter in track!"

-"This confetti sucks"

-"I am SORRY I do not know what a METHANE HYDRATE IS-" 

submitted by Soren Infinity, age 27 eons , BeaconTown
(April 27, 2019 - 11:05 am)

~"She's a taco"

~"What's ironic about the post-excersise hot chocolate is that it's 400 calories."

~"GO TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE, LL"

~Mom: do you have a runny nose?

Me: no *sniffs*

~"Waitwaitwait, Gavin's absent not because he's sick, but because he did a Jumanji and now he's a character in Apex!!!"

~"You busquen, I busquen, we all busquen"

~J: que significa as escuchen? (Translation: what does "escuchen" mean?)

Me: Busquen gang

~"Hot potato (pronounced "hoot patutu")"

~"You possess none of the busquen power!!"

~"Watching *really good pianist* play the piano like: his hands are having seizures!" 

 

submitted by Luna-Starr, age 27 eons, Existential Ponderment
(October 12, 2019 - 3:12 pm)

More!

-----

"Colby, would you say you sound fat?"

"Chewy hummy graham crackers"

"You could get an emotional support moose"

"I want grandberries!"

"You missed it, Jared just flew by."

"Here, have an antigoat."

"Oop, I dropped my bomb"

"Pamorana"

"It's a patriotic bucketlift!" 

submitted by Leafy, age No , not a cat
(October 12, 2019 - 5:35 pm)

"Look! It's the communism connect four!"

"Hey, wanna lie on the floor?" "Ooh, yes." "THAT'S WHAT THE FLOOR IS FOR"

"I brought the water bottle of justice."

"And then he asked me and B if we were dating!" "Oh, isn't it HORRIBLE when people ship you with your friends, AA, isn't it HORRIBLE"

"Breathing the same air? Practically kissing."

"No orc." "But I want the orc." "No orc. But I want the orc!" "No orc." "But I want the orc!" "No. Orc." "BUDDIWANT THE ORC!" and so on.

"AH YES THE L-U-P THING" "Wow, ok"

"I HAVE SEVEN HUSBANDS! WE ARE NOT DATING!"

"Sometimes life be like the tomatoes. Disgusting" 

"The orc has to be named Killian."

"So now I can jump up to the window..." "You can fly." "Oh, I forgot."

"Yeah, we also taught him to reference Heathers." "NOOO"

"I am not signing as Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. I am not."

"OWOOOOOBEEEE" 

 

A few of these were me, but most were my friends. I can give context if you want. Or more quotes. I have weird friends.

submitted by Stardust, Ubiquitous
(October 16, 2019 - 3:37 pm)

*Playing a game*

”Name three animals that start with the letter ‘j’.”

*silence*

”Does Jragon count?”

*four of us end up writing Jragon* 

jackrabbit, jaguar, and . . . junco

Admin

submitted by Leeli
(October 16, 2019 - 8:34 pm)

Me: Ha we’re like sardines in a can.

J: No, that’s terrible!

Me: Yeah ‘cause sardines are dead.

J: No, we’re like...trees in an orchard. That’s nicer.

 

submitted by Leeli
(October 16, 2019 - 8:37 pm)

Oh, this got edited...I didn’t think there was anything non-CB appropriate, but okay. It’s not so funny without the other part, though. 

submitted by Leeli
(October 31, 2019 - 7:39 am)

-“Tomato tornado”

-“NONE OF THE HYVEE EMPLOYEES HAVE CHINS!” *hysterical laughter*

-Sam: “How can I tell which glue is toxic?”

Kate: “The nontoxic one smells like butts.”

-“Ew, nobody wants a loin goiter baby!”

-“I WILL SHOW YOU THE POWER OF THE BUTT SIDE”

-“Murder is like potato chips!”

-“Fat Lobster Man”

-“She called me a feminine potato!”

-“When it smells like a big blue grape entered the room, that’s when you know it’s time to leave”

-“SYMPATHETIC TOE PAIN! SQUEEEEEE”

-“You thought her hair was a phone?”

 

submitted by Agent Winter, age Classified, back in black
(October 28, 2019 - 11:15 am)

ROAD TRIP SHENANAGINS:

~"High-five the sun"

~me: *reading from a fortune teller: "'You wll develop a deep appreciation for poetry'."

my brother: "One fish... two fish... red fish... blue fish. Aaah, poetry!"

~"Mmmm. Smells British."

~"Run away from the cat! AAAHH!"

~"Holy cookies"

~"There it is = there's it = their zit"

~"She was gonna kill the dog lady"

~"Texas is life"

~"I'm going to attack you with my nostril."

~"Forget the nostril, I'm attacking you with TOES!!" 

~"How do you know what dead carcasses smell like?"

~"I think he's gonna punch you..."

~"Dad's snoring = the horn at the beginning of the battle of Helm's Deep"

~"Did you just smell your sock??" 

~"Junior year is when it starts getting cereal--- I mean real,..."

~And that long discussion about roadkill... 

submitted by Luna-Top!
(October 29, 2019 - 7:59 pm)

Ha! I love the one about the dad's snoring and the Helm's Deep reference.

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(October 30, 2019 - 4:10 pm)

Wow, my class has discussions about roadkill too!

submitted by cerinthe, age 13
(October 30, 2019 - 6:57 pm)

-Me: "Does this hallway smell like chicken nuggets?"

R: "You are so WEIRD!!!!"

 - "Your pretzel ban will be lifted in two weeks."

-"And the category is...car bumper stickers!"

-Me: "I got glasses."

R: "omg, really!? I like them!!"

Me: "kidding, these aren't mine"

-Me: "My school picture isn't that bad, right?"

R: "You look like you just committed a crime and are trying to hide it."

-K: "I'm so happy because tonight we're having pickles." 

 

 

 

 

 

submitted by Winterblue
(October 29, 2019 - 8:22 pm)

Quote from our math teacher:

E: I am.....not smart!

Mr J: We know.

Also.....let's see

D: So which one do you think is cuter?

Me: The one that's not attached.

Ok so that's not really that funny. But anyway the context is that D gave me a key chain stuffed animal thingy that had the same name as my crush, and i clipped it onto my belt loop thing to keep it out of the way while we were walking.

A: It would be weird if someone had a binder-shaped butt......

 

I have some good ones, I KNOW i do, i just can't think of them right now....... 

 

 

submitted by cerinthe, age 13
(October 30, 2019 - 7:01 pm)

Before I forget:

~"It smells like hot dogs... or paint... or any combination!" 

submitted by Luna-Starr, age 27 eons, Existential Ponderment
(October 31, 2019 - 8:58 pm)

~"WED-NES-DAY!!"

~"I'm concerned for that 5-year-old's mentality"

~"You're dancing with a dead finger?"

~"Nutts & Butts *insert copyright symbol thingie here*"

~N: what's not okay?

Me: our mentalities

~Me: *using a fortune teller on my friend Gavin

Gavin: 10! *I go ten times.* 10! *I go ten times.* 10! 

Me: *flips up the flap for 10* haha you're dead

~"Overwatch on the Switch!"

~"*fails* aw yea!"

~Teacher: M, how do you say 'spring' in Spanish?

M: ... el springo

~"Look at this graph, isn't it neat, wouldn't you think that my memes are complete?"

~"BEETH OVEN" 

~"Harry the spider and Jeff the eraser should be friends!"

~The following conversation is about an apple. That part is important.

Gavin: This tastes like a pear

Logan: maybe it is a pear

Me: It's a plum you idiot

~E: I think we should just start screaming.

Me: that seems logical

E: you know what, Eliza? You're not logical.

~me: You have old lady hands!

LL: *gasps* I'm Mrs. R!!

~"Best new oxymoron: Christian rap"

~"Youtube... with.., V-sause"

~"Are you doing a Caillou Whip & Nae Nae??"

~"B's a cannibal" 

submitted by Luna-Starr, age 27 eons, Existential Ponderment
(November 3, 2019 - 3:24 pm)

Oh boy, this gem of a thread needs some ToPpInG! (Top top!)

~"My dog's name is Leo, it's leo it's leo it's leo what the heck is that"

~"I have the legs of a corgi dog!!"

~"She did a Mrs. R"

~"Fr. S said I should be a priest,"

~"What's the plural of Pikachu?"

~"Confused-About-Coffee Karen"

~*inpersonating the teacher*: four on the floor

Response: Four on your floor

~"Old people love it when you do nice things,"

~"I have a Google Doc full of morbid poetry!"

~"I should draw Dake's girlfriend," *a few mintes later "Dake's girlfriend's name is Steak!"

~"The dog is named Yardstick because he only has three feet"

~"Poke-pants"

~"MMM. Cheese. MMM!"

~"The kazoo tastes weird,"

~"She likes waffle cones. Like, big waffle cones."

~Acronym for remembering the names of the time zones: Homer's (yes as in Homer Simpsons XD) Awesome Pancakes Made Cynthia Eat

~"Joe Mamma" 

submitted by Luna-Top!
(November 17, 2019 - 1:18 pm)