Winter: *cries* I-I-I-I-I'm sorry! I had them already, and you- well I didn't know that I could bring my babies! Wasaaaaaaaaaaa: s-s-sorry….

Can we still be f-f-f-friends? Please?

*cries in the coroner* wahhhaaaaaaaaa! 

Daniel: Of course! Remember I said it was Squeak's fault?

Winter: Oh yeah, hahahahhahah. Heh.

Danie: I can see you're still sad. I know! Let's get Piester, and throw pies at Squeak!

Winter: Yay! Okay, I have no objections!

Ze end of ze el problemo! 

Fluffy says: oatv! Oh a tv! You have a tv Fluffy?

Here. [hands The Ominous a crazy-looking gadget with three buttons] It's a Ghost-o-tron. I made it myself. The first red button here will make a huge spherical invisible energy field just big enough to cover the RMS Tiny. Anyone who dies within the field will have no choice but to come back as a ghost, and any ghost within the field can't leave it. This second blue button will let the bearer of the Ghost-o-tron see and hear all ghosts in the vicinity. And this third green button…well, I made three buttons but could only think of two functions for the thing. So this button just serves Mountain Dew. Use it as you see fit to spread chaos.

Also, can the Captchas stow away? 

Hay, can I have a PINK tinted room with PINKbirds? and also along bookshelf filled with books I love and a hammoc hanging from the celing? PLEASE!!!!!?? And why was a pie smashed in my face? Of all the things that couldh ave hit my face, why a CHERRY PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I do like the mysterious trmpliens, though.)

Attention passengers! This will be your first day on board the RMS Tiny, so be ready for excitement, adventure, and flamingoes! The following transcript is an excerpt from the ship's log, narrated by the ship of course, and transcribed by the yellow typewriter in the room beside the room that contains all those lovely flamingoes I was talking about. Rms Tiny's editor is the Eiffel Tower. Those two go back a long way, you know… Unfortunately for you, both of the rooms I just described are off-limits to all except staff, and anyone who attempts to enter them will be EXTERMINATED! Good day, and please enjoy your cruise – I mean, MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

-The Ominous

Day 1, Ship's Log:

2 am – In my kitchen, there was an argument going on. “The fact of it is, Aldo, is that one of the passengers is going to be a murderer, so we may as well give them the sharp knives. We need to give them the best possible resources, you know!”

“No, Glennis, no! I tell you again, that just won't do. You don't use sharp knives with eggs and mashed potatoes, it just isn't done! And besides, the sharp knives are just too sharp, someone might cut through one of the antique plates!”

“Who cares about the antique plates anyways? We have hundreds of them on the ship!” Glennis crossed her arms and glared at Aldo across my table.

“I do! And so does the Captain!”

“How do you know? And be quiet, you don't know who might be listening, and you shouldn't bring the Captain into this!”

“I…I…”

At that moment, my captain, The Ominous, walked ominously into the room, wearing a large black hoodie. He set a carton of eggs onto the table, and then stared hard at the maid and the cook. “Aldo, put the knives in the fruit bowls. Glennis, go find some hand grenades and attach them to the ceiling. I want our guests looked after properly. Now get to it!” He left, slamming the door behind him ominously.

They got to it, although Glennis couldn't find any hand grenades so she made do with buckets of icecream instead.

8 am – The weather sure was strange that day, it started snowing maple leaves a few minutes before the new passengers all trooped onto my deck, chatting crazily and staring at their new surroundings. The butler from the hotel showed them into my lounge, and then left, coolly slamming and locking the door behind him. Amy sighed in relief. “The way that butler woke us up this morning, I was afraid he was going to dump a bucket of freezing water on us!”

As if summoned by some invisible cue, a bucket labelled Don't Forget Who Might Be Listening dropped from the ceiling and splashed Amy.

Someone laughed, and suddenly I dropped a horde of buckets from the ceiling, all labelled Don't Laugh At Other People's Misery which splashed all the other Cbers.

With my moral lesson done for the day, I unlocked the lobby door and let a very distressed Glennis into the room. Nearly hyperventilating, the maid quickly mopped up the water and then scurried back through the door, barely acknowledging the existence of the CBers.

My my, you certainly are a good influence on Glennis! I think I already told you how she had never looked at a broom until she heard you were coming aboard, and now this! I always knew she needed a hobby…

-The Ominous

Curious, Forrest peered through the door into the dark, red-carpeted hallway. It was lined with mysterious-looking portraits of mysterious-looking people (and frogs), and there were mysterious torches burning in sconces on the walls. Squeak jumped through the doorway. “Which way should we explore first?”

Air shrugged. “I don't know. How about…to the right?”

Danie jumped up and down. “I know, I know!” She flung out her arm in front of her, spun around in a circle with her eyes closed, and then screeched to a stop. Her arm pointed to the right. “I guess that's the right way to go, then!”

Maplesyrup led the way down the corridor until they reached a turn. Around one corner was a huge stone statue of Julius Caesar's head, with a plaque on the bottom that said “Julius the Geezer, born now, died the future.” Around the other corner was what looked like a huge stone statue of a medieval knight without any armour. Suddenly, the knight moved. “BOO!” Bookbug screamed. The knight laughed kindly. “I'm sorry if I scared you. I'm George, the handyman.” He proffered a large hand and shook hands with everyone. George was wearing a large, dark-coloured hoodie and a mysterious toolbelt with strange, friendly-looking tools stuck into it. “Follow me this way, and I'll give you a quick tour before I introduce you to the staff and the captain of the RMS Tiny.”

The CBers willingly followed George down my many winding corridors, past locked doors and frog-statues and windows that shouldn't be there. The first door that George stopped at had a white, shimmering plaque hanging from the doorknob which said Beware Dog. Opening the door, George turned to the CBers and said, “This room is the Neversphere, the most interesting, and at the same time boring, room on this ship. Don't bother trying to find out where the voice is coming from, no one really knows anything about it, and it's probably better not to know.”

“Um, what voice?” Magic Dragon (who shall now be called Magic) asked.

At that moment, a thin, wispy voice that could have been male, female, pig, chicken, or dog, wafted through the doorway to the Neversphere room. “Welcome to the Neversphere, where nothing much happens and we all stare at the ceiling waiting for banana cream pies to appear."

Everyone crowded around the door, wondering what sort of room could possibly hold such a strange voice. The room turned out to be filled with glowing white mist, a secretary's desk (complete with stacks of lawyer's notes ready to be organized), and the occasional glimpse of a pineapple, banana cream pie, or other random object floating through the mist. George quickly shut the door and ushered the CBers further along the corridor, saying, “We don't have much time, hurry along now."

The next door that George stopped at had the words Rec Room carved into it, but someone had written a W (in permanent ink) before the first R, so it now spelled out WReck Room. George nodded jovially at the sign. “Whoever did that was right, this room is for chaos and games and more chaos! You probably don't want to go in there, you all look to well behaved to make any messes or chaos, right?”

The CBers nodded, trying to hold back mischievous grins.

As George led the CBers towards their next destination, the corridors they travelled through became darker and less well lit. Finally, George stopped at a large, imposing set of double doors. Pushing them open, he announced, “This is the Library!”

BookWizard gasped, and then promptly fainted. The Library was filled with mountains upon mountains of books, and had several levels to it. It almost looked too big to fit inside a ship the same size as me, but I'm a special ship, so everything works out. George didn't seem to notice that the CBers had forgotten about him and were running around in excitement at the sight of so many books, he just pointed at a few other doors and said, “Behind that one is the Conservatory, behind that other one is the Billiards room, and that door leads to the Ballroom. No knives, ropes, candlesticks, or other weapons are allowed in these rooms. Oh, and I just remembered that you should probably know my nickname: the rest of the staff call me Colonel Mustard."

No one paid the slightest bit of attention to George. Masked Piester found a cookbook for frog-flavoured pies, and Everinne ran straight to the Fantasy section and found the full annotated edition of Lord of The Rings. Maplesyrup found a book about maple trees and pancakes, and John F.Q. Found a book of Edgar Allan Poe's poetry. His raven promptly tore out the page that had The Raven printed on it and shrieked, “NEVERMORE!”.

Finally, George realized that no one had heard a single word of what he'd said, and he pushed a bright red button. A melodic buzzing rang in everyone's ears, and they stopped what they were doing. “You can bring exactly one book with you, but we must hurry, The Captain doesn't like to wait.”

Noon – The CBers followed George through darkening corridors, down rickety, badly-lit staircases, and through the occasional interesting room, and finally ended up in the darkest room yet. There was no light at all, and George told everyone to stay at the entrance of the room while he ventured into the darkness. The CBers heard him groping along the edge of the room, and suddenly they heard a snap and a yell. They shook with terror. The sounds of chopping, and a strange bubbling noise reached the ears of the CBers, and they gave George up for doomed. A ghostly glow shone from the far end of the room, and footsteps sounded, coming closer to them.

Suddenly, George yelled, “Aha! There's that lightswitch!” The lights came on to reveal a huge, homey-looking kitchen. The bubbling noise came from a simmering stew, and a small man dressed in plum colours with a very familiar nose ran to shut the refrigerator door. That's where the glowing light had been coming from. The man bowed to the children, tossed them each a cookie, and ran quickly back to chopping carrots.

George hobbled into view, holding a mousetrap and wiggling his toes. “I really don't like mousetraps, they hurt my toes far too much! Everyone, this is Aldo, the cook. He's genius at it, but don't ask him to make spaghetti and meatballs.”

Aldo answered in a thick Italian accent, “We have not enough tomatoes aboard to cook a proper Italian spaghetti sauce! It is an abomination, but there is nothing to be done about it…” he sighed.

George nodded, and then said, “Let's have a proper introduction, now!” He clapped his hands.

Glennis ran into the room, wearing a scarlet ballgown that was almost entirely covered by a spotless white apron tied incredibly tightly around her waist. She stood along one wall, as stiff as a broom. Aldo hurried around the room to stand beside her, looking even shorter and plumper than he was beside the tall, skinny maid. George stood to attention just out of view of the CBers, and suddenly a large figure wearing a big black cloak with a hood that covered his face darted into place between Aldo and a table that sat against the same wall.

George walked in front of the other staff, introducing each one. “This is Glennis Decke, the maid.” Glennis saluted. “This is Aldo Brandino, the cook.” Aldo curled his moustache and bowed elegantly. “You already know me, I'm George The Handyman.” George tipped his hat to the CBers. “And this,” George gestured at the spot where the cloaked figure had been just a few moments before, “is your captain, The Ominous.” On the table there sat a white envelope that didn't look like it was a captain of anything. It certainly hadn't been there when the hooded figure had rushed to stand beside the table.

Suddenly, the letter slipped out of the envelope, hung in midair and folded itself into an intricate origami face that was mostly obscured by the intricate origami hood that covered it. The intricate origami figure spoke. “I had previous engagements, so I couldn't come in person. Welcome aboard my ship, and stay safe. Any murderers among you, have fun! Au revoir."

The origami shredded itself into tiny pieces, and George escorted the CBers to their rooms, which looked remarkably like the rooms they had been given in the hotel. In fact, the only differences between the hotel rooms and the rooms on board were the things that the CBers had added themselves…

End Of Day 1, Ship's Log.

MWAHAHAHA!

-The Ominous

I had to ask George for a wheelbarrow in order to carry around that annotated LOTR. I hadn't looked at the last page yet, but it was heavy enough to be about 3000 pages. He took a piece of paper from a table, took a wrench from his tool belt and immediately the paper began to fold itself into a vague kind of cart. "I hope that will suffice," he said, and plucked the volume from my strained arms as if the book were a feather and plopped it into the formerly-paper wheelbarrow. "Though I do warn you about getting violent books from that library. As you have seen with John F.Q.'s Edgar Allen Poe, creatures can occasionally emerge from the books they are written in."

As if to prove his point, the cover lifted just a little to show the ugly, twisted head of an orc.

TOP TOP TOP TOP TOP TOP TOP TOP TOP TOP

top top top don't let this get below page one top top top

~Curio~

Well, I wouldn't have thought this possible on the RMS Tiny, but I am bored. I finished the book I took from the library (The Cabinet of Curiosities, which was obviously interesting to me) about half an hour ago. I've been just sitting on this bed, wondering what there is to do here and, at the same time, not leaving for fear of getting lost in the Tiny's cavernous confines.

Finally, I can't take it anymore. I push myself off the bed, walk over to the door, and push it open. In the seventeen seconds I stand there, gaping, pondering the decision, I witness:

-Indigo K. dueling CaptainRead broadsword-on-curtain-rod

-Squeak being chased from Air's room into his own room by Danie and Fluffy

-John F.Q. quoting LOTR at the top of his lungs

-Amy L. asking BookWizard where the library is

-BookWizard asking Forrest where the library is

-Everinne, simply standing there with a bucket on her head, covered in ice cream

-Winter Firefly shouting "MOUNTAIN DEEEEW!!!" then collapsing in a dead faint

-MapleSyurp complaining to George the Handyman about the design of her room

-Masked Piester hurling coconut cream pies all over the place (and one cherry pie, judging by the stain on the wall over Madeline's door)

-apple-like objects I can't even begin to describe flying out of Bookbug's room

Needless to say, I decide to go and look for adventure. With all this crazy stuff happening already, it'll get even crazier with me there, right? As soon as I cross the threshold, I am hit with a pie, a quote from Gandalf, and a small fluffy bunny who wants to kill me. Prying Squishy off my leg with no small amount of pain and effort, I continue down the hall, getting hit with another pie and an apple-like object in the process. Several turns and yet another rogue pie later (this time MP didn't throw it, I have no idea where it came from), I come upon a very nondescript door. The only thing that is not nondescript about it is the fact that it is slightly open. Intrigued, I peer into the darkness, only to notice a pair of tiny, glowing eyes, a faint scuffling sound, and a nudge on the leg. I look down in surprise. Why, this can only be that familiar four-letter beast, a Captcha! I recognize this one as Gordon, but more pairs of tiny glowing eyes and four-letter murmurings attest to the location of the rest of the Captchas. They must have stowed away! I try to tempt them out, one by one: Bubbles, Mewmew, Nyan, Koda, Spammie, Cappie, Sir Captcha, Squishy (nothing like the adorable killer rabbit of the same name), but they all stay in the darkened room…except my own, Koda, who whisks out the door, whispers "kfog" in my ear, then scoots back into the darkness again. Spreading the fog around the door so I can find it again (hopefully), I make my way back to the hallway of rooms.

************

P.S. I am now calling my captcha Koda. It makes sense, since she said "koda" a while ago and a coda is the tail end of a piece of music.

P.P.S. I'm sorry to hear about the Ghost-O-Tron. Now that I think about it, I didn't remember to factor the Tiny's spatial claudications and moople-warp drive time skew into my calculations, so the forcefield would have been shaped like a doughnut anyway. But I'm glad the Mountain Dew button still works. Obviously, since Winter Firefly would never have been able to smuggle her own aboard. 

Squeak: HELP MEEEEEE! SNUGGLES IS CHASING MEEEE!

Danie: GET HIM, SNUGGLES! BITE HIM ON THE BU- *gasps* SQUEAK! YOU FOUND THE WHEEL OF SPINNING!

Squeak: man I'm dead. *tries to run*

Danie: DONT' LET HIM GET AWAY, SNUGGLES! Winter, you grab the wheel of spinning and drag it into my room.

Winter: Sir yes sir! *huffs and puffs* Gee, this thing is heavy.

Squeak: *gets bitten by Snuggles* NOOOOOOO! *faints*

Winter: Is snuggles bite… Deadly or somethin'?

Danie: Well, it makes him turn into a rainbow unicorn that has a urge to jump on the wheel of spinning.

MP: well, that makes our life easier.