Prince of Pea

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Prince of Pea

Prince of Peace~

Hello. You can call me Jazzy. First, I want to explain what this is! Then I'll tell everybody a little bit about myself :D.

I like to write. I don't have time to write and do Nanowrimo. I also don't have the motivation to write. But way back when I was a young lass, I wrote a 90k+ fanfiction and I only got that far because I publically had people reading it and encouraging me on!  So, hear me out, I've got a theory. I can do the same thing, but with an original story idea, and having some people reading it and giving me feedback will (hopefully) produce the same results! Essentially, I just need some writing accountability buddies and you guys might just do the trick. I might attempt to post my story in regular intervals (like every two weeks), or I might not. We'll just have to see. Either way, if I keep this up, I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE AND APPRECIATE everyone who wants to comment on my story and give advice! Obviously this is a rough draft, so if you see spelling or grammatical errors just ignore them. Those are easy to fix. I'd love advice specifically about the story and characters and plot. All im trying to do right now is write a story! So come at me and rip it to shreds (nicely plz) with advice! My first book is called Prince of Peace. I wrote 15k on it last summer during camp Nanowrimo (whichwasmygoaldon'thateonmefornotfinishingNano. Isucceededokay). I am rewriting it because it needs some work, so everything you will be reading is fresh out of the brain-oven. Anyways, onto ME!

I am, surprise surprise, an old CBer. I was about 11-12 when I joined, and was a part of the Chatterbox for a few years. I'm 18 now. I'm a freshman in college, and I am a music performance major. Because of Covid, my first semester of college has been online, which saves me a ton of money, but really really sucks in every other way. But it's okay! We get through it. But yeah, I take about 17-18 credits every semester to do music performance, so that's why I'm busy and Nanowrimo isn't ideal. (For those that don't know, 18 credits is the max amount in college.) But hopefully a biweekly posting schedule that is very very lax will give me the creative space I need to keep pursuing writing as a hobby! Yay! :D Yeah, Jazzy isn't my original Cber name, btw. I have no intention of revealing my old identity, so you can try and guess, but I'd prefer if you focused your comments on writing tips or other neat stuff like saying hellooo and introducing yourself. I just don't want this thread to turn into a 'guess who I be' kinda thinga ma bob. 

So, onto how this hopefully will work! 

First of all, feel TOTALLY free to introduce yourself to me, and also ask questions about me if you'd like! I know I'm like, an 18 year old, and I hope that isnt creepy, but I loved this community as a kid. I don't feel comfortable posting my story anywhere else, honestly, and this format and website is familiar to me. It was a childhood home. Plus CBers are angels and really sweet. Anyways, for writing stuff, when I post a chapter (I use the term 'chapter' extremely loosely), if you want to give advice, click 'reply' specifically to the box that the chapter is in. Otherwise it'll get confusing and yeaahhhh I don't need more chaos in my life. Because, you know how you can click reply to the main box (which this text is in) and then you can reply to the specific reply to the main box that makes a smaller box underneath the specific box instead of at the END of all of the original replies and everyone gets confused and - yeh. That. Heh. Peace out, I guess. Ask away! 

And, to start us off, what do you think of my first paragraph that I wrote 10 minutes ago? Would you read this book JUST knowing the title and first paragraph?

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"Mothers, as the sayings goes, always know best. They have
eyes on the back of their heads, their hugs and kisses heal the deepest of
wounds, and they know. There are some bad mothers in the world, certainly, but
a good mother can see through the most delicately woven lies and know that something
is wrong. They see. However, it is the wisdom and advice of mothers that should
be appreciated the most. Even on political topics, like assassination, their
advice should be followed. Especially when the topic of assassination hits
quite close to home. Literally. Mothers do, really, know best"

(I won't be able to post more writing until after FINALS UGH, so Mid-December, but I'll answer questions and chat for a bit when I can!!)

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submitted by Jazzy, age oldn'sad
(November 22, 2020 - 11:06 pm)

Yes I loved writing the bonding here! Thanks you guys for commenting haha. I would love tell you about Kalo Nima, MoonKitten!

Basically, for context, I'm a Christian. I wanted my book to reflect my beliefs, but when I tried to fit my actual faith (the Roman Catholic church would have been the most realistic in medieval England, obvi) it just wasn't fitting together with the story. So, instead, I made a religion that focuses/reflects some aspects of God that I've been learning about. 

Kalo Nima is Latin for "good thread" actually. I came up with the concept when thinking about how a) there must be an absolute authority that decides what is right or wrong, or else everyone/every state can decide for themselves but no one is absolutely right or wrong except for in their own perspective and b) God is good, and everything good comes from Him and is a reflection of Him. So, basically, Kalo Nima, or Good Thread, is the idea of this thread of goodness that is connected to everything good and ties it all together.  Because truth and beauty are also good things, those also are intrinsicly connected to Kalo Nima. Anything that is good, or true, or beautiful is connected by Kalo's thread and anyone that pursues goodness, truth, or beauty is participating in the concept that is Kalo Nima. Some common debates at the time of Lucius' existence about Kalo Nima is that, because she is beauty, if someone is ugly/deformed/disabled they are living in vices. There are some famous philosphers of the day with counter arguments to such a thing because physical beauty is subjective, yada yada, Kako Nima tries to twist everything beautiful including the human form...

Oh yeah! Kako Nima! It was wonderful that the Latin words for Good and Bad were Kalo and Kako, because those are SO aesthetic. But Kako Nima is the exact opposite of Kalo Nima, basically! 'Bad thread.' Pretty obvious, ahaha, but the idea behind Kako Nima is that, simply by existing, Kalo Nima had to have an opposite. Kako Nima is essentially the absence of Kalo Nima. 

Theres some history about their origins, (Both Kalo and Kako are personified as females, even though they aren't really beings) and obviously some legends that aren't actually acurate of their history, but I dont have that super fleshed out. 

Another fun fact: the reason why you see Deanna with a beautiful candle and it's attributed to worship is because, Kalo Nima being Good and Beauty, finding the most beautiful candle to you helps to direct your mind to the beauty of Kalo Nima in worship.

anyways thats all for now, folks ! ttfn

submitted by Jazzy
(April 22, 2021 - 7:39 pm)

Cool! I love the names, Kalo Nima rolls off the tongue in a nice way, and I like having the Christian view reflected! Also I love the details you put into your worldbuilding, like the deformed/beauty debate :)

How close are y'all to the end of the school year? I'm homeschooled, so the schedule's pretty loose, but next week an inspector (not an inspector, I don't remember the word) will see my portfolio, and I'm still trying to finish up a couple of essays. 

submitted by MoonKitten
(April 23, 2021 - 10:07 am)

Thanks MoonKitten! 

Next week is my last normal week, and then the first week of May is my finals (but I'll probably be done by Wednesday.) So I technically have just under two weeks. I was homeschooled  too, so you might be talking about an advisor? My advisor was the one who looked over stuff like my portfolio and all that jazzzz. 

Also @Silver Crystal, did you decide on your school yet? I'm sure whatever you picked was a great choice and you'll do wonderful wherever you go, but I am curious to know!  

 

submitted by Jazzy
(April 23, 2021 - 3:28 pm)

Yep! I decided to go to the harder, smaller school, simply based on the fact that I can always transfer from it to the bigger school if I want to, but I can't go from the big school to the small school. I figure I'll never know until I try it :) I also have several friends who live near me who are also going to the smaller school, so we can take the bus together (we have to take the public metro bus, so I always prefer to have friends around when taking public transportation in a busy city). The commute would only be around 30-40 minutes each way, depending on traffic, which is pretty good all things considered.

Also, it's pretty cool that you guys are homeschooled, I don't think I could ever manage that lol. My school year ends on the 24 of July, and then it's on to high school!

submitted by Silver Crystal, age Infinity, Milky Way
(April 23, 2021 - 9:45 pm)

Your school year ENDS July 24?? Is that just because of Covid or does that normally happen?

Anyways, congrats, Silver Crystal! I definitely agree with that decision especially now that you mentioned the whole transfer thing, although I'm certain you'll do fine in the hard school and won't even need to use it!

submitted by Jazzy
(April 23, 2021 - 10:56 pm)

Ahhh I meant JUNE 24, whoops! I don't think I could make it if it lasted until July XD Also, I'm glad you figured out the whole 'remote flute playing' thing, which I definetley failed at last year lol (thankfully I switched it out for theater, which still isn't ideal but it was an improvement :P).

submitted by Silver Crystal, age Infinity, Milky Way
(April 29, 2021 - 8:35 am)
submitted by SilverTOP, age toppp, topofmteverest
(April 22, 2021 - 2:32 pm)
submitted by TOP, of the deep dark sea
(April 26, 2021 - 11:46 am)

I just finished editing the video for my flute section's ensemble hehe. I go to Biola University and in symphonic winds we did section long-distance recordings. It sounds SO good and I'm just excited lol. We played a sound of music medely. 

submitted by JazzyTOP
(April 26, 2021 - 7:41 pm)

Also, I never asked, but what was the 90k+ work a fanfic about? Just wondering :)

submitted by SilverTOP, age toppp, topofmteverest
(April 27, 2021 - 7:21 pm)

Lol I wrote it in middle school; it was an Undertale fanfiction called You Can't Hide From the Past. I recently deleted it off the fanfic website because my sister went and found it, haha. I don't know if you've heard of the video game Undertale but I was pretty obsessed in middle school with it haha.

submitted by Jazzy
(April 28, 2021 - 8:02 pm)
submitted by SilverTOP, age toppp, topofmteverest
(April 28, 2021 - 2:43 pm)
submitted by SilverTOP, age toppp, topofmteverest
(May 2, 2021 - 9:52 pm)
submitted by TOP, of the deep dark sea
(May 3, 2021 - 9:45 am)

Alright guys! My semester is wrapping up, and now that I have time to clear my head I've decided I'm going to take the whole month of May off from writing. I just wanted to let y'all know! I'm going to take some time to meditate on where this story is going, its purpose, my goals, yada yada yada. Take some time to pray over it and all.

SO! That being said, y'all don't need to top all the time lol. I'll start topping once it gets towards the end of May. I'll let you know then what my thoughts are then, too, and how things went! 

Thank you everyone for reading so far! I appreciate it SO much! I'll talk to y'all soon :)

submitted by Jazzy
(May 4, 2021 - 8:38 pm)