Caden!

Seriously, you're starting to worry me. I really, really, really need you to find what's in the bag, and you're chatting with your buddy. Yes, Henry is a nice guy, and it is slightly amusing to hear you two exchange witty comments, and I did base him off my brother. As much as I would love for your life to be that of a successful marketplace thief and live happily ever after, that would ruin the plotline. Utterly so.

Look, if you don't get your act together soon, I'll have to make Henry evil. And I really don't want to do that. It would be painful for both of us. And for him. And for Vorgan, poor, unsuspecting evil crime lord. And for Layla.

So now I'm going to have to have the Magpie's Nest burn down or something equally depressing, just to get you away. So if you know what's good for you, get out of there right now. Go follow Layla and get the bag. I won't tell you what's in it, you have to find out for yourself.

You're the main character! Act like it!

Annie

Layla-

As much as I love you, please try and be a little less melodramatic. You're the size of a six-year-old with the powers of a Fyrrekyn, but that doesn't give you the right to go all emo on me. Seriously.

I had to make a lot of threats to get Cade to follow you, so don't flame up at him again, or he'll run off, and I have to get Henry or Ka- that is, some other charrie to go evil on me, just to get some action. Now. I am ordering you to tell Cade what is in the bag.

So, little one. Good luck. Fix my plotline.

Annie

Kanu…

Kanu, Kanu, Kanu. Wildcat warrior of the Wandering Swamps. What am I to do with you? You're going to have some visitors soon, in that out of the way place of yours. Namely, your little sister Layla the Fyrrekyn, and the Shadowthief.

Don't kill them. That would ruin my plot line. Seriously. If you do, I shall have to turn you into an evil mindless slave of Lord Vorgan. And I don't want my most original charrie to turn into a puppet.

So, best regards,

Annie

Dear Rilda:

 You are a very docile and well-behaved character who does what's required for the plot and doesn't cause trouble, and that's a good thing. But I don't know who you are! Seriously, you don't say anything, you don't do anything, you just follow Manda around and agree with whatever she says. Yes, you're supposed to be introspective, but you're taking it a little too far. Get yourself some personality, seriously! And a backbone!

Oh, and tell Manda she needs to deflate her head, be more of a spectator and less of a doer. Because no one else ever has a chance to do anything. She's not even that cool of a character, so why should she get to do all the fun stuff? Stand up to her and demand that she give you an opening sometimes!

I guess I could go back and entirely rewrite, in third person instead of Manda's pov, which would make things more even, but it would be a big hassle. Honestly, I'm considering killing you off just so Manda can realize she never took the trouble to get to know her own sister. You don't want that to happen, now do you?

 Good luck,

Your Author 

Lord Craytor…

Look, sorry for changing your name with no advance warning. Truly, I am. It's just that you're so generic. You mimic every evil crime lord ever, even in your name. I mean, Vorgan was so generic it just reeked of un-originality. Craytor was more subtle, but only slightly. So just… get a life. And a personality. And a backbone. And a haircut. And a mutinous servant–oh, sorry, didn't mean to let that slip.

Anyway, keep at it. And I know you've got this unrequited love thing for Rowena, so I need you to be more of a psycho than a cold and calculating crime lord. Please?

Annie