Funny Things my

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Funny Things my

Funny Things my Friends Have Said, because Leafy's one died but this idea is too good to not have a thread for. Post your funny things here!

-"YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME?  *continued*" 

-"Which joke is dirtier, Oliver's Cheetos or the fajitas?"

-"Keep it PG, we say *censored* here"

-"Rest in pieces, fidget pen." 

-"Can you do me a favor and put a 'kick me' sign on Oliver?"

-"Captain America is just a 100-year old guy on steriods with a frisbee"

-"You're so disappointed by my lack of Super Mario knowledge"

-Gavin: Eliza is just a girl with messy hair and insomnia

Me: Hey that's not wrong

-"If I saw Dear Evan Hansen my soul would become a pile of goo on the floor."

-"You look like Shrek"

-"I think Logan just called me mentally weak"

-"Oliver should run the 666-meter in track!"

-"This confetti sucks"

-"I am SORRY I do not know what a METHANE HYDRATE IS-" 

submitted by Soren Infinity, age 27 eons , BeaconTown
(April 27, 2019 - 11:05 am)

-“Death by papaya”

-“Why did you throw a battleaxe at Ava?!?”

-“I’m kinda nervous about the fact you guys know which human parts are tastiest”

-Katie: “I’m not reading! I’m looking at automatic catfood dispensers.”

Sam: “You know, as one does.”

-“ALL HAIL THE SHOVEL GOD”

-“Congratulations, you are Toilet Thor”

-"Is that a disembodied Olaf head??" 

- (playing Mafia) Zoey: "I think Clara is the murderer!"

Clara: "Why would you say that?" 

Simone: "Um, you're holding a giant axe??" 

submitted by Agent Winter, age Classified, Taruk Territory
(November 20, 2019 - 12:09 pm)

J: “This hurts like a butt cheek on a stick.” 

Me: “Definitely the right one. On a sharp metal stick.”

J: “Environmentally friendly. Like a shish kebob stick.”

Me: “A biodegradable skewer.”

Me: “This hurts like a right butt cheek on a biodegradable metal shish kebob stick.” 

submitted by Leeli
(November 22, 2019 - 9:35 am)

Oh my gosh, you and your friends have just made that meme so much funnier! XD

submitted by LS@Leeli
(November 22, 2019 - 6:12 pm)

"Do birds have ears?"

"Yams are ox meat!"

"Ducks are amphibians!"

alright, I'll admit, I said that last one XD 

submitted by Sybill, age ????, Kyngdom
(November 24, 2019 - 7:10 pm)

Oh wow, it's been far too long...

~"Both British people and their tea are strong and bitter!"

~"If my life was weather..."

~"ToEs"

~"We always know when C's here because their sax sounds like a dying duck"

~"death by baugette"

~*hits the side of a metal bell kit stand* "It's definitely a sleigh bell. Needs tuning though"

~"Does anybody else have a clue as to why a bag of mini cinnamon rolls has become a hacky sack?"

~*falls very obviously* *recovers* *goes to parent* "so i fell down" *cries tears of embarrassment* (Lol this one is me)

~"Frat boy group: Rhett, Bret and Chet"

~"ElEvEnTeEn"

~"Did you just say that a kidney is a fruit?"

~"Diet Doctor Pepsi"

~"My calculator is a HydroFlask" 

submitted by Luna-Starr, age 27 eons, Existential Ponderment
(December 8, 2019 - 6:56 pm)

All of this happened during lunch. It was a busy day.

-Do birds have ears?

-Can cows lay eggs?

-Geese and ducks are amphibians because they drink water.

-They don't have scales they have gills!

-Ducks fly...wait what?

-Dear God child let me have a piece of my pretzel.

-Toast cheese is too holy to eat.

-Buzz Lightyear went to infinity and beyond.

-Franklin the turtle be true literature.

-She's harassing your flute.

-I blame George Washington.

-Mr. Bag, oh no!

-Cows cause the common cold.

-Cows lay eggs, therefore eggs are dairy.

-Cows are poultry products.

-Cults should sacrifice vegan substitutes for goat meat.

-George Washington existed during the Civil War.

-Goldfish created Communism. 

submitted by Spell Caster
(December 16, 2019 - 6:21 am)

Okay so I'm making a project for school about the Hobbit and I'm making the Arkenstone out of some fake gems that I have. My mom has never read the Hobbit and this is what happened.

-"What even is that?"

-"The Arkenstone."

-"Is that like stones from Arkansas?" 

submitted by Spell Caster
(December 17, 2019 - 6:17 pm)

Oh, Spell Caster. *cries tears of joy*

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years , Earth
(December 17, 2019 - 8:34 pm)

Oh my goodness I forgot about this! Ok, time to make more funny friend comments.

-Don't play as Pichu HE IS A NIGHTMARE

-Me: Then Clay met Peril.  

P: Oh, that's sad. Rest in Peace.

-Can we recieve Waluigi's blessings?

-FrIsK iS BrOcK's cHiLD

-I'm going to voice Sans in a Western accent. 

-P: Tell me my future.

Me: You dying.

P: Before that.

Me: You in the middle of dying.

P: Before that.

Me: You starting to die.

P: Wait, what was I doing before the process of dying?

Me: Uh...

P: *dies*

-A dark lord beaten by a yellow mouse.

-I'll put my Waluigi plush on top of this lampost so that people can pay respect to him.

-(a little bit of context: Me and a friend {who we'll refer as Luigi since she was playing as Luigi} were playing Mario Maker 2 and we decided to play an unfinished level that only had a little bit of land and just lava beyond it and there was no way to get to the goal, so we decided to do a bunch of dumb things, including me jumping on Luigi's head a lot.)

Luigi: My head is fractured...

Me as Mario: Oh, we need to go get to get the doctor. Be right back. *jumps in lava and comes back in bubble* Hi. I am the doctor. Is your head fractured?

Luigi: Um no....

Me as Mario: Oh ok. *jumps on Luigi's head*

 

 

submitted by Dusk S., age ????, ????
(December 18, 2019 - 10:40 am)

I've got so many XD QUOTE DUMP

**

"I'm doing great! Knock on wood!" *Finds the nearest table* *Knocks on it*

"Quote of the day: 'Who is this random person I'm sleeping next to?'" 

"I'm looking tired. But cute tired."

"My ultimate pale is N's ultimate tan"

"Draw my egotistical self as a duck?"

"I just broke my ankle on the floor"

"I got a call from Rapid City, South Dakota. Like, where even is that?" "In South Dakota!" "But where's South Dakota? I always forget that South Dakota is even a state. Who even lives in South Dakota?" "It's right below North Dakota." "But where is North Dakota??" "It's above South Dakota!" 

"Guardians of the Gale-axy"

"I just narrowly avoided a banana."

"I'm eating pickles and bread while you eat chocolate."

"Fake?" "No, faithful."

"I have clogged porgs."

"What were we talking about? ....Abs, right."

"HOLD UP STOP EVERYTHING N'S GONNA RANT"

"I'm going inside, my eyebrows are freezing."

"You can't just throw tongs at your employees!" 

submitted by Leafy, age No, not a cat
(December 18, 2019 - 2:31 pm)

-"My family is killing me bc they want to listen to Christmas albums and I DON'T. I JUST WANT TO LISTEN TO PENTATONIX NOT SINGING CHRISTMAS COVERS PEOPLES LEAVE MY PANDORA ALONE."

I need my own phone. 

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(December 18, 2019 - 3:32 pm)

-"You're standing there with a bandaid on your face while eating salmon bites and complaining about how itchy it is!"

If anyone would like a story I would be happy to provide. XD 

submitted by Spell Caster
(December 18, 2019 - 6:54 pm)

Yes, several of these are me and S, but I don't get out much and they're funny anyway.

-Me: "If you touch me, you will regret it."
S: "Why?" 
Me: "Because... I don't know. But I'm sure I'll know if you touch me." *unsuccessfully menacing face*

-R: *says something about something I can't remember*
F: "It's M's fault!" (The M that's not me, of course!)
Me: "Yeah it's totally M's fault!"

-S: *follows me around*
Me: "What are you doing?"
S: "You have a hair on your back."
Me: "Oh okay." *stops walking*
S: *grabs a handful of my hair* 

-S: *pokes my leg under the table*
Me: *squeals in shock*
JP: "What was THAT, who did that!?"
Me: "It was me, sorry." *turns sideway so S can't get my leg*
S(not realizing that I had moved): *pokes pig under the table*
Pig: *squeals and grunts*
S: "Wow, I've never heard you scream like that M!" 

-M(playing Narrator in Mafia): "And the Sheriff decided to accuse this young lady." *pats me on the head* (Btw he's talking in various weird accents here)
Me: *shocked and laughing* "What?"
M: "So who thinks our dear M(me M this time) is guilty?" 
*everyone raises their hands*
M: "Well, good job everyone, you just killed your Doctor!" (I was Doctor in this round)
*everyone groans*

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(December 19, 2019 - 1:02 pm)

Why was there a pig...under your table?? XD

submitted by Leafy, age No, not a cat
(December 19, 2019 - 4:34 pm)

We got a pet pig a few weeks ago, and she lives in the house. I made a thread about it on Chirp At Cricket, with some pictures.

submitted by Nyx@Leafy, age 12 years, earth
(December 20, 2019 - 7:09 am)