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I'm going to post a little of the story I'm working on...not the whole thing, you know, copyright, so please don't copy what I put up. I trust all of you, but I'm just saying that. OK, here goes. It's called Liquid Hope:
I always sat with my legs crossed at the ankles, and I only spoke when spoken to. I behaved as a proper lady should, always taking dainty sips of my tea, rather than gulping large amounts of it. I behaved as if this is what I had done all of my life, as if I had never known the large, rolling fields and skies as blue as a crystal goblet, never marred in beauty by an unsightly cloud.
Oh, no. They never knew, they never guessed that I had lived anywhere except for proper England, never imagined that I had been anything less than a lady. On the morning that I boarded the ship, I had a hanky tucked into my sleeve, to wave at the proper time to the gentlemen standing on the shore. The gray light of dawn surrounded me, as if incasing me forever in itself, as if I was hiding amongst the folds in my mother’s cloak.
Oh Mother... I had not seen her in quite some time, and was truly looking forward to the trip to visit her and Father in Rhode Island. I remembered the day that they had left, saying that I was a 15-year-old lady, and that I could take care of myself now. I recalled how I had stood on the bank, waving, amongst the townspeople.
I remembered how he had approached me, not looking directly at me, but at the top of my head, where long, auburn hair flowed down my back in a mockery of the ocean waves. He had called me “miss”, and looking back on it after all of these months, I still could laugh to myself that anyone would mistake me for a lady, someone who was worthy of calling “miss”. He had a soft spoken voice that reminded me of my childhood in a way that I could not understand. His unkempt brown hair hung low, almost in his eyes, which were such a startling color of jade that I dropped mine immediately, embarrassed at my own. In a hurried manner, he explained to me that I must go to my home at once, and that I was never, ever to ride on a ship, or great harm would come upon me.
I had looked into his eyes and held his gaze for the first time, and asked him in a dignified manner if that was a threat.“No,” he had told me, his emerald eyes alight with laughter, “That’s a promise.”
I had thought of the boy often since then, viciously wishing away the warm feeling that spread to the tips of my toes when I imagined his shaggy hair and green eyes.
The sound of shouting voices brought me back to the present. I realized, with a start, that a very familiar figure was running up the walkway towards me. It was him again! What right did he have to follow me here, to board a ship? For, sure enough, he had run up the gangplank and was standing next to me, hair in his eyes, which were clouded with anger.
Do you like it? That's not all, but it's some...please don't copy! I know, I'm paranoid...but I mean it!
submitted by Koffee, age 13, In a cup
(February 8, 2009 - 2:15 pm)
(February 8, 2009 - 2:15 pm)
Wow, wow, WOW! I love it! That is REALLY good!
And don't worry about the paranoia. Same here. I cannot type if somebody--my mom or dad, say--is in the room. I use code for my journal. So at least your fears are relevant... who would read my journal?
Your story is REALLY good. If there's more, can you post it?
*continues raving for the rest of the afternoon about the potential of it*
(February 8, 2009 - 5:00 pm)
Thanks, you're really nice. It's not that good, but it's nice of you to pretend to spare my feelings :D. There's more, I'll post it now.
Ok, continuing from where it left off...
For, sure enough, he had run up the gangplank and was standing next to me, hair in his eyes, which were clouded with anger....
“Elizabeth Hathaway, if you dare to stay on this ship, I will stay as well!"
“How do you know my name?” I asked, jutting my chin out in the defiant way that I had learned to do long ago.
“That’s none of your business, just get off of this wretched ship!”His fingers closed around my thin wrist, and I fought and pulled back against him, but the past few years of being a lady had reduced my strength to very little, and I soon felt faint.He must have seen it in my eyes, for he instantly loosened his grip, and put a hand on my back.
“Don’t you dare to touch me!” I spat at him, but a wave of dizziness came over me, and I clutched his arm for support.
“Elizabeth, please, just come off the ship and hear me out. Then, if you still feel that you want to travel upon it, then that will be your choice; the ship doesn’t disembark for another two hours! Just listen to me!”
Oh, how beautiful his eyes were! I let him lead me off the ship, and though my dizziness had passed, I still held his arm. When we reached the ground, he led me into a quiet square. As soon as we were there, I turned to him.“I demand an explanation for your misconduct!” I told him in my best impersonation of my Mother.
His grin took me off guard, and I stumbled over words for a few moments.“Elizabeth,” he said, “this is going to sound ridiculous, but hear me out.” I nodded, finding and holding his gaze as he began to talk.“Your parents left you here a year ago, so that you could become a “proper lady”, correct?”
“How do you know so much about me?” I asked him, this time not bothering to disguise the disgust that seeped into my voice. “If I am going to listen to you, I demand to know a little about you, so then at least we’re even.” I fought to keep my voice calm.
“Of course,” his eyes danced, “My name is Monty Graham. Your parents have sent me specifically to watch over you, to make sure that you don’t follow them to Rhode Island. You see, a war has broken out, and your father and mother left because your father was needed in the army. Our parents were very close; in fact, we were born on the same day. I’ve been watching you enough to know that you love your parents very much. Elizabeth, I’m begging you, don’t get on that ship and stumble into a war zone, or your father will have me skinned alive!”
“Oh, so you’ve been following me and watching me? What are you, an animal?” I turned my head away, disgusted.
“No, Elizabeth!” he grabbed my hand, “I’m only doing this to protect you! Please, I will get on my hands and knees if that makes you more convinced!”
I took a deep breath, cautiously avoiding his intoxicatingly gorgeous eyes. Only one thought registered in my startled mind.“Why?”I asked him. “Why would you do this for someone that you’ve never met? Why would you care about me? Who am I to you?”
Ok, so that's that. It's not all of it, but I think I would crash my computer if I posted the entire thing in one sitting...hehehe.
(February 9, 2009 - 4:50 pm)
Should I post the rest? Is it worth it?
(February 9, 2009 - 7:16 pm)
Oh, yeah! Definitely!
(February 10, 2009 - 7:33 pm)
Yes please! I want to know about it now... *sits waiting for more*
(February 11, 2009 - 5:19 pm)
Ok, here's a bit more...like I said before: PLEASE DON"T COPY!
He smiled, his teeth as smooth as porcelain. “We used to play together when we were small. You probably don’t remember, but I do. I remember a day like this one, warm, with the sky gray. You had been crying, because some of the other children had teased us about playing together. I had told you that I would go away, if you wanted, but you told me to stay, and I asked you why.” He smiled. “You said that you didn’t care about the other children, that we would always have each other. ‘Is that love?’ I had asked. ‘Do you love me, then?’”
Monty met my gaze as my breath caught in my throat.“I guess that I never gave up the hope that you still did,” he said. I looked to my lap and found that our hands were still resting there, intertwined.I looked up to find him gazing hopefully at me. “I have to go to them, Monty.” I squeezed his hand. “Father could be dead by now! They left a few years ago! I have to go to them!” I desperately tried to make him hear my reasoning in my words.
He dropped his eyes. “I will go with you, then,” he told me, his hand pulling out of mine. “I have to. You can’t go there alone, Elizabeth, or you’ll be killed before you so much as get wind of where your parents are.” He pulled me off the bench that we had sat at. “We’d best hurry, or the ship will leave without us.”
He did not walk next to me, as he had before, but ahead of me, leading through the crowd on the dock, avoiding looking at me. He finally acknowledged me enough to lead me up the gangplank of our ship, the Liquid Hope. I pleaded with him with my eyes. Don’t be sore, they said, I truly am sorry!
His lovely, jade eyes that I admired so much had lost their sparkle, his full red lips were not wearing the cocky smile that I was used to, but instead they were turned down in a sour frown. He did not flip his head to keep his hair just above his eyes, but instead let it hang in his face, obscuring my vision of the jewels that always danced. His face, usually tanned to perfection, had paled, so that each freckle stood out on his features.
So, yeah, that's some more. PLEASE DON"T COPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(March 1, 2009 - 1:41 pm)
Since Koffee mentioned it on the letters to your characters thread, I'm moving his (or her) story to the front of the queue. Um, Koffee, no offense, but are you a girl or a boy?
(March 1, 2009 - 6:13 pm)
No offense taken! I'm a girl, I can see why you would be confused!
(March 2, 2009 - 8:50 pm)