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The Tale of
The Tale of General Waffleson!
You may have read my CB Fanfiction thing on BaB, and this is a sort of repost of that, but with some key elements changed in the story, and some of the spelling and punctuation corrected. So basically,it's That Thread 2.0. So uh, let's go! I'll start with the first chapter and release one every day until we come up to the one I'm still writin. Then it will be a bit longer to each post.
If you want to see the original thread the link should be here (please post link, Admins!):
http://www.cricketmagkids.com/chatterbox/blababoutbooks/node/321112
Here's the first chapter:
Act One, Scene One: In Which the General Acquires a Strange Device
My story is a wild one. Depending on who you are, you’ll either think it’s a load of Halabagutchet or a nice autobiography. But whichever you think, I assure you it’s true. All of it. Every word. This is the story of General Waffleson. Me. So without further adieu, let’s do this thing.
One thing I need to get out of the way first: My mother was a dimension-hopping time-lord. My father was the general of the army of the Breakfast Kingdom. My parentage was a bit strange to say the least, but they were still my mom and dad. That is, until mom disappeared and I got lost in the timestream light years away from my father. More on that later.
My adventure started at age 12, the year 2487. I was at an old stone bridge in the woods by my house, my feet dangling off the side. The yellow grass of september colored the ground and dead leaves were just beginning to fall. I was sitting with Jamie, the 80’s nerd who’s been my friend as far as I can remember.
Jamie was taller than me, about 5’ 7” and a year older. He almost constantly wore an aviator’s jacket, even in the middle of summer, when you could fry an egg on the hood of your hovercraft. He had bowl-shaped black hair and brown eyes. In short, he looked pretty much nothing like me, but a lot like Mike from Stranger Things.
I was 5’ 5” and had dark brown hair that was usually flat, but sometimes stuck out in tufts. I liked clothes that included hoods, because it could rain acid at pretty much any moment. My eyes were sometimes green, and sometimes gold. My limbs were long and a bit spidery, with not much muscle to support them. I was currently wearing a blue hoodie with the message ‘Flynn’s Arcade: Go Grid or Go Home’ on it and my Fez (What? Fezzes are cool). Jamie and I were in the middle of a fierce debate, and I was about to push Jamie into the water.
“I tell you,” he said, “Mjolnir can summon thunder! Sting was only used to spread butter on Lembas Bread!”
“Ah, but does Mjolnir glow when your enemies are close by? No. It does not.” I pointed out.
“Thor doesn’t need to know where his enemies are because Mjolnir can blow up mountains! MOUNTAINS!”
“Tell me, Jamie, have you ever heard of the words collateral damage?”
"Touche. Mjolnir is still WAY cooler than your stupid halfling butter knife."
I was growing irritated. “Will you ever give up?” I asked.
“Nope! Mjolnir is cooler than Sting, and nothing you say will convince me otherwise.” Jamie said, grinning.
I sighed. Jamie’s determined, I’ll give him that, but sometimes he’s kind of annoying.
“Where’s Very, anyway?” I asked, looking around, “He was supposed to be here.”
“He’s busy with violin class, but he’ll be here soon,” Jamie answered.
Very Bad was Jamie’s older brother, and had recently joined our little group. He had been a great supplier of ideas, and he had a strange affiliation for music. Despite his name, he was a pretty nice guy, and mature for his years. He had promised to meet us at the old stone bridge, but it looked like he had other plans for the time being.
“Shall we head off to the bunker?” Jamie asked. I pondered for a couple seconds.
“Will Very know where we are?” I asked.
“He’ll figure it out. He’s pretty smart.” Jamie said.
“Let’s go then!” I said, and jumped down from the bridge onto the shore. Jamie followed, and soon we came to a tunnel in the ground. We both knew the way, so navigating through the various trick passages and getting to the trapdoor was easy. When we arrived, Jamie looked up at the ceiling, skeptical.
“Through the Floor Door?” asked Jamie.
“I thought it would be fun to try out,” I replied.
“That’s OK. I don’t have a problem with it.”
I opened the trapdoor, climbed in, and helped Jamie up. The bunker was a large underground building that we found one day, and refurbished (with the help of my parents) to act as a kind of secret base. It had a lab where we conducted tests on various stuff (more recently constructed), a comfortable living room, three bedrooms, a bathroom (obviously), and a couple other rooms that aren’t worth mentioning. We dusted ourselves off, and took a look around the lab, which is where the Floor Door lead. Nothing was out of the ordinary at first glance. But then I noticed the police box in the corner.
The police box was just standing there, not doing anything. I knew what it was because we learned about them in history class. I don’t know what one was doing here, though. Jamie stared with me for a little bit, but then he began to walk towards it. I followed, but when he opened the door, I stopped him.
“What are you doing?” I yelled at Jamie.
“Going inside.” he said.
“Do you know who this belongs to?” I asked.
“No. What's your point?”
“My point is that we shouldn’t just waltz inside a random box that appears in our hidden bunker!” I shouted.
“No need to shout. I know you, aren’t you the littlest bit curious about what’s inside?” he said.
“Yeah, but do you really think that this is a good idea?” I asked.
“Good as any idea you’ve had. Come on!” He walked inside, waving for me to follow. I followed, albeit reluctantly. When I saw the inside, I gasped. There was a huge four-way control panel with various levers and buttons in the center with a large tube coming from the middle. We were walking on iron catwalks suspended by seemingly invisible cables above a floor that seemed to be steaming. Jamie busied himself with the console, while I walked around the various rooms that branched off of the central one.
As I was walking, I came across a hall with wall-to-wall rows of some strange objects. They were glass tubes sitting on large panels with the word TARDIS written across the bottom. I stared at the tubes, and called Jamie over. “What’s up?” he asked.
“I found this weird tube thing, and I think I should go inside.”
“Can’t hurt that much, can it?” he asked.
“I dunno, it’s possible. Do you know what the word TARDIS means?”
“Never heard of it. You should try going in!”
“Alright, but if I die, I’m blaming you,” I said. I took a deep breath and went inside the glass tube.
Much to my surprise, the inside of the ‘TARDIS’ mirrored that of the area I had just left, with the console in the centre and pathways the sides of it. There was one difference from the one I had just left. This one had a key on the console. I grabbed the key and stepped out of the TARDIS. Jamie was waiting with baited breath, and when he saw me come out with the keys, he started speaking frantically, “There’ssomeonehere! Gogogogogogogogo!” he said and started to shove me back in the TARDIS thing. I tried to resist, but the caught me off balance, and I tumbled backward into the tube, Jamie right behind.
As we groggily sat up, I spotted a shiny keyhole on the console. I got to my feet, ran over to the console, shoved the key into the keyhole, and turned. I heard a loud ‘VWORRRP! VWORRRP!’ and the floor began to shake. I looked at the console, and saw a bunch of levers and dials, and for some odd reason, a teapot. I pulled the levers and twisted the dials, hoping to somehow deactivate the machine. No such luck. The ‘VWORRRP! VWORRRP!’ noise grew louder, and then, all of the sudden, everything slowed to a dull hum. Jamie and I both walked to the door, nearly in sync, curious to see what happened. I stared at Jamie. Jamie stared back. With a nod, we both pushed the door open. I gasped. Jamie gawked. We were in an entirely different world.
submitted by General Waffleson, age -456, The Breakfast Kingdom!
(November 5, 2017 - 8:26 am)
(November 5, 2017 - 8:26 am)
Oh yes, I remember this story! I don't get all the references, but I'm liking it.
(November 5, 2017 - 11:38 am)
I think read a little of this before. I like like it Gen. Waffleson! Your writing is very easy to follow, and well written!
(November 5, 2017 - 2:20 pm)
GAH! For some reason, I forgot to put a, "I've" in between "think" and "read". I thought that I had, but....whatever. The sentance was supposed to be " I think I've read a little of this before." Just clarifying that.
(November 5, 2017 - 6:12 pm)
Wow, that's really good, General Waffleson! It's well written and interesting, along with particularly good dialogue. I'll be looking for more!
(November 5, 2017 - 9:41 pm)
Here's Part 2, as promised:
Act One, Scene Two: In Which We Meet a Wolf of Ice and a Leaf of the Autumn
The world in which we found ourselves now was nothing to like anything we had ever seen. It was a bustling and crowded garden of neon and brick. It reminded me of Coruscant from the Star Wars movies. Buildings rose up to the sky, dots against a sheet of cloudy grey. Some buildings were tall and thin, others squat and short. Each of them was glowing with light and life. The sky was a dull, cloudy grey that cast the city into a darkness lit by neon signs and streetlights.
There were hordes and hordes of people of all shapes and sizes bustling in and out of buildings and on the streets. Nobody seemed to notice a couple kids coming out of a strange tube. Now that I looked back, however, the tube was gone. In its place was a telephone box with its red windows and tempered glass, like the one Superman changed in. Jamie and I hesitantly stepped further away, and onto the cobblestone street. As soon as we did so, we were swept away by the crowd of people heading down the street. I gripped my keys tightly before putting them in my pocket. As Jamie and I came further away from our TARDIS, I noticed a sign with the words ‘Newcomers Here!’ and ‘Nexus Welcome Center’ written in small print below it. I pointed to the sign, and Jamie nodded. We waded our way through the crowd to the building below the sign, and entered.
After we caught our breath, we looked up, and surveyed our surroundings. The inside was small, with wood paneling and contained shelves lined with brochures. As I studied the brochures, something about them struck me odd. They were all advertising for other dimensions. I had known that I had the ability to dimension hop for years, but I’d never known how to do it, or what I would do if I did. Maybe this place has something for me after all, I thought, it wouldn’t hurt to stay for a bit. There were two girls at the counter, the one at the right was carving a pumpkin, and the one at the left was doodling on a paper plate. The girl at the pumpkin was tall with long curls of red-brown hair hanging from her head, a faceful of freckles, and a look of concentration. The girl on the left was shorter, with long blond hair icy blue eyes, and a thin smile crossing her face. Jamie seemed pretty occupied with the brochures on the shelves, so I cleared my throat and walked up to the desk. The one carving the pumpkin looked up and nudged the other on the shoulder. The one on the left looked up, noticed me, and hustled to put the plate away. “Hello,” said the one on the right, “I’m Autumn Leaves, but everyone calls me Autumn. How can we help you today?”
“I need to know where in the world I am,” I said, then, thinking that was a bit rude, added, “That is, if you don’t mind.”
"You're in the Nexus, a meeting point for all dimensions. Also, technically you aren't in any world, since the Nexus is in dimensional limbo,” said Autumn.
“Oh, sorry. I’ve never been here before,” I apologized.
“Well there’s a first time for everything!” said the girl on the left, “The name’s Ice Wolf, but most people call me Wolfy. May I ask your name, stranger?”
“Waffleson,” I replied, “General Waffleson. I need a little bit of help with something.”
“What’s up?” Wolfy asked, “We are the welcome people, so it’s kinda our job to help people out. Even if they’re bonkers with a razor. Or if they have a name like Waffleson.”
“HEY!” I objected, “Not cool.”
“She insults everyone. I think it’s her way of greeting people. Don’t take it too seriously. The bad thing is, because of her habit, word gets around of the whole razor incident, and we don’t receive many customers,” Autumn said, with a small, and not very angry glare at Wolfy, “I believe you had a problem?”
“I have no idea where I am. Well, that is to say, I know I’m in the Nexus, but I don’t know how I got here,” I said.
“Well, it looks like you have a story to tell, Mr. Waffleson.”
“I’m from Plate, the capital of the Breakfast KIngdom and I was going into my lab, and there was this police box, and I went inside, and it was huge, and there was this tube thing called a TARDIS, and I went inside and pressed some buttons and BOOM I was here,” I gabbled very quickly, and exhaled deeply.
“Plate? That’s in the Breakfast dimension. Wait, did you say TARDIS?” Autumn asked.
“Yeah, what of it?” I answered. Wolfy and Autumn exchanged glances.
“And you said there was a police box?”
“Yeah.”
“Did this police box happen to be bigger on the inside? Did it have any hats? I would KILL for a good hat,” Wolfy interjected.
“Yeah, how did you know that?” Neither Wolfy nor Autumn supplied an answer. Instead, they walked to an empty corner, and withdrew into a whispered conversation in which the words ‘doctor’ and ‘cricket’ were mentioned many times. After a couple minutes of patiently waiting, and me glancing over at Jamie to see if he was OK (which he was), they came back to the counter, with an air of people who had just created a plan. “So… can you help me?” I asked.
“Not right now, but we think we know a place with weirdos like you. Follow us. Oh, bring your friend too,” Wolfy said, coming out from behind the counter. They walked out the door and into the street. I tapped Jamie and pointed to the door. “We’re leaving,” I said.
“OK,” he said and began to look back down at the book he found.
“You’re coming too!” I yelled, dragging him away from the shelf. With a yelp, he shook my hand off and followed. I darted my eyes around the crowd, spotted Autumn and Wolfy, and hurried to catch up.
Once I was side-by-side with them, I cleared my throat, to let them know I was there. They looked, and noticed me walking beside them. “May I ask where we’re going?”
“You’ll see…” Autumn answered cryptically.
“What is THAT supposed to mean?” I muttered under my breath. Then I noticed Jamie coming up from behind us. “Hey, Jamie,” I greeted.
“Hey,” he replied. There was a moment of awkward silence, which Wolfy broke.
“So, Mr. Waffleson, about how much do you know about interdimensional travel?”
“Not as much as I probably should, seeing as my mother was a time lord AND a dimension hopper,” I answered.
“Wait,” said Wolfy, her face scrunching up in concentration, “was your mother the famous Katrina Waffleson?”
“Her name is Katrina, but I don’t know anything about famous,” I said.
“Your mother is a hero around these parts. She saved the entire Nexus from destruction,” Autumn said.
“Twice,” Wolfy corrected, “but I didn’t know about her having a son. Or a husband for that matter.”
“Well, here’s your proof. And I thought my dad’s side was noble lineage,” I said, absorbing this new information, “come to think of it, that explains why she kept coming home with bruises and burns.”
“Who’s your dad?” asked Autumn.
“General Waffleson. He’s the leader of the armies of the Breakfast Kingdom.”
“Huh. Never heard of him,” Wolfy said.
"Well, you wouldn't unless you came from the Breakfast Kingdom," I explained. We walked in silence for a bit.
“What happen to your mom, anyway?” Autumn asked. I sighed, the memory coming back to the surface of my mind.
“I knew my mom worked in interdimensional stuff, and she often would be gone for long periods of time without notice, but she would always come back. Sometimes she would bring me some sort of souvenir from the place or dimension she went to. But she always came back.
“Then one day, she didn’t. We waited for days, my dad and I. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. After the first year passed, we knew she was gone and there was nothing we could do about it. I don’t even know if she’s alive or dead. OR where she is. I just don’t-” I sniffled. I noticed hot tears filling up my eyes. I blinked them away, and looked at Autumn and Wolfy. They looked shocked. I steeled my face and looked up. “Anyway. That’s what happened,” I said. Autumn and Wolfy were silent. Then Wolfy broke the silence.
“So, Waffle Boy, are you gonna cheer up, or are you just gonna be depressing and emo for the whole time? ‘Cause if you are, I’m OUTA here!” We laughed, and the air lightened a tenfold.
As we kept walking I felt that I was being watched. I turned to see three figures in black robes a short distance behind us. They looked quite sinister in the dim light of the Nexus. I decided to ignore them. We rounded a corner, and Autumn and Wolfy led us towards a long alley.
The alley was thin, and we only had enough space to walk single file. Autumn and Wolfy went in front, Jamie went next, and I held up the rear. As we came to the end of the alley, I noticed Autumn pull out a strange screwdriver-shaped thing. She tapped it on the wall, and it opened up to reveal of all things, a coffee shop.
“Welcome to the Cricket!” Autumn and Wolfy said in unison. Then they laughed. Then, in mid-laugh, their faces fell suddenly.
I turned to see the black-robed people that I had spotted earlier. They were walking straight for us. I couldn't see their feet, which made it look like they were floating. When they looked up, I saw stark-white faces with blazing red eyes. As they drew closer, I saw them pull out jagged silver knives. I turned back to see that everyone was running into the coffee shop, and I was standing in the middle of the alley, watching the robed people come closer. I saw Wolfy beckoning frantically towards me to follow the others into the shop, and Autumn poised to seal the door with her screwdriver thing. I took a glance at the robed people, now only a few feet away, and sprinted as fast as I could to the opening. Jamie pulled me in, and I saw the wall seal up behind me. I got up, panting, and looked up at Wolfy and Autumn.
“What in the worlds just happened?” I asked.
(November 6, 2017 - 8:40 pm)
Wow, this is really, really good! Keep writing, it's awesome!
(November 7, 2017 - 10:09 pm)
YES! IT'S BACK!
(November 7, 2017 - 11:56 am)
Part three, as promised:
Act One, Scene Three: In Which the General Meets the People of Cricket
"Congratulations, Waffleson, you've just met your first Reapers; agents of the nightmare dimension. Their job is to basically kill people they’re told to kill. They've been tailing Autumn and me for a while now. I left my weapons back at the shop, and I'm running low on magic energy. If I had been at full strength, those guys would’ve been goners,” Wolfy said with a crack of her knuckles.
“We typically avoid them. It’s actually pretty easy. I’ll teach you the basics when we find a good mentor for you. Maybe Admin can help,” She mused.
I didn’t even have time to ask who Admin was, because Wolfy had shoved me toward the front counter. “Talk to them. Not to us. I have work to do. You’ll find me in Pudding’s Place. See ya!” Wolfy said, turning her back on us and escalating a flight of stairs in the back of the shop.
“I’d better follow her. She’s pretty mischievous sometimes. Come to us when you’re done looking around, and getting your bearings. Make sure to greet the other adventurers!” Autumn said, before she turned around and followed Wolfy. I walked up to the counter. The person at the front counter had fairly long brown hair and a pair of purple-rimmed glasses. They were wearing a blue apron and a picture of a cricket on it. “Hello,” they said, “Welcome to Cricket! My name is Admin. How can I help you two today?”
“We’re new here, could you show us around?” I asked.
“Hey! We’ve got two newcomers!” Admin shouted across the room. Heads perked up. Many people stood up to greet us. They walked over, and began to introduce themselves.
“Lightning’s the name!” said one.
“Rae, pleased to make your acquaintance,” said another.
“Gi suilon! I’m Esquire of Rohan!” said yet another.
“Icy, welcome to the Cricket!”
“Nighthawk, previously known as Ember. Greetings!”
“Lucy B, resident Undertale fan and Inkwell expert!”
“Pepper Star, nice to meet you!”
“Alright, give him some space,” said Admin, “would you mind telling us your name?”
“Waffleson. General Waffleson. This is Jamie, my friend,” I said, indicating to Jamie, “Ice Wolf and Autumn Leaves brought us in here. Could somebody tell me what this place is?”
“This is Cricket, a place for writers, adventurerers, and artists alike. Anybody who possesses creative talent can enter. Anybody inside is officially in sanctuary from Reapers or monsters or whatever, unless someone is challenged to a duel, which is pain/death free and is purely for fun or to settle an argument. Dueling arena is on the seventh floor. Inkwell is on the second floor. Pudding's Place is in the third. Down to Earth is in the fourth. Blab about Books is on the fifth. Chirp at Cricket is on the sixth floor. Any more questions?” Admin said.
“Ummm, yeah,” said Jamie, “how did you fit all this inside the tiny space in that alley?”
“Magic,” said the one who previously introduced themselves as Lightning, “The Cricket has a magic-expanding aura. All magic is super powerful here.” She summoned a ball of electricity in her hand. “I didn’t even HAVE magic before I came here. Now I can do this!”
“Magic you say? How interesting. I wonder if I can do magic,” I mused, “One more question, what do I do now?”
“You can do some favours and quests for people. We have a quest board over there,” the one earlier introduced as Icy said, waving in the general direction of a large bulletin board with various pieces of paper and parchment. “You could also just adventure and explore and stuff. There’s plenty of stuff to do.”
“Cool,” said Jamie.
We kept on talking with the other people, learning new things about the Nexus and dimensional travel. After about one or two hours, I decided to go find Wolfy an Autumn.
“Thanks for all your help,” I said, “but I have to go meet up with Autumn and Wolfy now. Bye!” I motion to Jamie to follow, and I head up to the stairs. At the top is a trapdoor. On the trapdoor is a dial with golden letters etched into the surface. It read ‘Inkwell’ currently. I spun the dial, and it scrolled through the various names Admin had mentioned earlier. I spun it to where it said ‘Pudding’s Place’ and opened the door.
Inside there were various tables, easels, and canvases for painting. In the corner was a large cabin, surrounded by snow. A small sign next to it read ‘Ski Lodge'. Strange. I helped Jamie up through the trapdoor, and begun to scan the room for Ice Wolf and Autumn Leaves. I eventually found Wolfy in the Ski Lodge, and Autumn with her. They saw me, and waved me over.
“We were just about to start! You can join if you want,” Autumn said.
“Sure, what do I do?” I asked.
“Make a list of your things, pack ‘em up, and hope you don’t die. Unless you’re the murderer, of course. Then you hope to kill everybody without getting detected. So sit back, Relax, and try not to die,” Wolfy explained. I sat down in between them. Suddenly, our surroundings changed. We were now in a completely different place, but still sitting at the table. One of the other people at the table spoke.
“Welcome to the Cabin Fever Ski Lodge! You know the rules. Don’t die, or kill everyone. The choice is actually not yours, but whatever. It is time to begin!”
(November 7, 2017 - 9:22 pm)
Wow! I read the first act, but this one is even better. It's so cool how you tied in the chatterbox!
(February 10, 2018 - 11:01 am)
Is it okay if i ddo something simaler to this?
(November 10, 2017 - 3:01 pm)
Well, Catsclaw, it really depends. What are you planning on doing?
Scene Four! GOOOOOOO!
Act One, Scene Four: In Which the General Tries Not to Die
We were now in a large Chateau, with a snowy tundra visible through the window. There was a fire crackling in the fireplace against the wall. Everyone else (Jamie included) seemed to be more concentrated on the person at the head of the table than our surroundings. The person at the head of the table spoke, and I turned to listen. “Welcome adventurers! As most of you already know, I am Impunity Jane. Welcome to Cabin Fever Ski Lodge! Without further adieu, let us begin!” The other people at the table were staring eagerly at Impunity Jane, waiting for something. Then she spoke again.
“It was a snowy day at the Poivron Rouge Chateau. The camping trip was meant to be fun. Now the doors and windows were packed with snow. No one could leave. They were stuck." As Jane spoke, people appeared in the room. As I studied them further, I noticed they had all mirrored all the people at the table. As soon as the last one appeared, they began to talk.
“Well, it’s official. We’re stuck.” said one of them while (unsuccessfully) trying to open one of the windows.
“Relax, Pepper Star. It’s not like snow doesn’t melt,” said the adventurer behind her noted, watching with a bemused expression.
“Easy for you to say, Rae. You're used to being stuck in a large mansion for long periods of time," the adventurer at the window I now knew to be Pepper Star said. They kept talking, but their conversation was muffled, and the focus now drew onto two adventurers in the centre of the room. The one I knew to be Autumn Leaves, but the other was new.
“Well, at least this Chateau is absolutely massive!” Autumn said, “it would be so much worse if we were stuck in a tiny cabin!”
"You make a point Autumn. But honestly, I don't like the prospect of being stuck in ANY building with a bunch of other people I don’t really know. You never know if one of them will try to pull some shenanigans,” said the other adventurer.
“Oh come on, Lucy! It’s not like anyone’s going to get murdered!”
As their conversation blurred out, the scene focused on two adventurers in the corner I recognized quite well.
“Waffleson, this is madness. MADNESS I TELL YOU! A bunch of people stuck in a chateau? Something crazy is going to happen. I know it. Someone is going to die, or get a sandwich in their nose or something,” said the Ice Wolf duplicate. Doppelganger me raised his hands in surrender.
"I never argued. I agree, actually. A bunch of 10 to 14-year-olds cooped up in a building is a recipe for trouble. I wonder where we'll be staying. Has anyone seen Jamie?”
“I haven’t. OI!” Wolfy shouted, “HAS ANYONE SEEN JAMIE? AE, TALL, BLACK HAIR, BOWL-CUT? MAKES ANNOYING 80’S REFERENCES?”
There was a mumble of "No" across the room. I looked across the table at Jamie, who was biting his nails. I stifled a laugh and turned my attention back to the scene at hand. We had travelled into a hallway, where adventurers were looking around for Jamie. As they traveled around the rooms, we followed them too. Eventually one of the adventurers screamed. “There’s a body! There’s a body!” As we zoomed to the room where she was I saw the person who screamed was the adventurer named Pepper Star. She was pointing to something on the floor. Something Jamie-shaped with a large hole in it’s back. It was Jamie’s dead body.
Real Jamie muttered, “‘Tis but a flesh wound,” across from me. I saw on the floor there was a small mark, like a shard of something. Meanwhile, my doppelganger bent down to examine Jamie’s body and spoke.
“Sword wound. Definitely.”
“I agree!” said the one called Rae.
“But who did it?” asked Lucy.
“Good question,” said Jane at the head of the table. The scene around us stopped, like if someone had paused a movie. “And one that will be answered soon enough. Goodbye! See you next week!” The scene around us dissipated, and we were once more in the Cricket.
“Woah,” I whispered under my breath, “Do you guys do that kind of crazy stuff often?”
“Probably more than that’s healthy,” said Autumn. I grinned.
“That was awesome. I have some ideas about who it is,” I said.
“Just don’t tell anyone until you’re sure. If you get it wrong, usually you die, and that’s not really that much fun,” Wolfy said, “follow me. We’re going on a quest.” Autumn smiled. We descended the stairs back into the lobby, and headed over to a large bulletin board marked ‘QUESTS AND STUFF’.
“Can we do a puzzle quest? I LOVE puzzle quests!” Autumn asked.
“Our newcomer should pick. So what do you say, Waffleson? What quest do you want to do?” Wolfy asked. I surveyed our options. A quest find somebody’s lost electric spear? Not too interesting. Saving an island called ‘Galuna' from a magic demon curse? Maybe. Then I saw one quest that really stood out. I pointed at it. Autumn and Wolfy stared at it.
“Interdimensional Beast must be slain. Terrorizing dimensions and opening rifts. Must be stopped at all costs. Next stop-off point pinpointed as Grid City in the Digital Dimension. Reward: 14 million credits plus magic items for all who participate.” Autumn read, a smile spreading across her face. She looked at Wolfy, who was grinning somewhat madly. “Let’s do it!” they said in unison.
(November 10, 2017 - 9:06 pm)
just a "Tale of Catsclaw" thing.
Aaaand i realize that OH COME ON, I WANNA T.A.R.D.I.S.!!! oh well, wait, I COULD HAVE A T.A.R.D.I.S!!! DOCTOR WHO FANS UNITE!!!
(November 10, 2017 - 9:45 pm)
Sure, go ahead!
Aaaaaand NEXT CHAPTER! WHAMO! GO! ETC!
Act One, Scene Five: In Which the General and Company Prepare to Fight an Oversized Beast
Jamie looked the poster. He gulped. “I think I’m gonna sit this one out, guys. I want to get more acquainted with the rules around here.”
“That’s fine, AEs usually don’t come out of the Cricket as much,” Autumn replied.
“AE? What’s that?” Jamie asked.
“An AE is basically the person that always hangs around an adventurer when they’re in the Cricket. It stands for Alter Ego, which in Latin is ‘other me’,” Wolfy explained.
“Oh. OK. I still think I’m gonna stay,” said Jamie.
“Just don’t cause too much trouble, OK? See you around, mate,” I said with a wave. He waved back and headed towards the general direction of the stairs. Autumn turned back to me and Wolfy.
“If we’re gonna take down an interdimensional beast,” Autumn said, “we’re gonna need weapons. Wolfy and I already have weapons back at the Welcome Center, but you don’t have one yet, do you?”
“No. Not yet,” I replied.
“Then it’s a good thing Cricket has public fabricators. Follow me,” Autumn said, and began to walk towards a large door in the back I hadn’t noticed before. She pushed the door open, and my eyes were greeted with the sight of many machines, all lined up in rows. Some had anxious people waiting by them, others were empty. Autumn led me and Wolfy to an empty machine. I took time to observe the machines better now. They looked kind of like a 3D printer, being an overall cube shape with rails and tubes along the inside. On the outside was a holographic projector currently showing only a small dot.
“You shape your weapon here,” explained Autumn, indicating to the small dot being projected, “it’s kind of like a three-dimensional touchscreen. You just swipe and grab to shape it.” I grabbed the small dot. To my surprise, it felt solid. I began to pull and grab and shape until I had shaped my weapon and all of its components. Wolfy looked over my shoulder to see the final design.
“Well, I’m not sure what that is, but hopefully it’ll work. Now you want to select the kind of materials to use from the drop-down menu,” she said pointing to a small tab in the corner of the hologram I hadn’t seen before. I tapped it, and selected the materials necessary. Once I was proud with the design, I tapped the small button on the machine that read ‘Fabricate’. The machine whirred to life, and I peered into the machine. The rails ran across like a 3D printer would, but instead of plastic goop coming out of the tubes, streams of clear liquid come out. The liquid formed the exact shape and design I had made on the hologram. The machine whirred again, and metallic goop came out of a different set of tubes. The goop filled in the outline the clear liquid had created, and soon, I was looking at the same thing I had designed on the hologram. I opened a hatch in the side and pulled out my new weapon.
“Behold!” I shouted in the most majestic voice I could muster, “My new weapon: THE TOASTER GUN!” Autumn stifled a laugh, and Wolfy let out a short bark of laughter. I ignored their reaction and turned to the wall of the room. On the wall, there was a convenient target painted. I pulled back the load lever, which was like to a toaster lever, but mounted on the side of the device. I set the dial on the side to ‘lethal’ and pulled the trigger on the handgrip and trigger I had attached to the toaster. Two flaming pieces of rock-solid toast shot out of the double barrel on the toaster. They sailed across the room and embedded themselves in the center of the target, cracking the brick wall. Autumn and Wolfy observed this with surprise.
"OK, so maybe the Toaster Gun isn't such a bad idea," Wolfy said with a grin, "let's go kill ourselves an Interdimensional Beast!"
A couple hours later, Autumn, Wolfy, and I were all walking down the streets of the Nexus, trying to find the TARDIS I had so carelessly left behind. We had searched all around the place where I thought I had left it, but it wasn’t there. We drew many weird glances, though, being a group of three people randomly walking inside telephone boxes. Eventually, we had checked every box-shaped object on the street. Autumn sighed. "There's no way we're going to get to Grid City without your TARDIS, Waffleson. I would use mine, but I left the key back in my base."
“Wait, what does the key have to do with anything?” I asked, confused.
“If you have your key, you can summon your TARDIS from anywhere. Why do you ask?” Autumn replied. I pulled out the key from my pocket. Wolfy looked from the key I held in my hand to Autumn next to me looking at the key in relief.
“You had that the WHOLE TIME? Why didn’t you tell us?” she asked.
“I guess I just didn’t think it was important. Sorry,” I apologised. Wolfy sighed. “So, to summon my TARDIS, what exactly do I do with my keys?” I asked Autumn.
“Just concentrate on summoning the TARDIS while holding the keys, and it should start to materialize. You should probably stand back,” Autumn advised. I held the key in my hand, closed my eyes, and concentrated on summoning it. The key began to heat up, and when I opened my eyes, a cherry red telephone box stood in front of us. I opened the door, and motioned for Autumn and Wolfy to go inside. They did, and I followed behind them.
The inside of the TARDIS looked just as it had before. Wolfy gave a low whistle. “Pretty sweet ride you got here!”
“I’m thinking about customizing it a little more when I get to it,” I said. Wolfy nodded. I walked up to the console, flicked a couple levers, spun the tea kettle, and whacked a couple buttons like I knew exactly what I was doing. I didn’t. I kind of just randomly selected buttons and levers and pressed them. I was running off of intuition alone. I inserted the key into the ignition like I had done it a million times before. I turned the key. “Grid City, here we come!” I yelled with a fist pump over the Vworping. Autumn and Wolfy both pumped their fists in the air as well. Time to see what this Interdimensional Beast can do.
(November 11, 2017 - 6:42 pm)
Tonight on the General Waffleson Show, we have *drumroll*... THE NEXT CHAPTER!! *Fake applause*:
Act One, Scene Five: In Which the General and Company Prepare to Fight an Oversized Beast
Jamie looked the poster. He gulped. “I think I’m gonna sit this one out, guys. I want to get more acquainted with the rules around here.”
“That’s fine, AEs usually don’t come out of the Cricket as much,” Autumn replied.
“AE? What’s that?” Jamie asked.
“An AE is basically the person that always hangs around an adventurer when they’re in the Cricket. It stands for Alter Ego, which in Latin is ‘other me’,” Wolfy explained.
“Oh. OK. I still think I’m gonna stay,” said Jamie.
“Just don’t cause too much trouble, OK? See you around, mate,” I said with a wave. He waved back and headed towards the general direction of the stairs. Autumn turned back to me and Wolfy.
“If we’re gonna take down an interdimensional beast,” Autumn said, “we’re gonna need weapons. Wolfy and I already have weapons back at the Welcome Center, but you don’t have one yet, do you?”
“No. Not yet,” I replied.
“Then it’s a good thing Cricket has public fabricators. Follow me,” Autumn said, and began to walk towards a large door in the back I hadn’t noticed before. She pushed the door open, and my eyes were greeted with the sight of many machines, all lined up in rows. Some had anxious people waiting by them, others were empty. Autumn led me and Wolfy to an empty machine. I took time to observe the machines better now. They looked kind of like a 3D printer, being an overall cube shape with rails and tubes along the inside. On the outside was a holographic projector currently showing only a small dot.
“You shape your weapon here,” explained Autumn, indicating to the small dot being projected, “it’s kind of like a three-dimensional touchscreen. You just swipe and grab to shape it.” I grabbed the small dot. To my surprise, it felt solid. I began to pull and grab and shape until I had shaped my weapon and all of its components. Wolfy looked over my shoulder to see the final design.
“Well, I’m not sure what that is, but hopefully it’ll work. Now you want to select the kind of materials to use from the drop-down menu,” she said pointing to a small tab in the corner of the hologram I hadn’t seen before. I tapped it, and selected the materials necessary. Once I was proud with the design, I tapped the small button on the machine that read ‘Fabricate’. The machine whirred to life, and I peered into the machine. The rails ran across like a 3D printer would, but instead of plastic goop coming out of the tubes, streams of clear liquid come out. The liquid formed the exact shape and design I had made on the hologram. The machine whirred again, and metallic goop came out of a different set of tubes. The goop filled in the outline the clear liquid had created, and soon, I was looking at the same thing I had designed on the hologram. I opened a hatch in the side and pulled out my new weapon.
“Behold!” I shouted in the most majestic voice I could muster, “My new weapon: THE TOASTER GUN!” Autumn stifled a laugh, and Wolfy let out a short bark of laughter. I ignored their reaction and turned to the wall of the room. On the wall, there was a convenient target painted. I pulled back the load lever, which was like to a toaster lever, but mounted on the side of the device. I set the dial on the side to ‘lethal’ and pulled the trigger on the handgrip and trigger I had attached to the toaster. Two flaming pieces of rock-solid toast shot out of the double barrel on the toaster. They sailed across the room and embedded themselves in the center of the target, cracking the brick wall. Autumn and Wolfy observed this with surprise.
"OK, so maybe the Toaster Gun isn't such a bad idea," Wolfy said with a grin, "let's go kill ourselves an Interdimensional Beast!"
A couple hours later, Autumn, Wolfy, and I were all walking down the streets of the Nexus, trying to find the TARDIS I had so carelessly left behind. We had searched all around the place where I thought I had left it, but it wasn’t there. We drew many weird glances, though, being a group of three people randomly walking inside telephone boxes. Eventually, we had checked every box-shaped object on the street. Autumn sighed. "There's no way we're going to get to Grid City without your TARDIS, Waffleson. I would use mine, but I left the key back in my base."
“Wait, what does the key have to do with anything?” I asked, confused.
“If you have your key, you can summon your TARDIS from anywhere. Why do you ask?” Autumn replied. I pulled out the key from my pocket. Wolfy looked from the key I held in my hand to Autumn next to me looking at the key in relief.
“You had that the WHOLE TIME? Why didn’t you tell us?” she asked.
“I guess I just didn’t think it was important. Sorry,” I apologised. Wolfy sighed. “So, to summon my TARDIS, what exactly do I do with my keys?” I asked Autumn.
“Just concentrate on summoning the TARDIS while holding the keys, and it should start to materialize. You should probably stand back,” Autumn advised. I held the key in my hand, closed my eyes, and concentrated on summoning it. The key began to heat up, and when I opened my eyes, a cherry red telephone box stood in front of us. I opened the door, and motioned for Autumn and Wolfy to go inside. They did, and I followed behind them.
The inside of the TARDIS looked just as it had before. Wolfy gave a low whistle. “Pretty sweet ride you got here!”
“I’m thinking about customizing it a little more when I get to it,” I said. Wolfy nodded. I walked up to the console, flicked a couple levers, spun the tea kettle, and whacked a couple buttons like I knew exactly what I was doing. I didn’t. I kind of just randomly selected buttons and levers and pressed them. I was running off of intuition alone. I inserted the key into the ignition like I had done it a million times before. I turned the key. “Grid City, here we come!” I yelled with a fist pump over the Vworping. Autumn and Wolfy both pumped their fists in the air as well. Time to see what this Interdimensional Beast can do.
(November 12, 2017 - 9:15 pm)
Is anyone still reading? If so, here's the next chapter.
Act One, Scene Six: In Which the General and Company Actually Fight the Oversized Beast
The TARDIS seemed to be taking a while to get to Grid City, so we began to talk strategy. After about ten minutes, we had a rough plan: Wing it. I was OK with this; I fight better without a strict thing I have to do. After the ten minutes it took to make the plan, we searched for items that might be useful for the upcoming battle laying around the TARDIS. If we found something worth anything, we would put it in Autumn’s enchanted Bag of Holding. Ice Wolf found a silver-plated grenade with little lumps on it. None of us knew what it was, but we threw it in the bag anyway. Autumn found a golden ring with strange symbols along the inside. We didn't know what that was either. I found an iPod hooked up to a bunch of speakers. We all knew what this was, but none of us were really sure how it would be used. We put in the bag anyway. After another couple minutes mostly spent getting armored up, the TARDIS settled with a low ‘Vwooooooom’. I opened the door and stepped outside into our new surroundings.
Grid City was huge. The place our TARDIS had landed was on the top of a large tower. From the top of the tower, we could see the city expand for miles. Grid City was almost identical in appearance to that of the Grid in TRON. Most of the buildings were sleek, black fixtures with lines of blue, green, or sometimes purple light ran across the outline. In the relative center of the city, there was a large trapezoidal prism (look it up) shaped building with lights coming from the center. “That’s got to be the Town Hall,” I said, pointing to the large building, “The info on the back of the quest sheet said to meet the client up on this tower. So where are they?”
“Beats me,” Wolfy replied.
“Boo!” came a voice from behind us. I jumped, and whirled around. What I saw was a cloaked figure who seemed to be laughing their face off. I have to admit, I was a little angry.
“Who the heck are you?” I asked. The figure pulled off his hood. Underneath was the face of a man in his 20s with long black hair and a thin beard. His face seemed oddly familiar, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on where I’d seen him before.
“My name’s Morpheus Dekuno. I’m the ‘client’. I’ve been tracking the interdimensional beast for a while now. It looks to be one of the last of the Flamazerta race,” the person said. I heard Wolfy gasp.
“Flamazerta? You really should tell people that kind of thing on the quest paper,” she said, folding her arms. Autumn looked from us to the client.
“I was actually hoping to just skip to the part about when we fight it!” she said, drawing a sapphire-blue sword from its sheath and raising it in the air. The rest of us just looked at her. She eventually put the sword down. “Sorry. I just reeeeally want to fight an interdimensional beast.” Morpheus shrugged it off.
“No problem with that. My sources tell me the beast won’t show up until tomorrow morning, so you may want to find a good inn back down below,” he said, tilting his head towards the city. Autumn looked crestfallen. Wolfy patted her on the back.
"It's better than if we had to wait until next week! Also, Waffle Brain, you can install extra rooms in your TARDIS if you have your sonic screwdriver, so an inn won't be necessary," Wolfy said. I snapped out of spectator mode, and shook my head.
“Of course. I’ll get to that right now,” I said, pointing to the TARDIS, “you can talk business or whatever while I’m gone.” I walked into my TARDIS, and locked the door behind me (I didn’t want any visitors). I inspected the console again, and found what Wolfy was talking about. In a slot on the console, there was a small screwdriver-shaped object with a glowing purple light on the top. I picked it up, and inspected it. "Someday I'm going to have to install something to help with this kind of stuff. Like an AI. I think I would name it… Rustbucket,” I mused. It took me a bit, but once I’d fiddled with the screwdriver for a while, I eventually figured out that I could create rooms in the TARDIS. After about half an hour, I had all the rooms set up and Either Wolfy or Autumn was opening the door. They found it locked, and knocked loudly. I opened the door with a bow.
“Welcome to the TARDIS Inn. Your rooms are in the back. Wolfy, you’re at the end of the left tunnel, Autumn, you’re at the end of the center tunnel, and I am will be at the end of the right tunnel. Your rooms should have all your stuff in them, but I may have mixed up a couple people’s items, so sorry if that happens,” I said, and then stepped out of the way, so they could go inside. They went off to their rooms, but I stayed behind. I wanted to experiment a little more with the Sonic Screwdriver. Eventually, I grew tired, and I had to withdraw to my room. Regardless of my tiredness, it still took a long time until I finally went to sleep.
∞ ∞ ∞
The next day, our little crew was suited up, and ready to take an interdimensional Flamazerta on. The sky was full of clouds, and the lights of the tower spread out below us. It was the perfect day to fight an oversized monster. I had my Wafflesteel vest and my Toaster Gun at the ready. Autumn had her blue sword drawn, and was scanning the sky. Wolfy was leaning against the railing, seemingly weaponless. I walked over to her.
“Shouldn’t you have a weapon?” I asked.
“Don’t need one,” Wolfy replied with a grin.
“What do you mean?” I asked. Suddenly, she changed. Fur grew from pretty much everywhere, her nose elongated into a snout, and two ears grew out of the top of her head. Claws grew where there was once fingers and toes, and before long, there was a frost-white Werewolf in front of me. Wolfy was grinning, but in her Wolf form, it looked quite threatening. I was less surprised than I had expected to be. I guess after all the weird stuff I’d been through, it wasn’t that weird. “You’re a Lycanthrope?” I asked.
“They don’t call me Ice Wolf for nothing, you know!” she said. I smiled.
“Touchè.” Suddenly, there was a rumble in the sky. Through the clouds, I could see an eerie red light. Then, with a loud ‘WHOOSH!!’ a large thing dropped from the sky and landed on the tower. The Flamazerta looked like a giant salamander, with slime-covered skin and the lizard shape, but its eyes were that of a snake, beady diamond-shaped slits. The patterns on the beast looked like something a racer would but on their car, red flames against yellow skin. When the beast opened its mouth, we could all see the multiple rows of teeth. A jet of white-hot flame ejected from its mouth, along with a guttural roar. All in all, the whole sight was pretty terrifying. I loaded my toaster gun. Autumn drew her sword. Wolfy let out a growl. Then, like the crazy people we were, we charged.
Autumn led with her sword, running around to the flank of the beast, drawing its attention, while Wolfy went to take it head on. I ran around to the other side, and set my toaster gun to ‘frozen’. I fired. The toast hit the side of the beast, but all it did is stick in the thick mucus covering the skin. I kept trying. I jumped out of the way of giant claws and bursts of flame several times. Every once in a while, I got a glimpse of Wolfy trying to hack at the Flamazerta’s face, but only getting her claws stuck in the mucus. Our weapons clearly weren’t working. I began to grow more and more worried. If we couldn’t make a hit, eventually we’d tire out. I thought rapidly. Then another burst of flame shot out of the monster’s mouth, and I was caught by surprise. My arm got singed, and I bellowed out in pain. I tried to shoot it again and again, but the stupid mucus blocked everything.
Then I saw the salamander’s paw land on Wolfy. She struggled to get up, but the claw had trapped her, leaving her vulnerable to become a Wolf barbecue. The Flamazerta opened it’s mouth wide, and a light grew from the inside. Wolfy was hacking furiously at the paw keeping her down with her claws, but the mucus made it hard for her to move. Suddenly, I had an idea.
“HEY, CHEESEBREATH!” I yelled. The snapped its mouth shut and looked at me with eyes of hatred and anger. I guess I would too if someone interrupted my lunch by calling me Cheesebreath. I scooped up a glob of the monster’s goop, and loaded it in my gun. Sure hope this works, I thought. I pulled the lever. The monster was still mad at me for calling it Cheesebreath, and it opened it’s mouth to spit some more fire in my face. As soon as its razor-toothed maw opened, I fired. The glob of monster skin snot went right where I wanted it to: straight down its throat. The glob, as I hoped and anticipated it would, stuck in the back of the monster's throat, specifically in its fire glands. As it tried to generate the fire, the mucus blocked the fire from coming out. It kept trying to bust me into flame, and the pressure kept building in its throat. "TAKE COVER!" I yelled. I got down low. Then, just like that, the monster exploded. It was a great ball of fire and monster goop, and quite a bit of it landed on me. Wolfy had morphed back into human form, and Autumn was still whacking the dead foot of the beast with a bit of the railing yelling, “DIE, DIE, DIE!”. I began to go around the tower, searching for anything valuable that might have come from the beast. I found some Flamazerta mucus, which I pocketed (you never know) and some teeth that had survived the explosion.
When I got back, Wolfy and Autumn were talking near the remains of the Flamazerta’s head. “Hey!” I called out.
“Hey. I have a question. Did you really have to save my life by yelling ‘hey cheesebreath’? Couldn’t you have done something at least a little bit cooler?” Wolfy asked with mock seriousness. I grinned.
“It was pretty effective, wasn’t it? Guess its breath was a touchy subject. Maybe it hadn’t brushed its teeth in a while or something,” I joked. We all laughed at the image of a giant Lizard thing trying to brush its teeth. As we talked and joked a bit more, I noticed Morpheus was walking towards us. Wolfy went up to greet him.
“Morpheus! How are you doing? THAT’S GREAT! When do we get the cash?” Morpheus looked flustered.
“Erm- sorry, could you run that by me one more time?” he asked.
“MONEY,” I cut in, making exaggerated hand signs, “WHERE IS MONEY? And magic items. Those too.” Morpheus pulled out a blue, glowing cube. Then he smiled evilly.
“Funny you should ask,” he said, and tossed the cube on the floor. I felt a sharp tug, and I went flying towards the cube. I only had time to swear, “HALABAGUTCHET!” before being sucked in. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Autumn and Wolfy trying to grab onto my foot as I flew past, but to no avail. I went headfirst into the cube, then everything went black.
END OF ACT ONE
(November 15, 2017 - 8:52 pm)