Prince of Pea

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Prince of Pea

Prince of Peace~

Hello. You can call me Jazzy. First, I want to explain what this is! Then I'll tell everybody a little bit about myself :D.

I like to write. I don't have time to write and do Nanowrimo. I also don't have the motivation to write. But way back when I was a young lass, I wrote a 90k+ fanfiction and I only got that far because I publically had people reading it and encouraging me on!  So, hear me out, I've got a theory. I can do the same thing, but with an original story idea, and having some people reading it and giving me feedback will (hopefully) produce the same results! Essentially, I just need some writing accountability buddies and you guys might just do the trick. I might attempt to post my story in regular intervals (like every two weeks), or I might not. We'll just have to see. Either way, if I keep this up, I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE AND APPRECIATE everyone who wants to comment on my story and give advice! Obviously this is a rough draft, so if you see spelling or grammatical errors just ignore them. Those are easy to fix. I'd love advice specifically about the story and characters and plot. All im trying to do right now is write a story! So come at me and rip it to shreds (nicely plz) with advice! My first book is called Prince of Peace. I wrote 15k on it last summer during camp Nanowrimo (whichwasmygoaldon'thateonmefornotfinishingNano. Isucceededokay). I am rewriting it because it needs some work, so everything you will be reading is fresh out of the brain-oven. Anyways, onto ME!

I am, surprise surprise, an old CBer. I was about 11-12 when I joined, and was a part of the Chatterbox for a few years. I'm 18 now. I'm a freshman in college, and I am a music performance major. Because of Covid, my first semester of college has been online, which saves me a ton of money, but really really sucks in every other way. But it's okay! We get through it. But yeah, I take about 17-18 credits every semester to do music performance, so that's why I'm busy and Nanowrimo isn't ideal. (For those that don't know, 18 credits is the max amount in college.) But hopefully a biweekly posting schedule that is very very lax will give me the creative space I need to keep pursuing writing as a hobby! Yay! :D Yeah, Jazzy isn't my original Cber name, btw. I have no intention of revealing my old identity, so you can try and guess, but I'd prefer if you focused your comments on writing tips or other neat stuff like saying hellooo and introducing yourself. I just don't want this thread to turn into a 'guess who I be' kinda thinga ma bob. 

So, onto how this hopefully will work! 

First of all, feel TOTALLY free to introduce yourself to me, and also ask questions about me if you'd like! I know I'm like, an 18 year old, and I hope that isnt creepy, but I loved this community as a kid. I don't feel comfortable posting my story anywhere else, honestly, and this format and website is familiar to me. It was a childhood home. Plus CBers are angels and really sweet. Anyways, for writing stuff, when I post a chapter (I use the term 'chapter' extremely loosely), if you want to give advice, click 'reply' specifically to the box that the chapter is in. Otherwise it'll get confusing and yeaahhhh I don't need more chaos in my life. Because, you know how you can click reply to the main box (which this text is in) and then you can reply to the specific reply to the main box that makes a smaller box underneath the specific box instead of at the END of all of the original replies and everyone gets confused and - yeh. That. Heh. Peace out, I guess. Ask away! 

And, to start us off, what do you think of my first paragraph that I wrote 10 minutes ago? Would you read this book JUST knowing the title and first paragraph?

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"Mothers, as the sayings goes, always know best. They have
eyes on the back of their heads, their hugs and kisses heal the deepest of
wounds, and they know. There are some bad mothers in the world, certainly, but
a good mother can see through the most delicately woven lies and know that something
is wrong. They see. However, it is the wisdom and advice of mothers that should
be appreciated the most. Even on political topics, like assassination, their
advice should be followed. Especially when the topic of assassination hits
quite close to home. Literally. Mothers do, really, know best"

(I won't be able to post more writing until after FINALS UGH, so Mid-December, but I'll answer questions and chat for a bit when I can!!)

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submitted by Jazzy, age oldn'sad
(November 22, 2020 - 11:06 pm)

Thank you Peregrine! I love hearing from you, and I appreciate your insight. I'm glad I've made Lucius simultaneously likeable and dumb; that's not what I was intentionally going for but it's definitely HIM. 

I kind of picture him blonde too so I get why everyone else does, but I made him brunette/really dark hair because I said so. :3

submitted by Jazzy
(February 1, 2021 - 7:11 pm)
submitted by top!
(February 4, 2021 - 12:11 am)
submitted by SilverTOP, age toppp, topofmteverest
(February 4, 2021 - 11:19 am)
submitted by top
(February 4, 2021 - 6:55 pm)

Hello! Alas, it is Saturday and I am here to post! I've actually had this scene written for over two weeks, and it's a good thing, too... I didn't get much writing done once school started. BUT hopefully I'll be able to write some more now that I kind of know my workload. Maybe. The next scene is super long so I might just end up posting half of a scene!

Here ya go :)

---

It didn’t take long to find a rhythm for his days. With so much to do, there had to be structure to get it all done. In the morning he ate breakfast with Deanna and Balec. Then they would walk to the King’s Hall, escorted by Oliver and his squadron, where the King’s Court would convene. Afterwards, he would meet with the Court Master and listen to the cases of his citizens until he became hungry. It was usually high noon by then. The Sitting Room was always bustling by the time Lucius arrived because people quickly figured out his schedule. Sometimes, on days where clouds covered the sky but rain did not yet fall, Lucius would find time to spar with Oliver in the training grounds by the barracks. 

Today was such a day. 

“If I had time to train every day, I am sure that I would beat you.” The two men, armed with wooden swords and shields, circled around each other. Lucius had been sparring with Olliver for 5 years and had won only once. 

“Maybe.” Oliver, besides being 10 years Lucius’ senior, was also shorter, faster, and much stronger. He darted around his opponent's shield and struck him firmly in the side. “But unlikely.”

Lucius attempted to whack him on the side of the head, but, unsurprisingly, failed. He huffed out a laugh. “Alright, you win. I’m done for today.” The two walked over to the armory and disposed of their dummy weapons. There was a large basin of water with towels they used to wipe off their faces. Despite the cooler weather, Lucius was still drenched in sweat. He glanced at Oliver and realized that the man hardly looked winded. “Did you quit training during the mourning days, Oliver? I feel like my body is on fire after such a long break.”

The soldier’s lips thinned. “Your safety is my priority, your majesty.” 

“I suppose.”

Olliver narrowed his eyes but kept silent. The noise from the training fields was muffled through the wall, and the dulled clashing of wooden swords and shields surprisingly soothing. Lucius’ body was already sore from the workout; it would be okay to rest for a second, he figured. He sunk down on a bench and let his eyes shut for only a moment. 

“Your majesty.” 

The world began to move again. When Lucius looked up, Oliver was standing above him in full uniform. “How long was I out?” He stood abruptly, suddenly wary of the time.

“Just long enough for me to dress, your majesty.” Though Oliver’s tone was flat, there was the faintest trace of a smile on his lips. He held out Lucius’ day clothes and moved by the door while the king changed. 

Lucius couldn’t remember if his father trained like this. It wasn’t like there had been a need to be prepared for battle, but the man had been quite healthy and fit for 54. No one was expecting his life to end as soon as it did. “I’d like to train every day from now on, regardless of the weather.” 

Oliver remained silent. 

“It doesn’t have to be with you, but, regardless, I am not prepared for battle should the necessity arise.” He finished changing out of the loose training gear and threw it atop an overflowing laundry bin.

“I wouldn’t have you train with anyone else, your majesty.” 

Lucius smiled at Oliver's back. “Starting tomorrow then?” 

The soldier sighed. “Tomorrow is the celebration. I am at the mercy of Jaque.” 

“Oh. I did forget about that.”

“Truly.” 

There was a moment’s pause. “The day after tomorrow, then!”

Oliver simply nodded. 

After the exercise, the rest of the day continued as expected. Lucius had a light meal with the Dukes, went to say his ritual prayers at the church of Kalo Nima, and bathed and dressed before the large castle-wide dinner. Somehow, he found time to briefly speak with Jaque about the security for tomorrow’s event and with the Master of Ceremonies about the celebration itself. By the time all was accomplished, he was drained. 

But, for as long as he could remember, Lucius and his mother would walk in the gardens before bed. When it was summer the sun still brightened the sky. As it was, with winter approaching, they caught the tail end of a sunset that highlighted the clouds. Pinks and purples and a deep red faded into an even deeper blue, leaving just enough light to illuminate the garden with soft golden hues. 

It was nice. 

Oliver’s squadron had retired a few hours ago, replaced with Clark’s. The guard in charge of the king’s safety during night was, thankfully, quite good at being scarce. It at least felt like they had privacy. 

It was peaceful. 

The queen found herself leaning into her son as they walked, and Lucius quickly put an arm around her shoulders. For a while they roamed the gardens in silent companionship. Then, rather abruptly, specks of light began appearing in the air around them. First there was one, in the next moment hundreds.

“Light bearers,” Lucius breathed. When the season was just right, and the evenings were just barely warm, glowing insects would appear in the dark of night. Rarest of the light bearers was the butterfly. It’s body glowed, but its wings were coated in a reflective material that shined in patterns. He had learned about them as a child. 

Deanna was smiling by his side. “Your grandmother had this entire garden renovated to provide the best home for the butterflies.”

Funnily enough, Lucius hadn’t learned that in his tutoring sessions. 

“It was for my sake,” his mother continued. “My home was full of them before I married Ignes, and I missed home so much that she couldn’t stand the sight of my moping. Seeing the butterflies made me feel less homesick, yes, but it was her actions that made the castle feel like a home.”  

Lucius found himself smiling alongside Deanna. “I don’t remember much of grandma.”

“Her and I were quite alike.” 

“Then I would have liked her perfectly well.” 

The queen suddenly grew stiff, and she turned her head away from Lucius to stare at the ground. “Liked, yes,” she whispered. “But loved?”

“Mother, if you’re implying I don’t love you, you know that isn’t true! I care for you deeply, as any son should.” 

Deanna sighed. “I know you care for me, of that I am not afraid. But did you care for your father?”

Lucius had to take a second to try and understand her train of thought, and was quite unsuccessful. “Mother-”

“No, Lucius, answer.” 

“Of course-”

“I highly doubt that.” 

“What are you demanding of me?” 

Deanna stepped away from his arm, light bearers dancing out of her way as she moved. She faced him. “You look so much like him, Lucius. The way you both held yourselves is almost exact, and your features are so alike. Sometimes I wonder if you’re the young Ignes himself, come to haunt me.” Then she stepped closer, her eyes narrow as she scanned his face. “But I can see myself, too. In your eyes. And sometimes, I think, in your heart.”

“Mother, wha-” 

She grinned. “You must understand that I loved your father dearly. Ignes was… he was good to me. But you must also know it is my daily prayer that your heart is different.”

If Lucius could describe his mother with one word, he would call her a “storm.” Sometimes her mind and emotions would run so fast he became confused, and her riddles left him dazed. He stared at her for a moment with wide eyes. “Mother, where is this coming from?” 

“It’s getting late.”

He reached out and grabbed her arm before she turned away. “You can’t leave this unexplained!”

She looked thoughtful for a second, and then shrugged. “I can and I will. It’s late, I’m tired, and I should have said nothing at all.”

Before he could argue again, guards appeared around the corner to escort them to their rooms. Lucius shook his head at Clark. The man, however, misunderstood the command. He sent a few men with the queen to her rooms while the rest returned to their hiding places, leaving Lucius alone.

Something in his heart twisted as he watched his mother walk away. She exchanged pleasantries with the guards, acting as if nothing had happened at all, and left him in his confusion. Finally, Lucius sighed. “Clark. I’ll retire as well.” He did, after all, have another long day tomorrow.

---

I have no questions today! Just asking for you raw, initial impressions of this scene. Toodles!

 

submitted by Jazzy
(February 6, 2021 - 3:29 pm)

It's cool seeing the daily life of a king, but it's really more work and less fun than all the books and movies make it out to seem. I loved the 'light bearers' and the idea that Lucius will train for every day now should be interesting. Nice work, Jazzy!

submitted by Silver Crystal, age Infinity, Milky Way
(February 6, 2021 - 10:40 pm)

Interesting...

Love this scene! I like seeing a deeper glimpse of Deanna, and this really makes me want to keep reading!

submitted by MoonKitten
(February 7, 2021 - 2:24 pm)
submitted by SilverTOP, age toppp, topofmteverest
(February 9, 2021 - 10:47 pm)

Here is an UPDATED much much cooler map for y'all while I keep writing words. It's just a rough draft and I created lore for the entire world while making it, so it's awesome. I can't wait to plot out the backstory to every city and town even though it might not ever be relevant! :D

 

MapDraft2.0.jpg
submitted by Jazzy
(February 10, 2021 - 9:05 pm)

Oh wow, it looks like a real map! I'd love to hear the histories/lore of anything you create in this world :)

submitted by Silver Crystal, age Infinity, Milky Way
(February 10, 2021 - 11:00 pm)

Now poor Lucius has yet another thing to baffle him.  I think his mother confuses him frequently.  The light butterflies (blanking on what you called them) sound beautiful and adds a nice background to the scene.  I can just imagine the butterflies giving a warm glow to Deanna and Lucius's faces as they talk.

That is an amzing map!  I only wish it wouldn't be so blurry when I zoomed in to see the details.  I would love to hear all the lore.  You could write a supplementary book with all the stories about the origins and beginings of the towns and the lore.  Kind of like Ursula Leguin's Tales from Earthsea, the fith book in her Earthsea trilogies, which is a collection of short stories from different time periods in her fictional world.

submitted by Peregrine
(February 11, 2021 - 12:58 pm)

I'm working on another map that is a close up of Valoria specifically. (I renamed it Vamir tho lol.) It is WAY cool, but I have to take a break from inking it because I did some more damage to my arm and reversed some of the progress I've made with the physical therapist. So it might be a while! I am actually planning on reading Tales from Earthsea this summer, too. It sounds like that will be a good choice to give me some writing/world examples. and I simply love the studio Ghibli movie based off the series haha.

Thanks to everyone for keeping up with me! I'll be posting another scene this Saturday.

submitted by Jazzy
(February 15, 2021 - 4:07 pm)

Oh no, I'm so sorry about your arm.  Make sure you take care of your arm first, that's a very important body part.  But then so is all of your body.  So just take care of yourself.  We can wait and will totally understand.  I look forward to seeing the map of Vamir whenever you finish it.  No pressure to finish it at all.  Remember, you first.

submitted by Peregrine
(February 20, 2021 - 11:15 am)
submitted by SilverTOP, age toppp, topofmteverest
(February 18, 2021 - 1:55 pm)
submitted by SilverTOP, age toppp, topofmteverest
(February 18, 2021 - 10:56 pm)