The Author's Associat

Chatterbox: Inkwell

The Author's Associat

The Author's Association

So...I started a new story! I've had this idea growing in my head for a long time now, so I thought I'd finally put it to words. And so, here is the first section of my new potential book, The Author's Association. I've only writen one chapter so far, but I'd like a bit of feed back. The chapter is kinda long, so this only the first part of it. Constructive critizism welcome! 

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I consider myself normal. Yes, I am hiding away in the library during my school lunch break typing up a book. Yes, I am the only one here. But that doesn't mean I am any different than everyone else, does it? Oh, I am getting off track, aren't I? I am Ester Nevely: The Out-Of-Place Author. Or at least, that is who I'm known as. I am currently writing 3 different novels, reading 4 different books, and editing 2 essay papers for my fellow classmates. In other words, I am literature obsessed. Writing is literally my best friend. And if you need more proof, then let's go back to the fact that I am still in the library alone. Well, I do have Austin with me - my favorite book character that I have created. Who needs real friends when you can create your own? At the moment, Austin and his dog companion, Snuff, are entering the world of Goblins, Drakemire. Austin doesn't know it, but Snuff is hot on the tail of the Goblin king and is currently running straight into his trap. And - Smash. Our librarian, Ms. Peters, slams the computer screen.

 "Ester! What have I told you about using your computer during lunch time!" She yells as loud as a librarian is allowed to yell in a library, which now that I think of it isn't very loud at all. 

"I…" I stutter, my brain still spinning with ideas for my book.

"You know you should be down in the cafeteria with your classmates. I know you love to read, but you can't be up here all of the time." 

I considered telling her that I was not reading, but I am rather sure that Ms. Peters won't hear of it. I might as well give in now and just sneak my phone to lunch and continue writing that way. Now that is a plan.

"All right Ms. Peters. I'm going." I say as pitifully as possible.

"Not putting up a fuss? I'm surprised." she says, her eyebrow rising suspiciously. "And I suppose you are definitely not going to go get your phone out of your locker, right?"

Dang! How did she know what I was going to do?

"Ester, you've got to try to make some real friends. Being on that screen all day is bad for your health. Please go down to lunch and try to have a good time."

I nod my head slowly, handing my computer to Ms. Peters. I guess there is no way to get out of this one. I have to go to lunch. And try to make friends. Great. 

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If anyone likes this, I'll post the next part. I'd appreciate any feedback if you have any! 

submitted by Anon For Now :)
(June 14, 2021 - 2:47 pm)

I LOVE THIS. Ester's personality is so clear, even though there wasn't much to go off of. She (?) isn't like most writing-obsessed kids I know, which makes it all the more intriguing. I want to read more! Openings can be tricky, but you nailed it!

submitted by Milly Sunstar, Hogsmead
(June 14, 2021 - 4:42 pm)
submitted by Wolfy_TOPer_7
(June 14, 2021 - 6:47 pm)

I love this!! Can't wait for more!

submitted by MoonKitten
(June 15, 2021 - 11:53 am)

Thank you so much for your feedback! And, yes, Ester is a she. Here is the next part of Chapter one! If you would like, feel free to guess me! 

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I slink out of the library, scooping up my lunch sack. I keep my head down and stare at the floor, trying to convince myself it won't be so bad. Maybe this will be the time they just leave me be. Maybe they won't make fun of me. In my dreams. I turn down the hallway, and head toward the staircase. What if I just go to my locker for a second? Ms. Peters wouldn't notice would she? I turn around quickly, and see Ms. Peters is still watching me from the library door. Nope. I'll just have to buck up and get this whole lunch thing over with. I reach the hall doors, shove them open, and reach the staircase. Sound echoes up around from the cafeteria below. A bunch of screaming middle schoolers. What could be better? I pace myself going down the stairs, hoping if I go slow enough, I'll miss lunch entirely. No such luck. 

"Ester, what are you doing out here?" My history teacher, Mr. Norwood questions as he jogs up the stairs. "You should be at lunch enjoying yourself."

I sigh, glancing over the hand railing. Enjoy myself? Is that even possible down there?

"Here, I'll walk you down." He said, grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the bottom of the stairs. 

All I need is a teacher walking me into the lunch room. That will just give them another reason to laugh in my face. But I can't do anything about it now. Once Mr. Norwood gets an idea in his head, you'd have to tie him to a wall, handcuff him, put a cloth in his mouth, and gag him to stop him from executing it. I have clearly been reading too many horror novels. 

"Alright, we're here!" He shouts over excitedly as we reach the large cafeteria doors. "Go on in, Ester."

I pull open the looming double doors, and stumble on into the lunch room. The doors shut behind me, and I know there is no chance to escape any longer. I'm here. 

"Oh look, it's Ol' Out of Place!" I hear someone scream as I walk into the room.

"Whatcha doin' here? Did someone let you out of the zoo?" They cry, laughing so hard their cheeks turn red.

 It's Landon. Oh, Landon you horrid beast. It's more likely someone let you out of the zoo than me with that awful behavior. That's what I wish I could say. But talking out loud is so much harder than typing. I turn away from his table, and walk over toward the other side of the lunch room. I spot an empty table and slide into a seat. Instantly, a pungent smell hits my nose. Ugh. It's the dumpster. I turn around and find myself face to face with the school's largest indoor trash can. I'm going to smell putrid all day! Well, I guess it's better than sitting with Landon's gang. Or with any gang for that matter. I'm just glad to be alone. 

I plop my lunch sack onto the table, and open it up. A peanut butter sandwich, chips, and an apple. Eh, it's better than nothing. I grab my apple, and start nibbling at it, but really, I'm not thinking about food at all. I'm back in my story, imagining what will happen when Austin discovers his own dog led him into a trap. And, should the trap be a pit or a cage? Or something else entirely? I set my apple down on the table absentmindedly. Now is no time for food when I could be creating a whole new chapter. 

I'm still thinking about Austin and Snuff when I hear a shuffling noise. I ignore it at first, thinking it is just part of the everyday cafeteria sounds. But then, the sound develops a voice. And addressed me. 

"Uh, are you the Writing Girl?" The voice asks from in front of me.

 

submitted by Anon For Now :) , Part 2, Chapter 1
(June 16, 2021 - 11:18 am)

Eek! This is so so super good! I need to know who said that. I also want to befriend Ester. She's confident about herself, but not around other people, which is an interesting, amazing balance that I wish my story characters had.

submitted by Milly Sunstar, age 12
(June 16, 2021 - 4:06 pm)

Ester sounds like me XD I can totally relate to writing three novels at once. This is so good! I love your writing style and Ester's personality is so well-defined and clear. I can't wait to see what happens next! :D

submitted by pangolin, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!
(June 16, 2021 - 5:42 pm)

Ha Ester's musings about her book are SO ACCURATE XD I vote a cage, by the way :D

Can't wait to see what happens next! 

submitted by MoonKitten
(June 18, 2021 - 11:42 am)

I really love how this story is turning out! All your characters are well defined and each one stands out from each other a ton! You have a really good idea on what you want your characters to be like, which is super important for an author. 

I can't wait to see what's going to happen next! 

However, I do have 2 items of constructive critisms to point out that I feel like will greatly increase your reader's experience. (Please don't be offended! This is a great rough draft and like all rough drafts it can use some tweaking!)  

1. For your first paragraphthe first 5 sentences or so I feel like could be fine tuned a little. What I noticed is that the first 4 senteces are Ester saying that "she's weird", but then we jump into "Ester's totally fine being weird". These two ideas are complete opposites and creates a little break in the flow of the book. You can find a way to link the two together, or simply make it into 2 paragraphs:

I consider myself normal. Yes, I am hiding away in the library during my school lunch break typing up a book. Yes, I am the only one here. But that doesn't mean I am any different than everone else, does it?
Oh, I am getting off track, aren't I? I am Ester Nevely: The Out-Of-Place Author... 

Already reading it has two different paragraphs makes it flow better, because they're representing two different ideas. I always do a paragraph break when I'm moving onto a new idea (like describing the different scense/characters) and it makes it easier for the reader to remember and keep track of what's going on. 

2. Their is a lot to be desired in your descriptions. As an author you have to convey to the reader what your character/locations look like. If you don't it can be confusing for your readers as to what the scene or characters look like.

For example, when I was reading through you mention it was in a library and I defaulted it to an old fashioned, multistoried building with thick soft red carpets and dark stained booksheves. However, this doesn't make sense for a middle school library, but its hard to imagine a middle school library because that's the last thing I think of when I read "library". 

Addtionally, when I first read through I imagined Ms. Peters as the typical old lady who runs the library, but after reading through a second time I think she's a young lady. I still don't know though, she could still be an old lady who never married! 

I do find descriptions difficult to write though, I am forever wondering if the descriptions are too much or too little. Its hard to find that perfect inbetween, but some description is always better than none!

I wish you the best of luck in writing your book and I will do my best to provide good constructive critisms with the intention of helping you improve even more on your story! 

submitted by Moonfrost, age Too Old, Tar Valon
(June 17, 2021 - 3:31 pm)

Thank you so much Moonfrost! I have the same issues with descriptions that you were explaining: I never know when it is to little or to much. I was writing something earlier and when I went over it, it was WAY to much description, so I thought I would dial it back for this. But you are right that I do need to add some more to the locations and people. Also, I will break up that first paragraph - it does make a lot more since how you say it. Again, thanl you for the feedback! 

submitted by Anon For Now :)
(June 18, 2021 - 10:26 am)

I'm so glad my sujustions were helpful Anon! I can't wait to read more! Yea, the struggle is real trying to do descriptions! LOL Maybe one day we'll crack the code...  

submitted by Moonfrost
(June 18, 2021 - 3:28 pm)

Alright everyone, here is part three, chapter one! If there is any confusing fluency with the speech please let me know. 

Shocked, I look up and find myself looking at, not a character from my imagination, but an actual human being.

"I'll take that as a 'Yes'" the boy says, taking a seat at my table. "But what is your real name? I've only ever heard them call you, uh, Out of Place."

I glance over at him, trying to process that a human being, a middle schooler, is being nice to me. The first thing I notice is his auburn hair. It is somewhat long, cut just below his ears. His hands are reaching for his lunch bag, and aren't in the usual 'I will intimidate you' pose that most middle schoolers take when they see me. And his eyes look curious. Like he's not part of some prank. I'm sure I've never seen him before.

"I'm Ester." I state cautiously, glancing behind me to make sure there isn't some sort of laughing mob behind me. There isn't. "I've, uh, never seen you around here before." Maybe this is a rude statement, if he has actually been here before, but he doesn't seem to mind.

"Oh, that is because I'm new here." He says. "Like, brand new. I arrived today." 

Brand new? Why on earth would he start in the middle of January? 

"Well - I guess that makes sense."

"No, not really. January is an awful time to move somewhere as cold as here. I mean, I'd think this place was the Arctic if I didn't know it was Minnisota."

"Okay…" I say. I mean, what would you say if someone said they thought your home was like the Arctic?

"I'm being weird, aren't I? I'm Jayden." He says, reaching to shake my hand. 

We shake, and then Jayden starts to speak again.

"Let me see - you seem confused. Like, you're looking at me like I have three eyes. Or one eye. Or really any other number of eyes besides two."

"Oh - uh - I'm just not used to talking to people. And - I am wondering why you didn't sit over there." I say nodding my head toward the tables on the left. The tables where Landon is sitting. 

"Well, to be honest, it's because they appear to me to have the IQ of a shrimp. And I've never looked up what the IQ of a shrimp is, but if they just sit around eating plankton in the ocean all day, I'm guessing it's not much." 

I snort, startling myself. But Jayden's not done. He's still going.

"And, in my personal opinion, authors are usually smart. I mean, unless you count the first graders who are just learning how to write and are just scribbling Jibberish on a paper with lines that are too far apart. From what I can see, you're not a first grader. So I figure you're smarter than a shrimp. 

Hm. I guess I should take that as a complement? 

"Thank you?"

"You're very welcome. Now, tell me about why everyone is talking about your writing abilities." 

"Uh, I guess it is because I am writing 3 books and reading 4." I say, counting up all the literature pieces I have stacked up inside my brain.

Jayden suddenly mimes the 'mind blown' gesture. "Impressive - Whatcha writing about?" 

"Fantasy, mostly. My favorite book that I'm writing is about this kid named Austin who follows his dog aimlessly into the forest. But it turns out, the forest is an illusion set up by the Goblin Empire to keep out humans. And Goblins, as you can likely tell since they are trying to keep humans out, don't like humans."

"Ooh...mysterious." Jayden says, eyes large. "Out of the books I've read, I've never heard of a plot quite like that one. Can I read it?"

"What?" Did he just ask to read my story? Now that is strange. Nobody has ever asked to read my works before - not even my parents. 

"Why?" I eye him suspiciously.

"Why? What do you mean 'Why?' I just want to read it! It sounds good!" Jayden says, looking a bit taken aback. 

"Are you sure you're not, like, working for Landon or something? If you are…"

"I'm not! I promise! Look, I'm an author too. I love to write like you. And I don't know anyone else who loves it the same way I do. Well, until I met you. Nobody stares off into space like the way you do unless they are a genuine good writer. I just...want to talk to somebody that is actually like me for a change." Jayden says, lowering his gaze to the floor. 

I'm a bit shocked. I think anyone would be. I never thought this boy would be the writer type. But his humor would work great in a book.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Look at this - it's some of my writing. I...don't usually share this with people. But, if you're an author, I think I can trust you to keep it a secret." Jayden slides a piece of notebook paper across the table. It's torn at the corners, and it looks like it was ripped out of a notebook. 

I glance over it quickly, though I read the whole thing. Reading as many books as I have and it takes no time at all to read something like this. But - It is really good. 

"This - this is amazing." I say, sliding the work back to him. "I never would have expected it, but, I mean, it's great." 

"Yeah, not many people actually know I'm an author. But, writing is my favorite thing to do. You think it's actually good?"

"Jayden, I don't lie." I say. "You can believe me." I really don't lie. That piece was incredible. 

"So...You think I can look at your story later?" He asks again. "I'd like to see it." 

I think about it for a second, but I already know I've made up my mind. 

"Yeah, of course. Follow me up to the library after school." Maybe, just maybe I had finally followed Ms. Peters' instructions. 

 

submitted by Anon For Now :) , Part 3, Chapter 1
(June 20, 2021 - 1:51 pm)

This is so amazing! I love Jayden's character already, and I can picture the exact type of story that he would write! I have a bit of constructive criticism that would help with the plot a bit. I hope this doesn't seem rude, but I know Moonfrost (I think) gave a few tips, so I'm guessing that this is ok.

What I noticed was that the dialogue is a bit fast paced, so I suggest maybe a few sentences in between, maybe about Jayden's gestures, or Ester's emotions. When I write, I usually put the main characters thoughts and feelings mixed in, and lots of it. I love to describe something subtlety, like ____ tugged on their ___, ____ necklace. It describes the necklace while not saying, 'Their necklace was ____ and ___.' The dialogue did seem overall natural, which is hard to pull of for many authors, so great job! 

submitted by Milly Sunstar
(June 21, 2021 - 1:09 pm)

This is awesome! I'm so happy for Ester, and Jayden is awesome. I love the kind of discussing what writing/being an author is like. If that makes sense. 

You're a great author, Anon! 

submitted by MoonKitten
(June 21, 2021 - 3:17 pm)

Thank you so much Milly S and MoonKitten! 

I'm not going to be posting the next part here yet, but I do have some questions for ya'll for some of the next section (probably won't come into play until chapter 6 or 7, but it is good to plan ahead)

1: Do you have a favorite well-known side character in a book, specifically an animal? 

Example: The Cheshire Cat (Alice and Wonderland), Dobby (Harry Potter) 

2: Who are your top 5 (or less if you can't think of 5) well-known authors that are alive today?

Example: You can choose Rowling, but you can not choose Tolkien.

These questions are going to relate to the creation of the Author's Association! Please answer them if you can!  

Thank you!  

submitted by Anon For Now :) , Still Writing
(June 23, 2021 - 2:23 pm)

Okay, before I start, I just want to say this story is AWESOME! The characters are well thought out, the writing style really takes me into the story, and it’s really impressive that you were able to think of two plots— your book and Ester’s— while I struggle with even one. 

1. Bumblebee and Peril from Wings of Fire, Squirrelflight from Warriors, Galileo from The Night Gardener, and basically any dog or cat from a book about humans B)

2. Tui T. Sutherland, Rick Riordan, Cindy Lin,  Natalie Riess (she writes graphic novels so I don’t know if this counts), and... well, am I allowed to say Erin Hunter? Because she’s actually six authors, and Tui T. Sutherland’s one of them. 

submitted by Raven, age Forever, The Whisperlands
(July 11, 2021 - 6:25 am)