Louisa, Prologue

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Louisa, Prologue

Louisa, Prologue

I'm writing this story with the Chatterbox specifically in mind, so I can post more than an excerpt of it! Except that I will be writing it in installments, as a continuing story. (not a Round-Robin one.) CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!

 Louisa wasn't anything like any of my friends' siblings. For starters, she was my age even though we weren't twins, since my parents had adopted her the day after I was born. Second, I didn't know where she was from. My parents would only say, 'Oh, we just found her' when I would ask. Third, there was the girl herself - she wasn't interested in anything that girls our age were interested in. She would rather sit at home writing poetry than go to friends' birthday parties. 

Mom always had me watch after Louisa. "She's vulnerable," she would say. So Louisa would always come tagging after me, getting in the way of my making friends. Kids were turned off by her oddities and didn't want anything to do with me. Carley Hansen was the only girl who accepted me - and Louisa.

But the fourth odd thing about Louisa didn't come out into the open until the day after her thirteenth birthday...

To be continued

submitted by Lena G, age 11
(February 17, 2009 - 6:40 pm)

Ooohhh!  Sounds spooky! Continue it! Continue it! *starts begging*  Also, was Louisa insanely quiet and would, like, make people feel supremely uncomfortable?  If yes, I know a girl like that.  If no, never mind.

submitted by Phoenix
(February 17, 2009 - 10:32 pm)

This is good.

submitted by Onyx
(February 17, 2009 - 10:36 pm)

This comment is just to get it to the start of the list again.

submitted by Lena G, age 11
(February 19, 2009 - 8:19 am)

*stares at you until you post more* 

Yes, you must post more, or I will continue staring at you. Can you tell I like the story? 

submitted by Starfire
(February 19, 2009 - 12:32 pm)

*feels Starfire's eyes on her* *hastily begins to write*

 We were sitting on the porch, eating pieces of leftover cake. One of the better things about being so close in age with Louisa was that we got a lot of extra cake from both of our birthdays. I was watching the girls sauntering down the street, led by a girl named Michelle. She was the leader of almost all the girls, but wouldn't accept me into her clique. Louisa's fault, probably, I thought bitterly. But, in all fairness, I wasn't like the rest of the girls. I liked writing stories and poetry while they spent hours shopping. (Note that shopping is not evil; this girl just doesn't like it. So it's okay for all of you shoppers out there, really!)

I went out on a limb and called to the girls. "Hi, Michelle. How are you?"

Michelle looked up at me and Louisa (yes, I know that's grammatically incorrect, but that's the way this girl talks), giggled, and then said, 'Fine, France.'

I wanted to hide under my bed and never come out. 

"France. Why can't they call me by my real name, Frances?" I wondered aloud. "Unless it's too dorky..."

"Frances is a beautiful name," said Louisa. "It's light blue."
Just Louisa being Louisa, I decided. I ignored her and decided to go into my bedroom and write in my journal.

"My name is bright pink," Louisa continued. "And Emilia" - she always called my parents by their first names - "is orange."

"Huh?" I stopped.

"You know, colors," Louisa said.

I stared at her. "What do you mean?"

"Colors!" Louisa said impatiently. "Like, A is blue and..."

"Say that again," I said. "Each letter is a color?"

"Yes," Louisa said simply.

"But they're not," I said exasparatedly, but also a bit worriedly. Was this just Louisa being Louisa, or was it really what she saw?

"Colors!" Louisa sang out. "Colors, colors, colors..." She jumped up, ran down the porch steps and kept on running, singing "Colors! Colors, colors!"
I watched her run for a moment. Then I ran into the house and called for Mom and Dad.

To be continued...

submitted by Lena G, age 11
(February 19, 2009 - 6:31 pm)

Wow, I like the plot.  It's eerie!!  And very intriguing!!  I encourage you to write more!!!!!  :D

submitted by Laura M., age 15, Santa Rosa, Ca
(February 19, 2009 - 10:50 pm)

I hate shopping, Especially when my mom makes me try on clothes.

I love your story.  Sorry, no constructive crittisism (misspelled)((I think I misspelled, misspelled)), but I couldn't find anything that I didn't like about it. 

My spell checks not working, guess I will have to use my parents.

submitted by Meadow, age 11, IL
(February 21, 2009 - 8:59 am)

Ooh, that's good! Especially the suspense. And even without saying it outright, you manage as a good writer to let us know the narrator's feelings about Louisa with words like "tagging along," "getting in the way," "kids didn't want anything to do with me". Nice!

submitted by Allison P., age Orlando, F, 12
(February 19, 2009 - 3:15 pm)

That's good! I like the color thing. Once I read  book called  A Mango Shaped Shape. It was kind of about the whole seeing colors thing. It was a good book. Keep writing!

submitted by Mai K., age 12, Milwaukee
(February 21, 2009 - 2:02 pm)

That book is amazing!  

submitted by Willa
(February 21, 2009 - 3:06 pm)

Isn't the book called A Mango Shaped Space? I haven't read it, but I've heard of it.

submitted by Grace E., age 12
(February 21, 2009 - 5:58 pm)

I know, that's where I got the idea for this story.

submitted by Lena G, age 11
(February 21, 2009 - 6:59 pm)

Please post more!!! :):):)

submitted by Zoe, age 12, Standish, Maine
(February 21, 2009 - 8:33 pm)


submitted by Lena G, age 11
(February 22, 2009 - 8:12 am)

As in when?

Soon, please! It's been a week!

submitted by Mary W., Edge of my seat
(March 2, 2009 - 1:15 pm)