Chatterbox: Inkwell

This year, I worte a story called The Awful Storm. It is divided into two parts each chapter, each part seperatly following two characters- Raymond and Simon- and I decided it would be cool to post The first chapter here. Constructive critisicm is welcome. If you guys like it, I can post chapter two. Here is chapter one:

Raymond

As I walk down the street on a cold autumn day, I stuff my hands in my pockets. The cool wind blows through my hair as I walk around the block. Right then an unexpected jolt of wind almost knocks me over. “What was that?” I wonder. I looked up the hill and saw the sky darkening. It starts to rain heavily, and I quickly notice I can’t keep walking around in this weather. Running to a house was probably my best bet, but mine was two miles away. 

I run to my old roommate and fellow wrestler Marlen Miron’s house. I knock on the door. Marlen is a gruff but kind friend of mine, whom I haven’t seen in years.  I suddenly recognize his long barber mustache and bald head when I spot him walking to the door. When he peeks outside, I ask “May I come in? A storm is starting.” He nodds. I walk in, and remember that  his house is filled with all sorts of strange trinkets from his travels. I look out the window at the evening sky, which is looking abnormally orange. I drift out into a sleep on a velvet armchair. In a few hours he shakes me and says that he needs to go to his brother's apartment to make sure he’s ok. “Can I stay here while you see him?” I ask, as the heavy thunder, rain and lightning are getting louder. But he refuses, saying that his tiny house isn’t sturdy enough, and that I should get going to a safer place with a basement. We walk outside together and he waves goodbye as he drives away in his gray pickup truck. I start walking down to my sisters and my house. But now the wind is going crazy. I pull over my hoodie, but it isn’t helping. Paper and leaves are flying. A tree’s roots begins to tear out of the ground.  I start to run, but I trip on a fallen mailbox and fell face first onto the cement. I am knocked unconscious. I wake up quickly but am pushed back down by a strong gust. The wind is blowing in a mini-cyclone, with many pieces of debri blowing around. My knee is scarred, and my sleeve ripped, but I manage to get up. Limping is my only way to move, but after a while I pass out. Someone starts yelling. “Raymond? Raymond, wake up!” It was my sisters Eve and Amber. “Don’t worry.” Amber says. “We’ll get you out of here.” I wake up on a leather seat. My sisters Eve and Amber are driving me home in their crimson ford. Outside I see a mother and child struggling to get to their car. “Shouldn’t we help them?”  I ask. “NO!” Amber yells. “Okay, okay… I was just asking.” I mutter. “Raymond’s right.’’ Eve says, stopping the car. “We won’t get anywhere with you screaming.”  Eve continues. “And we won’t get anywhere with you stopping!” Amber responds, angirly. Everybody was silent the way home. I knew something was bothering Amber, but I wouldn’t dare ask.  

Simon

Man, is this laboratory cold. All the other scientists are packing up.  My usually mean coworker, Jeff, comes by. “Hey Simon?’’  “Yeah?”  “There’s a storm near. You sure you don’t want a ride?’’ “No, I have a project to finish.’’ “Okay. Well, see you tomorrow… stay safe.’’ “Bye.’’ Jeff leaves. Huh. That was weird. There's never been a storm so severe that Jeff tells me to “Stay safe” or offers to drive me home.  I’m no coward, but it sure is creepy all alone with a bad storm heading here. 30 minutes later. Jeff was right. I should’ve left. As I pack up my stuff for the night, the wind outside is getting really strong. I wonder where the security guards have gone. They might have left while I was working to check on the other scientists. The bus should be here soon. Suddenly, there is a huge CRASH! On the top of the laboratory. The roof starts to cave in.  Suddenly, a huge piece of concrete falls over me.  I don't have enough time to move out of the way. Everything goes black.