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Hello everyone!
After a full school year of trying to interact with people who have certain social norms that I never got to pick up on because I never went to public school before except for primary school, I have some quandaries…
1. If you compliment a boy (in a normal, friendly way, not a flirty way) will he think you’re flirting with him?
2. If there’s a fun event going on and there’s a boy you want to be friends with and you invite him to go to the event with you, will he think you’re asking him on a date?
These questions are very important because there I really really would prefer to know what is considered a romantic overture and what isn’t, so as not to run the risk of seeming to flirt.
3. If you have someone’s phone number and you’ve been texting back and forth for a bit, is it okay to call up just to say hi, or should you just keep texting if you have something you want to say? My mom’s friends call up a lot to say hi and catch up, but maybe that’s not really done anymore?
If you guys have any advice or perspectives on this, I’d love to hear it!:)
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disclaimer – i’m not the best at social norms/cues, so take my advice with a grain of salt :’) but anyway:
1. i think it depends on the boy, but in general, i wouldn’t think so, especially if you’re already friendly with each other. also, i think if your compliments really feel genuine, they’ll feel less like flirting? imo when someone’s flirting, their compliments may come across as cheesy or superficial, like they’re specifically looking for things to compliment a person on, whereas a friend might just notice something and compliment them on it organically.
2. once again, i think it depends on the person, but also if you suspect he might perceive it as a date, you can always just clarify that you’re only inviting him to go as friends. also, maybe if you phrase it so it’s less like you’re inviting him to go with you and more that you’re just wondering if he’s going, or telling him about the event? idk?
3. as far as im aware, no one really calls each other anymore unless it’s for something more urgent. of course, it once again depends on the person; if they’ve called you, then i’d say it’s definitely okay for you to call them!
okay that’s all i gotta go but i hope this makes sense?? and is at least slightly helpful?? best of luck with all your socializing endeavors~ <3
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Been going to public school my whole life
1. Not sure, possibly? I don’t worry about that much though, I just say what I want to say. Might depend on the compliment — “I like your jacket” definitely feels different to me than “you have beautiful eyes” but that could just be me
2. He might, but is less likely to if you’re inviting him to go with a group. If you’re asking someone to a dance that’s usually interpreted as a date but that might be more obvious to you
3. Personally, I almost never call anyone — phone calls give a lot of Gen Z kids anxiety, I’ve learned, and I just don’t text people that much anyway. It’s okay to ask to call, though! I just don’t call randomly and don’t pressure people to call if they don’t like it. Some people like to video call especially. My point is people have lots of different opinions and it’s best to just directly ask someone if they want to call while textingHow did you end up liking public school this year?
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Hi! The first two I have no idea about, since I’m a homeschooler who has very little social interaction. XD But the third one, I’ll just tell you my experience: me and my best friend do video call quite a lot, but we usually figure out a time on text first, then call. That way it’s not randomly pressuring someone, y’know? This might not work for everyone, of course, but it does for me:)
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Hey!
1. Boy here, I don’t think so, it’s just a nice thing for anyone to do.
2. To be completely honest, probably, especially if you’re in high school.
3. I think it’s ok to call! I think it’s always better than texting, especially if you’ve already texted a while.
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I don’t go to public school, but can still offer my advice!
1. Usually depends on the person and the compliment. The setting could also have an impact- for example, complimenting someone as you pass them in the hall will probably seem more casual and less flirty/confrontational/whatever than if you were to single them out away from other kids.
2. If you don’t want it so seem like a date, I would definitely recommend having other friends go too or specifying that you only want to hang out as friends. I also think that the more natural you act when you ask them, the less it will seem like you like them. Oh, and if you don’t want to give the impression it’s a date, avoid candlelight and roses AT ALL COSTS!!!!! (lol)
3. Usually, I like to start chatting with a friend through text, then ask if they wanna call/video call. Then they are expecting it and have the chance to say no if they don’t want to call. Another thing you can do is if they text you first, you can call them instead of texting back and say something like “sorry, my hands are full, what did you want to tell me?” when they answer. (assuming that’s true)
Anyway, don’t worry too much about it. From what I’ve read, you seem like a great person and anyone at your school should be lucky to call you a friend. 🙂
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Thank you so much everyone!! Everything y’all said was super helpful:)
@pangolin, yeah that makes sense, thanks! and best of luck for your endeavors too. I hope you can find some good friends – you definitely deserve them <33
@Peri, thank you! I”ll definitely keep your advice in mind. To answer your question, I actually ended up really enjoying this year of school! You might remember that I had a bit of a meltdown at the beginning, but thank goodness I took your advice (and that of everyone else around me lol) and stuck it out! I met a ton of fascinating people (my English teacher alone has had amazing adventures), I went to events (and dances!!:D) and learned really interesting stuff in my classes, so it was great all around. Also it feels like it really helped me grow as a person – having more independence from my parents, making decisions out in the real world, getting to know more people… I had less time and ability to write my stories and poems, which was sad, but one can’t have everything. Thank you again for encouraging me to give school another try – so far it’s worked out really well! How has school been going for you this year? I think you’d mentioned that you’ve been doing well there? If so, yay!! congratulations! <33
@WildWolf, that sounds like a good plan – thanks for the advice!
@Piano Man, that’s good to know! Thanks:)
@Coyote, great advice – thank you! Haha, I will certainly keep in mind about the candlelight and roses;) And tysm for the compliment, that’s so sweet of you <33 You seem like a great person too and a wonderful friend:)
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That’s wonderful news! I knew you would grow to like it; it was a big step out of your comfort zone, and I understood your hesitation, but I admire that you had the courage to accept the unknown. I’ve had a great school year! Would you like to start a chat thread to continue this conversation, perhaps?
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Oh good, I’m glad your school year has gone well. And yes, I’d love to start a chat thread, that would be super nice! Would you like to start it, or should I?
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I just made it!
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