Places to Chat
Writing Critique
Chatterbox: Inkwell
Writing Critique
Writing Critique thread
Hi, I thought it would be nice to have a thread for constructive criticism of miscellaneous things/stories we've written. The only rules are,
-be polite
-try to give helpful advice
-give positive feedback as well as criticism
-give suggestions for how to change things that need work (if you want)
And even if you're reading the writing of someone that's "better" then you at writing, you can still give advice!! No writing is ever perfect.
Oh and also, have fun! I will probably be putting some writing on here soon
submitted by cerinthe, age 13, elsewhere
(February 29, 2020 - 4:09 pm)
(February 29, 2020 - 4:09 pm)
Thank you, evergreen. Yeah, I geuss that the're Gauls. i decided to cange ot in my final draft, though. and yes, I did mean colosseum, but my mom wanted me off the web, so I had to hurry. Thanks again, Strawberri.
(March 16, 2020 - 3:14 pm)
I started this recently, and I would like to know what you think. If you like it, I might make a thread to continue this, or just continue this on here.
Ch.1
Names and Stupidity.
Teachers never say stupid to your face, or out loud in general. They always say, “well that was silly of you!” or don’t say anything at all. Never stupid.
But I know they think it about me anyway.
My name is Zoe Palmen-Turner. I don’t know what my parents were thinking when they named me Zoella. Don’t call me Zoella. Ever. Don’t even call me Ella or Ellie.
My name is Zoe, and that is final.
Everyone has a name at my school. Well, duh, but not like that. Everyone has a title, a reputation.
A label.
Mine is, well….I don’t really have just one. I have many, though all of them are rude forms of ‘stupid.’
Names and labels are stupid.
But so am I.
So are a lot of things.
(March 16, 2020 - 12:37 pm)
That's some really good writing!
(March 16, 2020 - 5:08 pm)
Would you put more on here?
(April 4, 2020 - 2:27 pm)
I was going to start a new thread for this, but then I remembered this one, so here we go.
I'm writing a new book. It's a fantasy, my fav genre. It's about these 3 groups inside of a country fighting for control. There are the Runes, who want to wipe out all people who posses powers. Then there are the Celestails, who want to use the power for their own ends. Then there are the Terrafides, the good guys. And of course, there are the completely ignorant, unimportant villagers. But anyway, her is my basic plot outline, if you want to see it
Renna(main character) starts out in a small village
She is chased by Runes and saved by Jacob, who explains about the Runes, etc.
She finds that she has watetr power, joins the Terrafides.
She is betrayed by her friend(not Jacob)
She finds out that her sis Leah has discovered her power and leaves to keep her safe
She gets there to late and goes after her(leah has been taken by C's) but gets captured
She gets out of the prison, and finds Leah, but she's been brainwashed and won't come
Runes attack T.F. camp and T.F.'s flee to mountains
Celestail attack, Leah with them, Renna's friend is wounded, C. victory
THE DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL(possilble)
Renna recruits new Fire
Jacob starts a new Fire squadron, goes on a mission and is found badly wounded
Renna discovers that she also has Fire
Renna goes on a mission with her friend, meets Leah, one/one combat, takes Leah back to camp
Runes openly revolt, declare war on the government and all powers
The C's and the T.F.'s make a pact to fight together
the Runes are defeated
Celestails betray the Terrafides, Leah returns, shares important information
Terrafide victory, resulting in peace
Ok, I know that it's kind of predictable, but I think that this might turn out pretty well.
(May 7, 2020 - 3:01 pm)
Okay. That's a fine plot. But is it a story?
Let me explain what I mean. Jaws, on the urface plot level, is pretty simple: a shark is eating people, so a police officer, a shark expert, and a shark-killing fisherman go out to kill it. But on a deeper level, the story is about the police officer having to face his fears, as represented by the shark. Thus the story has a personal dimension as well as a plot dimension, and the personal dimension is what really connects the audience with the plot and characters.
"Thomas opened the refrigerator, took out a sandwich, closed the refrigerator, and ate it." is not a story; it's just a situation. We're not hoping and praying that Thomas will manage to get the sandwich out of the refrigerator. On the other hand, if Thomas hates sandwiches and he's eating this one to please his sister whom he hurt yesterday, suddenly we're getting something like a story going, as well as giving Thomas a strong and interesting character. It's the human element that's important, not the plot points.
You can pretty easily apply this to your story. Maybe Renna's brother has joined the Runes. Maybe the Terrafides require her to do something that she thinks is evil. Maybe the whole war doesn't matter much to her and what she really wants is to feel that she's important. Any of those ideas could be used to great effect. You can try these, or more likely some of your own ideas. Nonetheless, there has to be some sort of personal element or else you're story's worth is like that of a dictionary of nonexistent flora and fauna. Which isn't so bad, come to think of it, but you won't get many people to read it.
From that idea, you might derive more stuff, such as using creatures and people or object to represent concepts, beliefs, loves, dreams, and other things pertenant to the story. Themes and morals will emerge naturally from the process.
But most important, these things I am telling you are only tools not ends, though it may sound otherwise. Alice in Wonderland didn't follow these rules very smoothly. What your story should approach you, and you alone, can know. Remember why you started writing this work in the first place: chase that rabbit.
Hope you make a great story.
(May 19, 2020 - 5:57 pm)