Comparing yourself to

Chatterbox: Down to Earth

Comparing yourself to

Comparing yourself to other people. 

I struggle with that. Not even comparing myself to celebrities, just people I know irl and on here sometimes too. With looks, like why am I not as pretty as her. With writing, why can't I write like this person. With art, why am I a terrible artist, everyone is so much better than me. With personality, why am I not as funny or outgoing as this person. Sometimes I feel like I don't really matter to anyone, irl and here. How do I stop doing this? How do I motivate myself to not give up? I don't even know. Thanks for reading this. 

submitted by Leo
(August 22, 2019 - 9:36 am)

I have a friend who can't wear almost every brand of makeup because she's allergic to all of the most common indredients in makeup. All the time, I see her sad because she think's she isn't pretty. This is not true. She's perfectly proportioned, with a radient smile, clear skin, and gorgeous eyes, but she sees other girls who are wearing full faces of makeup and hyper expensive clothes and thinks that she is drab because she can't be who she isn't.

I have another friend who thinks that he isn't talented enough. His family is struggling with monetary issues and doesn't have enough money to buy proper supplies for him. He loves to draw though, and makes brilliant cartoons. He makes them with regular pencils and paper. He lives on a boat and is often travelling, so he can't get a job to help his family or even to buy a nice sketchpad. I can't send him one; he lives on a boat. This kid has tried to sell his art online, but has had little to no luck getting recognized. Everyone takes him for granted there, but, believe me, he makes experiences.

All I can do is comfort my friends and do what I can. I assure them that God loves them (we're all Christians) and takes care of them, and for a while it helps, but then other people get to them and beat them down again. But they matter to me. You matter to me, Leo. Even if you don't belive me, though I hope you do, I know you matter to someone. You matter to your friends. You matter to your family. Love yourself as God does. 

submitted by A friend
(August 22, 2019 - 4:49 pm)
submitted by Top
(August 22, 2019 - 5:23 pm)

Leo, just remember: everyone's different. Everyone's good at different things in different ways. Like, maybe your friends draw better people than you, but you draw better animals than them. Or maybe it's vice versa. And I bet there are some things about yourself that you wouldn't trade for anyone else's looks or talents. Just hold on to those things that you like about yourself.

Also, if you want to get better at writing or drawing or whatever, definitely don't give up! Use the idea of getting better to motivate yourself. You can work on it, maybe ask people for tips, and you'll get better. And then it'll be worth all the hard work.

Everyone on the CB is here for you, Leo. We all care about you and think you matter.

submitted by Summer, age pi, Nowhere at all
(August 23, 2019 - 9:56 am)

I have, and I feel like I’ve always kind of had, a hard time with this kind of thing. I’ve been in a pretty bad place lately for a lot of reasons, and I honestly just don’t like myself right now? Like at all? So, yeah. I go around comparing myself to others pretty much all the time. 

When I was a little kid, I used to think I was awesome. I have clear memories of thinking I was super-pretty and super-talented. And then, some time, around the time I became active on the CB, and started seeing other people who were also cool and talented, I realized I wasn’t as awesome as I thought. I didn’t look as nice as I thought. I wasn’t as talented as I thought. I was a worse person than I thought. There were people who were so much better at things than me that it hurt. Like, a lot. And after awhile, as time went on, I realized, not only was I not super-awesome, I actually wasn't great at all. I actually completely sucked

So, yeah...that’s where I am now. No self esteem, no self worth, no self love. I’m constantly not enough. Not good enough. Not thin enough. Not pretty enough. Not a good enough artist. Not a good enough writer. Not a good enough friend. I don’t work hard enough. I don’t try hard enough. I’m not brave enough. Not strong enough, physically and emotionally. And on the list goes. Wherever I go, whoever I’m with, I’m comparing. I’ve been doing it for so long I don’t think I even think about it anymore. I don’t even try to fight it. The thoughts are just there, drifting into my head like mist. “She’s thinner than me.” “He’s a better person than me.” “He’s a more sincere Christian than me.” “She’s a better dancer than me.” With my friends, with my family, with strangers at Walmart. 

The thing is, I know this is kind of stupid. I know it’s not all true. I know I should stop doing it because it’s not good for me. But I feel like it’s gone so far now that I don’t really know how to stop. And for me, it’s part of a deeper issue: self-hate.   

I wish I could give you advice, Leo, but I don’t really know what to say. I’m in the same boat as you. 

submitted by Leeli
(August 23, 2019 - 9:56 am)

Leo, I think we can all understand what you're going through. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and everyone has room in their hearts for a little envy. It's okay, really! My advice is to really focus on all of the things that make you uniquely awesome. 

And we care about you so much! Rest assured, you will always find support and love with us.

(And your art is amazing and beautiful! I wish you would show it more, I love your style!) 

submitted by Luna-Starr, age 27 eons, Existential Ponderment
(August 25, 2019 - 3:48 pm)

*pops in* Hello friends it is the claaws here to give a daily dose of love and support and possitivity! 

I just read an intresting article/podcast (because your girl has adhd and hast to read along and watch and listen to actually understand anything with muisc playing in the background hehe) that explores socail dynamics and why we compare ourselves to other people. 

Is it just our generation and our use of devices? How we meet so many people and eveyone has a talent you don't have? Or is it the negitivity other generations push on us-you need to keep this steryotype, you need to wear your hair like this, how dare you act that way!, be more like her, you're never good enough. Thats not true. What is perfect? Can you define perfect? No. 'Cause it doesn't exist! We all have our own skills, our own weaknesses, and if we compare our weaknesses to other's skills we automatically lose and feel less then we are. Its ok to not be perfect, and it's ok to make mistakes! It's how you figure out who you are. Your individuality is unique to you, you don't get it from the skinny instagram stars who only eat a small salad a day, from the billionare who cheated his way to fame, from the neglected child whose only strength is dance because it's their only escape. Everyone's story is different, and not always as simple as 'perfect body, perfect eyes, perfect smile'. Because what you don't know, is that that modle suffered many eating dissorders through her youth because of this ideal image sociaty progected at her, that maybe she's wearing contacts, or the left eye is fake because she got in a car accident when she was six. And underneath her flawless smile, she hides scars so deeply baried that no one can see them, except in the form of little white lines hidden in the nooks of her legs. 

Society tells us who we need to be. We don't actually make our own dissisions, we follow everyone else. You want to be skinny because society says its attractive. You want blond hair and blue eyes because people generations before thought it was ideal. Who do you really want to be? How can you display this through your actions your thoughts your looks your expressions your clothes. You dont have to be like them. They don't have to be like you. 

What is courage? Most of you would issisuate this word with a lion, a tiger perhaps, a hero flying into battle or a strong heroine with a long billowing cape holding a sword to the angelic sun. I define courage by vunrability. Yea, vunrability. 

We, as Americans in this culture at this time in space in this century, lack courage because we aren't vunrable because we are afraid of failure and being shamed and not being like the rest. We're afraid of individualisum, we're afraid to take risks. And because socity inforces this norm, you become less creative less happy less adventuriss less inoitive. You care more about what they will think, and avoiding their shame. 

And this results in you being more drawn back in your drawings, more afraid to write everything that comes to mind 'what if I sound stupid' you'll never know unless you try. And if it isn't to your liking, try again! And again! And boom, you've made a master peice. Allow yourself to find pride in your work even if it isnt the best because there is no such thing. People have different oppinions, 'the best' changes from person to person. 

So, moral of this long speach claaws has written at half-past midnight, be yourself. Take risks. Be innotive, be vunrable, be couragous, be creative, be change. 

Love you all <3 

(wow this new capatcha hurts my eyes theres like, so many letters and dots and stuff lets see how many trys this takes me tonight hehe) 

submitted by Claaws, In a Rainbow Currently
(August 26, 2019 - 10:45 pm)