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Pls Help Meh
Pls Help Meh
So my friend since 6th grade has been talking to me less and less. This is a problem for me since I don't have a huge friend group outside the CB. And I lost my previous best friend to her other friends after I met my other friend. Since that happened, I've been calling my other friend (Let's call her J) my best friend. J does year-round swimming with me. And we always swim in the same lane with some other people. The only one who is relevant is someone I will be calling E.
So a couple weeks ago, I asked J what the most annoying thing I do is, since I wanted to know what I could do to be a better friend to her. Instead of saying something jokey like I would normally know her to say, she said, "Everything," without looking.
A week after that, we had the swim-a-thon where you swim as much as you can in an hour. I went over to J's lane and get in the pool. Just to be clear, the race hasn't started yet. I was going to say hi to J, but then I noticed J was talking to E. I said hi to both of them, but E kept talking and J just didn't acknowledge my existence.
And now, I've noticed, J doesn't talk to me much at school either! She usually spends her time with her other friends (Who are vaguely my friends, B, K, and D) and doesn't sit with the rest of the group we usually sit in, going maybe ten feet away to mess around with B, K, and D.
I've had this experience before. The best friend I lost (R) did the same thing with me until I confronted her, and started hanging out with J. She started talking to me less and less, then eventually stopped talking to me altogether. Now R has a pretty good temper. But when I confronted her, she totally got mad and acted like I had no right to be her friend. Now, I'm facing the same situation with J, who has a much more explosive temper. Can any of you help me out with how to tell her without the same thing that happened with R happening with J?
submitted by Lucy B., age 13, Emmilvien
(September 27, 2017 - 5:51 pm)
(September 27, 2017 - 5:51 pm)
I’ve had the same problem. Z, who used to be my friend, had an awful temper and blamed everything on everyone. Eventually she did a lot of things that hurt a lot of people, and eventually our entire friend group (except one Who I think just really liked conflict) shied away. What I would do is confront her but be confident. Like, outwardly show confidence. She’s hurting you, and no one has the right to do that. Let her know that you still want to be friends with her, but if she doesn’t, then the hurting needs to stop. Because you know what? She has no right to be friends with such an amazing person like yourself if she’s going to treat you like that. You don’t want to surround yourself with negative people. That’ll influence you too, and not in a good way.
I would, if you don’t mind too much, also step outside some of the friend groups. Obviously, don’t cast away all your friends, but also find new people to hang out with. You’ll be surprised at how many other good people there are. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and found some of my closest friends throughout middle school.
Lucy, don’t worry. You’re strong and beautiful, and J can’t change that. Be confident. Be you. It’ll work itself out. ^^
(September 27, 2017 - 8:27 pm)
(September 27, 2017 - 8:27 pm)
(September 27, 2017 - 10:02 pm)
(September 28, 2017 - 10:38 am)
I've been in both positions. Is J relatively introverted? At some point, when I was really overloaded with work and I was first going into 6th grade, I didn't have any time to rest and didn't hang around my more talkative friends for about a week until I felt better. They were really confused and thought I didn't want to be friends with them, but that wasn't the case. It could be possible that J just needs a break. If you don't think this is what is happening, I would still suggest waiting a bit to see if it gets better and maybe J is just going through something.
However, if you think something is going on, I would suggest confronting them. Confidently but nicely. Getting mad might be a defense strategy to not admit they were doing anything wrong, so be confident but try not to suggest they did something wrong (because they could be going through something). Maybe, "I've noticed you have been ignoring me recently, is something going on?" I'm not really great with this type of stuff, but remember that you are amazing, and most certaintly not annoying. If someone doesn't appreciate you, that is their problem.
(September 28, 2017 - 2:11 pm)