You may have read something telling you to eat pizza on pineapples--but this is wrong. The only correct way that pizza and pineapple can co-exist is if the pineapple is on the pizza. Pizza most definitely does not belong on pineapples--and here's why. If Spongebob Squarepants lives in a pineapple under the sea, why would you put pizza on that pineapple? It's under the sea, people. You don't put pizza in water, it gets soggy. So obviously, you can't eat pizza on pineapple, because it would be soggy; and so it makes no sense. Now that that's out of the way--why you should put pineapple on pizza. Pineapple is acidic, and yes, acidic is a six letter word. If you follow all of Rainbow's logic, and get to the bottom of the ocean, you may think that this means pineapple goes on the bottom. But you's overlooked one fact: if you spell pizza with an extra letter; for example: pizzza or ppizza, it has six letters. And if you go into the future, perhaps CAPTCHAs will be six letters long. So, if a futuristic CAPTCHA says "pizza," it would say it in six letters. That's much more related to pizza than "acidic" is--which means, pizza goes on the bottom. The pizza goes in the center of the earth, where it gets cooked. Meanwhile, on the ocean floor, there is a pineapple. See, the pineapple is on top of the pizza. So--pizza goes on the bottom. Always.

I intend to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt, with my assistant cou-

Co-council, Hamilton sit down, our client pineapple belongs on pizza. 

You have said that pizza belongs on pineapple because pizza has fewer letters, and would therefore float. However, the length of a word is practically the same as the height of the word, and you wouldn't judge a person by their height, so why would you judge a word by their height? It's much more valuable to judge a word by its age. The word pizza dates to the early 1800s, while the word pineapple dates back to the late 1300s. (Look it up.) Clearly, since pineapple is an older word, it is better, and deserves to be on top.