Character 911/Character r

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Character 911/Character r

Character 911/Character rentals!

Got a character who won't do what you want? Think you have a Mary Sue, but can't bring yourself to kill it dead? Need help with writing an accent? Want general critique? Come here, maybe someone'll have some advice.

Alternatively... Want to rent a character to use in your story? Want a chance to play around with someone else's creation? Want to see how someone else uses your character? Drop your creations here, and borrow someone else's for a while. Swap babysitting tales.

I'll start, shall I?

Thursday Silvertongue II is a small, pale, grey-eyed black-haired member of a race which, at present, has no name. Her left arm is heavily tattooed in black ink; her shoulder sports a solid black maple leaf and spiderwebs and intricate patterns spiral down her arm from its stem, ending at her ring and fourth finger, which are also solid black. 

This race is extremely long-lived (Thursday is considered young, and she's nearly 200 years old). They are somewhat elflike and tend towards small stature, and their home is a world known as Excelsior, where they live on the northern continent, M'ntred (I went into Tolkein-esque detail with this world/idea, it's been simmering for a long time, bear with me for a while). 

This race is a very magical race, and everyone has a practical, everyday magic within them; above that are seven "ranks" of magic, and these seven ranks determine one's status. The class order is very dynamic due to this, as amounts of magical ability are not hereditary.

I won't go into detail about the ranks; suffice to say that the lowest is peasant-level and is basically a simple "task-magic", which can be used for simple everyday tasks, and the highest is royalty-level and involves elemental distortion.

There are also "melders". Thursday is one of these. Melding, essentially, is the ability to fuse, or "meld" with a solid, liquid, and a handful of visible gases. Once melded one can manipulate the shape and behaviour of the material, for example making stone mobile by quickening the movement of the atoms. Basically, melders can walk through solid objects or water, change the landscape as they see fit, even "possess" other people through physical, rather than mental, means.

Of course there are limitations; melders risk spreading themselves so thinly through a material ("mediums" they're called) that they break the link between their physical selves and their minds and souls; when this happens they become golems of whatever they happened to be melded with, and end up beasts of burden or wild animals, depending on whether they are caught and herded to captivity or not. Also, while melded they are highly vulnerable to attack; fr'instance you could kill a melder by waiting for them to meld with a tree, and then killing the tree by setting fire to it, because, by melding to a living thing, the melder literally becomes that thing, if only for an instant, and if it dies suddenly, the melder doesn't have the time to get away. Nonliving things do not carry that risk, simply because the melder's psyche has nothing to "stick" to as it would with a living thing. Does that make sense? 

This level of power has a dreadful tendency to corrupt, naturally, so the majority of melders are evildoers.

Thursday II also has a rare genetic disorder of her species, a disease known as Garnet Syndrome. It's a kind of blood disorder which causes groups of blood cells to spontaneously crystalize into hard, colourful lumps called "garnets" due to their texture and similarity to both garnet stones and pomegranate seeds (which gave garnet stones their name). They are very painful and can temporarily cripple the victims if they become lodged in or near the joints; garnets usually last about a week ((not one of our weeks - the Excelsioran year is 5 42-day months, each month comprised of 3 14-day weeks; and each day is approximately 6 hours of daylight followed by 3 hours of dusk and 3 of night, for a total of 12 hours.)). If they last longer they are usually surgically removed.

Occasionally garnets burst through the skin and solidify; in which case they are usually left alone, as removal would be potentially very damaging.

The disorder also causes severe muscle atrophy, mostly in the legs, if not caught and treated at an early age; Thursday's wasn't caught until she was well into her 30's (the equivalent of about 10 years old) and she's forced to wear leg braces ever since, because the damage was, by that time, irreversible.

She's kind of an outcast because of the volatile, corrupting nature of her power; but the rulers of her race rely heavily on her strategic help in times of war. She's slightly... off... in her thought patterns, and in our world she'd be considered insane, but her different views have saved the army more than once.

She's a mite bitter and cynical due to her treatment, and her condition (the near-cripple condition, that is, not the melder one).

Anyway, I'm offering her up for rental because I am TOO BUSY with my vampire story and Broken Dreams to write a story with her in it/about her. Any takers? 

submitted by TNÖ, age 15, Deep Space
(May 7, 2009 - 11:45 pm)

That's awesome! Do I have to give her back? I really want to use her... Can I incorporate her into the story I'm writing? I need an alien for a villain and she would fit the bill splendidly.... I'll add a character soon. Give me a little time for that one.

 

-EH

submitted by Emily H. :), age 13, Sparks, NV
(May 8, 2009 - 1:25 pm)

:) I randomly named the race today, by the way - they're called Maq'cans.

submitted by TNÖ, age 15, Deep Space
(May 8, 2009 - 4:45 pm)

Oh, and sure, you can use her in your story - but if it gets published I want credit. 'kay?

submitted by TNÖ, age 15, Deep Space
(May 8, 2009 - 4:49 pm)

Thank God, I was hoping someone might start a thread like this.

Okay, so I've been working on this novel for two years this July, and I only just realized that my main character- who I will admit I'm way too attached to--is inconsistent, cliched, and a Mary--not a full-fledged Mary Sue, but about halfway there. Killing her? That wouldn't work, because a) I'm horrible at killing children and b) well, if the main character's dead, you sort of don't have a story, right?

For instance, what does my main character--who I will call "Jill"--do when her family moves. Huh, she cries (at this point she's only seven, but still). She's cliched and predictable!

Also, the story starts off with her as a seven-year-old. Now, this was pretty okay two years ago, when I myself was eight or nine, but as an 11.25-year-old with a relatively large vocabulary, it's difficult for me to get back into that second-grader position without writing down, which I can't do well at all (who can?).

So whenever I think about how much my story suddenly seems to stink, I start shuddering and flinching and my friends start staring at me.

Advice, anyone? Or at least sympathy (which would be virtually unhelpful, but appreciated)?

By the way, that whole idea TNO (blahblahblah) worked out was realy well-done. That was extremely well thought out.

submitted by Mary W., age 11.25, NJ
(May 8, 2009 - 7:02 pm)

For clarification: when one says "kill it dead" about a Sue, it merely indicates either flat-out killing the character, or giving the character a complete overhaul (as I did with Thursday II), or replacing the character with a different character. Now, "Jill".... 

Hm...

So, Jill is very upset by her family's moving. Given that she's seven I'd find it weird if she wasn't upset; however, you might try having her become very bitter and cynical because of the move. She retreats inward, viewing the move as a torment devised by her parents; she refuses to seek out new friends and instead starts collecting dead spiders (I'm starting to wonder if I'm capable of writing *sane* characters... Oh well...). 

Alternatively you could make her angry rather than sad/weepy; she lashes out at her parents and holds a grudge as she enters the new school. She is rejected by her fellow students because she refuses to let go of her anger; which of course makes her angrier, and so on. 

If you don't want to maker her crazy/an outcast, you could have her find a couple of really good friends but continue to be super upset with her parents for whatever reason; her parents are concerned about this and decide to take her to family counseling sessions (I had to do those for a while, so if you go with this option I could lend you a hand with the "play therapy" methods the family/child counselors are so very fond of).

To deal with the age/writing down problem, you might age Jill up a few years, if her age isn't important to the plot. You could make her a ten year old, for example, since that's much closer to your age and you can probably remember 5th grade better than 3rd. Or you could skip ahead a few years after the move (which would make more sense, I think, if you go with my turn-her-into-a-semi-sociopath idea)

Is this helping at all? 

submitted by TNÖ, age 15, Deep Space
(May 8, 2009 - 11:56 pm)

Hey, TNö, just out of curiosity, what is family counseling like? I mean, I've definitely done the psychologist ((spelling)) circuit (my mom's one), but what goes on in family ones?

submitted by poetonearth13
(May 11, 2009 - 7:14 pm)

There's an awful lot of sitting around with a therapist telling you and your family that you need to have more "together" time, in my case. It's the whole strenghten-family-bonds spiel, over and overandoverandover...

Also, for me, "play therapy" which involved me drawing lines in a box full of wet sand and ignoring the therapist. 

submitted by TNÖ, age 15, Deep Space
(May 12, 2009 - 8:11 am)

This is awesome. I didn't mean for her to come into the story until the end, but here in the middle she got on the ship and is being a genuine villain! Lovely! She's great! I'll post the part about her once it's done so you can see if it's accurate. I feel like I missed something big, but I don't know what it is. Thanks for doing the hard work beforehand for me! Great character!

 

-EH

submitted by Emily H. :), age 13, Sparks, NV
(May 13, 2009 - 10:09 pm)

Oh, definitely. I doubt it'll be published, but you never know. You thought through the whole thing very well, and I'm impressed with that. Usually I don't go into that level of detail with my characters unless they're main ones. Awesome!

 

-EH

submitted by Emily H., age 13, Sparks, NV
(May 8, 2009 - 5:13 pm)

Well... Thursday Silvertongue II came from Thursday Silvertongue I, who was a main character, and who was a grade-A Mary Sue. So I killed her, and forgot about Excelsior for quite a while until Thursday II waltzed into my head. I found Thursday II more tolerable and just sort of... toyed around with her character in my mind.

submitted by TNÖ, age 15, Deep Space
(May 8, 2009 - 11:29 pm)

ARRGGHHHH!!!!!! I seem to have trouble writing non-Gary Stu boys! All of them turn into practically perfect people, who are destined to save the world as foretold in The Prophecy and are just so annoying!!! Any advice?

submitted by Pirocks/Enceladus
(May 8, 2009 - 5:25 pm)

Throw whatever calamities you can think of at them, and use the calamities to develop their flaws.

Fr'instance, if you have a suave, funny, fit, clever, handsome, thoughtful, Chosen-One guy with perfect hair and clothes, with plenty of money and lots of friends, have him attacked and nearly killed by, say, bandits. They leave him for dead in a ditch, penniless, broken-nosed, with three broken ribs and a fractured leg; he manages to drag himself to the road before passing out and wakes up the prisoner of a tribe of, I dunno, cannibalistic crazy people who want to sacrifice him to the moon gods. They've healed his injuries, not wanting to give a damaged sacrifice, though his face is now marred by irreversible scars and his nose is flattened from the bandits shattering it. He convinces the cannibals to let him go, by promising them anything they ask for (he's a coward, now that he's actually in real danger). He returns home, and finds that all his friends have pronounced him dead, divided up his wealth amongst themselves, and shun him now that he's back. He gets angry and turns them over to the cannibals, who prepare to sacrifice them to their moon gods.

However, just as the ceremony is about to begin he has a change of heart, or maybe just cowardice again, and realizes he can't let his former friends die, partly for moral reasons and partly because he doesn't want to break the law. So he helps them escape, only to anger the moon gods, who curse him to fail at everything he does...

And so on. It'll probably be hard at first if you're attached to your characters. :) Smeyer's missing out big time in this respect. 

submitted by TNÖ, age 15, Deep Space
(May 8, 2009 - 11:39 pm)

Sounds cool! The character described below is for rent as of now.

 

Fern Myrad, human

A mage-born, can fly, is one of the Chosen Ones, is generally hot-tempered, has light brown hair and green eyes which are most of teh time flashing angrily due to the aforementioned hot temper. Is a Mary-Sue, btw. And, I don't think anyone wants her.

submitted by Jenni T, age 12.5, Nowhere
(May 8, 2009 - 7:41 pm)

I might be able to do something with her, maybe save from Sue-dom. Does she fly unassisted, or with wings?

submitted by TNÖ, age 15, Deep Space
(May 8, 2009 - 11:42 pm)

Unassisted. AND I can't control her and she's developing a crush on a Gary Stu who wasn't supposed to be a Gary Stu.

submitted by Jenni , age 12.5, Nowhere
(May 9, 2009 - 10:19 am)