In one of

Chatterbox: Inkwell

In one of

In one of my stories that I am writing (I put a little bit on here, though it's fallen to the back pages by now) there's a really descriptive passage which I personally am pretty proud of, but I really want some advice from other people to see how good it really is and what are my strengths, weaknesses, etc.

Here it is (I'm not giving you any context except that a star dragon is what's being described): 

. . . . . . . . . .was incredible, much too incredible to be used for everyday.

Wide sparkling wings, with all the colors of the sunrise, darkened the water and shielded the sky. They seemed to overpower the universe, so vast were they. His snout and head were blacker than shadowed night, and his carved silvers eyes glinted like hungry stars.

His white claws, stained with deep red and purple, were ridged and and powerful; warm periwinkle fire issued from among his snowy fangs, catching on the wind, dancing along the turquoise sky. Staraxi's second form was emaciated, but powerful, bright, but dark.

 

~~~

I added a few paragraph breaks to make it easier to read; it's actually all one paragraph. Please be specific about what you're giving feedback on.

THANK YOUUUUUUUUU I know I ask for criticism an awful lot, but it's part of why I came here. :) 

submitted by Jithkeeper, age 12, Verelian
(February 28, 2019 - 2:06 pm)

Oooh, that is beautiful description. I'd be proud too. The only thing, I would say, that was off was, "...carved silvers eyes..." (I take it the extra 's' was a mistake?) which you probably didn't mean to do. So basically, I think that paragraph is absolutely amazing. Truly and honestly.

submitted by Jwyn, age 14, The Realm Of Creativity
(February 28, 2019 - 7:04 pm)

Oh yeah, that is a mistake. Thanks so much Jwyn!

submitted by Jithkeeper
(March 1, 2019 - 11:49 am)
submitted by Toppers Inc.
(February 28, 2019 - 7:27 pm)
submitted by Toppers Inc.
(February 28, 2019 - 7:27 pm)

Top please Admins!

submitted by JithTOPper
(March 15, 2019 - 6:04 pm)