Being Not Okay

Chatterbox: Down to Earth

Being Not Okay

Being Not Okay Thread

Hi all! This thread is for you, whether you have depression or you're stressed or mad at someone or whatever. It's a place to talk and rant and for anything else that it needs to be for. 

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Soooo...storytime....Today really sucked. Here's why:

So today, I was in science class (which is my 3rd block class) around 11:15. I went to go to the bathroom. And then when I was walking out of a bathroom stall, the fire alarm went off. Mind you, I've only been in two other fire drills/school evacuations, because I've been homeschooled before going to high school. Also, this wasn't a scheduled fire drill, it was really unexpected. So the fire alarm went off, and I got kind of scared. I like ran out of the bathroom and just followed the crowd downstairs and outside and then we were standing around outside the doors.

Here's where my day got even worse. I had been wearing a flannel shirt earlier that morning, but I took it off when I went to the bathroom. So basically I was just wearing jeans and a thin t-shirt. And it was literally freezing outside--it was below freezing overnight and when I was outside, it was really cold. Also, I had no idea where any of my friends were, because I wasn't with them in class when we had to leave the school and I couldn't see them anywhere. So then I was just standing outside, by myself in a crowd of people, freezing, and really lonely. And it was windy too. I stood there for so long--I think it was almost half an hour--while people were trying to figure out what set off the fire alarm. And that whole time, I was hugging myself to try to keep myself warm, and feeling kind of upset because I was alone. I kind of wondered what it would be like if I had a breakdown right then and there, but I thought no, I wouldn't start crying because I didn't really feel like it.

After about half an hour, I was just looking around and all of a sudden I saw some of my other friends, ones whom I share other classes with but who weren't with me in science. I still have no idea where they came from but they just kind of randomly appeared there. So I kinda ran over to them, and then my friend M said I must be so cold and asked if I wanted a hug, and so she gave me a hug and guess I was just so cold and had been alone for too long and I actually did get scared by the fire alarm, so I just started sobbing, and I ended up crying into M's shoulder for a little while. I couldn't really stop and I didn't know why I was crying, but I guess I was so stressed and anxious I then ended up actually having a breakdown.

Soon after I found my friends, we all had to go to the gym because I guess they decided it was too cold to have us all outside, but then once we got to the gym they managed to turn off the alarm and we all got to go back to classes. I managed to sort of stop crying as we walked into the gym, but I was still kind of teary. And then I went back to science class, but we only had about 5 minutes left in the block anyway, so I just got my stuff and stood around with my friends (the other ones who were actually in science with me) waiting to go to lunch--and the whole time I was just trying not to start crying again again because I stil felt pretty shaky.

Then we were going to lunch and as we were walking down the stairs, my friend E noticed that my eyes were red and asked if I was okay and I kind of like shook my head but also tried to say that I was just to deflect her question so I wouldn't have to talk more. But she asked me something else and then I burst into tears in the stairwell and I'm so embarrassed, there weren't a lot of people going down the stairs behind us but they all must've seen me crying. But E just like dragged me through the hallway into the bathroom and she was asking me all these questions, like if something with my family was upsetting me, and I didn't know how to tell her that I had just been freezing and lonely and shaken for half an hour or more and I was so upset because of that but then she just waited with me in the bathroom while I calmed down and I was mostly okay after that.

So yeah...I'm a mess today. Thank you if you read my rant/story/thing. <3

submitted by Leafy, age No, not a cat
(November 8, 2019 - 3:49 pm)

Aww Leafy! *hugs tightly* 

That does not sounds like fun. I'm sorry. *hugs again* *gives you a warm coat to warm you up* *hands you some hot cocoa* I'm here for you if you need it :) 

submitted by Joan B. of Arc, age 17, Camelot
(November 8, 2019 - 7:27 pm)

Aww, Leafy dear. *Hugs* I get it, cold and lonely is a bad combo. If you need someone to talk to, you can always pm me on nano.

(Top, as well) 

submitted by Luna-Top!
(November 9, 2019 - 7:46 am)

*hugs* Aww, Leafy!  Being cold and lonely isn't fun. *hugs again* I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm here for you and if you need to talk you can PM me on Nano too (my username for Nano Young Writer's Progam is Lleo).

submitted by Leo
(November 9, 2019 - 10:45 am)

How do you PM someone? Is it personal message or something like that?

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(November 9, 2019 - 5:28 pm)

Aw, Leafy, I’m sorry. *hugs* Some days really just suck.

I kind of have something to rant about too, because today I am not okay. So, last Thursday my family went to visit some friends who live ten hours away, along with another family of mutual friends who live eight hours away. These are (some of) my very best friends in the whole entire world, and also some of my only friends. I don’t have really friends who live near me who are beyond the ‘friendly acquaintance’ level, so I’m generally lonely and sad, and getting to see these people is kind of the best thing ever—not to mention I don’t get to see them much. And today, my family left to go home, which is already really really hard for me, and then everyone else is staying together for one more day, and now they’re all having fun while I’m stuck on a ten hour drive back to my lonely life. And I feel like I can’t go back home. I can’t go back to being lonely and depressed and anxious and stressed all the time. And I’m exhausted, physically and emotionally and socially, because even though I love my friends, I’m an introvert and the constant interaction and activity level is pretty draining (not to mention there are over twenty kids total—both other families are really big). On top of that, the visit was tons of fun, but it’s still a lot for me emotionally, and with so many people I can end up feeling like a spare wheel. So I ended up listening to lots of sad music and crying for a lot of the beginning of the ride, and now I’m just sad and lonely and tired and I miss my friends and there are lots of feels that I can’t even sort through right now and I just really don’t know what to do with myself.  

Thanks for listening to my feels-dump. 

submitted by Leeli
(November 10, 2019 - 11:37 pm)

Aww. I'm really sorry about all of that.

submitted by Leafy, age No, not a cat
(November 12, 2019 - 4:10 pm)

This is probably late, but I just needed to project this message into cyberspace, because I keep telling this to my friends, and to myself, and people just need to hear that no one laughs at someone who's crying.

No one sees someone who is clearly having a horrible time and thinks, "Oh, how funny, what an entertaining situation." Everyone has been there, and most people just want to help you. People want other people to be okay, and when they see people who aren't, they want to help them. It's as simple as that. 

submitted by Stardust, Ubiquitous
(November 13, 2019 - 8:11 pm)

No, you're fine. I intended this thread to be up for a while, not to just be a one-time thing. Although it's not really being posted on so....RIP

submitted by Leafy, age No, not a cat
(November 15, 2019 - 3:12 pm)

Oh my goodness! Leafy, that's awful!!! 

I am currently a Freshman at a public high school, but this is the first time I've ever been to public school. I've been homeschooled since Pre K. It's tough, I've never had to think about grades before!!!

~ Lilac 

submitted by Lilac, age Secret, Lake of Tears
(November 19, 2019 - 4:06 pm)

Oh, that's cool! We're sort of doing the same thing! 

submitted by Leafy, age No, not a cat
(November 19, 2019 - 5:13 pm)