The other day my sister was trying to express some deep-ish thought (I'm pretty sure), but she couldn't seem to phrase it, so it came out as "What if you cracked your head open, and then fell out of a window?" which was probably not the wisdom she had intended to convey.

—

A, who is a boy: Hey, B, give me your best roast

B:

B, who is a boy: A, I just want you to know, you are amazing and awesome and I love you with every bone in my body, please A will you be my boyfriend. 

A:

A: … was that the roast?

B: Yes.

A: … well no then.

B: Oh ok YOU SUCK I'M LEAVING

*B leaves call*

A:

A: well ok then.

—

M: where do u live

Me: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington D.C. 20500

M: ok I'm mailing your gift

Me: WAIT NO I WAS JOKING THAT'S THE WHITE HOUSE–

—

M: Hey, what time were you born?

Me: idk why

Me: why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why

M: shut up

Me: why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why

M: ok bye

Me: love u too

— 

Teacher *pretending to be student*: "Your Greatness, I got fined for parking my lawnmower in the wrong spot.  Have mercy on me."

"Life tastes better when you steal it."

"Angle AXD- Aranism XD."

"You know, those famous Roman trains!  All aboard the Nero Express!"

"Guys, seriously.  It's a ballon animal Constantine!"

"Saul has slain his thousands, and (student) her ten thousands."

"Fortunately, how to hide a body is NEXT week."

L: "You're about to fall off the curb."                                                                                T: "I know.  I like to live on the edge."

"I can talk squares around him!"

B: "And then one of them killed the other."                                                                        Teacher: "YES!!!  ABSOLUTELY!!!"

*in Theology class* "We can eat hot dogs because of the Incarnation, ya'll."

"I am the Way, the Truth, and the Lunch."

My class plays Maffia when we have gym and it rains. Everybody who dies falls onto the floor from the chairs, to show they are dead. Suddenly my ELA teacher comes in.

Ms. S: What is happening here?!?

————————————————————————————————————— 

My friends and I are having a funeral for Aavaros the worm in a public park. 

Me to Random Person walking by: Will you come to Aavaros, the dear worm's funeral?

Random Person: Umm, I pass

The Troops(bunch of annoying kids in the playground): I shall rob and destroy the grave!

Old Woman: Ew, what are you doing, getting your hands all dirty?

Me: We are burying Aavaros the dear worm

Old Woman: Ew

At the funeral:

N1: We are surrondede by crazy people

N2: I 100% agree

N1: Seriosly, It is just a worm

E, O, and I: What did you say?!? 

————————————————————————————————————-

L: Life is a conspiracy theory

————————————————————————————————————–

In Poetry Class: 

L (they/them): I don't beleave in religion

G (he/him): Then what is love

Other kids in my poetry class: Ooooo

————————————————————————————————————— 

In poetry class I and S are shipping L and G. They used medifors for the ship.

Me: What are you talking about?

I: The beauty of nature

Me: Umm

I: Look at the logs, look at how the light reflects from them

S: Look at how they get closer to one another

Me (looking at them weirdly): You mean L and G?

I and S: What are you talking about?

—————————————————————————————————————-

In my class we are having a debate about the short story Raymond's Run. It soon turns into everybody vs. A conversation, and has went way off topic:

A: Squeaky should have let Grechin win the race.

Everyone Else: *tries to explain to A why it was important for Squeaky to win the race*

Me: If you were Katniss and you goto into the Hunger Games again, you would want to win. Its the same thing with Squeaky.

A: No it isn't. Squeaky isn't going to die if she doesn't win one track race.

L: She'll die of shame.

Everyone else: *Nodding their head off* 

Some flip flops from my mom

"I HAVE A DISH FULL OF SINK!!"

"I'm having a Hat Flash.." (Later made into a video of a bunch of hats flashing off mom's head

"Mister penguins Poppers!"

"If leaves had trees."

"I'm sorry, Walter, I won't call you Walter" – My Teacher

"DEAD BREAD!!"

S: How normal has life been for you?

Me: uh, pretty normal…

S: GIVE ME A PERCENTAGE.

So, me and my mom were talking about how dogs smell bad, and my mom said, "Well, I bet Mia (my mom's friend's SPOILED mini poodle) smells like perfume!" you know, as a joke. But then later we were with this friend and my mom told her about the previous conversation, and guess what? This dog actually is rubbed with a Chanelle-covered shirt every day! So she does smell like perfume!

Me: Will you let us adopt fredrick

mom:Who?

Me fredrick the rat

Mom: Honey…HE'S DEAD! WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH A DEAD RAT?

Me:Can we bury him?

Mom: GET. AWAY. FROM.THE. RAT. 

Also

F: Are you listening to dumb music again?

Me:What are you listening to?

F:Taylor swift

Me:*pulls out clipboard and pretends to read it*

Me:I REST MY CASE 

ANd ALsO

Me:NOOOOO! YOU CAN'T USE A 20$ BILL AS A FIRE STARTER 

Me, a little while ago: What's that smell? It smells weird.

My sis: Mom wrestled the buck.

Me: I don't smell buck I smell weird. Wait…