I've been working

Chatterbox: Inkwell

I've been working

I've been working on a film script lately...

That is not why I was gone for a while... I just forgot, sorry.

Anyway I wanted some help with the editing of the script and decided to ask for your help because I don't know who else to ask.

Anyway... I will be commenting different parts of the script, as well as some problems I noticed that I want a bit of help fixing.

By the way, I'm commenting different parts of the script separately because I myself are overwhelmed with a very long CB post. 

submitted by 25 Dragons, age Millennia, Hrr..
(October 17, 2021 - 9:56 am)

Here are the first 3 scenes.

I had one problem with the fact that the dragons honoring the sun might need to be more emphasized, before I animate my idea.(I have a grand plan for some set design in the animation)


Intro Shot

Use an electronic score for a dope and descriptive sound (like the right-before-the-eclipse Kid-Who-Would-Be-King score).

We begin by seeing an image of the earth rotating around the sun, and the sun disappearing.

Earth starts strangely floating.

Zoom into the Earth.

Suddenly everything freezes up.

Camera zooms back out, and the sun reappears.

But the moon disappears…

Not many bad things happen, except everything lunar related no longer works, everything going toward the moon (rockets and most animals) is confused, and there are no more tides.

Now zoom back out, the moon will reappear, and fade to black.


Scene 1: Character Opening Shot

A character opens his eyes. A minimalistic image of stairs. (or a cave, it’s hard to tell) and a stick figure appears.

Character walks toward a visible hole.

Color starts to slowly appear on screen, with some light mirroring visible.

A fence opens and character goes through it in a movement that makes it seem like the character is jumping over the fence.

Finally the mirroring becomes significant as we see a sheep… Twice?

Use a cut to reveal that this was just two different perspectives:

A dragon that appears to farm sheep,

and a werewolf who is about to eat the sheep.

The wolf is shooed off by the dragon, and goes back to the cave.

The wolf character leaves without food… again.

Wolf: (to other wolves) I think I smell a sheep over there…


Scene 2: Gazes

The dragon is still at the field when the wolf shows up again.

Suddenly, the dragon gets surprised.

Wolf: Yep. Leave me starving.

Dragon: What?

Wolf disappears.

The dragon follows him to a cave.


Wolf: (surprised) Those aren’t edible. I suspect a bit of explaining for why No. Food. Is. Ever. Offered.


Bell goes off.

Dragon: I’d better leave, Talk later!!!!!

He flies toward a castle. 


submitted by 25 Dragons, age Millenia.., Hrr...
(October 17, 2021 - 4:40 pm)

Next 3 scenes:

After this, I plan on posting 3 scenes of the script each day, to see what you think at different points in the script 

Scene 3: The Chasing Of The Deer 


The wolf (still with an unknown name) is currently talking with the dragon for an unknown reason, when randomly, he appears to smell a deer.

The wolf sniffs. (Shake the camera to exaggerate the sniff)

Yep, that’s definitely a deer.

Another wolf notices, and starts running toward them.

The wolf makes, y’know, wolf sounds to start discussing the situation with the rest of the pack.

Now one wolf runs in front of the deer, others run behind, to circle it.

And finally, the deer dies.

The wolf is currently eating deer meat.

The dragon is confused.

Wolf: What? I need food too. I told you earlier.

The dragon is surprised that he hasn’t done anything to a nearby human.

Wolf: Why would someone who used to be human EAT A HUMAN?!

Dragon: because you’re a wolf now.

Wolf: I don’t understand your logic. No wonder you hate the moon… her sprit was human.

Dragon: Okay. (Curious) As if. (Leaves)


SCENE 4: Actual Fighting/When The Sun Goes Low

The sun, above, appears to be fighting with the moon.

The moon fires some ice at the sun, and the sun fires fire to fire against the moon.

The fire melts the ice and the sun ends up getting blasted with… water.

The sun instantly vaporizes the water.

Suddenly, the moon yells something, and the sun gets a lot darker, while also being attacked with water.


Back On Earth


The wolves are busy talking.

Suddenly Wolf1 sees the fight between the moon and sun and is being worried.

Wolf2: (reassuring) The moon has all the advantages. She’s not gonna die anytime soon.

Wolf1: That doesn’t reassure me.

Suddenly the sun is dimming (even though it’s night already) and the temperature lowers a lot.

Now the wolves are freezing.

Wolf2: (shivering) Is this why you’re worried? I have fur, man, and it’s still cold.

Wolf1: (Also shivering) Yep. And I don’t think it would be good for the moon either. We need to end this fight.


Scene 5: Creating A Solution 

OtherDragon2: Did you hear? The moon sabotaged a cloud bird’s delivery flight so the wolves could eat it.

Dragon: Did the wolves eat it?

OtherDragon2: No. Not yet.

OtherDragon: Okay. Let’s figure out a solution.

OtherDragon: So there’s a cloud bird flying very close to the Earth.

Dragon: Yep.

OtherDragon: So we need a way to let the bird get away from the Earth.

Dragon: How?

OtherDragon: Maybe a spring.

Dragon: A cup with a lot of small springs!

Show a building montage. 

submitted by 25 Dragons, age Millennia, Top! ing
(October 17, 2021 - 4:43 pm)

I apologize for how long it took for me to write again. I was stupid.

Anyway, I have some ideas for fixing some of the major problems.

So I would just like your feedback on the rest of the script, still keeping that 3 scenes per comment pattern. Anyway, here's more of the script.

Scene 6: Solution In Action

The bird begins flying to the ground.

Just when the bird gets very close, OtherDragon puts the spring-ed cup on the ground.

The bird lands successfully lands and goes back to flying.

The dragon takes a picture of the bird flying, for proof that it happened.


Scene 7: Reveal

Dragon flies back to the moon and sun with the photo.

Dragon stares at the cloud bird.

Suddenly, the cloud bird shows a scene revealing that the moon had nothing to do witho the cloud bird’s bad flying. The cloud bird just made a mistake.

Dragon(thought): So, it was just a lot of hate.

He goes to the one person that could help him: The wolf.

Dragon: Did you try to eat a cloud bird?

Wolf: what?

Dragon: It was carrying a cloud baby.

Wolf: (taken aback) No. I wouldn’t.

Dragon: So, what’s going on?

Suddenly, they notice the moon and sun fighting.

Dragon: That is not related at all, but it feels related. I guess.

Cut to scene 8.5


Scene 9: Discuss to Discuss 2.0


Dragon and Wolf go back to the Earth.

Dragon: So, that didn’t work.

Wolf: We need to fix this.

Dragon: (Sarcastically)So we tell them not to fight. That’ll DEFINITELY work.

Wolf: (visible optimism) That actually sounds like a good idea. They might not know enough about each other.

Dragon: I was being sarcastic (rolls eyes)

Wolf: but it just might work. (Goes up)

Dragon: okay. I guess I’m in this. (Flies off)


submitted by 25 Dragons, age Millennia, Hrr..
(October 24, 2021 - 2:59 pm)

Last 3 scenes:

Scene 10: The Tale Of The Moon

The werewolf casually tail-walks to the sun.

Wolf: You’re in the middle of a fight with the moon where you’re probably going to lose.

Sun: (worried-sad) Yep.

Wolf: What if you end the fight?

Sun: Why?

Wolf:  -Well, previously, there was the most beautiful woman in the world. She was also a very kind person.

Anyway, she fell in love… with a werewolf. He looked terrible, and he had a monstrous attitude …but he was secretly amazing. The spirits were mad, so they made her the moon. There’s a reason wolves howl at the moon. They want her back.-

Sun: That was completely random. (quietly) But I know that. I have a little beef with the spirits. Congrats. I’ll stop fighting.


Scene 10: The Tale Of The Sun

The dragon is right next to the moon.

Dragon: So, you’re in the middle of a war with the sun?

Moon: And I’m gonna’ win that war, thank you very much.

Dragon: If the sun dies, I’m gonna’ have to tell you a story. So we remember.

Moon rolls her eyes.

The dragon begins telling the story.


-So, a few billion years ago, the Sun became a thing. I won’t tell you how ‘cause that’s not the point, and we’re not in school.


After a bit of coincidences, we managed to have life.

And that’s mostly because of the Sun’s wonderful heat.

Yes, you stand for order, but the Sun stands for all of human life.-


Moon: I’m a bit less orderly than you might think.


Dragon resumes: I mean, why would someone who used to be human kill any of humanity?

Moon: That is actually a good point. I might have to go over to him. And… HOW DO KNOW THAT!?

Dragon: The werewolf told me.

Moon: whatever.


Scene 11: The eclipse

Both the wolf and dragon arrive to earth.

Both: Welp, we did it.

Wolf: So, I guess we just wait.

An eclipse starts.

The characters don’t know it’s an eclipse, though.

The sun slowly begins to disappear, (visibly, not actually (It’s an eclipse)).

Our characters are silently worried.

The sky continues getting darker.

Finally, our characters stop being worried and just hope for the best.

Pan and zoom into the eclipse, where the moon and sun are apologizing to each other.

Cut to credits.


submitted by 25 Dragons, age Millennia, Hrr..
(October 24, 2021 - 3:00 pm)

This seems really cool! I never thought of writing a film script. Maybe I'll try it later! I can help you with editing! But since I don't know how to help you, can you tell me about where you want to fix or other descriptions, please? 

submitted by Sparkling Rainbow
(October 25, 2021 - 6:03 am)

I'm mainly looking for feedback while I edit some important parts, but if there are any things you think I could change to make the script better, that would help a lot.

submitted by 25 Dragons, age Millennia, Hrr..
(October 30, 2021 - 11:08 am)

I'm also going to help telling people what I want to fix, just in case I'm either being extremely focused on 1 problem while nobody else has a problem with it.

Also, thank you for commenting. 

submitted by 25 Dragons, age Millennia, Hrr..
(October 30, 2021 - 11:11 am)

Okay. Whenever I have time, I'll participate on this. 

submitted by Sparkling Rainbow
(November 1, 2021 - 9:41 pm)