GCWC Episode 1!

Chatterbox: Inkwell

GCWC Episode 1!

GCWC Episode 1!

The first Signature prompt is:

Write a short story about a girl named Miribelle Frankweiller XVI, and how annoyed she is about her name.

The participants are...

Leeli, Jithkeeper, Soren Infinity, Leo, Rogue, Blue Moon, Dandalion, The Girl Next Door, Quill, Ella Starburst, Aquamarine, and Summer. The judges are: Kitten, Cassandra the First, and moi.

Kitten, you can set the Technical, and Cassandra can set the Showstopper

submitted by Catsclaw, age 12-13, The Tent
(March 1, 2019 - 5:16 pm)

Shoot I completely forgot about this until now! I'll try to post my story tommorow, hopefully, 'cuz this is a pretty cool idea and I want to be in it. :)

submitted by Dandelion
(March 17, 2019 - 9:39 pm)
submitted by JithTOPper
(March 19, 2019 - 9:04 am)
submitted by To the tippity top
(March 19, 2019 - 7:27 pm)

Here is the prompt for the Technical:

Our main character is walking home from school when they notice that their cat is up a tree while a dog barks at the bottom. They quickly distract the dog with an item from their backpack, coax the cat down, and return home happily.

The deadline is next Friday, March 29.

I'll wait a few more days for Dandelion and Rogue to post their stories, and then I'll post judging.

It seems at this point that the other two judges have disappeared, but if they come back, then I hope they/you know that I am just taking up this role as neither of them/you are here, and I'd be happy to share it!

Since I don't entirely remember the structure of the Great British Baking Show, I don't remember when people are supposed to be eliminated, but after this round, I'll congratulate a few people and give comments to everyone. I believe that people get eliminated after the Signature? However, that does seem a bit far in the future, so perhaps someone will get eliminated after the Technical. We'll see.

Catsclaw, Cassandra the First, I'd really be happy if you'd come back and help me with this! 

submitted by Kitten, Pondering
(March 19, 2019 - 10:52 pm)

Thanks for sticking around and keeping this going, Kitten! Yeah, in a typical GBBS episode, someone gets eliminated after the Signature. But if you’d rather do it earlier, go ahead; you’re the judge. 

submitted by Leeli
(March 20, 2019 - 8:12 am)

Yeah, so, I can only post Saturdays/Sundays, so maybe we can move the deadlines to then? So, this next one would be Saturday, March 30th?

submitted by Catsclaw
(March 23, 2019 - 10:02 pm)

*Actually, they get eliminated after the showstopper, not the signature. I’m assuming that’s what you meant, since we already did the signature?

submitted by Leeli
(March 20, 2019 - 8:13 am)

Yes, that is what I meant. :)

submitted by Kitten, Pondering
(March 20, 2019 - 6:26 pm)

Thanks Kitten! I'm working on my story now. 

submitted by Dandelion
(March 20, 2019 - 4:46 pm)

Okay, here's my entry! It's a little longer than the word limit, I hope that's alright..

Willow Tree

It’s last hour, and I’m so tremendously bored I might take the eighth grader’s offer to shove me in a locker. I honestly couldn’t care less about how to plot inequalities. Nope, nope, nope. I can’t stand another second in this classroom- this classroom with pieces of gum dried onto the bottoms of desks (five pieces on the desk I’m sitting at), air so thick and hot its stickiness threatens to suffocate me (there’s a rumor going around that a kid passed out during history), and cheery math-themed posters with neon slogans such as ‘You can always “count” on a good friend!’ and ‘hard work plus focus equals success!’ (I guess the logic on that is that if the room looks inviting, kids won’t think of it as a prison. Like your cheesy puns could fool me.). Tapping pencils, green floor tiles covered in a thick layer of unidentified crud, teacher’s voice like a twenty-year-old refrigerator, classmate’s bored sigh, sitfing papers, sneaker bottom scraping the floor. Too much. Watch now as they travel through my ears, form thick clouds around my brain, and build until they squeeze my mind almost to breaking point.

I fling my fist in the air, and, without even waiting for the teacher to call on me, ask loudly, “May I use the bathroom?”

He looks at me, eyebrows contorted, confused. I can see why- this girl, this tiny girl with twig arms; skin tanned like a piece of leather left in the sun to bake and sizzle; small, round hazel eyes that pierce you if you’re lucky enough to get a good look; a smattering of freckles on her tiny, squashed nose; and a name only two syllables- Mae Hill- this girl, this girl who has never spoken a single word the whole school year and gets Cs on nearly all of her homework and tests, this girl just interrupted his drone.

“Y-yes, go ahead,” he says, a wisp of unwanted bewilderment biting into his words.

I waste no time. I get up, pushing my chair back loudly, snatch up my backpack, and march right out the door. There’s fifteen minutes until school ends, so I might as well stick it out and stay put. I lean against the wall and suck a deep breath through my nose. It smells like pee and lipstick, but it’s nice to gulp down fresh air all the same. I take a few pieces of tropical gum out of my pocket and chew on both them and my thoughts. Thought about what will happen when I go back to my foster home. I can already see it- a young boy and a young girl with sandy blonde hair fighting and giggling in front of a small TV that’s blaring cartoons, a slightly older girl named Lizzie with light brown hair looking helpless and worried (she lost her cat, Willow, a few days ago), a mom with purple shadows under her eyes but a giant grin plastered to her face running around spewing out things that needed to be done, and a house phone clogged up with discarded voicemails from an apologetic, desperate father by the name of Damian Hill. Nowhere in that picture is Mae Hill, an 11-year old girl infamous for her sharp tongue and pessimistic attitude. She doesn’t belong in that sweet place, yet that’s where she stays.

The dismissal bell rings, at last.  I emerge from the bathroom and bland into the hoard of tweens flooding towards the door. The chatter fills my ears like the drone of a buzzing fly. I dive in and out of small flocks of people, getting out of the crowd and turning left out of school. I know the route back home like the back of my hand, down to the bushes and street signs. It’s strangely quiet down this way, unlike the rest of the city. I adore it.

As I cross Dale Street, I see a German Shepherd barking at something that’s in a maple tree. I don’t give it a second thought until I realize that the something it’s barking at is Willow, Lizzie’s missing cat! Thinking fast, I drop on one knee and fish half a squashed turkey and cheese sandwich from my lunchbox.  The dog stops barking and turns to me, head tilted slightly and ears perked up. They stare at the sandwich long and hard, likcing their lips.

“Yeah, you want Mae’s tasty sandwich, don’t you? Come get it!” I coo. The dog trots over, eyes eager.

“Good dog, eat your sandwich,” I encourage. Then I hitch my backpack back on and jog over to the tree where Willow is stuck.

“Hey, girlie. It’s okay. It’s me, Mae. I’m just gonna reach up here and grab you…” cautiously, I extend my arm up to Willow’s branch and pick her up by the scruff of her neck. She meows.

“You trickly little girl,” I scold playfully. I wrap my arms around her and take her home, feeling content and light, as though something that’s been bothering me has been lifted from my shoulders.

Maybe something has.  

submitted by Soren Infinity, age 27 eons, BeaconTown
(March 23, 2019 - 9:17 pm)

Miribelle Frankweiller XVI sighed. Like every fairy, she was bound by her name. This name, the same name that belonged to many Miribelle Frankweillers before her, tied her to her family. The twist? Her family was the only fairy family to commit open revolt against the queen. This caused them to turn into dark fairies, creatures of void that were shunned and feared universally. Miribelle wanted out. Her family had never treated her well anyway. She glanced out of the crystal window of her bedroom. It was raining out, and dark. An idea popped into Miri's head. Her black wings fluttered, her eyes flickering to the door of the room and back to the window. Slowly, she crept to the window, sliding it open with a careful hand. One leg, both legs, duck the head - out! Miribelle's wings shot open and she jumped from her prison, reaching for the freedom before her. She hadn't gone far before she heard the alarm go off. Miribelle's family were so bent on keeping her in the ranks they bugged her room, checking it regularly. Miri tucked her wings and plummetted into a barrel roll. She awaited the sharp cold of the fern leaves that would cushion her fall, but it never came. Fearfully, Miri opened her eyes. Though her wings were closed and the fern leaves above her, she was suspended in the air, surrounded by a white aura. She opened her wings and the aura disappeared, leaving her wings to catch her as she wriggled mid-air to fill her wings with air to keep her from crashing into the ground. A kind voice greeted Miri once she touched down.

"Hello, dearie! Oh, yes, dearie." The voice seemed to eminate from a nutshell atop a pile of moss leaves. Miri stepped closer to the shell. Suddenly, the leaves jumped up, nutshell tipping up but not falling. The inside of the nut was obscured by shadow, but, to Miri's immediate alarm, two huge white lights appeared out of the shade. Greatly startled, Miri stumbled away, landing heavily on her bottom and wrinkling her wings badly.

"Ow... Um, don't hurt me, please!" Miri cried, scooting away from the leaves. The lights under the shell reshaped to make two crescents laying on their outer curves. It made the figure look worried.

"Oh, dearie, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to startle you!" A mossy arm reached for Miri's hand, trying to help her up. When she was back on her feet, Miri realized that the figure was only about three-fourths of her height. The lights looked happy now, then blinked. With a blink of her own, Miri realized that the lights were the creature's eyes.

"Who are you?" She asked timidly.

"Who, me? Oh, dearie, I'm a Changeling." Miri gasped.

"You're a Changeling? I thought those were myths!" The Changeling sighed.

"We practically are, now. There's so few of us, dearie, that we may soon actually be myths... But I prefer not to think about that." It brightened up. "You call me Shaman, okay, dearie?" Miri nodded. It scuttled towards a huge snail shell nearby. "So what do you need me for?" Miri stared at Shaman.

"I wanted to get away from my family."

"I got that one for you, dearie. I pulled you under the ferns. If you'd merely dropped through, the scouts would've seen the ferns moving." Shaman nodded cheerily.

"Is that what the white aura was?" Shaman held its stubby hands up, the tips glowing slightly white.

"Yes, dearie. I hope you don't mind." Miri shook her head. The Changeling's eyes smiled for it. It jumped up and made a little bead of white light, placing it on a sappy twig nearby. The light stuck on the twig. "We Changelings aren't supposed to go into any sort of civilization besides our own. One of the weirder parts of our little code. That's why I can't go get candles." It gestured to the stick. Miri couldn't help but smile.

"So what do you really need me for?" Miri's forehead scrunched.

"I didn't even know you existed until a little while ago, how could I have needed you?" Shaman looked at Miri out of the side of its huge eyes.

"You said you wanted to get away from your family, dearie. To fully do that, you'd need to change your name..." Miri gasped.

~~

To be continued later today! 

submitted by Rogue Wildling
(March 24, 2019 - 6:00 pm)

~

"Could... Can you do that?" Miri whispered, amazed. Shaman's eyes gleamed.

"I'm a Changeling, dearie. It's in the name." Shaman gripped Miri's arm gently and led her over to a small table with two toadstools for chairs, thrusting her, not unkindly, onto a toadstool. The Changeling shuffled onto the other, feet swinging free off the floor. Suddenly, it threw it's blob-like arms open wide, and white lights twinkled into existence around Miri. Shaman's eyes glowed brighter, and the lights flashed brilliantly, pulsing with the beat of Miri's heart. "What would you like to change your name to, dearie?" Miri didn't have to think twice about her answer.

"Purity," she blurted. Shaman seemed slightly pleased. It raised its arms higher and began to pray, eyes closed. Then, it gave a triumphant shout and open its eyes quite suddenly. With the shout, the white lights flew at Miri's wings, covering and destroying the darkness that filled them. Then they parted, revealing stanlessly white wings, a sign of a pure heart. Miri, now Purity's eyes filled with tears of joy. Without hesitation she flung her arms around Shaman, who did its best to hug her back with what arms it had. They walked out of the snail shell together, Purity actually walking and Shaman shuffling as quickly as possible to keep up. Purity looked down at the Changeling.

"Goodbye, friend, and thank you." Another hug, and Purity spread her white wings and flew off, leaving a happy nutshell on a pile of moss leaves behind.

~Finish

submitted by Rogue Wildling
(March 25, 2019 - 1:02 am)

Here's my story!

 

“Miribelle Frankweiler XVI?”  I looked up from the barre to see smirking faces and hearing laughter. Not again. Everywhere I go this happens. I really hated my name. I wish I could just have any old plain boring name.

“Here,” I said in a small voice. There was more laughing in the background.

~~~~

Before I moved, everyone knew me. They all knew my name, and I had lots of friends. Sure, there were a few mean ones at school who made fun of me, but I pretty much ignored it with my supportive friends. But now, everywhere I go, people just laugh. And I love to dance, so I looked into dance classes right when I got here. But it is so different. And I don’t know anyone.

~~~~

After class is over, I headed over to the locker room with everyone else to change into regular clothes. Everyone had their own groups their own friends. I silently gathered my things and head towards the door. Hardly anyone acknowledged me the entire class, except for the teacher.  

~~~~

The next week at dance I am really hesitant. I love to dance, but I need friends with me to do it. I’ve always been bad at making new friends, mostly sticking with the ones who I’ve known my whole life. But here everything is so new.

The music starts, the teacher tries to teach a new move. A few girls trip over and fall.

“Hey” I said to a girl standing next to me, drinking water.

“Hey” she said back. “Do you like it here? I know you’re new.” She said.

“Well I don’t really know yet. It’s only my second class.” I say.

“What's your name?” She asks. No, I think. Any question but that.

“Miribelle,” I say quietly.

“Wait your name is Miribelle? That’s my name too! That’s so cool!”’

“I never thought I would ever meet someone who had the same name. I’ve always hated it.

“Me too. I heard everyone laughing at you. That was me when I 1st came here, 3 years ago. But they’ve gotten over it. We’re all friends now.”

“I guess it’s time to get back to class now.” I said, smiling at her knowing that this was probably the beginning of a true friendship.

The End.


submitted by Dandelion
(March 24, 2019 - 7:49 pm)

I have comments for everyone, which I'm just going to post here because I don't really see any reason not to.

Catsclaw, I'm fine with setting the Technical deadline for Saturday, March 30. Do you want to set the Showstopper prompt and post that then too?

Okay, here are the comments, in order of when the stories were posted:

Summer: I really liked the beginning, where you talked about her worst enemy being her name. I also loved the way you built up the suspense, the way she wanted to change her name for a really long time and then, with the help of her (amazing) friend Olivia, she was able to. Nice job!

 

Soren Infinity: I thought your writing style was very nice, and I liked the sweet ending. However, I did feel like the first half was better than the second for some reason that I can't quite name. Sorry for the non-helpful feedback!

 

Leeli: I loved the way you turned the prompt into her hating the responsibilities that come with her name. I also really liked this fantasy-esque writing style and the way you gave backstory and then ended in the present tense, where many other people just sort of summarized the whole life experience of having a horrible name.

 

The Girl Next Door: I liked your first and last sentences quite a bit, and I liked her having difficulty living up to her parents' expectations: that felt very real to me. I do wish your story was a bit longer, but short pieces can often be just as good as longer ones, so you don't necessarily need to pay attention to this. :)

 

Leo: I really liked the beginning of your story! However, I felt like there were a few places where you could have been more realistic in the ending, such as "I decide who I am, not my name," which felt a bit forced. I think in real life, Miri would have taken more convincing to get to that point.

 

Jithkeeper: You use line breaks and separation really well, especially in the list of insults in the middle-ish of the story. If I had to give you a suggestion, it would probably be to make the ending less... cheesy, I guess? Lastly, to help with your copy-paste issues, you might try pasting using ctrl-shift-v, which pastes without formatting, if that's an option on your computer.

 

luster-dust: I liked the way you quickly gave the setting in the first paragraph and introduced us to Miribelle really quickly. I also liked Mrs. Markle, who I could easily tell was sweet and an amazing person. And, lastly, I liked how you explained what she was going to do next without actually saying it directly.

 

Rogue Wildling: The first thing I noticed about your story was that the beginning was a bit direct, and I think you could have conveyed that without just 'dumping' the backstory. After that, however, I liked the way the story went and how she finally got what she wanted with the help of a sweet, old lady-ish-thing.

 

Dandelion: I noticed that your tenses were switching back and forth, which was kind of distracting. However, your story was nice and inspirational and I liked the way it ended. 

submitted by Kitten, Pondering
(March 25, 2019 - 6:57 pm)

Thanks for the feedback! However, I'm not sure how I could have done that differently. 'Tis a short story, after all. Could you give me an example? Maybe that would help. :)

submitted by Rogue Wildling
(March 26, 2019 - 12:35 am)