Places to Chat
Shakespeare Slam!
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
Shakespeare Slam!
Shakespeare Slam!
Okay, so we'd do Slam Battles in English last year using Shakespeare insults (or sometimes we'd do Shakespeare love things and do compliment slams), and see who could come up with a better poetic slam using insults. So we can try it on here and see how it goes! Oh, and this is all taken in a fun manner. Afterward, we'd give each other a high five laughing.
So here's how it goes:
1. Find some actual Shakespeare insults OR old-English insulting words. Since I don't know them all, I tend to use Google a lot.
2. Write down a "Thou art..." and put either the insult or a series of words to make your own phrase. I tend to rely on words more because you have more freedom.
3. We'll do competition championship. I'll even make one of those little chart things and show you guys! Basically, once we have... 8-10 people to compete, I'll pair you all up (I'm playing too!) and I will announce when each pair goes against each other. All the other competitors (or viewers who have to wait until the next round) will judge to see who gives the better slam.
- I will announce who in the pair goes first, and you will use your Shakespeare slam line on them. The second person will return, and everyone will judge who's was more entertaining, the general winner, whatever.
- The point of this is to get crazy with hilarious insults, not to actually insult. We are just messing around with old English/Shakespeare words. So get crazy! I will make a Shakespeare Compliment Slam later for those who wish to use Shakespeare's more soft side.
submitted by Ashlee G., age 16, The Future
(May 20, 2017 - 1:09 pm)
(May 20, 2017 - 1:09 pm)
Thou art a sunburnt, bunch-backed poisonous toad! >:(
XD Yes, it's on, Ashlee the Sunburnt Toad! XDXD
(May 20, 2017 - 2:02 pm)
Well, since you are the first here, I shall take on your challenge, my friend!
Thou art a fobbing, pottle-deep maggot-pie! OHHH.
xD I love these
(May 20, 2017 - 4:15 pm)
Well, if I am a fobbing pottledeep maggotpie, then THOU art an
ELF-SKINNED SODDEN-WITTED THREE-INCH ROOTING HOG!!!!!!!
...
So there.
XD
(May 20, 2017 - 5:12 pm)
Ouch... xD If you insist upon my being a elf-skinned, sodden-witted three-inch rooting hog, then...
THOU ART AN KNAVISH, EMPTY-HEARTED EGG-SHELL!!!
(I think the whole competitive system went down the drain, but this is even better!)
(May 20, 2017 - 7:18 pm)
Yeah probably, but you're right this is so much better!
Thou art a.....I can't come up with anything at the moment xD
Ooh!
Thou art a nonexsistent egghead! (That probably isn't from Shakespearean times but whatever xD)
(May 20, 2017 - 9:21 pm)
(To all)
Thou cream-faced loon!
(May 20, 2017 - 8:28 pm)
Thou BOTH art a worm eating, flubbergusting overly ragged WART.
(I did not mean any of that...)
(May 20, 2017 - 8:57 pm)
(Nope, I don't mean any of this either, of course!)
Thou all art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood
SO TAKE THAT, BRO. xD
(May 21, 2017 - 12:23 am)
Fie on thee, thou artless half-faced mammets! Thou saucy, pox-marked moldwarps! Forsooth, thine taste for insults does nothing more than whet my palatte! Match this if you can, frothy, earth-vexing bugbears! I deem thee unworthy to pursue me!
Haha, I love Shakespeare insults! We did a thing in class where the person who could go longest without laughing won!
Of course, I meant not of these insults. So, nobody be insulted by these clearly offensive phrases!
(May 21, 2017 - 9:54 am)
Zounds, thou fools! This sorry sight of a wench is like the devil’s ill heart, cold-blooded, gnarled, like a toad, ugly and venomous. Tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit, for I am sick when I do look on thee. Speaketh truth I doth, hark, mark my words!
(May 21, 2017 - 11:32 pm)
Sick, didst thou call me? Sick? For shame, the sick one here is thee! Thou liest though thine teeth, thou guts-wrenching, bloated weasel! May shame and ashes fall atop thine head, to join with the grease-bedecked locks which adorn thee already! Begone from here, knave, spare us the stench!
(May 24, 2017 - 8:56 pm)
Thou are both feeble, smallminded knaves who make me gag whenst I look upon thee. Begone, for the sake of my nose.
(May 25, 2017 - 11:22 am)
You speaketh nonsense, thou beef-witted harpy! Dost call me sick, a stench upon thy earth. Zounds, thou knave, thou know nothing for thou name is no more than a prick, puny against my bountiful, fair-faced sprite. Thee a sour-faced slug, may thou bury a grave and walk your foul, ill-composed, ruffian self in there! Methinks even the ravens and hawks will be turned from your monstrous rank that comes from an ill-bred dung-hill. Begone from my sight, before I gouge out my own eyes at thou faults!
(May 25, 2017 - 11:36 am)
(Ooh, you are good at this, Ashlee! I accept the challenge! Also, it got deleted the first time, so here's take two. Action!) >:)
Ah, may curses and lice fall atop thee, may they cover thy shriveled walnut of a face and hide thine infantesimal frame from our view. It doth spoil my stomach and my guts do grumble to see thee. It would offer us all salvation from being forced to look upon thee! Thine wit be as thick as plum pudding and thy face similar! All covered o'er with pockmarks and plauge sores, crusty and cracked. Near as cracked as thine half-baked brain! Thy lips grow rotten with lies, so may thy teeth fall out! If they have not already, from thy rank breath. Pah, it doth make the air let by a dog of the king's table seem sweet as a summer's day! The devil take thee, mongrel! If even he would, given that thy soul is not worth the scum of my boots. Go grovel before someone who cares about thee, brown-nosed bootlicker! Get away, loghead! Begone, vixen!
(May 25, 2017 - 9:57 pm)
Oh, they do this in Redwall! Insulting contests!
Sadly, I don't have any Shakespeare on hand. But I will have some soon, you baggy-bottomed, pinch-faced, buggy little weasels! Hhahahahahahahhhaehahahaehahahahahhahaaaahahhheehaahooha.
(May 21, 2017 - 12:05 pm)