New Book Idea

Chatterbox: Inkwell

New Book Idea

New Book Idea

I'm currently trying to write a book. I've tried to write them before, but they have hardly gotten past the first chapter, if that. If you'd like, I can recount some of them I've tried to write - some are pretty cool! Anyway, I'm in a world-building class and I'm building a dystopian world with a group of people called the "Celestials," whose lives are perfect. Everything is beautiful and they never have to lift a finger. They are told from a young age that the reason things are like that is a gift from God, but actually, there is another group of people called the "Minors" (I'm trying to come up with a better name than that) who do everything for them in secret. They grow their food, make there things, secretly open there doors, turn on there sinks, etc., and they live awful lives underground. The main characters are a Celestial boy and his Minor housekeeper. Do you have any advice, tips, or ideas?

submitted by Feline Fantasy
(June 24, 2020 - 9:12 pm)

Ooooh I love that idea! It's so creative! I don't think I have any tips, but I do really want to see the story! If you're comfortable with showing it, I really want to see it!

submitted by Agent Winter, age Classified, Enceladus
(June 25, 2020 - 9:35 am)
submitted by TOP
(June 25, 2020 - 2:49 pm)

Thank you! I haven't actually started it yet. I still want to make the world and idea more developed and am asking the teacher of the world building class about book plots (I only have an idea for what happens at the beginning. if you want to hear it and give me suggestions about it and where it goes next, you can.) I will post it here. I currently have a problem with world building, and maybe you could give ideas. The Celestials aren't supposed to want. But people want new things all the time. do you think that if new things never came they wouldn't long for them? or do you think that there could be a few new things but not enough to make them used to having new things and want more? by new things I mean things like inventions and new kinds of food. Also, I'm still having trouble with the history of why its like that now, even though I have figured out how it works.

submitted by Feline Fantasy
(June 25, 2020 - 5:21 pm)
submitted by Top!
(June 28, 2020 - 4:18 pm)

Okay, here's an example beginning! it's not the actual beginning, but I think that it might start something like this.

 

I woke up to the sunlight streaming onto my bed through the gaps in my curtains. I smiled and just lay around in bed for a while, enjoying the soft, cushiony feel below me and the warm blanket. Eventually I got up, slipping out of my bed and feeling the lush carpet beneath my toes. I My vast wardrobe slid in front of me without a sound; rows and rows of silky clothes to wear. I chose a yellow ___*, a loose men’s garment that went down to about the middle of my thighs. This one was a pretty yellow, like sunshine, with a thick red ribbon to tie around the waist. I changed out of my pajamas into it and a pair of pants. “It would be nice to have some breakfast right now,” I thought allowed. “My favorite.” Soon, breakfast arrived: pancakes with banana slices on top, drizzled with maple syrup and strawberry sauce. Ever since mankind had performed a great deed - the details weren’t important - our species, the Celestials, had been gifted with a perfect world of budding flowers, perfect weather, and no work required. I finished my meal, washing it down with a glass of sweetened lime juice, and waived vaguely at the table. It, along with the leftover food scraps, disappeared.

*I haven’t yet decided what it’s called.

 

submitted by Feline Fantasy
(June 29, 2020 - 5:42 am)
I like it! Very well written.
My nonexistant CAPTCHA says tkman. I wonder what that means . . . 
submitted by WordSong, age Forever, My bed
(June 30, 2020 - 9:46 am)

Thank you!

submitted by Feline Fantasy
(June 30, 2020 - 7:45 pm)

So if a Celestial meets a Minor we will have to figure out how that happens.

Maybe our hero accidently walks into the kitchen? 

submitted by Michael S., age 10, America
(July 11, 2020 - 11:39 am)

Ohh... this is seems so interesting! I think it'll be amazing... I have some ideas of how the world got that way in the first place... feel free to use 'em if you want. 

~~~~~ 

1. The ruler of the country/an extremly rich person could have been a lazy, greedy person who wanted everything done for them, so they started up their own little town, where people did everything for them. Eventually more people moved in and more slaves were needed to take care of everyone, until this idea spread out over the world. 

2. Or, their was a giant war between all the people that was caused by them all wanting some riches, something more important than money. (Like a new, extremly rare and strong metal, knowledge, power...ect.). When the war was over, the people were left in ruin, many dead. The rulers vowed to stop somethign like this from happening and created a new world, one where the people would never have to want things again... a world where they were completly in charge. 

~~~~~~

Seems like the Minors and Celestials are all prisoners, the Minors have no freedom and the Celestials' ideas are thought up for them. The government could be controlling the Minors with some threat, like they'll loose their homes if they don't take care of the Celestials, and the Celestrials are to ignorant to want anything else. 

~~~~~~

If you're stuck on getting the boy and girl to meet, perhaps one day he could see her doing something for him and then he'll, of course, be curious about it. She'll tell him about her life and he could either be horrified about how they're treated or curious, what would it be like to work for a living? 

~~~~~~ 

Plot wise, it seems pretty straight foreward, they can be fighting to free the Minors from the unjust rule and free the Celestials from their boring, meaningless lives. 

~~~~~~

Some of the Celestials would probably hate to have their slaves taken away, so you can have conflict between the Celestials who are on the government's side (keep the slaves and their meaningless lives) or on the Minors side (loosing their privaleged lives, but gaining a meaning for living).  

~~~~~~

Somethings to think about would be:

1. What would the reasson be for the government be controlling everyone, what's in it for them?

2. How are the boy and girl going to meet, what is the girl's story and the boy's?

3. Think about the underground world, is it dark, messy, crowded, do people play games when they're off work? 

4. What sort of fun activeties do the Celestials do to be occupied, such as watching T.V, birdwatching, and what are their social lives like? Is their some sort of powerplay going on between the Celestial families? 

*the powerplay could be something as simple as living in the palace with the rulers, whoever can prove themselves will get to live in the palace, which would be even better than their normal lives* 

5. What about spies for the government? A secret police? To keep the Minors from rebelling and the Celestials from rebelling as well. 

6. If their are secret police, how will they react when they find out a Celestial is getting dangerous ideas? (Thinking for himself, wanting more than what he has, wanting to do things for himself...)

7. Is this the sort of world where the Celestials have no choice in marriage, to me it seems like that. They have no freedom, someone is always thinking for them, so they wouldn't have to think about love. 

8. The Minors might have a little more freedom, even if they're slaves. How are the Minors lives more fullfilling than the Celestials? 

~~~~~~

Well... that turned out longer than I thought it would be! Hopefully you find this giant post helpful in your story... 

~~~~~~

Just thought of somehting else, what is their religion like? Do they have churches that they go to? What sort of propaganda can the preachers teach in a church? Or do they ignore their religion and continue to live a privaleged life? 

From the Minors view, what are they told to keep them as slaves? Are they told that their ancestors did something terrible, (like start a world war?) and this is why they are serving, to pay back their debts? 

Just some thoughts to think of that would really expand your world, give it some depth. To keep your ideas straight, you might want a seperate book detailing your world, tell everything about it, even if the ideas are never actually found in the book. And most of all, have fun with it! Make some maps of the world, do little side stories from some characters you like, it'll help make your world seem real.   

submitted by Moonfrost , age Who Cares?, Mars
(July 1, 2020 - 10:42 am)

Thank you! because this book started with a worldbuilding class, I have most of the world and how it works figured out. I only put the basics on their, their is a lot more that I have decided that I didn't put their. Something that I probably should have made clearer is that the Minors work in secret, and the Celestials have no idea that they exist. I have decided why Lin (that is the name that I came up with of the Minor Housekeeper, a name that I stole from a math book) falls out of the ceiling, and I will tell you if you are okay with spoilers. also, something that I don't think I added there is that the government is two families, one of the Celestials and one for the Minors. Nobody knows much about them, but the Minors know their is a government in power. Celestials actually technically have freedom, they just don't use it, kind of like if someone was in a cage and the door was open but they didn't go out because it was cozy. They are aloud to choose everything, including who they marry. I have decided several answers to the worlbuilding things already. They Minors lives actually aren't any more fulfilling than the Celestials, their whole life is directed just towards them and making their lives perfect and they don't get to make any decisions. They are more trapped in an uncomfortable cage than choose to stay in a comfortable one. The governments first priority is to make Celestials lives perfect and their second priority is to make the Minors lives miserable for the Celestials. Their is no religion, but their are made up myths about Celestials earning the life they have. The reason that the Minor's haven't rebbelled before is that the giovernment controlls everything in theior lives, dolling out small portions of things like food and water. The punishment for a mistake is whippings, so for rebbelling it would probably be death. Your ideas for why its like taht are interesting, but I'm thinking of something more like a major sibling rivalry leading to a war. I like your metaphor about them all being prisoners, Minors being enslaved and Celestials having all of their thoughts put into their heads. May I use it? Yes, their is a secret police. Thank you for giving me the idea about the Celestials being on the Governments side, it is going to be about a rebbellion and I need to think of how people will react. Anyway, sorry about this wall of text, especially since most of it is me talking about why you ideas wouldn't work, I just don't think that I explained it well enough. Thank you! If ypou have questions, you can ask me, sorry for not answering all of yours here, this is already long enough.

submitted by Feline Fantasy
(July 3, 2020 - 1:43 pm)

Oh it's fine! It's good that most of the questions I have are answered, I just read what you had and spewed my thoughts out onto the page!

I'm glad that you found some ideas in my rambling, I love helping people plan their books out, it's a lot more fun than writing it! It sounds amazing and I love the name you chose for the girl, it's so pretty! 

I wish you good luck in writing it and I can't wait to read it when you're done! ;)  

submitted by Moonfrost , age Who Cares?, Mars
(July 4, 2020 - 11:46 am)

Thank you! I guess I'll have tp thank the math book that I got the name from XD. Here is a description that I wrote of Lin (I wrote on paper so I had to ind it, decipher my messy handwriting, and type it up):

An ashen-faced, sullen looking girl who had just fallen out of the ceiling was on her hands and knees in front of me. She stood up, and I noticed a curiously shaped birthmark on her left ankle. She was wearing rags - that was the first wor that came to mind  - which I noticed were some kind of uniform: a dirty brown tunic and pants, with a strip of fabric around her waist and fmore strips of fabric attached to the tunic around her neck and wrists in the same off-white color.  She looked underfed - a strange concept. NOBODY was underfed. Her mouse brown hair fell in a rounded way, sweeping her face and parially covering her dark eyes. She didn't look like anuone that I had seen before, which unerved me.

 

Also, I'm planning to post little things like this that I write and my writing of it as I go. 

submitted by Feline Fantasy
(July 4, 2020 - 4:45 pm)
submitted by TOP
(July 10, 2020 - 3:37 pm)

Okay, so it turned out all I need was a motivation! I found a thing with lots of little challenges (i.e. write 200 words in 10 minutes). It was interesting. So, yah, I may have spent a bit to much time writing today, but here it is. Its not edited for grammar, punctuation, etc. sorry, and its a very rough draft so its not very good.

Chapter 1 - ___

I woke up to the sunlight streaming onto my bed through the gaps in my curtains. I smiled and just lay around in bed for a while, enjoying the soft, cushiony feel below me and the warm blanket. Eventually I got up, slipping out of my bed and feeling the lush carpet beneath my toes. My vast wardrobe slid in front of me without a sound; rows and rows of silky clothes to wear. I chose a yellow ___ (I haven’t yet decided what it’s called), a loose men’s garment that went down to about the middle of my thighs. This one was a pretty yellow, like sunshine, with a thick red ribbon to tie around the waist. I changed out of my pajamas into it and a pair of pants. “It would be nice to have some breakfast right now,” I thought allowed. “My favorite.” Soon, breakfast arrived: pancakes with banana slices on top, drizzled with maple syrup and strawberry sauce. Ever since mankind had performed a great deed - the details weren’t important - our species, the Celestials, had been gifted with a world of budding flowers, perfect weather, and no work required. I finished my meal, washing it down with a glass of sweetened lime juice, and waived vaguely at the table. It, along with the leftover food scraps, disappeared. 

I heard a ding and checked my watch. The words read “Coming! -Amie.” I grinned. Soon, she was at the door and walked in. She walked into the living room and up to me. Her auburn hair was tied up in a ponytail as usual, her freckled, short face and pretty features accenting her grin. She flopped on the couch next to me, cuddling her short frame next to mine. 

“How are you?” I asked, throwing an arm around her. 

“Good” she said. Amie and I talked for a bit, eat some watermelon (for some reason that I’ve never been able to figure out, Amie loves watermelon), than went outside to the garden, bird watching, an activity that both of us enjoy. Some of the Celestials spend their time weaving or sketching, but that seems like too much work for me. I enjoy sitting outside with whoever my latest girlfriend is, listening to the breeze and spotting birds at my feeder. And napping. Napping is good too. Amie went home and I said goodbye to her. 

I didn’t do much for the rest of the day. “Doing” was not a concept I was partial with. But then, later that day, something happened. Something that changed my life, whether for the better or worse. It was after dinner and I was about to go to bed, after I had just taken my shower and gotten into my pajamas. I was rounding the corner to my bedroom, and I heard a shuffling noise above me. I craned my neck up to the ceiling and then- a girl fell out of the ceiling.

Chapter 2- Lin

I rose, early as usual, attempting to stretch on my cramped ledge of rock covered by a thin, moth-eaten blanket that I am supposed to call my bed. I tried not to disturb my mother and younger brother who were both still asleep. I stood, dressed as quickly as possible, knowing that I couldn’t linger long on anything or I would be late and get in trouble. I  attempted to comb my dusky hair with my fingers, but it never seemed to stay out of my face for long. I rushed into the main room, a small space with a table, chairs, and a little oven to heat pots of gruel. My mother was a Factory Worker, making sure that the fabric machines where she worked ran smoothly. I got my ability to memorize and understand things, particularly mechanisms for her. Because she had a night shift she was currently asleep. My father was a Provider, providing other Minors- people like me- with the resources that they need for their jobs. That’s where I got my stealth. 

“Have our Portions arrived?” I asked.

“Not yet Lin, be patient.” Father teased. Me being impatient was an inside joke in this family. Apparently I used to always ask that question-- and still do. Portions were the shares of food and water that each Minor got one of a day- just enough to keep us going and be able to concentrate on our “important” job: keeping the Celestials happy. I suspect that, once my younger brother pasts the Test two years from now he will receive the job of Portion Dealer. He’s fast and strong, from my father, and honestly not very smart, but smarts were not something needed to be a Portion Dealer. 

Then I remembered. Two years from now he would take the Test . . . exactly two years from now as today was Testing day-- the day when all 11-year-olds took the Test to determine which job they would have. That meant that this was the day when . . . my face paled. It was the day that she would have taken the Test- an important time. But no. I still remembered that day, the day 11 years ago when the dice were rolled, when they took her. Father seemed to know what I was thinking. He can do that-- read my face, my thoughts. We have that kind of connection.

“I know,” he said.

There was a knock at the door and in came the portion dealer. He handed my father four sacks for the food, four larger, floppy bottles for the water, and held out his hand. I handed my father the container we use to store water for bathing and washing clothes. The Portion Dealer poured in the water and Father closed the lid. 

We went back to the table and sat. My younger brother, ___, came stumbling in, rubbing his eyes. Lucky thing. He was still just in school, and it was rare for him to have been born after Natasha. Minors were aloud to choose there spouses (with limitations)-- one of there few liberties-- and parents must have at least two children so that the population doesn’t decrease. Few have more. My parents were an exception. 

“Hi, Lin” He yawned, still rubbing his eyes. Okay, maybe I take back the thing about being Portion Dealer. He cannot rise early. But he’ll have to learn. I opened a sack of food. It was one of those rare days when we got to eat the Celestial’s leftovers. I grinned. 

“Look what we got! I guess it’s our turn.” I checked the clock. I wouldn’t have much time to heat it up, so I decided to just eat it. I took out a quarter of the food labeled “Lin” and golfed the small meal down. I took the rest of the food and the water and put it in my pack, lingering only for a second to look at the small photo of a baby on the wall. My Father and I headed out together through the cramped tunnels, then my Father went off in a different direction to catch his train and I went off to mine. Time to go to ___’s house.

Chapter 3 - ___

The train dropped me off at community D, section B. I got off and head through the network of tunnels until I got to a sign that read “___’s HOUSE. HOUSEKEEPERS ONLY.” I open the door and entered the dirty space between the boy I work for’s walls. 

Being a Housekeeper, my job is to work a Celestial’s house making it come alive and obey the Celestial’s every needs. I walked towards the space between the walls of his bedroom. Yah, I have to always be watching him. I don’t like it either. There was a screen on the wall next to me, one of the many monitors placed so that I could watch what he was doing. As usual, it took him hours to wake up and it was around 10 when the spoiled brat finally did. He took about 30 minutes to rise. As usual Peter, the other Housekeeper was the one to send out the wardrobe. (Each house had the number of Celestials plus one as the amount of Housekeepers.) When he was getting dressed, I shielded my eyes because, no. I sent him breakfast when he requested it by tapping part of the wall which made a screen light up, tapping what he wanted and switch a lever to make the table rise. It took a couple minuted for the machines to make sure everything was prepared, nice and perfect. His girlfriend came over and the went outside for a bit so the Gardeners had to temporarily take over my duties. Peter came up to me. Peter was a surly, squatish boy with blond hair and a rounded face who had replaced an old, friendly man named Henry who became to old to work a few months ago. He seemed even grumpier then usual.

“Hi,” He said flatly. “How are you?” 

“I’m fine” I said, mimicking his tonelessness. I had a strong dislike for this boy. The house was designed so that if only one of us was there we didn’t need to rush around to much as things were in multiple places, but Peter and I hated each other so we liked to stay separate anyway. The rest of the day went by in a fly. Or at least I wish it did. I finished my duties and I told Peter that he could leave early since he had done most of the work today and I would wait for ___ to go into bed and fall asleep. All I had actually wanted was for him to leave but little did I know at the time, that would really save me.

 As I was quietly following ___, in the above him, something went wrong. I stepped on a spot of the floor which was apparently somehow broken. My leg slipped through and I just managed to stifle a yelp. Oh no. ___ must have heard that. Then I realized that, because of the angle that my leg was sticking out, he could see it. Then I tumbed through the ceiling out onto the ground in front of him.

Chapter 4 - ___

I jumped back and screamed.

An ashen-faced, sullen looking girl who had just fallen out of the ceiling was on her hands and knees in front of me. She stood up, and I noticed a curiously shaped birthmark on her left ankle. She was wearing rags - that was the first word that came to mind  - which I noticed were some kind of uniform: a dirty brown tunic and pants, with a strip of fabric around her waist and fmore strips of fabric attached to the tunic around her neck and wrists in the same off-white color.  She looked scrawny underfed - a strange concept. NOBODY was underfed. Her mouse brown hair fell in a rounded way, sweeping her face and partially covering her dark eyes which had shadows under them. She didn't look like anyone that I had seen before, which unnerved me. 

 

I took all this in in a second. The strange girl’s eyes widened, and she fled as if for her life. I stood, shocked and wide-eyed. I must have looked like an idiot. Then, I raced after her. What was she doing in my house? I wasn’t very fast, but this girl was. She attempted to hide a few times but eventually I managed to corner her. 

“Who are you?” I demanded, my heart pounding. The girl squeezed her eyes shut and whispered one word:

“Help.” I stepped back.

“What are you doing in my house? You don’t look like one of us. And look at what you did to the ceiling!”

“I don’t-- I’m not supposed to--”

“Well of course your not supposed to be here!” I shouted. The girl winced and her shoulders sagged. She seemed to give up. Than she looked at me, a sad sort of glint in her eyes as if she had just realized that she’d failed. But failed what?

“If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.”

“Tell me anyway.” She bit her lip.

“I . . . I can’t.”

“Your not one of us, are you.”

“No. I’m not.” her voice was bitter as if she wished this weren’t true. I shook her shoulders.

“Than who are you?”

“ . . . I’m Lin.”

“That’s not what I meant!” I was angry and frustrated, things that I didn’t have to feel often. “What are you if not human and what are you doing here? Why did you fall out of my ceiling?” She let out a choked, backwards sort of laugh.

“Let’s just say that ‘human’ isn’t synonymous with ‘Celestial.’” Now I was experiencing something entirely new and different. Fear. A gnawing sensation making me want to leave, to run, to panic. A feeling that something was wrong, very wrong.

“What . . . do you mean?” A human was a Celestial. The species had been nicknamed that after they had done a great deed . . . unless that had been a lie. Or, more likely, this girl, Lin, was lying. 

“You never saw me here. Don’t tell a soul. Especially not . . .” She glanced at my watch, and I noticed that she had one, to, but it looked very different from mine.

“The Authorities?” I guessed. “Well, I will tell them unless you tell me who you are-- not just your name, but also why your not a Celestial-- and what your doing here.” I meant it. I wanted, I needed to know this. She narrowed her eyes.

“You wouldn’t . . .”

“I would.” I put my finger to the button of my watch threateningly, as if to demonstrate. 

“Fine” she said, clearly scared-- more scared than I. “Will you tell the authorities if I do tell you?“ I could tell that this was the only way to get her to tell me.

“I promise.”

“Your perfect life isn’t really magical. I’m one of the people who make it happen.” She said this matter-of-factly, as if she was just stating a simple truth. 

“Wait, what?” I demanded. “Tell me more.” She hesitated.

“There are people . . . people called the Minors. We serve people like you. We live underground, working for you in secret. I’m here because I’m one of the Housekeepers. That means I walk through the walls and obey all of your little wants. And I’m always watching you. I somehow fell through the ceiling.”

“Always?” The shock of the moment would get to me later, but for now I was intrigued. Plus, that was pretty creepy.

“Always. Look, I don’t like this arrangement either. And I always look away when your changing or in the shower. Oh, and I’m not here when your asleep, then a Watcher will monitor you and a bunch of others in case you need something. But yah, basically.” I took a step back again.

“This is too much to absorb for now, but come back tomorrow. Or else.” I said. “Is midday fine with you? I don’t have any plans.” It was like a door had been cracked open, letting me finally see light-- that is, if this girl was telling the truth, and I had a sinking suspicion she was-- and I had to see the rest.

“You never do” Lin snapped. “But no, that won’t work. Peter’s here.” She said the name with disdain. Seeing my questioning look, she added “The other housekeeper.”

“Ah. What time will work?”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she grumbled.

“I can’t believe it either” I added. She glared at me.

“I can probably come earlier” She said. “Don’t tell a soul. My life depends on it. Oh, and probably yours too.” My eyes widened. “It’s true!” She said. Celestials and Minors aren’t meant to mix. She commanded me to close my eyes.

“Why?”

“Just do it.” 

I obeyed, and then she was gone. Suddenly, this strange girl had become important-- and dangerous.

Chapter 5 - Lin

I left in a hurry, constantly glancing behind me, left and right. I was terrified. What had just happened? What’s going to happen? Why did the floor break? Was he telling the truth about not telling anyone? Had anyone seen? The Train Driver asked me why I was back later then usual, seeing that I was a Housekeeper. It’s just small talk. It’s only small talk. She can’t know what happened. 

“Oh, just . . . The Celestial took a while to fall asleep.” That was . . . sort of true? 

“Ah” said the train driver, and I shuffled deeper in.

I was quiet for most of the evening, not saying much and trying to mask my fear. My family didn’t ask many questions, as this was normal for me; some days I talk a lot, some days I don’t say much.

As I was crawling on the bed I felt something under my ratty pillow: two slips of paper. Handwritten notes. I was clutched with fear. Slowly, hardly breathing, I turned over the first one and read the neat, cramped script: You did well. My eyes widened and, making sure to hide it from view, I read the other one, this one in messier, larger handwriting: I know what happened.

Chapter 6 - ___

That night, I couldn’t sleep. So many emotions galloped through me like horses, spinning wildly and intermingling with the thoughts in my head. I decided to count them. Fear that my whole life might be a lie and that the girl, Lin, had been telling the truth and that if word got out I was going to die; curiosity about who the Minors were; anger at the world, at Lin; shock that, again, my whole life was a lie . . . . I gave up. They were too complex, much more than ever before. I tossed and turned in my bed. I wasn’t someone who generally had trouble falling asleep, and the few times that I had I could always say, casually, “I’m having trouble falling asleep.” saying things like that was normal for the hum-- no, the Celestials, I thought. Then, a pill would appear-- something would happen first, something sliding then it would appear? I never paid much attention and it was always dark. I would take that pill and fall asleep. But now I knew that it wouldn’t just “appear,” but someone-- Lin or, what was his name? Peter? Would . . . something, I had noknow idea what to make it appear. Unless she was lying, but then why would she have been in my house? And I went to look at the hole and it was coming from the corner of the ceiling, so then she was inside the wall when she fell like she said. 

Eventually, I gave up on trying to fall asleep. I got out of bed, but then I remembered Lin saying saying something about someone watching me while I was asleep, which would mean someone would try to help me, and I didn’t know how to feel about that. She could be lying, meaning I shouldn’t worry, and she probably was and it probably actually was magic like everyone has been telling me my whole life. But it doesn’t really matter, right? Nothing has changed. But I knew inside that that wasn’t true.

Chapter 7 - Lin

After an unrestful night of sleep I had to wake up early. I had set the silent alarm on my watch to an earlier time, but I still had to wait for the Portion Dealer. Mother was just getting to bed after a tough night at the factory. 

“Why are you up so early?” She asked.

“I only had a few minutes before ___ woke up last time, and I want to get up earlier in case he does again, to. Usually I have to wait hours.” I lied. Mother raised an eyebrow, but I was pretty sure that she believed me-- or at least I hoped she did. 

“Alright then.” 

Fortunately the Portion Dealer came earlier then last time. For some reason he had been pretty late yesterday; usually the Portions arrive before I wake up. I took the packages and grabbed my food and water for the day and set off, not bothering to eat just yet. I hurried through the tunnels and got on the train. I arrived and went into the house. I checked the time. It was about an hour before Peter usually arrived, and the time that he came usually didn’t vary much so I would have about 30 minutes to talk with ___ to not die. I ran to the place where I could monitor him in his sleep. He was sitting up with circles under his eyes. There are a few hours between when the Whatchers go home and the Housekeepers arrive, and this was during that time so I would hopefully be fine. I went to the hole where I had fallen out last time, being very careful about my steps so as not to fall again.

“___” I whispered. 

“Huh?” He had heard me. “How are you coming down?”

“I’m not sure, but not through here. I don’t know any other ways to get down, and I don’t know how I would get back up. I had to use th one secret door between last time, and I just realized that that’s much too risky so I think I’m gonna just stay up here this time. Also, we need to figure out how to hide the hole. 

“Oh . . . yah” said ___ groggily. After a pause he said, “I’m on it.” He pressed the button on his watch and my eyes widened. I scrambled back. He was calling the authorities! “Hi, part of my ceiling broke.” He waited a second. “Yah, I know its strange, maybe an error in the construction? I just woke up and found it, plus I pile of it underneath.” He paused again. “No, don’t come now, I’ve got plans.” Come later, like-midday.” He pressed the button on  his watch again, ending the call. I couldn’t help thinking that if there was a problem in my house, nobody would have bothered fixing it. 

“So explain to me. About you. Yout life.”

“Fine.” I said. “Hi, my name is Lin. I am 16 years old and for the past year I have been slaving away for you and living in a rotten underground chamber, not that you care.” He wrinkled his nose, clearly not liking my answer. 

“Tell me more.” And so I did. And so did I for the next two days. After the hole in the ceiling was fixed we found a spot where he could listen pretty easily, all so that he wouldn’t kill both of us. 

Sowly, Lin made me start to understand. I hated it, but I felt like I needed to know. So I forced her to tell me-- tell me it all. I learned all about the underground Minors who apparently worked for me, and what the cost would be if I told. But it wasn’t enough. On the fourth day when we did this I said to her, through the wall, 

“You should come out, you know. I can’t even see you in there.”

“Do you have any idea how risky that is? I think Peter almost caught me already once.”

You should come. I need to see your face.”

“No! We’ll get caught.”

“Or I could do the honors.” I heard an exasperated sigh on the other side of the wall.

“You know that would get you killed, too, right?”

“So how about you come out for me,” I suggested.

“Tomorrow. No time today.”

“Fine then.”

I was still using and enjoying my Celestial privileges, but it felt strange, knowing that the world wasn’t magical. It took away the mystique of it all. And for some reason it felt weird knowing that someone was behind everything, working for me. I didn’t feel guilty, that would be ridiculous, this was the way things were! Still though. It was creepy knowing that people were always watching me. My time with AMie didn’t feel as good anymore. The food didn’t taste as good either, the apparently artificial sunlight less nice. I wished that I could make things back how to they were, with me ignorant and not knowing the real reason my curtains would close “by themselves.” 

Lin

This morning, like the past few, I got up early and kept glancing over my shoulder on my way to work. This time I had to be even more careful. I traveled to the COmmunity D, section B stop as usual. I got off the train and wove through the tunnel until I got to ___’s house. This time would be even more risky then the past few. I entered the house and walked to the place where we usually talked. Fortunately, we had about an hour. 

“Here,” I muttered. All come out through the secret door. I went to section of the house where that was and I opened it. Although it was pretty stuck, like last time, I pushed it open. 

“Come here” I whispered.” Then I decided to just go to in. 

“Hi”he said.

“Happy?” I asked.

“Thanks for at least showing me your face. He raised en eyebrow. 

“Why did you even ask me to come out?” I asked.

“Because I want you to, nd need to see your facial expression when your doing telling things to me. 

“Huh. Still don't see why you need to risk both of out lives for a little want of yours.”

“It’s just. . . better this way.” he said, Mildly embarrassed. “

“Whatever. Get us both killed, wont you”

HOW DID I WRITE THIS MUCH???

 

 

submitted by Feline Fantasy
(July 12, 2020 - 7:04 pm)

First of all, this (hopefully) isn't the whole story, right?

Second, I have a few tips for making the story better.

1: trim chapters 2 and 3 to fit 1 chapter.

2: You forgot to label a few of the transitions. 

3: In every chapter with the bedroom, I imagine the bedroom looking different. You might want it to be more obviosly the same room. 

submitted by Michael S., age 10, America
(July 21, 2020 - 2:46 pm)