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Merry Christmas Eve, everyone! If you don't celebrate Christmas, happy Holidays!! I've gotten into a writing rhythm (my goal is 300 a day) and, consequently, i've finished chapter 1! I stole some of this scene from my initial first attempt at my novel way back in April. Turns out, it wasn't all bad writing. This last scene is a bit longer, haha.
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Lucius refused to be seen by a nurse; him and his mother were fine, thank you very much. Instead, surrounded by a burdensome amount of soldiers, they headed directly to the courtroom. The clattering of armor around him was grating on his ears, and each step the guards took reminded Lucius why they were there. He had thought that their presence, as well as being behind the castle walls, would ease his paranoia. Instead, they were a constant reminder of the arrows that nearly ended his life. He still didn’t feel safe.
One moment was all that had stood between him and his life. If he hadn’t ducked – Lucius shook his head. He was a king, not a child. This would be his first meeting with the King’s Court as acting King, and was not about to spend the whole time feeling like a scared pup. Squaring his shoulders, he shoved thoughts of death from his mind and pushed down fear.
The room was silent as he entered. The faces of the court stared at him, making the walk to his seat seem longer than usual, and no one spoke as guards filtered into the hall. Normally, only his private guards were authorized to listen in on these meetings. Today was an exception. Lucius scanned the room while Oliver barked orders.
The King’s Court was the highest court in the kingdom; it met regularly and was made up of a variety of advisors and representatives. Normally, there were less people at a King’s Court. The Dukes of Valoria would have stewards to represent their dutchies, but now both the Dukes and their Stewards were present. This was because of the coronation – everyone of importance was staying in the castle to celebrate.
It was probably for the best, Lucius thought, that his Dukes were able to be here. When Oliver had grown silent and taken his place behind the queen and king, Lucius began. “There has been an attempt on my life.”
It was incredible how one sentence could throw a room into chaos. Balec, his chief advisor, turned to him in shock. “I had hoped it was a simple rumor.”
Lucius shook his head, and then raised his hand to demand silence. The court stilled. “I had just been officially accepted as King when I spotted a flash in the crowd. I ducked before the arrow took my life. Reportedly, there was only one assassin, and Jaque’s men are currently scouring the city for her.”
“Just one assassin?” (Advisor of War) scoffed, “If someone wanted you dead, they would have tried harder.”
Deanna’s cold voice reprimanded him. “That one assassin would have successfully murdered your king if he had been any less observant. Maybe, instead of questioning the ability of this assassin, we should be questioning why our security failed to adequately do their jobs.”
The man nodded. “A fair point, your highness.” Luthen was a rough, ambitious man who was in charge of everything concerning the military. He wasn’t the most diplomatic advisor, but he knew better than to cross the Queen.
It was Balec that drew everyone’s attention back to the matter at hand. “We must take action, with or without the assassin in custody.”
“What can we do to catch the assassin?” Leopold, the duke of Callaghan and Lucius’ first cousin, gestured to an empty chair. “Obviously your Chief is hard at work, but is there anything that can be done to heighten his chances?”
After a moment of silence, Lucius cleared his throat. “What do you propose we do, Duke Callaghan?”
“Enlist help,” he offered.
Then Luther was jumping back in, eagerly spouting a plan. “The people! Of course, Duke Callaghan, you’re a genius! Obviously we must offer a reward to anybody who can lead us to the assassin. The more eyes we have searching, the higher our chances.”
Leopold smiled and crossed his arms. “Not exactly what I had in mind, but a wonderful idea, nonetheless.”
There were muttered sounds of approval and nodding coming from the court, so Lucius waved his King’s Hand to him. The servant boy bounded over. “You are to get the heralds out on the streets within an hour with this message.” He turned back to the court, and they quickly decided upon what to say and how much should be offered for the reward. Within minutes, the boy was on his way to deliver instructions.
“Do we know why someone would send an assassin after His Majesty?”
Lucius frowned. The thought had, of course, occurred to him, but he would quickly shove it away. Being confronted with the idea so bluntly made him nauseous. The mere fact that someone wanted him dead implied that someone didn’t approve of his newly inherited crown. Why? What could Lucius have done that would cause someone to want to kill him? Were there more people that wanted him dead? Or, if his father truly was poisoned, was Lucius simply collateral damage in a bigger plot?
There were too many questions, and Lucius felt desperation clawing at his insides. He hoped, with everything, Jaque would catch the assassin. They would never find answers without her. “We really can’t know without evidence,” he explained, “So we should focus on what we do know and what we can do about it.”
Balec jumped in, “We need a game plan in place on the chance that the assassin is not caught, and we find our hands empty and with no clues about where this threat came from.” Lucius was grateful for the shifted focus.
Still, conversation wasn’t pleasant. It took a couple hours for the court to feel as if they had run out of problems to solve and finally end for the day. Lucius remembered his father disappearing for days on end when crises occurred; he had always wanted to be there more than any place in the world. Now, as his stomach churned with hunger, Lucius wasn’t quite as eager. Deanna also seemed exhausted; for all her poise she couldn’t hide bags under her eyes.
As the court filtered out of the room, Lucius gestured to Oliver. “Escort the queen to her rooms, and make sure someone sends for food.”
He wanted to join her, but there was still so much more to be done. Lucius waved at Balec to stay, and then called his messenger over. The young boy hurried into the room and bowed. “Bring me the Master of Ceremonies.”
The kid was gone in a flash.
“Stand by the door,” Lucius said to the soldiers. Though it wouldn’t give him and Balec total privacy, they could lower their voices to whispers and communicate privately.
Balec stared at him quizzically, and, as soon as the guards were across the room, was the first to speak. “Are you alright?”
Lucius pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “I wasn’t hurt.”
But Balec wasn’t hearing it. “I don’t mean physically, your highness.”
After a moment of consideration, Lucius shook his head. “I’ve been better.” He had almost been killed, for one. On top of that, there were potentially severe consequences if the assassin was a hired mercenary from another king. Yet it didn’t make sense. Lucius hadn’t been aware he had enemies until a few hours ago. There were pieces of the puzzle missing, and he couldn’t bring himself to try reading between the lines. Not yet. “We should cancel the celebration tonight.”
“I was wondering why you didn’t bring that up during court.”
Lucius smiled sadly. “I didn’t want to deal with their disappointment in person. Especially because the Dukes travelled all of this way for it.” He paused and glanced at the door. “The Master of Ceremonies will be here too, and I’d like his input, but I don’t know if we should postpone or cancel it outright.”
Balec leaned back in his chair. He was nearly as tall as Lucius, but, as they were both seated and Lucius’ chair was noticeably higher, he had to look up significantly to meet the gaze of his king. “Another thing that will have to wait until the assassin is caught. If they are, and their information is yielding, we can most likely hold the celebration sometime within the week.”
“And if not, it wouldn’t be safe.” Lucius had already resigned himself to the idea that the celebration for his coronation would be cancelled. He had been looking forward to it. The entire Kingdom Court would have attended, so the castle was currently teeming with officials and nobles from all of Valoria. They had all been eager, he knew, for the massive celebration.
“They were most likely expecting you to be dead. It is unlikely they made preparations to invade the feast tonight, so it might be safer to proceed than to postpone it.” Balec paused to find the right words. “Unless it was a distraction. But it would have been poorly thought out, and-“
“She was aiming for my heart,” Lucius finished. One look at his paling advisor had him smiling grimly. “Had I not ducked, I would be dead.” He was hesitant to reveal what he knew; scared to confront the reality of the situation. But something big was in the works, and he was at the center of it. His life was on the line. “That’s not the worst part.”
Balec’s shoulders fell, as if he knew what was coming.
“The Queen predicted it. She suspected something would happen, so she insisted I increase my guard. I didn’t believe her at first, but…”
Lucius and Balec sat in silence, not wanting to ask what that meant.
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Thank you all, again, for reading! Let me know in general what you thought of Chapter 1! If you picked up a book in a store and only read this first chapter, would you buy it? Don't worry, I won't be offended if the answer is no ;P.
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Hi Jazzy! Merry Almost Christmas! I commented on the other scene that you posted but I'm not sure if it went through or not. Anyway, I think it's cool that you managed to fit so much action in just one chapter. I love the characters, escpecially the Queen and Balec for some reason. Now I know the context of the story; the first few scenes were kinda confusing cause I didn't have any context, but I understand it now and it's such a cool concept 🙂 I can't wait to see if they capture the assasin or not, and if it's the same person who tried to poison the king? Or maybe a group of people? Ohhh, maybe it was someone in the Kings court that he really trusts… that would be a twist, and it would make sense because they have access to the palace…
Anyway, if I had to give a little bit of advice, it would be to maybe be better to give a little more context in the first scene and make it so the events of the first chapter feel a little bit more stretched out so it doesn't feel like it's all happening all at once. I loved it though! I hope you keep working on this and I wonder how this connects back to the title, 'Prince of Peace'.
To answer your question, I think that I probably would check this out of the library if I found it to keep reading. Anywayyy, Happy Holidays!
~Silver Crystal
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This scene is a bit longer, and I've been quite busy as of late! Plus i have an injury in my righthand (probably carpal or cubital tunnel) so I can only type with my left and it's horribly slow! Anyways happy new year, whoo! How's the pacing in this scene?
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Despite retiring late and sleeping fitfully, Lucius was up with the sun. Frantic knocking and a panicked voice gave him little choice. “Your highness, the assassin has been caught!” He jolted out of bed and threw on a dressing gown before rushing to the door. The servant looked startled when the door flew open, but quickly regained his composure and handed Lucius a small envelope.
Jaque’s signature was hastily scratched on the outside, and the message within was concise. “Assassin caught. Breakfast debrief?”
Lucius turned to the child, who, with wide eyes, was staring at him expectantly. He cleared his throat. “Summon the Queen, my Head Guard, and my Advisor. Then tell the kitchens I’d like breakfast for 4 in half an hour.” The servant bowed and then bolted down the hall. Lucius peered after him, noting the several guards stationed between his room and his mother’s. They were familiar faces, but he couldn’t recall names.
Directly opposite his door were cushioned seats, and the few servant girls sleeping on them had begun to stir from all the noise. “I’d like a hot bath drawn immediately.” He almost smiled watching as they came to themselves, jumping to their feet and bowing. Normally they were awake by the time he was, but he would occasionally surprise them with an early morning.
“I’m having company this morning. I’d like my chambers to be presentable, as well as myself.” They immediately set to work. Half an hour and one hot sponge bath later, breakfast arrived with his guests.
The queen, of course, was radiant as she entered. Her servants worked wonders. It was Jaque and Balec that seemed worse for wear, with Jaque in particular looking as if he was about to pass out. Lucius gestured for them all to sit before the poor man fell asleep on his feet.
“Have you slept at all, Jaque?”
He shook his head after collapsing into a chair. “I was up all night. It’s a long story, and I’ll tell it, but…” his eyes fell on the food in front of him. There was roasted fish with lemon for the main dish, with eggs, bread, and fruit as the sides. The smell was tantalizing, and for a moment all four of them were lost in longing.
Deanna came to herself first, chuckling as she passed out porcelain platters. “You need to eat, poor thing. As do we all.” She cast a pointed glare in Lucius’ direction. There was no way she knew that Lucius went straight to bed without a meal last night, but the look she gave him said otherwise.
Lucius focused intently on his food and ignored her.
“You three,” she continued, her eyes still on her son, “all look wretched.” The queen smiled at her company in a way that made them think she was teasing, despite her reprimanding tone. “Of course Jaque has an excuse, but I wonder what yours is, Lucius? Or Balec?” She turned to the man, who grinned sheepishly under her stare. “If I recall correctly, our meeting last night didn’t end at a completely unreasonable hour.”
Balec tried to look serious, but couldn’t help smiling as he spoke. “I always look wretched, your highness. Old age does that to you.”
“Why, I just meant to imply you look quite a bit more tired than usual,” Deanna replied, not missing a beat.
Balec laughed. “It was, in all honesty, quite difficult to sleep after the events of yesterday.” His expression grew sad for a moment, which caused a memory from a dream to flash through Lucius’ mind. Lucius frowned as he stabbed a piece of fish with his fork.
“And you, Lucius?” For all her teasing, his mother was genuinely worried about them underneath. She was as perceptive as a hawk.
It was endearing, but also frustrating that she would ask him such a thing in the company of others. Lucius’ expression was flat as he looked at her. “I don’t think you’d sleep well after nearly dying, either.”
Balec choked on his drink.
Deanna just smiled sadly. “You do forget that I, perhaps, love you more than you love yourself.”
Lucius again turned away from her gaze. He didn’t miss what his mother implied; that her sleep hadn’t been sound, either. Her expression made him feel guilty for his comment. “Well, you are certainly much better at looking like you slept than the rest of us, it seems.” He tried to lighten the mood with flattering jest, and smiled at his mother to lighten the mood. She smiled back.
Jaque chuckled. “Of course she does, your majesty. It’s all about how you carry yourself, and us men aren’t as quite as good at noticing that as women are.” He laid down his silverware and straightened. “Anyways, I’d better report before I keel over.”
Lucius nodded in affirmation, so Jaque began. “That reward you sent out was a lifesaver, your majesty. Turns out the assassin had a contact in town that was going to hide her away until things died down. Weeks, maybe even months from now, she was going to sneak out with his help.” The soldier, one of most serious people Lucius had met, grinned widely. “We were paying more, turns out. A few hours later the mercenary was in our hands.” Jaque spread his hands wide and shrugged, “Easy peasy.”
“You haven’t interrogated her yet?” Lucius said.
“Me? No. Not in this state I haven’t! Though from a bit of talking to her, money might be more of an incentive than… other methods. She’s a mercenary, for sure.”
Balec spoke up then, his face pale. “You’re sure someone hired her?”
“Absolutely.” Jaque seemed to compose himself as the atmosphere in the room turned bleak. “I’ll speak with her tonight. Don’t trust anyone else to do it, but I need some sleep first.”
Lucius nodded. “Of course, you are welcome to excuse yourself at any time. Let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll call a meeting.”
“We will have a talk with the treasurer in the meantime, Jaque, and let you know what your maximum bribe for the mercenary can be,” Balec said.
Jaque hummed something in response, as he was already halfway across the room with his mind far beyond, and offered a clumsy bow to Lucius and Deanna before seeing himself out. The thud of the door behind him left silence in its wake.
Balec slouched in his chair and groaned. “Paid.”
Deanna sighed, “Yes. Paid.”
“The treasurer, then?” was all that Lucius could say while the world crumbled around him.
“Yes.”
The silence returned.
Lucius stood abruptly, his chair squeaking obnoxiously against the floor, and went to summon the treasurer. The advisor and the queen shared a solemn look. They could read Lucius’ moods like a simple child’s book, despite his attempts to maintain composure around company.
Balec looked earnestly into Lucius’ eyes when the young king returned. “I’ve seen your father through perilous times, Lucius. I will be with you through this.”
And Deanna said, “As will I, dearest son. You need not carry your burdens alone.”
Lucius smiled at them both. “I’ve been trained my whole life to be king. I do not think I shall fail so early on.”
“That you shall not,” Deanna agreed.
But Lucius already felt like he had.
The treasurer came and went, and Balec hurried off shortly after, leaving Lucius and Deanna to themselves. Their conversation was stilted at first, and very polite, as they tried to skirt around more dangerous topics like assassinations and political mayhem, but Lucius could only hold himself together for so long. He had, afterall, stared death in the face less than 24 hours ago. And his mother was using her soft, sweet tone of voice as she always did when she knew something was wrong, and staring deeply into his eyes as if she could read his every thought. It was disarming.
Lucius placed his elbows on the table like an uncultured peasant and buried his face in his hands. Immediately, he felt a hand on his shoulder and his mother’s voice, lined with too much emotion, beside him. “Tell me, Lucius, what ails you?”
Obviously he was tired. She would know that already. He felt overwhelmed, and, though he hated to admit it, scared. There was so much at stake and he had been king for a day and it was all going downhill so, so fast. If his father had really been poisoned, what did that mean? There was so much to think about and his mind was reeling. In the end, all he could say was, “I’m tired.”
“Then rest.”
He looked up at her, annoyed. “You know I can’t just rest. There’s too much to do, and besides, my dreams were abhorrent last night.”
Deanna stood and held out a hand to him. “You can’t do much more until you hear from Jaque, and that will be several hours yet. I’ll stay with you.”
Lucius took her hand and she all but yanked him out of his chair and to his bedroom. He really was too tired to complain, but he complained anyways. “I’ll be fine, mother.”
“Of course you will be! After a good rest.” She pulled herself onto his bed and arranged her skirts around her. “Come on.” She gestured to her lap, and Lucius deflated.
“I’m not a child.”
“This worked for your nightmares when you were younger, there is no reason it won’t work now.”
“Mother.” He crossed his arms.
She smiled and patted her lap. “Son.”
“I suppose you’ll sing too, won’t you?” Deanna just smiled and began to hum, again motioning for him to join her. He gave in shortly. Lucius knew his compliance would bring her joy, so he told himself he was doing it to comfort her. But with his head in her lap, and her fingers combing through his hair, and her singing a song from his youth, he felt safe. Safe, and warm, and if not happy at least content, as one only can when they are in the arms of a beloved mother.
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Awww, I love the mother/son relationship here! It's so cute 🙂 And they've finally caught the mercenary! I wonder how much info she'll give away… who hired her? I have a feeling that she has to do with the king's death. I kinda wanna see Lucius talk to her face-to-face,to see how they'd both react. The suspense builds!
Keep it up @Jazzy!
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I appreciate you, Silver!! I'm working on the next part but it turns out writing political scenes where everyone has ulterior motives that I have to write without actually revealing them is TOOO hard. (also I've been going to a chiropractor for my arm and it's not carpal tunnel but I've got some issues that will take some work. Ugh.) Anyways, wanted to let you know that if you have any writing you want some tips on or some encouragement, I am totally down to repay the favor!
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Honestly, I'm kind of surprised that I'm the only one following along with this. It's really well-written and I know there's a lot of CBers on here that would enjoy it. I currently am not working on writing anything (I lack commitment lol), but I do have a lot of ideas floating around in my head, so maybe one of them will make it's way onto paper. I'll definetley keep reading this and commenting 🙂 See you around!
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Also whoever else was topping this thread, thank you! You bring me great joy.
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it takes so much to top oh no
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Am I only now taking the time to plot each individual chapter because I don't know what I'm doing? Absolutely. I'm in a weird phase between plotting and worldbuilding/writing and kind of trying to decide where to go from here. I realized I really want to flesh things out and have more direction for everything I'm doing, even down to the whole novel if I have to.
I'm not, like, a super organized person, but I feel like I have to be for a project so big!
Anyways thats just an update, although I did post some writing yesterday! 😀
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So. So. Complicated. I'd like to know if this scene was boring, or actually entertaining despite being more on the logistical side of things!
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The worst part of sunny days is that rain always follows behind. Jaque, of course, had no good news. After a brief five hour nap, it had only taken a couple more hours to get the information he needed from the assassin. The King’s Court was full and bustling before the afternoon was complete. Extra guards lined the walls, tables were packed tightly around the long table to make room for visiting members, and Lucius frowned upon it all.
His knuckles were white against the arm of his chair. Like a hammer to stone, Jaques' report shocked everyone and the blow was still rippling through the court in the form of outrage, confusion, and fear. Lucius sighed deeply and drew himself up from his seat. One wave of his hand ensured silence. He had grown up in this court, but sitting in silence at his father’s side wasn’t the same as being his father; being the king. For a moment the weight of the crown on his head was reassuring.
Then he remembered how it had almost been his grave.
Lucius clasped his hands behind his back to hide their shaking. “Thank you, Jaque, for your diligence has perhaps spared me great tragedy.” Then he turned back to the faces of his court and all of their expectations. He could give no advice; only ask of it. “Is there anyone who knows what incentive Temel could have for this cowardly attack?”
As Jaque had discovered, King Eno of Temel had hired the assassin. Originally an anonymous person had approached her with the offer, but, being suspicious, she discovered the king himself was behind the request. The two kingdoms had been living in peace for years.
“I want to know if this is even realistic,” The Duke of Delacruz began. Philip’s passionate tone had others nodding in agreement. “Her whole story is vague enough that many errors could be found within. For example, someone could have planted a path that led to Eno.”
The queen leaned forward to stare down the table at the older man. “We could ask questions like that all day, Duke Delacruz, but it will only serve to distract us from making true progress. And I do question, if you are proposing a third party attempting to start a war, what their motives could possibly be.”
“We have to question all sides, your highness," he insisted.
Jaque cleared his throat. “Regardless, I can say the assassin was telling the truth, and that she has a good cause for the conclusions she drew.”
“Maybe we would like to hear those reasons!” Duke Callaghan pushed himself up from his chair, startling his advisor and son. “It would be ridiculous to engage in conflict when there are no factual grounds to base our decisions on.” Kingston, the heir of Callaghan, quickly tried to convince his father to be seated.
Lucius pressed his lips together and narrowed his eyes. “Jaque has already interrogated the assassin thoroughly. I trust him, and I would hope that we don’t waste time on something already accomplished.”
The Duke reluctantly sat.
“Let us assume that we know for certain Temel tried to have me killed, I want to know why.”
After a few moments of uncertainty, Balec began to ramble. “There have been tensions at the border, your highness, up north in the mountains. The unclaimed territory has been occupied by thieves that are raiding small civilisations.” He paused to lick his lips. “On both sides of the border, your highness, and within the land as well.”
Lucius stared at Balec in disbelief. “Why was I not made aware of this immediately?”
The man sighed. “It hasn’t quite been relevant, and I really couldn’t during the days of mourning…”
“Isn’t relevant! I beg to differ.” Lucius, fists clenched, turned to stare down Duke Orth. “Damien! Are you aware of these issues?”
Duke Orth watched over the mountain territory and the mines and tribes spread throughout. He was a large man, with wild white hair and a fierce face. But his eyes were kind, and he placed his hand on his heart as he spoke. “I offer you my sincerest apologies, your highness, I had assumed Balec would tell you as I am not in the capitol often.” The venom in his voice as he emphasized “Balec” didn’t go unnoticed, and Balec flinched.
Lucius took a moment to steady his breathing while muttering washed over the table. Leopold, after conversing with his advisor and steward, brought things back to order with his cool, commanding voice. “Even if we know for certain Temel sent the assassin and their motive, we cannot simply begin a war. If we accuse them, they could very well deny the claim and insist that we are dishonorable in jumping to such a conclusion.”
“Yeah, well, they’d be lying.” Kingston said, pretending not to notice the glare his father was giving him.
Leopold sniffed. “If his majesty is looking for a more subtle approach to confrontation, I recommend not directly accusing Temel.”
Luther was the advisor of war, and he had been quite bored of the lack of wars during his several decades in his position. “We have the upper hand. They don’t know we know, yet. I’m sure they know their plot failed, but they for sure don’t know that the lady assassin did research. They think they’re safe! We attack while they are off guard!” He slammed his fist down on the table.
Balec pulled at his collar and cleared his throat. “That does give us the advantage, Lucius – I mean, your majesty.”
Lucius stared at the nervous man behind him and shoved his irritation to the side. He slowly nodded, and Balec’s shoulders relaxed. Again, the table had burst into chaotic debate. Balec leaned towards Lucius and placed a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, Lucius.”
For a moment, the anger resurfaced, and then Lucius patted Balec’s hand and cleared his mind. “I understand your reasons. It wouldn’t be proper to work such during mourning, and the last 24 hours have been quite chaotic. I hardly think thieves and vagabonds causing chaos would be means to start a war, but maybe they have been looking for an excuse?”
His advisor smiled sadly. “Unless they think the thieves and vagabonds are really under your payroll.”
Lucius inhaled sharply. “Ah.”
Balec nodded, and then for a moment looked as if he would say more, but turned away. He seemed deflated, and Lucius patted his hand one more time in comfort. Lucius trusted Balec. He only hoped Balec would trust his forgiveness and not worry so terribly much.
When he turned back, he found his mother staring intently at them. Lucius wrinkled his nose at her and she rolled her eyes.
The debate had been raging meanwhile. He had to take a moment to listen and gather his bearings. Several people were advocating for immediate war. Luther was on the forefront of that argument, but despite his enthusiasm his reasonings were still sounds. Still, Lucius wasn’t keen on war. Just a few generations ago The Continent had suffered from a terrible war; his kingdom was just beginning to thrive. He didn’t want to jeopardize their growth, and there were the people to consider. Throwing them into a war when stories of the great grandparents were still so fresh seemed cruel.
Yet it seemed inevitable.
Leopold fronted the opposite side. “We should propose to renew our treaty with Temel!” His voice rose above the fray.
“Wait,” Lucius called, “Duke Callaghan! Repeat what you just said.”
“Of course. We should propose to renew our treaty with Temel.”
“And what is your reasoning behind this statement?”
Leopold gave his cousin a weird look; as if he had just been explaining his reasoning for the past several moments. “Well, your majesty, I suggest that we request an act of goodwill from Temel. In light of your recent assassination, we would like to renew our treaty with them as evidence that they are not behind the attempt.”
The Baron Orth sighed. “They are behind the attempt, Leopold.”
“Yes, but by requesting a renewal it may be possible to discover their true intentions. It will spark a conversation, and maybe we can come to an agreement without even accusing them directly of the assassination.”
Lucius found himself nodding in agreement.
“All we are doing is giving them more time to make another plot,” Balec argued. “If they sent an assassin to kill Lucius directly after his coronation, they were obviously intending to attack while our country was in chaos. It would take weeks to elect a new king!”
“They were prepared for war,” Luther agreed. “They’ll be preparing again. You won’t be safe, Lucius. We’ll be walking on eggshells until they finally attack.”
The idea of quadrupled security for the rest of his life wasn’t a pleasant one, but, then again, neither was war. So as the debate went on Lucius found the one inside his heart just as heated. It was only when his stomach began to ache from hunger that he made a decision.
He knew, as his father had always told him, that his power as king lay directly in the belief of the people. And he knew that they wouldn’t want to go to war. If there was any chance of avoiding it, especially when they weren’t certain Temel was to blame, Lucius was going to take it.
“Ethan.” The envoy straightened in his seat. “Send word to Temel immediately.” He glanced at the scribe to make sure they were ready, and then began. “In light of the recent attempt on Lucius Gideon Maelfesta’s life, the king of Valoria would like to formally request an act of goodwill from King Eno __ ___ of Temel by way of an alliance renewal. Under the eyes of our great grandfathers, who we have to graciously thank for our current peace, and for the sake of our descendants, who shall hopefully thank us as we have thanked our ancestors.”
The table erupted.
Lucius sighed and waved his hand. “Leopold?”
“Yes, your majesty?”
Lucius stared down the table, his eyes hard as he met the faces of his court members. He knew what to do, now. “Arrange for your spies to cross the border. Until we hear back, all bets are off.”
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Oh my gosh, things are getting intense. King Eno might have been behind the attack, but why? Then again, it could be someone in the court who framed Eno… maybe Leopold, since he would be next in line for king? He was also the one who suggested renewing the peace treaty, so he could be working with Eno to lure Lucius into Temel to trap him or hold him for ransom. Or maybe it's someone who Lucius trusts too much… could it be Balec, who was the one who interrogated the assasin in the first place?? He seems a little too nervous and Lucius trusts him undoubtedly, and it's a bit sketchy. You mentioned something before about everyone having hidden motives, so now everyone seems kind of suspicious to me lol. Oh, it might be helpful to have an overview of the people in the court at one point, 'cause there's a lotta people there with fancy titles that are also referred to with their first name and it's a bit confusing.
I don't think that this was boring at all; it was really essential to the plot and was very suspensful. I'm not sure if Lucius is making the right call, but he's trying his best. It's interesting to see how he is being forced into this position, and how his inexperience may hurt him, though it might also give him a new perspective that could lead him down an interesting road.
This scene was really great at leaving the reader wondering about the people in the court as much as the people in Temel and their own kingdom. Can't wait to see what happens next!
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Really good thoughts! I will tell you no answers, except it was Jaque that interrogated the assassin, not Balec. ;P
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Oops, I got them mixed up for a second there lol. So many names… although I'm curently reading the Silmarillion by JRR Tolkien, so this has a much easier amount of characters to remember comparitivley XD Also, I guess that puts Jaque on the suspect list.
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I've been reading this! I apologize for my silence, most of the time I have barely any time to post things. I think this is really great and I would definitely pick this up to read if I saw it in a library or bookstore.
Just a small detail to make the very begining a little less confusing for the reader. Try adding a paragraph before "Lucius ducked not a moment too soon" to give the reader a little more context. Maybe back up a little in the coronation and have the crowner place the crown on Lucius's head and proclaim him the new king before having him almost killed. It might require a little tweaking of the parts you have already written but I think it would leave the reader less confused at the begining.
I was a little confused after reading the first part until I read about half way through the second part. You want suspense and questions at the begining so the reader wants to read on,, but not confusion it turns most readers away.
Even it you added a part before the begining you have now it would still leave a lot of questions. Why is Lucius being crowned king? Why is someone trying to assasinate him? Etc.
It's just a minor detail to perhaps make it even better. I really like your writing style and I will definitely keep reading. This story has me hooked!
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Nice to meet you, Peregrine! Your silence is totaly acceptable; believe me, I know how busy feels. And I will defiitely rework the introduction on my second (and every other draft afterwords probably.) Thank you for the advice! I really can't tell with my own writing how it is because my brain knows all the details and I forget the reader doesn't…
I'm glad you're enjoying the story!
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I'm not exactly sure how to subtly write and describe a whole government, but I'll figure it out someday. Until then, for everyone reading, here is my general layout of at least the King's Court!
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King’s Court (The most important dudes) Meet frequently and make important decisions.
King (Lucius) Big guy in Charge
King’s Adviser (Balec) The guy who gives advice, most trusted guy there is.
Hand of the King Carries out the king's orders, usually a quick servant youth. He delivers messages.
Cleric (Raftra) The guy who represents the church and the will of God in making decisions.
Head of Guard (Jaque) Nuff Said
Royal Scribe The guy who writes down everything that is said to keep a record.
Bookkeeper The guy who organizes everything that is written down, and stores them.
Treasurer The guy who keeps tabs on the money and resources the kingdom has.
Adviser of Law The guy who is aware of all the kingdom laws, and keeps everyone else aware too.
Adviser of War The guy who keeps tabs on their resources for defense, and their plan of defense.
Stewards of the Duchies Representatives of the Dukes; they make decisions on their behalf.
Advisers of the Duchies Scholars who advise the Stewards. They are kind of wise assistants.
Intendant In charge of making announcements to the Public.
Steward of the People Guy who represents the public, and keeps tabs on needs and wants of the people.
Court Master Equivalent of the Supreme Judge guy. Handles law enforcement.
Envoy Keeps tabs on other kingdoms and represents Valoria to them.
(As a side note, here’s the different dutchies.)
Callaghan:
Haynes:
White:
Rivera:
Orth:
Simmons:
Cooley:
Delacruz:
Yes, It's very complicated and very hard to keep track of in writing. But I'm getting there! Hopefully the formatting works here too.
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I am so excited about this scene! It's probably the favorite i've written so far… maybe. This is loosely the beginning of chapter 3. I'm not too worried about diving things up into chapters right now, and am focusing more on diving scenes, but I guess I'll keep throwing chapters out there. Anyways, school starts this Monday for me! I've decided that my goal is to post a scene every other Saturday (starting today.) I'll probably be able to post every single saturday on occasion, but my GOAL is every other saturday so I don't get stressed out. Anyways, here you go!
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Until we hear back, Lucius realized, I am going to be very busy. It was customary in Valoria to allow 37 days of mourning. If someone in a household died, the house mourned. If that someone was a noble Lord, his followers mourned. If that someone was a baron, the people under his land mourned. If a duke was lost, everyone in the duchy mourned. Therefore it was everyone who mourned when the king passed. Life all but stopped during that time.
The hours stretched on; the days blurred together. Obviously the common people couldn’t afford to cease working and shut down their households, but there would be no celebrations, no indulgent food, no pretty clothes, and no fun or games. Lucius followed that and more, as the direct son of the king, and spent 37 days waiting for time to move forward again.
Now it was moving far too fast, and he had far too much to do.
First, there was a commemorative celebration for his coronation that had to be addressed. The dukes were itching to return to their stations, and the castle was full to bursting with hundreds of nobles. The King’s court was the most important court in the land, and the Full Court, while being the largest, was the least. It was merely for parties; and right now the entire Full Court made a full castle, which meant that it was costing a fortune to feed them all and Lucius didn’t even want to have a conversation with the Treasurer about that. It was towards the bottom of his list.
And just because the kingdom was mourning didn’t mean that injustices weren’t committed. Lucius had seen the look on the Court Master’s face; the man was exhausted from the hundreds of official documents requesting justice from the king. If the Barons couldn’t dissolve a dispute or right a wrong, it went to the Dukes, and if the Dukes couldn’t handle it, it went to the Court Master. Sometimes they made it through to the King, but over 37 days the number of cases he would have to address had grown quite high.
There was also the possibility of war. That was quite important; although there wasn’t much else to do but let Luther, the advisor of war, make preparations he saw fit while they waited for Temel’s response.
Lucius ran a hand over his weary face. He also, of course, had to spend obligatory time in the Sitting Room. It was a large, wide room on a higher floor in the castle with a balcony overlooking the ocean. As it was still summer, the doors to the balcony were wide open and a warm breeze sent the silk curtains fluttering. There were chairs with rich, velvety curtains and tables that never lacked the finest delicacies. It would have been a peaceful place.
As it was, the sitting room was where conversations happened. People were continually coming and going throughout the day, and it was especially packed when the king was there. Many people wanted his ear. He had spent hours as a child observing in silence the way his father navigated the waters; as a teen, he began to navigate them himself.
“Always let them leave thinking they’ve won.” His father’s advice, offered many years ago, still rang true.
The man that currently held his ear was the President of the Merchant’s Guild; he was quite possibly the most powerful man in Valoria besides Lucius himself. His business kept track of all trade from Valorian merchants. His nasally voice and the way he droned one was quite obnoxious, however, regardless of his status. “Of course a war would be quite disastrous, quite, but in the long run… Really, your highness, if we won, which of course we will with the upper hand as we have it, it wouldn’t take long for the guild to enforce itself in Temel. Our membership would… the growth would be phenomenal! So many new members would boost our prices, and, of course, you would receive your fair amount of taxes…” He was nodding to himself, his stubby fingers stroking one of his three chins.
Lucius smiled. “I admire your ability to look on the bright side. Your efforts will truly help us recover from the war, if perhaps there is one.”
“And shall there be one?” The man had a coy smile on his face as he leaned towards Lucius.
“It is too early to tell, Richard.”
“But of course-” before he could finish ringing Lucius for more information, Kingston appeared.
Kingston, heir and representative of the Callaghan dutchy, was Lucius’ second cousin. Next to Leopold, he was possibly the closest thing to a brother or friend that Lucius had ever had. “Your majesty!” He exclaimed, throwing an arm around his cousin’s shoulders as he squeezed between him and the couch arm. “You can’t believe how delighted I was to find you here; we haven’t caught up in ages.”
For the past two years Kingston had been living at the castle, so he was definitely exaggerating.
Lucius sighed, which Kingston took as a queue to keep chattering. “I have been quite desperate, so it was only fair of me to cut in line.” He gestured vaguely to the room full of several irritated men who had been waiting their turn. “And, anyways, you are looking quite peachy today. How long have you been sitting down? Come on, out onto the balcony with you, get some sun on your face.”
There wasn’t even a chance to argue with the way Kingston grabbed his hand and drug him across the room. It was quite nice to walk around, Lucius had to admit, and he could see where the land met the sea in what he knew were jarring cliffs. But it was also quieter. He leaned towards his cousin and offered a crooked smile. “What, exactly, do you need from me, Kingston?”
“Just because you’re king now doesn’t mean I don’t want to see dear Lucius for dear Lucius’ sake!” He laughed loudly, obnoxiously, so the few others outside turned their way with frowns. Then, when they returned to their conversations, he sighed. His whole personality shifted in the span of a few seconds. He was still smiling, and looked like he was ready to laugh any second, but Lucius knew that was only to deter anyone watching. His laughter and joking was also meant to give the illusion that they were having a completely casual conversation. It was his eyes that clued Lucius into his real mood.
“Lucius, I can’t…” His fake smile faltered for a second. “I can’t have a serious conversation while smiling like an Idiot, that’s what.”
He laughed. “I will admire the view while you speak.”
As Lucius turned to rest his elbows on the ledge, Kingston continued. “Go to war with Temel.”
His voice had been so quiet that Lucius wasn’t sure he heard him correct. “What?”
“Trust me, Lucius?”
He tried to steel his features so onlookers wouldn’t ask questions. “Kingston, what did you say?”
Kingston opened his mouth to respond, but before he could speak a loud cough drew both of their eyes to the doors. Duke Callaghan was standing nearby, smiling broadly. He took their attention as an opportunity to speak. “Your majesty, I’m sure my son has just delivered the news?”
Lucius turned back to Kingston. His cousin’s expression was suddenly stony, and he held his gaze with pleading eyes. Lucius racked his mind for something he could say that wouldn’t throw Kingston under a horse. “I believe he was about to relay the news, whatsoever it may be.”
The Duke stared at Kingston. “Well, don’t let me ruin it for you, son.”
Kingston smiled widely and Lucius knew with every bone in his body that it wasn’t real. “I’m to return home.”
For the third time, he found himself asking, “What?”
“Well, my son obviously has learned much during his time of representing me during court, but both his mother and I feel it is time for him to return home.” Despite saying he didn’t want to ruin it for his son, the Duke had no such qualms now. “I would like to continue training him to be my heir and successor.”
Kingston nodded sharply. His eyes were still locked onto Lucius’ own, relaying a silent message. It was time to act. Lucius smiled warmly and grasped the hand of his cousin. “It has been a delight working with you. I will miss you while you are gone, but my excitement for this new development will make the distance bearable.” Then he turned to the Duke and shook his hand as well. “You may be able to retire early with an heir as capable as yours!”
The man chuckled. “Your blessing is an encouragement to me, your majesty. I am afraid Kingston and I have some immediate business to attend to, but we shall see you at the ceremony before we leave.”
“Certainly,” Lucius agreed. Kingston, looking rather subdued, left abruptly with his father.
The whole interaction left Lucius reeling, and by the time he was able to escape the Sitting Room, he wasn’t sure what Kingston had said at all.
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I had my sister read a little bit of my writing, and she told me she was obsessed with Lucius already. She didn't have good reasons why, however… (He's HOT she says ;-;) so tell me! What do you think of Lucius so far?
And, how do you like this scene? Kingston? (he is my absolute fave hehe.)
Thanks sooo much for reading, and for offering some input to sillly ol me!
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*applauds* Wonderful scene, Jazzy! Kingston is such a fun character, but something is definetley up with him and his dad. Why would he just ask Lucius to go to war with Temel? From this first impression it looks as if this type of dark insistance isn't normal for him, so why ask this now? I think it has something to do with the reason he's leaving the palace immediatley; I suspect the dad is up to something for some reason…
As for my thoughts on Lucius, I think he's trying reallyyyy hard to be a good leader, but on the inside he's just kind of taking his best shots and seeing how it turns out (which is kind of funny/interesting to watch), but he's still really thoughtful and kind. Also, maybe you can request a picturing from one of the picturing threads in Puddings Place for Lucius 'cause it's kinda cool to have art of characters (also I kinda forgot what he looks like lol) but you don't have to. If you're too busy with collage and all you can give a brief discription here and I'll request a picturing or two for him.
Anyway, how is it my thoughts here turn out to be so long XD Thanks for writing, can't wait until the next update!
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You're in luck! I've got a picture of him I drew a while back. Also, I highkey love your description of him haha. "Trying super hard but just taking shots" is pretty accurate lol!
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Ohhh very pretty. You're a great artist! Idk why but I was imagining him as a blond lol.
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Hi, Jazzy! I'm MoonKitten, and I'm new, so you probably don't know me. I love your story, though!
I really like both Lucius and Kingston!
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Nice to meet you, MoonKitten! Thanks for taking the time to read my work and for the encouragement! I'm glad you enjoy the story/my characters 😀
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