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Wow! I just read all of this, and I love it! It's amazing, keep writing! <3 I'm looking forward to more.
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@Abigail:
Really? Thanks so much! That means a lot to me. I've been keeping up with your writing here on the Inkwell, and I love it! It's so real and truly human to me. 🙂 By the way, are you going to keep writing your story about Jack and Adri and Theo and Alex? I, and many other CBers, are anxiously waiting for the next part! (not to rush you or anything, I totally understand writer's block and not having enough time and stuff. I mean I don't even know when the last time I wrote a good solid chunk of words was…)
~Starseeker
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I haven't quite finished this chapter, but i figured I should let y'all read it anyway.
Chapter 4
*insert chapter here, about how Zoey wakes up and the group is attacked. At the end, Morrowmist takes Zoey and flees.
Chapter 5
Morrowmist flies faster and faster, fleeing the ruins of our mountain campsite and all we left behind. I choke back a sob as I think of Catfish, poor, sweet Catfish, the first casualty of the battle.
I hope Stratus is still alive, but with so many shadows, and them being almost impossible to kill…
I shake my head. I won’t think of this. If I do, I know I will start to cry, and neither I nor Morrowmist would enjoy that.
Morrowmist puts on another burst of speed, and the world blurs around us. I never knew anything could go so fast.
“Stop,” I say, suddenly scared. What if I fall off? We’re very high up, and I would certainly die.
But Morrowmist appears not to hear me as she speeds up again. If I had thought that nothing could fly this fast before, it was nothing compared to the speed we were going now.
“What are you doing? I don’t think those shadows are still after us!” I shout, but my words are lost in the wind. The only way I know that Morrowmist heard me is by a slight twitch of her ear. Her tail, streaming behind her in the vast wind created by her flight, curls forward, and the Astra rests against my shoulder. I grab onto it, fearing that Morrowmist might not be able to keep up the speed she’s flying at and control her tail.
Morrowmist’s voice echoes in my head. I’m not trying to outrun them anymore. I’m faster than them; I know that. But will I be fast enough?
Fast enough for what? I think back.
The Crossing, she echoes. I must have had subconscious confused thoughts, because Morrowmist elaborated.
The Crossing is how we get to your world. It can only be made by certain dragons. These dragons must be very light and very fast– the Crossing requires an immense amount of speed to make. The dragon must fly so quickly that they Cross into the In-Between, which is the place between all worlds. Once in the In-Between, they have to carefully keep track of where they are. If they don’t, they may remain flying around the In-Between forever, or enter a world where they are not understood or wanted. It takes great skill and practice to be able to navigate the In-Between.
As we speak, the blurred world blurs all the more, and suddenly everything stops. The blurry view morphs into swirling clouds, much like I imagine a galaxy to be. One minute I think I’ve decided that the fog is purple; the next, grey; then blue. It swirls and curls ceaselessly around Morrowmist, who has slowed to a swift glide. I reach out and touch a cluster of it as I pass; it is cool, but dissolves instantly in my hands.
The longer we remain the longer I begin to notice certain aspects of our surroundings. There is a sort of whispery sound, like lost souls, in the air around us. The more I try to listen, the clearer they get, until I think I can almost hear them…
I lose my balance and almost fall of Morrowmist’s slick back. I realize that I was leaning as far as I could off Morrowmist to reach the eerie voices. The murmurs quiet once more now that they realize I will no longer listen. I know the danger now.
As we fly farther and farther into the In-Between, I notice something else. Occasionally, there is a flash of light in the mist. Sometimes it’s yellow, sometimes blue, sometimes pink or silver or green. It’s never the same twice.
What is it? I silently ask Morrowmist.
Entities entering and exiting the In-Between, she answers. We made a flash like that when we entered, too, and we will make one when we exit. Now ssh. The exit is very hard to find, and I need to concentrate. Morrowmist’s mind quiets.
I clasp the spine directly in front of me on Morrowmist. If exiting the In-Between is anything like entering, I’ll need a tight grip.
Morrowmist suddenly swerves left and dives down, and I see we are heading towards a faintly glowing green line. It ripples with the mist, and I shut my eyes, suddenly frightened of what awaits me.
I hear a slight sucking sound and a pop, and the whispering stops. Instead I hear a sound like… wingbeats?
I cautiously crack open my eyes and gasp at the sight laid out before me.
A massive forest is spread out below us. It begins with pines and cedars, then fades into towering rainforest trees I have no name for. As Morrowmist and I streak over it, I feel as if I could reach down and touch the tips of the trees. Then, suddenly, the forest gives way to a massive prairie, rolling hills and grass as far as I can see. It’s a sea of gold, and orange, and yellow, in so many shades. I had no idea there were so many hues of yellow and orange in the world. Dotted among the grasses are wildflowers, almost indistinguishable from the rest of the prairie but for their vibrant reds and purples.
I gasp again in awe and delight. I have no words for the beauty unfolding beneath me. Morrowmist’s Astra twitches forward again– I don’t know when she let it stream back again in the wind– and I hear her voice in my mind.
Beautiful, isn’t it? She asks, wistfulness infusing her tone, even in my mind.
It’s… breathtaking, I reply. Morrowmist chuckles.
Indeed. This is my home, and yet it’s not often I see it from above.
You live here? I ask.
Yes, she replies. My entire Blaze, including myself, all live here, in the rolling grassy hills of Zentara.
Zentara? I frown. Does that include the forest we passed?
Yes. It is the land the dragons live on, all of us, from Blaze MountainFire in the distant mountains, to Blaze TideFire in the sea, to Blaze SkyFire among the clouds.
I ask, Where else do dragons live in Zentara, and outside of it?
We live no where but Zentara. Oh, there may be a few loners outside the borders, but for the most part, the dragons are here. We already passed the Blaze PineFire and Blaze SnakeFire territories, among the trees to the south. Blaze PineFire prefer the evergreens and oaks, while Blaze SnakeFire lounge among the palms and bamboos of the deeper south. To the west are the swamps, where the Blaze SwampFire dragons live–like Catfish, may the Fire-Mother keep his spark– and the ocean, where the Blaze TideFire resides. East is a moor, which is home to Blaze MoorFire, and the desert, where the Blaze SandFire lives. Keep flying north and you will find the mountains, where Blaze MountainFire and Blaze NightFire live, and even beyond that, a tundra. That is where the Blaze IceFire calls home. Beyond that, no dragon has ever gone before. Perhaps a few adventurous IceFires, but nothing has ever been documented besides ice far as the eye can see. Then, of course, Blaze SkyFire lives straight above us, among the clouds.
I crane my head up to the clouds, looking for a hint of a tail or a wingtip, anything that would indicate there are dragons in the clouds. How do they not fall through? I silently ask Morrowmist.
Her body shifts underneath me in the equivalent of a dragon shrug. How would I know?
Morrowmist takes a sudden turn and stops mid flight, beating her wings to stay aloft. I wonder why until I spot a squadron of dragons heading our way.
At first, I think their scales are reflecting the afternoon sunlight. Then I realize they’re all varying shades of gold and orange. Just like Morrowmist.
One of the dragons in the squadron bellows in delight and surges forward. It swoops in circles around Morrowmist.
“Morrowmist!” the dragon says, still winging around her in excitement. “You’re back!” Its voice is gravelly and lower than Morrowmist’s, though it still has the same musical lilt as hers. I decide it’s a male.
Morrowmist lets out a happy squeal and touches tails with the other dragon. “Grytenth!” she bellows, in the exact happy tone as the other dragon– Grytenth.
Morrowmist twists her head around to look at me. “Zoey,” she says out loud, “This is my brother, Grythenth.”
Grytenth notices me then. “Morrowmist?” he asks, confusion written across his face. “Why do you have a human female? Is it from the land you visited?” He stops flying around Morrowmist and wings in place.
“She’s not an it, she’s a female,” Morrowmist replies. “And yes.”
Grytenth gasps. “You know you’re not supposed to have contact with them!”
Morrowmist looks around anxiously, and, seeing that the other dragons in the squadron were still a ways away, glides a little closer to Grytenth.
“I think she’s the One,” she says, in the dragon equivalent of a whisper– though it still sounds loud in my ears.
“The One? Really?” gasps Grytenth, and peers closer at me.
The One? I soundlessly ask Morrowmist, but she doesn’t reply.
Thinking she must not have heard me, I think louder. Morrowmist, what is it? What’s the One?
Morrowmist just shakes her head, but in response to my question or as a plea to Grytenth to not say any more, I don’t know.
With one last look at me, Grytenth closes his jaw with a snap. Just then, the rest of Grytenth’s squadron arrives.
“Grytenth,” says the one in the lead, reproachfully but without any malice, “You need to stay with the squadron.”
Grytenth droops a little bit. “I know,” he says, “But look! Morrowmist’s back!”
The lead dragon starts and squints, then widens its eyes. “Morrowmist! You’ve returned!”
Then its eyes fall on me and it recoils. “What is that?” the dragon asks, and the other dragons murmur to themselves.
“It’s a human female,” says Morrowmist calmly. She flicks her tail towards the ground. “Would you mind if we landed? The Crossing is always hard to make, and I’ve been flying hard all night.”
“Yes, of course,” the dragon says, and makes a sharp whistling sound. The squadron falls back into line, even Grytenth, and Morrowmist trails behind them as they spiral towards the ground.
Morrowmist lands with a thump on the ground, close behind the rest of the squadron.
~~~
Good? Bad? Comments please!
~Starseeker
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I like it. It would be nice not to have skipped chapter 4 but that doesn't stop it from being good.
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@Epic Fangirl:
thanks! And the thing with skipping Chapter 4 is, every time I try to write this book, (and trust me… I've tried… this is maybe my third or fourth serious attempt?) I always get stuck there. I'll write a section, then delete it. Then I would lose interest and drift away, and Take Wing would just be another unfinished book in the sea of manuscripts in the world. But this time, it was different. I had all of you guys here on the Chatterbox waiting for the next part and giving encouragement. I had all my friends on NaNo helping me along. And I've never had that before. Never. I'd never let anyone read my writing before, and because I did this time, Take Wing lives.
So I guess what I'm trying to say here is thank you.
Thank you, all of you, Autumn Moon and Scylla and Storm Windwhisperer and you, Epic Fangirl, and Leeli and unsuspectingstrytllr and Silverwaxwing and Pepper Star and coyotedomino and Quill and Doctor Who? and and Abigail S. and whoever else reads this but doesn't comment! You guys pulled me through this.
Hugs for life,
~Starseeker
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I agree with Epic. Great writing, Starseeker!
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I just have to– oof!– poke this up to– ugh!– the top…
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WARNING: Constructive criticism that may border on slightly rude inbound, but I swear it's not all bad!
The first few chapters: The characters are well developed and interesting, and it comes off as a nicely written (very nicely written, in fact) school story. I really enjoy reading the little bits about Zoey being the 'Charity Case'. It's just interesting, and shows her personality. I love the little interactions between Justin and Zoey. They're amazing, and IF YOU CHANGE ANY OF THEM I SWEAR I'LL FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE AND CHARGE IN WITH A POINTY STICK AND HIT SOMETHING RANDOM–Ahem.
Character issues: Shaina seems like a black and white villain. The stereotyped bossy, bratty, popular girl surrounded by friends. A few questions I have are:
How does Shaina view Justin? How did they end up together? Why does she want to have him as a boyfriend?
Other issues: The story, although very well written (Seriously, how do you do it that well!? It's amazing!), comes off as a school story at first, without hints of magic, aside from Zoey's obsession with magic. You did well at dropping a few hints, but try to add one earlier in the book. 😉
Question: Since Zoey was placed in the school to show the "generosity" and "kindness" of the wealthy, do the rich kids pretend to treat her nicely when adults and their parents are around? To show their "generosity"? It's just been nagging on my mind, since they tend to treat her like dirt.
The 'dragon' chapters: I love the descriptions and the world building, but woah, easy on the Wings of Fire there! The references to it are anything but subtle, although I love the characters and how they're developing so far.
I would talk on and on, but three angry AEs are glaring at me, and I'm out of time. See ya!
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@Icy:
nah, don't worry about the rudeness! I don't think it was rude at all, and even if it was, why sugarcoat something when you can say it outright? I feel that's especially true in criticisms. I come to you guys and everyone on NaNo for honest criticism. I mean, my parents are FABULOUS, and I couldn't ask for better friends, but all they ever say is "yeah it's great keep it up"! And I never know if they honestly mean that or if they're just saying that because they have to. You know?
The first few chapters: yay, thank you! I worked very hard on those. They weren't part of my original vision, but I'm very happy with the way they turned out. As for charging something with a pointy stick if I changed any of the Justin-Zoey interactions, well, I think you might have to get in line behind the JustinCase fans! 🙂
Character issues: Shaina is pretty stereotypical, yeah. But she's not in the story for long, so I figured her having a shallow character was okay.
Shaina views Justin as basically a sparkly accessory. She likes him more for the popularity that dating the hottest boy in school will get her, than for his great personality and caring self. I've never really considered how they ended up together. Maybe Shaina dropped oh-so-subtle hints until he asked her out? I don't know. Interesting question! I'll have to consider that… And Shaina wants Justin as her boyfriend for the status it gets her. Justin didn't want a girlfriend (no he's not LGBTQ+, he just wasn't ready), but Shaina was pretty insistive.
Other issues: I dunno, I kinda just read a lot. And I think about what authors do well, and what they don't do well. I write differently than other people my age. I can see how they write, and I know what's wrong with it, and I can fix it also. By knowing what's wrong, I know what to avoid, and so I do, and my writing turns out like this. (Does that make any sense at all? I don't really know how to describe it.)
You have a question, I have an answer! Yes, the other students treat her decently (or kinda actually just ignore her) when adults are around. But they don't care about teachers and people like that, because they have the same contempt and view of Zoey as the students do.
Thanks for the compliments! It's true that my dragons were impacted by Wings of Fire. I've tried my best to not copy them, however. I don't want my story to be all about dragons (though they will feature prominently) and I don't want my dragons to be like anyone else's. Do you have any specific suggestions on how to improve? The system I've set up, with the Blazes and adaptations, makes sense to me. Maybe I should change the names? To something more dragon-ey? Like have their environment not be so evident in their names, perhaps. Like each Blaze could have a poetic name that means something, like "star-chasers" or "ice-talons" in the dragon language. Kinda thinking out loud here, sorry! Let me know what you think.
I totally get the AE thing… Zoey is my AE, and she doesn't particuarly like her whole life's story laid out bare on here, but it's the least I could do so that people know her like I do.
See ya later!
~Starseeker
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K, so, on the suggestion of Icy (more or less), I have changed each of the Blaze's names to something not quite so obvious and human-like.
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TideFire=Isbaena
SkyFire=Fiera
SnakeFire=Ilyaas
SwampFire=Brissmai
PrairieFire=Saphona
NightFire=Nalua
SandFire=Abayona
IceFire=Ikasia
MountainFire=Pergillium
MoorFire=Shacia
PineFire=Everdemia
~~~
That's all for now! See ya!
~Starseeker
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I really, really, REALLY hope this shows up correctly… my computer is acting glitchy and this is the first time I haven't put it in the correct font before submitting it… if this is totally haywire and unreadable, then I will repost. But (hopefully) here's the rest of Chapter 5:
We appear to be in a large clearing in the prairie, where the grass becomes scragglier and sparser. The squadron bounds forward and suddenly disappears.
Morrowmist? I ask silently, but she says nothing as she bounds forward like they did. There's a slight pop in my ears, and a whole new sight is spread out before me.
Dragons. Dragons at fires, dragons by nests, dragons with hatchlings, so many dragons I can't count them all.
The dragons are all variations of gold and yellow and orange, each with a striped pattern like Morrowmist's. None of the patterns look exactly like.
With a start, I realize that this must be Morrowmist's family: Blaze Saphona.
The entire camp, for that's what I've decided it must be, falls silent. One dragon breaks the silence.
"Morrowmist?" they say in the equivalent of a dragon whisper.
"Chamarys!" screeches Morrowmist, and dashes forward. I am thrown off her back at her sudden movement, and I land on the ground heavily.
I bite back a whimper as I try to move the wrist I landed on. I think it's sprained, or at least heavily bruised. I can add it to the list of injuries on me.
Morrowmist is embracing another dragon, the one she called Chamarys. Her head is resting on Chamarys's, and she's making a sort of crooning noise. Chamarys's wings are fluttering softly, like she can hardly believe it.
"Morrowmist?" she whispers again, and Morrowmist croons louder.
"I've missed you so much!" Chamarys exclaims, and nestles her head even more firmly under Morrowmist's.
From behind me, Grytenth clears his throat. "Morrowmist," he says, "there's more dragons waiting to see you again."
Morrowmist makes one last crooning sound and then straightens her head. She pulls away from Chamarys but keeps her tail wrapped around Chamarys's.
"I've returned," Morrowmist says magnanimously, though that fact should be obvious to everyone now. Her eyes sweep the crowd of gathered dragons.
Then her gaze lands on me, and she says, "Zoey, are you all right? I did not mean to knock you off; I was simply full of excitement over reuniting with my mate." She gestures her head towards Chamarys.
I stand up, cradling my wrist against my chest. "I'm all right, Morrowmist. Just a little shaken up."
The crowd's murmurs stop as they trace Morrowmist's gaze back to me. There's dead silence as they stare at me: a human female, in the center of a ring of large, golden dragons.
One dragon steps forward. "Morrowmist," he says, "how nice of you to have brought the Elder Spark some dinner."
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Wow, you really know how to use those cliffhangers!
❄clutches teddy bear (hmm, maybe a dragon plushie would be more appropriate) in fear and waits for the next chapter❄
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Lucky for you, I finished it this morning! Also, I just finished what you posted about your story– Âmethu and all that– and I'm really impressed. (By the way, how do you say Âmethu? I've been pronouncing it like 'AH-meh-thoo' in my head, but since the A has a fancy squiggle over it, I don't know if it's supposed to be pronounced differently.
~~~
I shrink back from the large dragon facing me, who has just suggested I should become dinner for some other dragon.
Morrowmist frowns and steps forward, uncurling her tail from Chamarys's.
"Eridmus," she says, "this is Zoey. She is not a snack for the Elder Spark. She isn't food at all, actually. She is not to be eaten, now or ever– but you already know the rules about eating humans under the protection of the Treaty of Khua'kahame. I brought her here because I believe she is the One."
Eridmus scowls. The other dragons start whispering so suddenly it's like a swell of sound washing over me. I shrink back even more, suddenly wishing I could be invisible. I hear the words "the One?" repeated over and over, passing the news on to the next dragon, and the next, and the next. I even see tails reaching out for mind conversations.
Another dragon pushes their way forward. "The Elder Spark will want to see it," the dragon says. Unlike Eridmus, who was a dark orange color, this dragon is pale yellow, almost white.
Morrowmist bows her head. "Let me speak to him first, Recium. Chamarys, will you watch over Zoey until I return?"
Chamarys nods her golden head, and Morrowmist wraps her tail once more around Chamarys's before turning to me, still standing at the center of the crowd of dragons.
"Chamarys will take care of you," Morrowmist says. "Listen to her. I will be back shortly."
As soon as I nod in understanding, Morrowmist spreads her wings and leaps into the air, flying over the heads of the gathered dragon. The pale yellow dragon, Recium, follows her. I lose sight of them as they pass the final dragons in the crowd. I gulp. My only ally, the only dragon I knew, has just left me alone at the center of a large crowd of dragons– and not all of them look friendly. Eridmus, for example, is still scowling. As he sees me looking at him, he snarls and whirls around. He pushes his way through the crowd.
A few others follow him, but not many. Most stay to keep staring at me. I clear my throat.
"H–hello," I stammer. "I'm Zoey, but of course you already knew that, because… you know… Morrowmist just told you…"
I trail off. The dragons just blink back at me.
"Um, so… yeah." I finish, not knowing what else to say. The dragons blink some more.
Chamarys clears her throat, attracting the other dragons' eyes to her instead of me, for which I am very grateful. "As much as I want to stop and stare as much as everyone else…"– Chamarys glares pointedly around– "I'm certain you all have better things to do than keep staring at Zoey. Shoo!"
The other dragons sigh to themselves, but disperse nonetheless, until the only dragon facing me is Chamarys. She looks me up and down and chuckles. "What has my mate gotten herself into this time?" she says to herself. Then she adds, "Come, Zoey– that's your name, right? Morrowmist wanted me to watch over you, and watch over you I will. Perhaps I should take you to the healer for your wrist? Although I don't know what she would do with a human patient…" Chamarys trails off, much like I did only a few minutes previously.
I shake my head. "I'm fine," I say, rotating my wrist to show Chamarys. "It's just a small sprain."
Chamarys nods. "Then I will take you to my nest. You will be safe there, and Morrowmist will know where to find you."
Chamarys gestures with her head towards the far side of the dragon camp and starts striding towards there. I have to run to keep up with her long dragon strides, and even so, I'm barely keeping up.
"Chamarys, wait!" I exclaim between huffs of breath. Chamarys stops, and I bend over, breathing deeply. Chamarys fidgets.
"I'm sorry," she says. "I've never been to the human lands so I have no experience with humans. I didn't know how slow you'd be."
"That's all right," I say, finally able to catch my breath. "I knew nothing about dragons until I came here."
Chamarys rears her head back in surprise. "Really? What do they teach you in Avalon these days? Surely you must have been taught something about us. We're practically neighbors!"
Now it's my turn to rear back in surprise. "Avalon? No, I'm from Earth."
Chamarys shakes her head. "You're a human. I just figured you were from Avalon. But I guess Morrowmist has never been to Avalon, either."
I frown. "Where's Avalon?"
Chamarys replies, "Oh, it's maybe a few leagues west from here."
I shake my head in surprise. "I thought…"
Chamarys grins. "That dragons were the only things living here?"
I nod sheepishly.
Chamarys laughs. "Pretty classic of my mate to lead you to think that. Did she give you her whole speech about Zentara and its history? Dragons adapting, all that? And that the dragon lands are the end of the world?"
I nod once more.
"Besides the end of the world bit, that's all true. Morrowmist just didn't tell you about the neighboring lands. Besides Zentara, there's Avalon, home to humans; Solara, Arcadia, and Verasola, home to pegasi, unicorns, and everything in between; Maurentia, which the griffins call home, and several other places, home to creatures I have no name for. Beyond all these civilizations is the Forbidden Desert, Verboten Forest, Dunaat Mountains, and the ocean. It's even rumoured that across the ocean is a strange and magical land called Lydianzaa. Lydianzaa– if it even exists– is supposed to have the misfits from all lands. Results of cross breeding and alchemy, malformed creatures of every shape and size. Many dragons have set off across Avalona Bay and beyond hoping to find this land, and none have returned."
Chamarys stares off into the distance, her eyes misty and clouded. I don't need to hold her Astra and connect our minds to see that she's thinking of all the dragons she's known who have set out for Lydianzaa, never to return.
Chamarys shakes her head, clearing the cobwebs from her vision. She speeds up once more, forcing me into a fast jog to keep up.
"So," I say between huge, puffing breaths, "there are humans here?"
Chamarys nods. "Yes, in Avalon. I said that."
"Have you ever encountered one?" I ask.
Chamarys shakes her head and looks down at me, jogging by her side. "I've never left Zentara, or even the prairie. The farthest I've ever been is the very edge of the prairie, right down by Blaze SwampFire's lands. And that was enough for me. Most dragons haven't had much contact with humans, not since the Treaty of Khua'kahame."
"Treaty of– what now?" I ask.
Chamarys sighs. "The Treaty of Khua'kahame. It prohibits many things with humans. They almost went extinct after the Uprising. The Treaty prevents us from eating them, hunting them, threatening them, even having unsupervised contact with them. Pretty much anything but trading with them once a year at the Gathering."
"Why?" I ask.
Chamarys shrugs. "Humans are so fragile. Most of them fought on the wrong side of the Uprising, and we were forced to fight them or be killed ourselves. Of course, they're so… soft, and they had much more trouble killing us than we did them. But still, casualties happened." Chamarys shudders. "I wasn't even alive then, but I can see the aftermath. Dragons looking out of the corners of their eyes, not able to trust the dragons next to them. All the Blazes used to live in peace– but no longer. No-one trusts Blaze SnakeFire anymore. They were… changed after Kragan took them over. Many don't trust them simply for being weak-minded enough for him to take control. Others simply don't believe they were forced into it. They always have seemed more bloodthirsty than was healthy."
I shudder. "So there are humans in this land, but not many any more?"
Chamarys laughs. "Oh, not at all. This war was many years ago, and you humans tend to multiply like rabbits. Your numbers are back up, and you are once again threatening to spill out of your borders, despite how many we banished after the last Uprising."
"Banished?" I ask. "I thought you said they were killed?"
Chamarys shakes her head once again. "I said many of the humans were killed– not all. The most ardent supporters of Fane Zul refused to back down, and they had some sort of charm protecting them. They were nearly impossible to kill. Instead, we banished them– to Earth. For us, this was only perhaps a century or two ago, but on Earth, it has been millennia. Time moves differently here than there– sometimes slower, sometimes faster."
I shiver and wonder how long I've been gone. If millennia passed on Earth, and only a few centuries here, how long has the hours I've been here lasted on Earth? Days? Weeks? Or perhaps only a few seconds?
Just then, we arrive at Chamarys's nest– a large, circular structure, much like a bird's nest but larger. It's about as tall as I am, but much wider. It appears to be constructed with grass from the prairie, and is lined with feathers, wildflowers, scraps of fabric, and many more items. All around Chamarys's nest are other nests, made out of grass like hers, but with different linings. I see pebbles in one, shed scales in another, and one nest blanketed entirely in twigs. Some of the nests, like Chamarys's, are empty for the moment, but others, like the pebbled one, have a dragon reclining in it. As my gaze lands on the dragon in the pebbled nest, it opens one lazy, golden eye, looks at us wearily, and then goes back to sleep.
Very few nests that I see have eggs in them, and I point out as much.
"Oh, yes, the eggs," Chamarys says sadly. "We lost a great deal of dragons in the Uprising, most of them female. Ever since, we've been short on eggs. Neither Morrowmist's nor I's hatch-mothers were very happy when we announced our decision to be together. Females are few enough, and to have two be a pair… well, it took a lot of convincing, even for the most open-minded." Chamarys sighs. "I always did dream of having my own dragonets… I love my mate, truly I do, but I just wish I could have had some young ones. That's all."
Chamarys steps gracefully into her nest, and I notice it's larger than I first thought– perhaps big enough for both Morrowmist and her. Chamarys holds out a talon, and I cling to it gratefully as she pulls me up and over the side of her nest. I land with a slight thunk at the bottom, where I arrange my legs under myself and lean against the side. Chamarys regards me with wide eyes, perhaps truly seeing me for the first time.
She did say that she had never seen a human before, and I suppose I must look odd to her. Dragons looked odd to me, too, when Stratus first came to get me. Stratus… and Chaparral… and Catfish, poor Catfish. I never even got to say goodbye. I never knew him, even. And now I never will.
I lean my head back against Chamarys's nest, fighting the tears slipping out of my eyes. I don't want to cry here– not in front of Chamarys. But my eyes have other ideas and spill over. Soon I am sobbing, both with sadness over the battle, and stress over the day, and uncertainty over what's going to happen to me.
I feel something warm and rough against my cheek, and open my teary eyes to discover Chamarys's tongue disappearing back into her mouth.
"You're leaking," she says, swiping her tongue thoughtfully along her teeth. "And it was salty."
This statement is so absurd that I have to laugh. Through my sobs, the laugh is half-strangled, but it's a laugh nonetheless.
"It's called crying," I say, sniffing. "It's something humans do when they're sad."
Chamarys nods, a thoughtful expression on her snout. "And why were you sad?"
I find myself spilling the story out to Chamarys. "It wasn't just Morrowmist who took me from Earth. There were three others. Morrowmist is the one who survived."
Chamarys's tail, which had been twitching the whole time we'd been in her nest, falls still.
"There was a Blaze SkyFire dragon named Stratus, and a Blaze MountainFire dragon named Chaparral, and a Blaze SwampFire dragon named Catfish." I choke back a sob at Catfish's name. "At first, they were just my kidnappers, and I hated them. But soon, I got to know them, and I was beginning to even like them when we were attacked. Catfish is certainly dead, and Stratus and Chaparral probably are too, now. And I don't know what happened to them, and I don't know what's going to happen to me or why I was brought here. And will someone freaking tell me already who the bloody One is?" I finish angrily.
Chamarys sighs. "I am… what is the word… sorry? Dragons use a different word, but I do not think your human tongues can pronounce it. It is always hard to lose a friend. I lost my sister a few years back. She was killed in a border skirmish near Blaze SnakeFire. You may be satisfied with the knowledge that their spirits rest with the Fire-Mother now, the Protector of All. She will keep their sparks until the end of time. For many dragons, dying in the protection of family or friends is the greatest honor. Do not cry over their memory. Celebrate and rejoice that you got to know them, even for a short time. As for your other worries… I can alleviate some, not all. There is no way to know now what happened to the dragons you speak of, and I don't know what will happen to you. Do not fear, however, Morrowmist will not let harm come to you, and I will stand by my mate until the end of my days."
Chamarys pauses and coughs. I put my hand on her tail– the part of her I can reach at this moment– in thankfulness. I'm glad that she will choose to stand by me. "And the One?" I prompt.
Chamarys sighs once more. "Many years after the Uprising, but still many years before I was born, a prophetess from a long line of people with the Gift of Sight foretold of three heroes, who would come to save this land from another Uprising. The One refers to the first hero, who, according to the prophecy, would be 'A Maiden Of The Raven Hair, Shall Come To You From Lands Out There, Time Ago Banished Here, Far Away Across The Mere'. Morrowmist believes that you must be the One."
I shake my head in wonder and denial. "Me? I think she must be mistaken, Chamarys. I'm nobody special. I'm just plain old… me!"
Chamarys grins and shakes her head. "My mate is almost never wrong. She has a sixth sense, one would say, for seeking out magical powers. She must have sensed something special in you."
"But– I was chosen by mistake!" I say, the panic rising in my voice. "She was going to choose someone else until I stepped forward!"
"Ah, yes," Chamarys says. "The heroes were said to be selfless and compassionate, also. She knew that the true One would never let someone else be harmed if she could save them."
I shake my head. "No. It's not true. This is all just a big joke, isn't it? Some trick the Northbrook kids are plying on me?" I look to the sky and shout, "I get it! I'm afraid! I bet you're all having a good laugh now, at my expense! But this has gone on far enough. I almost started to believe it! Dragons talking in my head? Dragons at all? Being kidnapped? This is all just one big joke!" I grab a handful of Chamarys's nest and pull myself up. Then another, and another, until Im steadily climbing the wall.
"What are you doing?" Chamarys asks nervously, eyeing my progress.
"I'm getting out," I shout over my shoulder. "I'm getting out of this nest– if that's even what it is– and going back to Delta Dorm. I'm done with whatever this sick joke is."
Chamarys frowns. "I'm not a joke. I am very much real."
I throw back my head and laugh. "Yeah, unicorns too?"
Chamarys nods. "Yes, in Arcadia, Verasola, and Solara. I told you that."
I laugh harder, still pulling myself up. "Yeah, sure, unicorns are real. Yeah. I got you. Well–" I have one hand on the top of the nest– "It's been nice talking to you, Chamarys, if that's even your name. But I really do have to go. I have quite a bit of homework left…"
The words trail off and stop as I pull myself to standing on top of the narrow edge of the nest.
Dragons.
And prairie.
As far as I can see. A sea of gold, orange, and yellow, the grass waving and the dragons doing whatever it is they do when others aren't looking– sleeping, eating, talking.
"It's real," I whisper to myself. "I'm not crazy. I'm not hallucinating. It's real."
From behind me, a strong voice says, "Of course it is. Chamarys, what did you do to her?"
But I don't hear the last part, as the words are accompanied by a strong blast of wind, and then I'm falling, falling, falling…
~~~
There were some Italics and such that didn't get translated over the system… But I think it'll be okay. Most of this was written in word sprints, where I was focusing more on the word count than the quality… let me know what you think! Is it too confusing? Not descriptive enough? I really appreciate y'all's feedback!
~Starseeker
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Okay, I'll start off a (hopefully shorter than usual) post by answering your question; Yes, it is said AAh-me-thoo. The  is the longest part of the letter, though. I won't get too into detail, but true Âmethinians have mastered saying the  just slightly longer than the rest of the word. It's subtle but there. There's also the Âmethinian language, which I plan to add in during the editing stage, when NaNo's done. (It's a cross between French and Polish, with the French part almost always leading the word. Long story there.)
Okay. Since I have to work on Âmethu today, the feedback won't be as long as usual (❄someone screams halleighluia in the background❄), but I'm still going to be giving some feedback! (❄swats the sane person away❄)
First of all, I'd like to compliment you, again, on the last cliffhanger. It was amazing.
You're doing well with satisfying the readers while at the same time consistently filling our heads with predictions and questions (well, maybe not the predictions for anyone but me, because I'm a weird smol human being). Not everything about the future and the story is clear yet, and that's what keeps many readers hanging onto the story. Keep it up! 😉
Zoey's emotions are my favorite part of this chapter; this is the chapter (at least to my ears…I mean eyes) where it really hits her. It's the chapter that screams "This is real!" into Zoey's face. She also showcases her emotions on the losses, and I love that–and–gah! SO MUCH TO LOVE! But what I'm trying to say is that I love the emotional journey.
I can't find really anything to critique/pick apart at this moment….so…
Totally not overly long post that was totally not opinionated, end!
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Thanks! Is it bad to end every chapter with a cliffhanger? Because that's what's been happening… XD
Yay! I try my hardest to be vague, but not too vague. I'm worried about a scene in the next chapter, though, because I'm worried it's a little bit too obvious… I hate books like that, where it's just so obvious. But I can't say more, because that would be a spoiler! But, to be fair, this post will be the Chapter, so… read on!
I've also always hated the books where characters are told they are part of a huge destiny and just shrug it off, or aren't told but it's obvious to the reader. I decided to have it known straight from the get-go that she's a prophecy person. I mean, why not? As for the emotions, well, those weren't part of the original plan. Actually, none of this was– I'm writing blind! But I'm glad you like them. Now, if only I could actually write that chapter…
Hey, we're all totally NOT opinionated, and that's what I love about critique!
~Starseeker
PS I happened to finish Chapter 7 today… I'm so proud of myself! I'll post it below… this is the rough version. I don't think anybody but me has even read it yet!
"O mighty One, are you all right?"
"I hope so… the Elder Spark won't be very happy if you've damaged our hero."
"The Elder Spark? What about the rest of Zentara? That's who I'm worried about!"
The voices come to me through a mist of pain. I groan.
"Sssh!" the first voice says. "The One is waking. Mighty One, how do you feel?"
I try to crack open my eyes. They are heavy, like they are weighted with lead. I wonder vaguely why someone has glued them shut; it certainly feels that way.
I groan again as I force them open. Two large, golden, blurry shapes are staring down at me. As I blink, they resolve themselves into the faces of two very harried-looking dragons: Chamarys and Morrowmist. The pale yellow dragon from before is hovering behind them, peering over their shoulders at me. Recium, I remember vaguely. His name was Recium.
"Mighty One, are you all right? I humbly beg your apologies. I did not know how fragile you would be, and I did not mean to knock you over. I will humbly accept any punishment you choose to give me." Morrowmist says, bowing her head before me.
I sit up and stifle another groan. My head is aching like nothing I've ever felt before. I touch my hand to the back of my head and feel something wet and sticky. Blood.
I pull my hand to be in front of my face to gauge how much I'm bleeding and gasp.
It can't be blood I'm seeing.
Blood is not gold.
Blood does not shimmer like the stuff on my hand does. Blood is not so thick, like molten mercury. Blood is not– should not be– this color at all.
"Is this mine?" I whisper, staring at the golden coating on my hands.
Morrowmist bows her head deeper. "Yes, O Mighty One. Your human head was cracked when you fell."
"Shouldn't I be.. dead?" I ask her, gesturing my hands toward my head. Morrowmist tilts her head at me in confusion. I elaborate.
"I mean, when humans crack their skulls, it usually doesn't end well for them. The fall couldn't have been good for me either– the edge of that nest is pretty high. So why am I not dead?"
Morrowmist looks at me funny. "But you are not human. You are the One."
I shake my head. "Just because I'm the One doesn't mean I'm not human!"
Morrowmist nods. "Yes, it does. No human can make the Crossing and come out in one piece, and you did it easily. Even if they could, humans are non-magical creatures. Without a strong protection spell, they would not survive here long."
"But–" I stutter. "What about the humans here? In Avalon? They live here without, what, spontaneously combusting?"
Morrowmist nods. "That is true. But they are not truly human. They come from Elvish or Faerie descent, and so have magic coursing through their golden veins. O Mighty One," she adds as an afterthought, and stretches out until she is almost flat on the ground. "I submit myself to your punishment. I have caused you harm, and for that I deserve harm in return."
I scramble to my feet and wave my hand at her impatiently. "Oh, get up, Morrowmist. I don't do all the bowing and scraping stuff. Even if you say that I am this… One, and my blood proves it,"– I gesture with my bloody hand– "That doesn't mean I'm suddenly some tyrant."
Morrowmist raises her head but still keeps it low. "Yes, O Mighty One," she says.
I wave my hand once more. "Stop! You know my name is Zoey. Not this O-Mighty stuff."
Morrowmist nods once more, adding, "As you wish… Zoey."
From behind her, Recium gasps. "You dare call the One by her name?"
I turn to face him, hands on my hips. "I said she could. Until I see some true, solid proof that I;m some all-mighty hero, I refuse to make everyone bow and scrape!"
Recium flicks his tail. "What about your blood, Mighty One?"
I put my hands to the back of my head once more and frown at the golden blood coating my hands. "I don't know. I've gotten hurt plenty of times back on Earth– and my blood was scarlet."
Chamarys clears her throat. "May I speak, O Mighty– Zoey?" She catches herself, and Recium grumbles at the use of my name.
I nod fervently. "Of course! You don't need my permission to speak your mind!"
Chamarys bows her head and says, "Thank you, Zoey. I believe your blood was scarlet before because you had not been exposed to magic. Now that you are in Zentara, you have been exposed, and the magic that lay dormant in your blood before has now appeared."
I shake my head in disbelief. "If you say so… I'm still having trouble believing I'm part of some huge, ancient prophecy though." Then another thought occurs to me. "Wait, does that mean I can do magic now?"
Chamarys and Morrowmist exchange a glance, and Morrowmist shrugs. "I don't know. Some humans can, some humans cannot. Those with magic mostly have only a little, but there are some that have endless pools of it. One of the oldest magical human families are the Griffons. They have been the kings and queens of Avalon for generations. But after the Uprising, the family petered out."
"What happened to them?" I ask.
"They were slaughtered," Chamarys says grimly. "Edmund Spenser Griffon, the king, and Serafina Daphne Griffon, the queen, were assassinated by a mysterious man that left nothing behind except for a footprint. The children, though, are more of a mystery. Adrianne Eleanora Griffon, the oldest; Sterling Persephone Griffon, the middle child; and the two child twins, a boy and a girl. In Avalon, it it traditional not to name children until their tenth year, and they were referred to as "the twin royals" until then. But, of course they never reached that point– the twins were nine, Sterling was eleven, and Adrienne was thirteen. None of their bodies were ever found, but blood was found in each of their rooms as it was positively identified as theirs. It is generally believed in Avalon that whoever killed their parents also killed them and hid the bodies."
I shudder. "All that, just to end a royal line? Why?"
Morrowmist shrugs. "They were powerful. And those who don't have power want it, and those who have it want more. It corrupts. The Griffons, however, were unaffected– they were always kind and generous to their subjects. The corruption affected their advisors. Although no-one knows what truly happened, it's assumed that it was an inside job. Anyone at the palace could have done it, but there just wasn't enough evidence to convict anyone."
Recium breaks in. "Instead of scaring the One with fairy stories of long-dead queens and kings, why don't you bring her to the Elder Spark like he asked? The Elder Spark is certainly wondering where we are right now."
Morrowmist shakes her head, breaking out of the trance of her story. "Right! Zoey, I told the Elder Spark about you, and he wants to meet you before making a final decision."
I nod. "Okay."
Morrowmist offers me her foreclaw, and I step onto it. "It'll be faster if we fly. The camp is quite spread out, and the Elder Spark is in the center of it all," she says, placing me on her neck behind her horns.
I nod once more, even though Morrowmist can't see. "Okay," I say, but I can't be heard over the gasps of Chamarys and Recium.
"You allow a human to sit on you like you are one of their dumb beasts?" Recium exclaims in disgust.
Morrowmist turns her head and sends him a withering glare. I can tell she's just about as fed up with Recium as I am.
"No," she says, admirable calm infusing her tone. "Like you said, she is not a human. She is the One."
Then Morrowmist spreads her wings and takes off, Chamarys close behind.
I whoop with delight as we soar above the camp, dragons looking small below us. But even as I shout in happiness, I can't be perfectly blissful.
What Morrowmist said sticks in my brain: I'm not human.
I am the One, or at least they think I am.
And it's about time for me to start acting like it if I'm supposed to impress this Elder Spark Morrowmist and Chamarys spoke of.
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This is amazing! I can't wait to read more!
