i feel empty inside. i'm the only one in my family who trusts my friends outside and inside the Chatterbox. i feel very alone, and i have to end this post because i am crying irl.

Basically theres this teacher. He teaches us LA. He used to be my favorite teacher but now I don't know what to think of him. The other kids in my class have all hated him since the begining of the school year. I admit, he did a lot of things that made me EXTREMLEY ANGRY. Like when my friend wore a tank top to school he said "I Don't want to see your shoulders in school" when the other teachers don't really even care about what we wear. This happens every time any girl wears a tank top, crop top, or short shorts. My school has always been really okay with kids wearing these things. He also got really angry when one of the boys got thier nails painted. When a lot of the girls have their nails painted every day! Besides that, I really enjoyed his classes, discussing things like Transphobia, Sexism, Homophobia, Racism, Ukraine, and More. He brought up a lot of topics and it was fun to see other peoples views on the subjects. but the rest of my class really didn't like it, they thought that stuff wasn't going to help him and they talked about him behind his back and to his face. Even after everything he said, I still kinda felt bad for him because nobody should be treated that way. Then yesturday we were in class, and then some kid started tapping his foot, and then another kid, till the whole class was doing it. After that, he was silent the whole entire class. First we were just silent, occasionally bursting out in laughter, then we decided to do the work. We were discussing a book we were reading in class and a girl asked questions about the book, and another girl did as well. They both started mocking the way our teacher acts now and then. Then we stared at him. Eventually, I got up and asked if he needed a hug. He just ignored me. Another kid went up and said were ready to focus. Still no answer. Then we read the reading chapters for the night. Then we each started to become teachers, everyone would go up, ask a question about the book and we would answer, overall I think we did a pretty good job. While we were teaching turns out he assigned a document with reading question that none of us knew about. And today he came up with a new schedule, now we have to fill out a bunch of questions in paragraph form about the book and then we have to write a paragraph every night. We are all literally in 6th grade we cannot do that. I get that we were disrespecting him, that was really rude. But a lot of us don't have the time to do all that work. I have either basketball or soccer practice everyday. One of my friends does Cheerleading for thee hours. One of my classmates was so angry who walked out and played basketball on the basketball court the whole class period. So today we started a ZOOM call so we could discuss the answers if we were unsure, it worked out well and I got the homework done in thirty minutes. I feel bad our Humanties Teacher but also I think it was wrong of him to do so. What do you guys think?

fun fact about me: I always bite down my fingernails to nubs. Not mindlessly, not a nervous habit, nothing like that. I keep them short on purpose, because I'm constantly terrified that I'll somehow hurt someone just by existing, and having sharp (or even just pointy) fingernails makes me panic I'll hurt someone somehow, and so I always tear them down, then paint them with nail polish to hide it. 

It doesn't really make sense, because I couldn't even hurt someone if I tried.  

Okay this isn't really a confession but it (feels like) a frogging mess of a social problem that I need help with; any advice is welcome, I'm really lost here

So I have a friend, and she's a nice person & everything, but we're not very close and I always feel somewhat uncomfortable with her b/c of my lovely social anxiety & the fact that neither of us are very talkative, so sometimes we just lapse into silence & it's kinda awkward. Nevertheless she is a decent person and we've had some good times.

Anyway, she emailed me asking what I wanted for my birthday (which is coming up), and I'm really unsure of how to answer b/c on the one hand, she expects to go to my birthday party & i don't want to hurt any feelings, but on the other, as I said, I'm never really completely comfortable/not-anxious around her (as w/ anyone who isn't my family, really), so I don't know if I want to spend a day that's supposed to be fun & easy with anxiety, which is kinda what happened last year on my birthday when I did invite her. But I don't know how to tell someone in a not-mean way that they're not invited, and maybe the right, kind thing to do is to invite her anyway, regardless of my own discomfort. But maybe I shouldn't continue a friendship at all if it's not comfortable for me, especially if she might feel the same way.

Also also also, it might be that our friendship could be normal and fun if I overcame my anxiety somehow, so I should keep trying, but I think that it may be the case that I've only continued contact with her because I honestly don't have any close friends outside my family & I'm sorta low-key desperate for a friendship of any kind.

This all could be solved easily if I could read her mind :p maybe she is also desperate for friendship, or maybe she's keeping it up b/c she's being kind to shy little me, or maybe she's completely comfortable with my company and it's me who's feeling all the anxiety. I don't know. I don't know anything xd

Thanks 100x to anyone who read all that, i hope it wasn't too convoluted and incoherent. Any advice?

If you're inviting other non-family people to a birthday party, then I suggest you invite this friend, too. It shouldn't be awkward if there are several others at the party. If you're not inviting others to a party, then you could tell this friend that you're just having a family celebration this year. You should enjoy your day not be anxious about it.

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