Hi, this is

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Hi, this is

Hi, this is Kake.  I don't really know how I'm suppposed to do this but I would like some feedback on a story I have been working on.  Also, I haven't yet come up with a title for it, any suggestions?  Oh,  and by the way...please, please, please don't copy my story!  No one likes it when people copy their work!

The sun, streaming through my open window, clashes with my mirror and sends it's reflected rays into the darkness of my cluttered room.  I squint through the thick frames of my glasses at the sudden brighness.  As I gaze around at my piles and various heaps of books and clothing, I notice that the light touches everything....except for me.  There is a stack of Emily Dickenson and Jane Austen novels blocking the way.  GOOD!  
I lazily climb down from my perch and I walk over to the window.  Asi I step near it, the brightness engulfs my face.  I quickly slam the window shut and I drape a makeshift curtain over it.  This is very dangerous.  Without the window open I won't be able to hear the busyness of the streets below, and without the noise I will be very vulnurable to daydreaming.  
As I make my way back over to my perch, (the nest I made myself out of discarded blankets, scarves, and pillows), I catch a glimpse of a figure in the mirror.  I move in closer so I can steady myself.  First, I stare at my droopy profile.  I have bunches of red pimples, some of which are shooting puss.  Starting at the corners of my mouth, I have deep creases from frowning.  Seeing them just makes me frown more which I'm sure angers them, so they just go on deepening their course.  My lips are molded in a slight downward curve.  They are pale and anything but full.  My eyes are next.  They are cold, and ugly, and gray.  All they are is a swirling hurricane with a black middle.  On my forehead are more of those stupid, red, swollen pimples.  They are like volcanoes, as I squeeze one, it explodes in a flow of puss.     

submitted by Kake, age 12, On a plate
(February 17, 2009 - 10:07 pm)

The description is GREAT!!!

submitted by Lena G, age 11
(February 18, 2009 - 8:24 am)

Do you really think so??  I think that it is terrible and fat and ugly and bad.  

submitted by Kake, age 12, On a plate
(February 18, 2009 - 8:17 pm)

Oh, thanks, Kake! That's the story that you wouldn't let me read on the way back home from Mt. Hood, and now you post it on the internet for the whole wide world to read! I am your twin after all! Oh, well, I like it, but you should have let me read it first!

Love, your caring, compassionate, awesomeful twin (Koffee, in case you didn't figure it out!)

submitted by Koffee, age 13, In a cup
(February 18, 2009 - 9:15 pm)

You guys are twins?  Oh no, the worrld better watch out . . .

submitted by horse rider
(March 5, 2009 - 8:31 am)

If you're twins, why does Kake say she's twelve, and Koffee say she's thirteen?

I love the story, so far. You should write more. Koffee, it's easier to post it when you don't really know the people somehow. I don't know why. 

submitted by Starfire
(February 19, 2009 - 12:35 pm)

It's kinda complicated, Starfire.  Koffe and I only found out that we were twins about 3 months ago.  We aren't identical twins, but we share a telepathic connection.  We don't have the same parents but, we are so much alike that we are twins. Koffee's b-day is 2 months before mine!!!

By the way, do you actally like it?  I don't!!!!!  If you have any suggestions or feedback on how I could make it better...then please suggest them!!!Ha Ha...I put two suggests in the same sentence!!
Even though my story is fat and ugly, I will post more of it just for you.
On my forehead are more of those stupid, red, swollen pimples.  They are like volcanoes, as I squeeze one, it explodes in a flow of puss.  Moving on.....my hair is a mess!  My thick, muddy brown coils are in a tangled heap.  My fingers are raw from trying (in vain) to untangle my mane.  I grab a brush and begin to gently stroke through the ends of my hair.  All I end up with is a brush plastered to  my head, matted in my hissing curls.  Oh well, just one more thing to add to my list of "things caught in my rat's nest!"
I am so disgusted with my hair that I trace down the center of my face.  My eyes stop at my teeth.  They are  crooked and yellow (probably from lack of brushing).  Black spots show up on parts of my teeth, cavities.  I don't know how long it's been since I've seen a dentist.  
P.s.(please be honest with your feedback!  If you agree with me that my writing is horrendous, then say so!!  I promise, I won't be offended!) 

submitted by Kake, age 12, On a plate
(February 19, 2009 - 9:11 pm)

Ok, for starters, if you are going to keep putting down your writing, then I will have to inform ancient forms of chinese torture upon you. Second, it's not bad. Third, you said that you didn't want people to copy it, but when you insult it like that, someone might think, Oh, she doesn't like it. Then she won't mind if I use that idea! See my point?


submitted by Koffee, age 13, IN a cup
(February 19, 2009 - 11:13 pm)

Wait....Why will you have to use chinese torture on me???  Is it because my story is even more bad and fat and ugly then I thought?  And no...I don't see your point.  The only reason that I care that people steal it is the fact that it took a long time to write it!


~Kake(who doesn't want to be tortured by the chinese and doesn't see your point!) 

submitted by Kake, age 12, On a plate
(February 22, 2009 - 11:49 am)

Ok, I meant inflict ancient forms of Chinese torture, not inform. Oh, well.

submitted by Koffee, age 13, In a cup
(February 22, 2009 - 4:37 pm)

Koffee is right.  never put down your writing.  IF you don't like it, try it from a different perspective.  Just never put it down.  If you feel you have to, start editing it.  Way better than putting it down!

submitted by Horse rider
(March 5, 2009 - 8:33 am)

I agree with....Lena G.... thats's the name, right? :) The description is awesome!

Wait... I don't really get how you and Koffee are "twins". :) Although it does go together... Koffee and Kake couold be like coffee cake. Just had that thought.

Anyways, I really do like the story so far!

submitted by Ema
(February 23, 2009 - 5:32 pm)

Yeah, that's my name.

submitted by Lena G, age 11
(February 24, 2009 - 8:27 am)

They're twins in the way I used to be twins with a girl named Ashley - best friends, do everything together, think alike, etc. Like the quote "A best friend is a sister destiny forgot to give you." Koffee and Kake, am I right?

submitted by Allison P., age Orlando, F, 12
(February 24, 2009 - 2:53 pm)

Oh, ok. Like me and my friend Katelynn. At least once a week my Social Studies teacher thinks that I am her or someone asks, "Hey! Are you two twins or sisters?" It's kind of funny. And I can understand what the telepathic connection is. One time, I was reading a book, and I wasn't thinking about anything but the book. All of a sudden, I heard, sort of distant and echo-y, "Ema." Turns out that she was thinking about me at that same exact time. It was cool.... but kind of creepy.


submitted by Ema, age 11
(February 24, 2009 - 5:24 pm)

Yes, you are right, excpet we share a telepathic connection...really!

submitted by Koffee, age 13, In a cup
(February 24, 2009 - 10:59 pm)