Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket

My CBversary is coming up soon.

Actually, it's on March 21st, I think. I'll have been here for four years when it comes. Gosh, that's a long time. I feel old, and tired. Mostly tired, actually.

A little lonely, too.

You know, I took a break a couple years back. A year ago, I think. It lasted several months, but that's not the point. Lots have changed since then, but some things, I feel, have remained constant. My reputation is one of those. 

On the thread where I announced my break, the comments were meant to be very kind, and for the most part they were. But at the beginning of nearly every one was "I don't know you very well…". I wasn't ever really well-known. I participated in lots of threads, sure, but I never made a lasting impact. (Except for on Kyngdom, but we'll get to that later.)

Ella Starburst recently made a leaving thread. And on it, they talked about how they always wanted to become a "household name", like Rogue Wilding and Soren Infinity. Well, so did I. Thing was, I had already been on the CB long before them. Years before them.

And so I felt like it was useless to become more famous. Why should I, when CBers so much newer than me were already so famous? So I just made roleplays and continued posting and let myself drift into the background. The CBer who was always there, but never really. And when I vanished for six months? Nobody even noticed.

I'd say I'm a little more well-known now, what with how active I was on NaNo and the fact that apparently people think I'm a good writer? But the fame I have now feels so empty and useless. And that's because everyone who I wanted to look up to me, to know my name, was long gone. No longer was there a Porcelain Dragon, or a Micearenice, or a Tuxedo Kitten. All of you new CBers are very kind and I love you all dearly, but it wasn't the same.

And on top of everyone I used to know being gone, my life started changing. I started changing. Some changes were positive and made things better, like finally becoming comfortable with my gender identity and sexuality, or finally practicing a religion I actually believed in. Some were worse, however. And soon I found that I had no free time, there was so much happening all at once and my mental health took a nosedive.

At the moment, my mental health has improved but it's still shaky. I finally came out and that's made things both better and worse. The Chatterbox has begun to feel less like an escape, though, and more like another responsibility. Another thing I have to worry about.

Kyngdom is the only place where I really feel comfortable. It was also the only place where I ever actually became "famous" and made a lasting impact.

So, what was the point of this? I'm going to announce that I will be leaving. No more Sybill--at least, not on the main CB. I still plan on staying on Kyngdom, and I might join the occasional roleplay on the Inkwell. Past that, though? No, I won't be doing much more than that.

There are a couple things I'd like to say first, though.

Luna-Starr, where even to begin? Oh, I know. You're an incredible writer and someone who I really look up to. You're one of the kindest, and courageous people I've ever met. 

Bakerloo, I love your writing and I'm so happy you decided to come back. And also, I think it's very likely you'll be an actor in a silent film one day.

Moth, you're very cool. I'm envious of your chaotic nature and also your vampire aesthetic.

Starseeker, I've always been so inspired by everything you create. Your short stories thread is one of my favorites.

Kitten, you are so mature and everything you say is so well-worded and thoughtful. 

Fidelity, you are so incredibly kind and your charries are always some of my favorites.

Sammy E., your energy and also your comments on the infamous "Skey Logde" are amazing.

Luminescence, I wish we were closer! Your speeches are well-written. With you around, I think the CB will be a bright, peaceful, and kind place.

And to Viola?, I know you're not around anymore, but you are one of my biggest role models. You were the first one to ever interact with me on Kyngdom. You were the one who inspired me to stay here for so long. Your writing and artwork are gorgeous, as are you.

There's so much more I want to say. So, to all of you (and I mean all of you), thank you so much for being here. You're all wonderful and very unique people. And especially thanks to those of you who have made the CB so much more welcoming to the queer community. Years ago, I had felt so scared to ever say I was queer on the CB but now I feel comfortable telling it to everyone on here. 

So, that's all. Good-bye, I suppose.

We'll miss you, Sybill! Come back any time. --admin