Problems Thread 

Chatterbox: Down to Earth

Problems Thread 

Problems Thread 

So all of us have problems emotional, or relational. This is the thread to talk about them all and encourage all of the other CBers with how to deal with their own.

Anonymous names are allowed 

So anyway I have a couple problems that I just need to pour out somewhere and you know that's why I made this thread:

I just started school last year and I had been a homeschooler since then so this was very new. I have always had mental issues with interacting with other kids since I had a TBI a few years ago and I tried to keep it a secret. But because of that, I had to cover up most of my feelings and keep all my troubling secrets balled up inside me. I only made it through because of the help of another new girl who actually recognized me because of the TBI so I didn't have to keep it a secret and she listened to all that was going on. But the fact that I still try to hide it from the rest of my classmates still bothers me, because I can read it on their faces 'I know somethings not right with you' and it really hurts because they either treat me like a helpless baby or they think I am like some sort of weird alien from outer space. I don't want to face that same problem this year, but I am scared to tell everyone. So any advice

This next one is quite stupid but I don't know how to face it:

So anyway like I said before, I have always had trouble expressing myself towards other kids, and I am quite scared that they will learn who I am and think I am even more helpless or alienish. So I  just don't really get involved in the dating drama, but there is one guy in my class that I can tell has a crush on me. I had all of my classes with him last year so he started calling me his best friend because we had to do a dissection together. Thankfully my best friend (same as before) and I came up with the question "what is ...'s favorite book" and we said he couldn't call me "best friend" until he found it. He endlessly asked me throughout the whole year if (__) was my favorite book. He actually got it once because I mentioned it in my English essay but it was surprisingly easy to lie.  So he did a lot of other weird things but that's all you need to know for my question. The thing is all last year his "crush" on me really annoyed me to where I can't even think of being regular friends with him. I hope that the summer has ended this but if it hasn't and he asks me out or something how do I say "no" without getting carried away and being a complete bully because I know hate is a strong word but let's face it I hate this guy! Please help me find a way to say no without hurting him I guess.

So yeah please help  

submitted by ..., age ..., ...
(August 16, 2018 - 2:54 pm)

If it still seems like he likes you, talk about it. Take the first step yourself. Ask him if he has a crush on you, and if he says yes, say you don't feel the same way. Be clear but polite. Think about how you're going to do it beforehand, consider his reaction and how you're going to leave the conversation, have someone you trust nearby to step in if things start going badly. I don't know how your TBI or other factors will affect this, so maybe don't take my advice word-for-word.

I do know what it's like to have someone you hate think you're friends, though. There's this one guy at my school, and we share a lot of interests and things, but somehow he still manages to be completely appalling. I try to avoid him as much as possible and will even be a little rude or act differently simply to separate us, but occasionally I'll acknowledge that I got a reference or that he exists, and it's most likely because of this that he thinks we're friends. He's said as much, and I was lost for words even when he presented an opportunity to contradict him. If he were to ask me out... *shudders* I would probably tell him no, make an excuse, and then admit that I don't like him (though I might add a "like that" if I'm feeling particularly nervous or pitying). Then I'd walk away and go back to avoiding him.

submitted by Viola?, age Secret, Secret
(August 17, 2018 - 2:33 pm)

I don't mean to be rude or anything, but what does TBI stand for? You don't have to answer this question if it makes you uncomftorble. P

submitted by Secret
(August 19, 2018 - 4:53 pm)

Traumatic Brain Injury. I had to look it up.

submitted by Applejaguar, Wisteria
(August 20, 2018 - 12:13 pm)

Hope it's okay that I said it, ...

submitted by Applejaguar, Wisteria
(August 20, 2018 - 5:56 pm)

It's fine, Isaid it up there anyway.

submitted by ...
(August 21, 2018 - 6:22 am)
submitted by Top!
(August 18, 2018 - 9:55 am)
submitted by TOP
(August 18, 2018 - 4:44 pm)

Top

submitted by Top
(August 19, 2018 - 10:05 am)

I have slightly another problem. There's a guy who is REALLY introverted like me but he opens up a little when he talks to me and smiles really big when I walk up, no to mention he ignores all other girls in the room an he watches me a lot. My friend went ballistic about this and is convinced that he has a crush on me. What should I do? I don't want to like him until I'm a hundred percent sure he likes me back, but I don't want him to... This is going to sound really sappy... I don't want him to be crushed by my reluctance to show that I would be willing to be his S.O. Just FYI I have rejected a guy before, this isn't my first ball game...

submitted by No idea what to do
(August 20, 2018 - 1:14 am)

Take it as slow as you want. If you like him, and if you want a relationship, both of you have to be comfortable, which means getting confirmation and taking as much time as you need. If he's upset, make sure he knows that you're not okay with doing things faster. If he really does like you, he's not going to just suddenly stop, and if you're in a relationship, you need to listen to each other.

If you don't like him, though, don't act like you maybe do. It never turns out well, at least in books. Even if rejecting him hurts his feelings, it would hurt more if you gave him the idea that he had a chance first.

submitted by Viola?, age Secret, Secret
(August 21, 2018 - 9:24 pm)

Don’t feel like you need to keep anything a secret. It shouldn’t change their judgment on you as a human being. But also, don’t feel subjected to tell them anything. These people are with you now, sure, but in 5-10 years from now you’ll have forgotten they’d even existed in the first place. But you should tell the people you trust, it will help ease some of your stress. Maybe they’ll help too, if telling your classmates is really what you want. But please, don’t feel subjected to tell anyone. It’s your decision, and don’t let anyone influence it. And don’t be afraid of what they will think of you if you do tell them. It’s not their right to know in the first place, (unless you actually really do want them to) and if they can’t like you for who you are then they can go die in a very dark hole.

But, I also do know what it’s like keeping secrets, and having the ones who do know pitty you. I myself am very independent, and get defensive when people do things for me, like I can’t do it myself. I’ve endured more pain then they couldn’t even probably imagine, I can do whatever I want, and so can you. Don’t let what others think of you stop you from being yourself. Whether you like it or not your TBI will forever be a part of you, and the sooner you can accept it the sooner you can learn from it. Trama can teach you more about yourself then you ever thought, just embrace it.  

Now for your guy problem. He seems... annoying. If he’s a nice guy and you know it, then find ways to subtly ask him to find out if he really does have a crush on you, and if he asks you if you like him and you say no and he plays it off, leave it, he’ll probably never ask you again. But he might, and just tell him to leave you alone or you’ll beat him up. But if he’s ANYTHING like a creepy stalker, if he follows you around and does such other inappropriate stuff, feel free to completely loose it on him. But don’t do it alone! Have friends to back you up. Or if it’s via text, then, well, still have friends to back you up.

Well I think it’s about time to come clean about something, just Incase you don’t take me seriously. I am a survivor too, just not of physical trauma.. I have CPTSD. For those of you who don’t know, it stands for Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and it’s something that I will deal with for the rest of my life. But I don’t let it stop me, and just recently I’ve discovered that rather then pushing it down, I should be embracing it and learning from it. It helps to talk about it, my social struggles and family struggles along with the trauma itself. If you don’t want to see a therapist, there are online hotspots to talk about it. And if push comes to shove, you can always come here. We care about you, and will help you with anything life throws at you. <3

and with that comes Some advice. Always watch your back in this crazy messed up world. The people who want you to be happy are the ones who actually care about you, and don’t think for a second that you have to deal with anyone less. If you ever feel threatened in anyway, don’t be afraid to call the police.

submitted by -
(August 21, 2018 - 5:15 pm)

... I completely understand, my situation is almost exactly the same, Even the TBI (It's probably not exactly the same but maybe I can help). Okay so over the summer I really hoped that the guy that stalked me like that would get over it, but if he didn't I made up a plan with my friend to call me and then I would act like I had to go to some sort of meeting/emergency. As far as the TBI goes just know that not everyone will look down on you because of it. Like that one other new girl, I am sure that there are more kids that won't judge you like her. I was able to find a couple that I could trust when life is a mess. If not we are here for you, anonymous or not.

submitted by Vikki
(August 22, 2018 - 3:45 pm)

If someone told me they had had a TBI, I don't think I would judge them. I would kinda be like, "Sorry, that must suck" because it sounds pretty hard to have one, but I wouldn't like them any less or look down on them. Hope that helps.

And for your 2nd problem, maybe try the famous words of Nick Geiger from The Penderwicks: "I'm sure you're a nice person, but I'm not interested in developing a relationship with you." It doesn't really sound that special, but it works in the book! It is fiction, though. 

submitted by Applejaguar, Wisteria
(August 22, 2018 - 6:29 pm)

Top

submitted by Top
(August 28, 2018 - 6:10 pm)

Help!

I'm having depressing thoughts. I don’t know what to do. Nobody loves me, my older siblings calls me stupid on a daily basis and I don’t have anybody to talk to about my problems. I’m scared and I feel alone. I’m always compared to my older sibling, and I always come up as the lesser...I pretend to happy but I’m not, not even close. I don’t trust anybody in my life enough to talk to them. I barely have any friends.

All of us here care about what happens to you. It's really important to tell someone about how you're feeling: your favorite teacher, a school counselor, or your parents (even just one parent!), another relative, someone at church, or a neighbor are all people in your life who you can try talking to. -- Admin 

submitted by Scared
(September 18, 2018 - 12:40 pm)