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I need help figuring out the next bit to a story I’m writing.
I will include an excerpt once this is uploaded.I will also post a background/detail-dump about the story– feel free to ask questions about it, and let me know what you think- all the stuff, good and bad. I’m really open to criticism! (shows me where to fix it up to make sense :3)
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POST #1:
DETAIL DUMPThere is this challenge called the Wilderness Odyssey. It is something individuals in their late teens to early twenties sign up for by responding to an invite sent to them in the mail. It lasts 2 weeks to a month and is meant to challenge the participants to be resourceful and encourages them to think on their feet and learn to rely on others. It has the feels of the Hunger Games, but has a more thoughtful, voluntary aura that is secured by the adventure and action of the challenge itself. The Organizers who created the challenge are Mr. Anderson, who is quiet, friendly and wise, and his daughter, Camellia, a headstrong, sweet, attractive young lady in her late twenties. The participants have a set amount of points at the beginning of the challenge, and they need to find their teammates inside the woods while firing soft-tipped arrows (e.i. foam, fabric, etc.) at other teams, which deducts points from the team shot at. When shot at, if the team member is hit, they must carry the arrow along with them and all the arrows that have been collected are counted against the said team. (for example: a member of the Sapphire team shot at a member of the Ruby team and hits him. Since the Ruby team member is hit, he picks up the arrow and stores it in his bag. 5-10 points (I’m thinking five…) are deducted from the Ruby team’s score, and 10 points are added to the Sapphire team’s score). The team with the least amount of hits and most amount of offensive-hits wins the challenge. (in the case of a tie, the teams that did tie go against each other again for a week, starting with no points and shooting to get points. The team with the most points wins)
A team consists of five individuals, each one of the different traits, which I’ll explain in a moment. The participants cannot choose their team. It is assigned in advance by the Organizers. The teams are named after precious stones/minerals with a matching-colored bandana: Ruby for red bandana, Fire Opal = orange, Peridot = light green, Emerald = green, Aquamarine = light blue, Sapphire = blue, Amethyst = purple, Diamond = silver/gray, and Onyx = black. There are only 9 teams. Each team’s color is on their arrow’s fletching.
There are 45 participants throughout the woods, each is assigned, upon arrival, (though already filed in advance), a nature-themed codename, (such as Willow, Buckeye, Maple, Goose, Locust, Pine, Hawk, Oak, Spicebush, etc. come up with your own), a bandana color for their team (like I mentioned above) and one of these five different traits: a cook, a hunter, a medic, a chronicler, and an emissary.
The Cook makes meals with foraged items and has these extra items in their backpack: -wooden bowls and a few cooking utensils -3 easy to make meals -matches -clay bowls/pots -a guide to foraging and cooking in nature, along with a couple recipes made specifically with foraged items.
The Hunter hunts and traps small animals such as rabbits and squirrel, and fishes. They have these items in their bag: -a large and small knife -leather gloves -a set of sharp arrows (with respective team colored fletching) -rope -a retractable fishing rod + tackle -a guide to hunting and trapping.
The Medic makes simple herbal remedies and does simple doctoring, such as soothing insect stings, rashes, and blisters, and gives plants to help with stomachaches, fevers (if needed) and headaches. They have these items: first aid supplies -small knife -mortar and pestle -specific dried herbs (such as chamomile, st. John’s wort, or plantain) -hand soap -guide to healing with wild plants
The Chronicler records events and details throughout the entirety of the 2-4 weeks and marks their path through the area on a mostly blank map (it specifies well-known landmarks, danger zones, and the direction). Their items are: -a feather quill -a bottle of supplied ink -3 candlesticks -a candleholder -a leather journal -blank map -a waterproof case for the paper and delicate items (e.i. the map, the journal, the candlesticks, etc.).
The Emissary is sent on errands to the Naphtali Outpost (explained later) for emergencies and scouts out possible campsites and hideouts. All Emissaries can only shoot their soft-tipped arrows at other Emissaries, and their arrows have white fletching and their team’s color. When an Emissary is going to the Outpost for an emergency, they must have their white bandana tied to their arm or wrist so that they are not shot at by other participants. This is a safety measure, so that in the case of a serious injury, the Outpost occupants can hurriedly move the injured to a nearby hospital for medical care. Their items include: -specially fletched arrows (already mentioned) -a white bandana -a barometer -a telescope -a pocket notebook -a guide to weather forecasting.
The participants are supposed to have arrived at a ring of cabins to collect things like a packet with papers explaining the safety rules, regulations and emergency protocols (which are for uncontrolled fires, severe storms, and any emergencies that would require a necessary protocol), a list of the contents of the participants backpack, a map of the general area, and the backpack supplied by the Organizers, which contains these things: -a compass -a thin sleeping bag -a packable pillow -a cup + water purifier -a 5×7 light-weight tarp -3 days worth of provisions (to start with) -a flint + steel -a guide to survival -a lightweight hammock, and the following outside of the backpack: -a bucket with a lid -a bow and a set of soft-tipped arrows (e.i. foam or cloth-tipped, and specially fletched) -a colored bandana that separates the participants into teams (which they may tie to themselves, and must be visible) -and a tracking necklace so that the organizers can know where they are (which is a safety measure if the participant goes missing and is heavily private to the camp).
Then the participants are sent into a large expanse of woodland that contains the Naphtali Outpost in the center (easily reachable for safety measures) and a small field/meadow. The Naphtali Outpost was created by the Organizers to be an emergency station, where if there were to be any serious injuries or dangerous/extreme storms, the participants can have a safe haven. The outpost will always have at least 10 adults staying there, (each undergoing a criminal background and training in the emergency protocols), and the participants can use the Outpost’s advantages for an allotted time, say 30-45 minutes. (There is a timer that is activated by the door inside the of the Outpost’s building and goes off once it has counted down)PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT THINGS THAT MAY HAVE BEEN MISSED AND IDEAS FOR FURTHER RULES/THINGS-I-CAN-ADD WOULD BE GREAT!!! <333
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POST #2
THE STORY
-note: there are parts that are actually in italics. these parts are encased in “[ ]”.
Abigail stepped out of her grandmother’s navy blue SUV and took a deep, much needed, breath. Her nervousness was overwhelming and she felt like she couldn’t relax ever since she received a cream-colored envelope with the invitation to the Wilderness Odyssey, something she’d only heard rumors about in the past couple months since moving completely to Summers County, West Virginia.
The challenge was said to force participants to live in the woods for two to four weeks, and to hit other teams with arrows to gain points. Abigail didn’t like the fact that it lasted a couple weeks— things were difficult enough with her grandmother passing away, her moving into the new apartment, and completely starting over with friendships and job-hopping so often.
She took another deep breath, and grabbed her purse. Locking her car, the thing she considered being the most valuable thing she owned, she headed towards the ring of cabins set in the heavily forested area of Jumping Branch.
Jumping Branch was one of those communities that was very obviously declining, and the slowly people were moving away from the small county, giving it a very forgotten, lonely feeling.
Perfect for a survival challenge.
There was a growing group of young adults in the ring of the cabins, some holding the invitation, some sporting a backpack, and most talking. As Abigail stepped into the crowd, voices pressed around her, and she found herself picking up on the suffocating oppression of young women’s gossip.
[“I saw Lewis over by the woodpile.” “Why’s he here? He’s supposed to be in college.” “I heard that he dropped out for the challenge… you know how he is.” “Well, whoever’s on his team won’t be complaining.” “I know, he’s so cute!” “Oh, shut your mouth. It would never work between you two.” “Yeah, not after what his mom said to you.” “I was just stating a fact…”]
[“Ugh, there’s Riley.” “Uh oh, the drama.” “I heard that she wanted to come only because her boyfriend was coming.” “What?! She won’t last long out here.” “Someone’s gotta let her know to go home…” “Hah, and all the other stupid ones.” “Don’t be so rude! You don’t know half these people.” “Yeah, but I know enough to spot the ones that are going to chicken out.”]
Abigail rolled her eyes. These were supposed to be near full grown women, and they still couldn’t let go of the middle school gossiping, crushing and bullying.
[“Oh, look, it’s that Singleshire girl… you know, the one that stayed with that crazy of a grandma.” “Oh my gosh really??”] Abigail grimaced to herself. Yay. They wanted to talk about her. Another juicy story, she supposed. Abigail’s gut twisted as they recounted the past few, hard, months of her life.
[“I heard she recently moved here.” “No, I heard she’s been living in her dead grandma’s house for the past couple months, then moved into an apartment nearby.” “Well, that’s stupid. Why not just stay in her granny’s house?” “Someone told me that it’s because the bank reclaimed the house. And her grandma didn’t have much for her in the will, all she got from it was a box of junk and a car.” “Yeah, I think she has to live alone now, because her dad died from grief, so they say, years ago.” “Oh no. That’s so sad.”] A couple girls sighed to Abigail’s left, all of them likely from her high school. [Snobs…] Abigail hugged her purse just a little tighter to her self, and marched up to the sign-in table.
There was a line of waiting young adults who had not yet been signed in, so Abigail joined them and pulled out her phone. No service. Slightly annoyed, she set it back in her purse. She then set to observing the pair of people signing the participants in.
At the table, an attractive young woman in her early twenties was flipping through a clipboard. An older man sat beside her, gathering papers, and placing them in pale green folders. He muttered something to the woman, and she laughed. The man looked up and smiled at her, and then Abigail noticed how vaguely familiar he was. Slowly, the line moved forward, each young adult leaving the table with a backpack and a gallon bag of a couple papers. Then it was Abigail’s turn.
“Good morning.” The woman smiled warmly at Abigail. “My name is Camellia Anderson, and this is my father, Mr. Will Anderson.” The older man looked up from his task, waved, then paused. He seemed to recognize her. Gently, he adjusted his glasses.
“We need your invitation to sign you in.” Camellia said, holding out her hand. Abigail dug out her invite from her purse and set it in Camellia’s open palm. Mr. Anderson narrowed his eyes with a smile.
“Camellia, who does she look like?” He asked, scratching his graying beard. Camellia glanced up from her clipboard, and smiled again.
“Why, it’s Hannah’s daughter!” Mr. Anderson said slapping his knee and giving a wheezy laugh. “I haven’t heard from her in ages.”
Abigail nervously laughed. So that was why she’d recognized him. Her mother’s good history-professor friend that would come by when Abigail was younger to drink tea, eat fancy European foods, and discuss historical topics. Her dad didn’t like him. Abigail only liked the candies he’d bring her.
Camellia made a few scribbles on her clipboard, handed the invite to her father, then gave Abigail a gallon bag of a few papers.
“The information in there will be covered in the quick briefing inside that cabin over there.” She gestured towards a log cabin with a blue flag above the door. “They start every thirty minutes, and the next one will start…” She checked her rose-gold watch. “In five-ish minutes.” Abigail nodded and smiled.
Mr. Anderson pulled out a backpack underneath the table. “Your team is the Sapphire team, and your codename will be Raven.” Abigail thanked them and turned to go in the cabin with the blue flag. “And tell your mother to come and visit sometime soon!” He called out after her. She politely waved and nodded, but Abigail decided against telling him that ‘Hannah’ had gone to Greece a couple years ago after divorcing her husband, Abigail’s father, during her transition from middle school to high school.
A time in her life she would rather forget, about another person she couldn’t trust.
A final thought brushed past her mind as she jumped the stairs beneath the blue flag. She didn’t have her mom’s phone number anymore, and wasn’t looking to find it.
What a hard truth.
~~~
Abigail sat down at the end of the third and final row of foldable chairs, setting her backpack at her feet with a grunt. A taller, sandy-headed young man sat in front of her, making the podium in the front difficult to see. He was talking with another, slightly younger man, who was being somewhat disruptive.
Abigail studied the older one. He didn’t seem to focus on his companion. Sensible. His friend was someone to ignore. The younger man said something and gestured to the door. The sandy-haired one turned around to look towards the entrance, but instead caught Abigail’s gaze. She tried not to suck in a gasp.
Those eyes were just as blue as her grandmother’s.
Startled, Abigail quickly looked down at her bag, feeling her ears grow warm. The sandy-haired man turned back towards his friend who inclined his ear to listen as the sandy-haired man whispered something just audible to her burning ears.
[“I wonder whose team she’s on.”]
His friend snickered and made a rude joke, but that didn’t matter. Abigail, suddenly interested in making sure her gallon bag was correctly sealed, felt her insides churn, and wished to the heavens above that she had not eaten that breakfast burrito. None of it mattered. Grief was not something she felt glad to be stuck beside while she walked into this trust fall of a challenge, especially not without her grandmother’s faithful guidance. Abigail felt a gloom set again in her mind, one she had felt when she stood at the funeral for her grandmother.
That woman was the only one she had known she could trust.
Finally, a man in his late thirties, (looking like a french man with his twisted mustache), grabbed the quickly filling cabin’s attention with a rumble to clear his throat. He said some greeting, and introduced himself as Mr. Glove. A girl with tear-stains stepped over Abigail and sat in the final remaining seat beside her. Mr. Glove explained that everyone should pull out their baggie and get out the paper with the title of ‘rules and regulations’ in a voice that demoted them to toddlers. The sandy-headed man’s friend groaned.
The paper was really just telling all of them how to conduct themselves in the woods, like ‘don’t leave any fires unattended’ and ‘don’t eat anything you aren’t sure of’ and other general rules. Then the exciting part came: How to score using your bow and arrow.
The mustachioed man went over the safety stuff of using a bow, (like ‘don’t shoot an arrow straight into the air’) and told them how they would be scoring in the challenge.
“The point is to shoot as many of your arrows at your opponents as you can.”
Several girls gasped, and the one beside Abigail began to sniff. One girl cried out, “Are we going to die??” Mr. Glove struggle to regain his hold on the audience’s attention, and assured everyone in a loud voice that the arrows were harmless.
“They are tipped with foam, so there will be no injuries by arrow in this challenge.” He glanced fearfully over the groups of young women that had panicked, and relaxed when the entire room seemed to take a sigh of relief. “The point is to not get hit by any of these,” he cleared his throat, “Foam-tipped arrows. The more hits you get, the lower your score is.” A black haired man in the front raised his hand. Mr. Glove nodded in response.
“How many points will we have?” the man said, and Mr. Glove replied that there was 200 points to a team. Every time a team member was hit, there was a deduction of ten points.
“So we just need to have the most points to win the prize money?” A girl said loudly. Her nasally tone and ridiculous request made Abigail roll her eyes. Mr. Glove nodded. He continued through the rest of the rules, going over the emergency protocols that were set for things like wildfires, extreme and dangerous weather, and missing persons, and began explaining the Naphtali Outpost.
“If you pull out your map, you will find the general land formations, such as the pine grove, the creek, and the barley field. In the center of the field is a large oak tree and a building. That is the Outpost. There are ten adults there, one for each of the nine teams, and one to stay at the outpost. If for some reason,” he said, glaring somewhat at the nasally toned girl, “You have not found your team, and you have no food and no knowledge of foraging, you may come to the Outpost. There you find only thirty minutes of safety and an extra meal. You will have a deduction of five points and may not go back to the Outpost more than five times. By the time you have gotten your first extra ration, you should go and find your team. The challenge will not be complete until you find your teammates and shoot some arrows.” Several hands were raised.
“Why do we need teams? What difference does it make?”
“Why won’t we have our teams when we go into the woods?”
“What if the Outpost does not have anyone there?” The questions exploded into the cabin as Mr. Glove answered them with quick replies.
“Teams are comprised of five individuals, each having one of the five traits: Cook, Medic, Hunter, Chronicler, and Emissary. Each will be explained by Mr. Anderson later before you are sent in the woods. You are sent in one-by-one. You may ask around for team members before entering, but will not be able to go in at the same time.” He took a quick breath. “The Outpost will always have, at the very least, one person in the building. It will never be unattended. Mr. Anderson and Miss Camellia will be staying in these cabins for the weeks ahead, and will be visiting the Outpost often. Do not shoot at them.” Mr. Glove severely stared at a few young men, and the sandy-haired man’s friend snickered.
Then they were dismissed.
(this is where i’m stuck ToT where should i go next???)AGAIN, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ASK ME QUESTIONS AND GIVE ME IDEAS. THEY ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED.