Funny quotes that

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Funny quotes that

Funny quotes that you wrote/came up with

~~~

I love hearing about other's writing. The title is pretty self-explanatory, but I'll explain it anyway. Basically, this is a thread to post funny quotes that you have written somewhere - a novel, short story, rp, or just thought of.

Here are some of mine to start off with!

~~~

Felix was twitching his eyes in spasms. "Uh, are you okay?" Jay asked.

"I'm trying to raise my eyebrow! How the heck do you even do it?" Felix burst out.

~~~

"We're all vegetarian here, since we have recruits, and some of them are animals. We can still eat baked goods and things like that, even though we have a gingerbread man and woman, because they often eat themselves, and get in trouble for it," Felipe chuckled.

Lupa nodded. "I'm already vegetarian," Elina chimed in.

Felipe didn't answer. He was too busy loaded his plate with English sausages and mashed potatoes. This day would be a good day. He just felt it.

~~~

Sorry it was that one part where I said 'vegetarian' and then contradicted it two paragraphs later . . . XD 

~~~

Finally, Lupa gave up. "Ya guys, we're supposed to work with each other till the end of our days, and I can't even start a simple 'get to know you' conversation!" she groaned.

"You never said you wanted us to socialize!" Elina protested.

"Well now I'm saying it," Lupa snapped.

"Uh, okay, you have anger management issues," Rowena commented.

"Just get to know each other!" Lupa yelled in frustration

~~~

Lupa settled back in her seat. She took a sip of her porridge. "Urk!" She spat it out again. It was sweet. Way sweeter than pure sugar. "Wha-"

"Whoops, I forgot to tell you. The cooks are experimenting with sugar today. They're boiling it in porridge." Felipe glanced guiltily at Lupa.

"Well, Rowena, where'd you get the pancakes?"

~~~ 

Weapons flashed into existence. "Boy, run or fight!" a tiny elf squeaked below him. The elf was throwing present-boxes all around like shrikes, deflecting arrows.

~~~

The Fairy Godmother fainted on the spot. Felipe and Dominic looked between each other. "And she was just calling us paranoid," Dominic commented.

~~~

"Luceeeet meeeeeetallum fingo eeeeeepsum!" Rowena shouted.

"Shut your mouth!" Jaan bellowed.

Rowena shut her mouth. "No no no no no!" Jaan grunted.

"You'd better stick to hand crafting," Jaan grimaced on an afterthought.

~~~

Rowena squatted down and made a little hole in the dirt. She closed her eyes. Gold titanium, please, she projected toward the earth. A clump of ore encased in dirt rose in front of her. Rowena picked it up, and brushed the dirt off. "HOT PINK?! I asked for gold!" Rowena griped suddenly.

~~~

"Um, can I take a bath?"

Elina, Lupa, and Rowena were covered from head to toe in chocolate frosting. "Yeah, we'll shower after this. I guess the enlargement charm worked on the cake, but backfired . . . on us," Rowena mused.

~~~ 

When Lupa finally reached the square, she was met with a sight that chilled her blood. Aisha, Brooke, and Jaan were bound in tight ropes. Ninjas moved around swiftly, slapping onlookers that made too much noise. One tall ninja was trying to keep Jaan still, as Jaan kept slipping out of the ropes. "Curse the short things," the ninja snarled.

A short and stubby legged ninja caught sight of Lux and Rowena. Rowena grabbed Lux, and yanked her into an alleyway. "How many times have we been trapped in an alleyway?" Lupa breathed. 

~~~

For reference, Jaan is a dwarf.

~~~

Most of these came from a story that I wrote. 

submitted by Insomniactic
(October 5, 2018 - 8:54 pm)

"Are you willing to fight for the desires of your heart??" Aea held a weapon out, her fangs gleaming in the moonlight. Shrike looked disturbed.

"Define 'heart'..."

~

"And the scrub jay be like 'Heh, I sound like a hawk. SIKE I'M NOT A HAWK'."

submitted by Rogue Wildling
(October 6, 2018 - 1:32 am)

XD. Is Aea a . . . vampire? Cat? Werecat? Werewolf? Cat with fingers?

submitted by Insomniactic
(October 6, 2018 - 10:11 am)

Storm was dead. He was most definitly dead.

"I'm dead." He announced out loud, just to be sure. "I'm dead, and now I must be punished for-"

"You're alive you idiot." A sharp voice interrupted, bringing him back to reality. Crystal sat in the shade of a nearby tree, her ice-blue hair perfectly combed by some miracle (as always).

"I'd rather be dead." Storm sighed. 

———————

This is from something I wrote a while ago. I’ll probably do a rewrite at some point, but I’m keeping this scene because it’s gold.

submitted by Neko Snowshine
(October 6, 2018 - 10:43 am)

Hahaha, I love that. That's one of my favorite tropes :P

submitted by Abigail, age Old enough, Inside my head
(October 6, 2018 - 9:38 pm)

I love reading these, they're so funny! Insomniatic, you're a really good writer, I'd love to know more about that story!

Here's some I wrote, they're mostly from the same story. I'm not very good at humor in writing, but I try.

—— 

“There is a path right there,” Levi points out.

“Well, it might not be the right path. Here, hold this.” Noah passes Eva a frying pan. “And this.” A red-and-white windbreaker. “And this.” A headlamp. “And this.” A sponge. “And—”

“I’m not a shelf,” Eva says, indignant, as Noah hands her two bottles of sunscreen.

“Aha!” Noah pulls out a sheet of paper, folded into quarters, and shakes it out. “You can put the stuff down now, Ev.”

Eva unceremoniously drops it onto the ground.

——

Further argument is wordlessly exchanged through the use of exaggerated facial expressions, glasses adjustment, and hand gestures. They get sidetracked and end up wiggling their eyebrows at one another for a solid minute before Levi feels stupid and stops. 

——

Eva mentally files that information away before moving on to her next question. “Why did you want me specifically to go with you for this?”

“Because you’re my best friend,” Noah trills, batting his eyelashes at Eva.

“No, I’m not.”

“You’re right, you’re not,” Noah says. “But Val drew mustaches on all the characters on my Disney posters last week— Don’t roll your eyes at me, Ev, it’s a serious offense— and Levi is far beyond best friend status, so, you know. Process of elimination and all that.”

——

“Look,” Eva says. “There are things that I will hate but grudgingly accept, and things that I will not. I draw the line at walking through some random forest at night, in the dark, with wolves and spiders and things, where we can’t even see when we’re about to be killed.”

“Spiders?!” Trish squeaks.

“Imaginary spiders,” Noah says quickly, “They’re all imaginary! I mean, if there were any! Which there aren’t! But I’d kill them for you!”

Trish still looks upset, so Levi pats her head in a gesture of reassurance that he has seen Val employ on small, similarly distressed creatures such as dogs, cats, and Eva. Trish relaxes slightly. 

——

They take a moment to gaze into each other’s eyes in a way that is totally platonic and definitely not indicative of needless mutual pining. The moment ends. Another moment passes. Another. Now it’s just getting awkward. Eva clears her throat and they spring apart. 

submitted by Abigail, age Old enough, Inside my head
(October 6, 2018 - 11:17 am)

Here are a few excerpts!

The first is from a short piece I wrote from the perspective of Max, a French Hogwarts transfer student; the second and third are from the beginning of a novel that I started and will redo for NaNo, also from the perspective of Max, though he's not a wizard this time; and the last is from the perspective of Sinn, a Quidditch player, talking about one of his teammates.

~~~

Oh shoot getupgetup shot through his head like a bullet, and in his panicked scramble, he got tangled up in his blankets, tripped over nothing (and laying down, too, a new record), and toppled headfirst onto the floor. "Ow," he groaned, unable to conjure up anything more colorful in his sleep-addled, likely concussed mind. "That hurt."

~~~

"Even small acts of heroism are still heroism," I said brightly. "To thank you for saving my life, I'm going to take you out for ice cream."
Sinn is a steadfast guy. His emotions rarely show on his face. Therefore, his demeanor didn't seem to change. But if you were paying attention, you would have seen laughter in his eyes. "It's the middle of December." Annoyed tone, a well-practiced eye roll.
"Hot fudge sundaes, then." I started leading him down the street.
"You know they don't work like that, right?" he asked, this time grinning as he followed me towards the shop.

~~~

"So, you're a . . . " I wracked my brain, trying to remember if I'd heard which sport Sinn participated in. "Rugby player?"
"Lacrosse," he corrected.
"Got any friends on the team?"
"Not really."
"Any friends at all?"
"Nope."
"Well, why not?"
"Why would I need them?"
I stared at him like he'd just said he eats his broccoli with syrup. "Er. Because. Friends are a thing that are sort of important to your mental health?"
"Well, in that case," he said, with another eye roll. I wanted to punch him.

~~~

Before Eliot could do anything stupid, mean, or otherwise Eliot-like, 

 

 

submitted by St.Owl, age Recarnated, Everywhere
(October 6, 2018 - 8:57 pm)

Sorry for the weird formatting.

Come to the Fire Dimension! It’s Smokin’ Hot! Literally! read one. Come to the Rubber Duck dimension! I don’t know why you would, but do it anyway! read another.

~~~~~~~

“THAT’S the best Daxerball player? THAT’s what’s supposed to lead us to Morpheus? He’s not even three feet tall!” Wolfy exclaimed.

    “Size me by my judge, do you?” Joe replied, stumbling around the bridge of the Jumpship, “Your head looks comfy.”

    “No way! I am NOT having a drunk monkey sit on my head! I will CUT you!” Joe responded to this by leaping onto Wolfy’s head of white-blond hair. “GAH! Waffleson, shoot him! Please!”

~~~~~~~

“Dang, Joe, that was actually smart,” I said, surprised.

“What’s a smart? Does it taste good?” Joe asked.

“Nevermind,” I answered.

~~~~~~~

“It’s not like that, dude.”

“You sure? Cause it doesn’t look like it to me,” I said, winking.

“Whatever. At least I’m not like you were with-”

“Please don’t.”

“JENIFFER LLOYD,” Jamie said in a sing-song voice.

“It was the SEVENTH GRADE! I WAS NOT IN MY RIGHT MIND!” I yelled. Jamie just grinned.

~~~~

"HAVE YOU TRIED SPITTIN ON IT?!!?"

~~~~~~

“Why do you want some little kid’s juice box?” Rodrigo asked.

“We’re glad you asked,” said the Jaque people, all of the figures speaking simultaneously, “We’ve been wanting to do an evil villain monologue for ages! Now, this young boy, Pablito is actually a extraterrestrial being who was bestowed with an artifact that has the power to grant eternal life and increased power if consumed. However, he is six years old and doesn’t know what to do with it."

~~~~~~~~~~

To name just a couple

 

 

 

 

submitted by General Waffleson
(October 7, 2018 - 8:21 am)

"You're not a very nice person." Nico muttered at Thorne.

"You wanna go next, Goldilocks?" Thorne spat.

"Consider the fact that Zayn will actually kill you for beating me up if you decided to next time you threaten me."

"Psh.  You're only getting a free pass because you said that."

"Guys, there are children present," Farlan cut in.

"No one wants to hear what you have to say," Nico and Thorne said in unison.

~~

Matthew was alone.  Or so he thought.

"How much would you give to get them back?" Grimm asked from behind him.

Matthew turned.  "Why are you here again?  And behind me of all people, as I'm mourning.  What the actual heck."

"Answer, guardian angel."

Matthew wrapped his arms around himself.  "I'd give anything to get them back."

~~

I'll probably post some later. 

submitted by aFountainPen, age 14, I'll tell you later
(October 8, 2018 - 9:48 pm)
submitted by Topper hat to you, age Top-top, Inside the top
(October 11, 2018 - 9:28 pm)
submitted by Flipper tip top!
(October 12, 2018 - 1:27 am)