Hi, it is me, Writing; self-conscious dork and fanfic author. Firstly, I might talk about myself during this as well (oops) :,)

NEXT-LY~

Several times I have made a thread without thinking as well! Or posted comments without thinking! And most times the Admins edit it; BUT! None of this seems edited or out of context!!! :D Horray for you! And good for you for having the courage to post this; sometimes it's really hard.

Making characters like each other always (as in barely) works for me too :) Really, I think this is the 3rd time I've made characters based off me and my crush? ANYWAY-

Haircutting is kinda scary. This summer I got it cut by my aunt and, well, she's not a haircutter (I think she does stuff with mushrooms?) It was very stressful; we were learning as we went, for lack of a better term. I was scared too, but it worked out! I really like how I look (as much as I can without buying new clothes lol) now. And for your style, real friends would stay with you even if you change your look. If you're still nervous, maybe try to ease into it? I don't know, really, I'm just trying my best here >_<

I kinda care what other people think, too. I'm REALLY TRYING NOT TO but old habits die REEEAAALLLL hard. And as for winning quizlets? There's this one kid in my class who wins almost all of the Kahoots; even beat a teacher one time! Yeah, it might be a little annoying, but I admire them as well! SMARTER THAN A TEACHER?!??!?!? I mean, that's pretty cool. You're cool, too!

ANNNDD back to the haircut! LAYERS ARE MY SAVIOR. My hair is thick and dark and was really long and annoying. LAYERS HELPED ME SURVIVE LIKE 6 SUMMERS.

I think friends are always awkward. If it's hard to be happy around them, that's okay! Ask if you can rant. I've done that a lot. And if you just want to sleep and cry - well, you should probably get a good night's sleep (IT HELPS) - but maybe take a break; from screens and your friends. Do what my family calls "Running with the wolves"; be screen-free for a while, explore yourself, and all that SCHTUFF. And, yes, use that happy-energy on yourself! You deserve happyness! EVERYONE DOES!!! (cue confetti and glitter!)

*brushes off glitter from shirt* As for that crush? To put it simply; Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Crushes on best friends are the worst. :(

My best friend and I sorta have a gap as well. I'd say to TRY and mend it, if you want. It's perfectly fine to cut some friendships down if they aren't right :D And, no, you haven't been a bad best friend.

That's my best advice; TRY. TRY to improve your mental health. TRY to talk to your parents about being queer. TRY to get a therapist if you need it. JUST TRY. 

And it's okay of you "drop out" of the rest of the CB; I once disappeared for like 2 months without warning cuz I, admitedly, forgot about this place :\

Just do what feels right :)

And I'm here, welcome to listen to rants (and rant myself) and offer the best advice I can. This probably wasn't Lumi-worthy, but I hope it does the job :,)

OH AND 2 MORE THINGS~

1. I really like your poems!

2. I think you might like "Deep Sea Girl" by Lizz Robinett :D

Okay, I think I'm done now. SEE-YAAAAAA 

heyo dreamii <3 

you're not alone, it's so much easier to be an extrovert online and be a good person online.

heck, i know someone who's a complete introvert irl [literally just never speaks] and an actual extrovert online [online 24/7. even at 2am in the morning. even though i shout at him online to go tiosleep.] 

i get you with the best friend thing. i was with a person in 4th grade who i really adored [platonically, i wanst bi at the time] and in 5th grade...everything just changed. she became friends with two other really popular girls and now she's a popular and we never talk. she gossips about me too much, and i just feel like...what did i do wrong? and yeah, feelings are confusing :'D ive been crushing on the same guy for like 4 years and another for a year by now...

as hard as this sounds, dont stress out too much abt it. if you feel like you want it, get it. dont do it impulsively tho- i got a haircut a while ago impulsively [like i decided, i want this, in 5 minutes] and it didn't turn out very well] and as for changing your aesthetic, its okay. i lived in baggyish pants and long sleeved shirts last year, but this year im living in jeans and tshirts with a purple jacket. if you feel like the change is too suddent, do it slowly by slowly. eg, start by wearing skirts, then black, etc. 

now as a ramble of my life. 

i really adore this guy. he's been the light of my life and been there for me thick and thin. 

bad news, it's platonic.

i'd observed him for 3 years, and then 4th year i decided to make a move. i started flirting w/ him [lol i was actually a really good flirter idk why] and yeah. we kind of got together but then drifted apart? we're still best friends tho but he's getting more distant. we used to call every single day but now...we're kinda just falling apart.

why? because of one single pretty girl. she acts like a teachers pet- i ltierally hate her with every bone of my body. ik she likes him back bc shes...she litearlly tried to sit on his lap once- and he- he- let her...

*sobbing*

then i have the problem of this really fricking adorable boy at my school [the introvert irl extrovert online dude] and hes really quiet but hes literally so adorable. 

anyhow, he said that he used to wear dresses and earlier in the summer he painted his toenails black [his sister helped him]. 

AAAAAH HES JUST SO FRIGGIN ADORABLE  

then we have the problem of *sigh* school. i sit in the back corner and pray nobody notices me, but according to my analyzations, 3 people already have crushes on me. 

WHY. 

hope everything gets better, dreamii <3 we'll be here for you if you need it <3333

~lynx 

dreamii, mate, it's so good to have you around!!! *hugs*

I don't want to be like, 'Ah, yes, I totally understand' because I'm not really in the same situation and sort of live in a personal bubble, so... Not the most experienced person to talk to. I can only imagine for the most part but grrr *sends support beam* I hope things get better, at least.

As for your second point, *cries* Catharsis/making characters to live out situations you can't/maybe shouldn't definitely is relatable. It sounds like it's currently working as a good, healthy outlet for you too. The best of luck to you for keeping it that way! (Also, I haven't seen much of your writing, save for your awesome poetry, but I'd be intrigued to see more!)

For point three--  About clothes, maybe it would be a good idea to slowly ease into your preferred style? I know it can be sort of scary to just *BOOM* transform into something that you've never shown to others, especially if you're worried about your family/friends and bullying, but if you really like that style and can wear it confidently, whether or not it's entirely true you feel comfortable immediately, your friends and family will accept it as something you love, right? As for the risk bullying, I'm not entirely sure how to successfully deal with that. Again, I think if you can wear a mask of confidence, it's likely people will see that and be less willing to mock you for your other qualities. Or the opposite 'cause they're jealous... In that case, it'll be more difficult to deal with... Not to scare you or anything! People can just hard to judge when you don't know the details. :' )

Anyway, since resisting bullying is different for everyone due to personality differences, I'm not absolutely sure any of my advice on approaching this situation will help much, especially if you're worried about others' perception of you. It's a difficult dance, so I can only hope you'll get the hang of it, unfortunately. Perhaps if you are still uncomfortable with freely expressing yourself at school, you can mostly only dress that way at home? It's not perfect, since it doesn't really solve the problem or make anything easier with your family, but maybe start out with that and slowly work it into more aspects of life? It sounds really cool, though, so I hope you're able to get out there and do you!

Also, regarding the haircut, it's up to you, obviously, but perhaps it'd be nice seize the day! If you're not confident, maybe have a backup, like wearing your hair in a bun/otherwise up or tying/pinning the fringe if it doesn't look how you want it to. Or... If it sounds like too much, then don't, and then you won't have to worry over it so much. ...It feels so mean to say that kind of thing, though.

(Also, also, can you can wear hats at your school??? If so, that is awesome and my area is totally missing out.)

For point four, I KNOW IT IS SOOOO RELATABLE! As far as I can tell, this is literally just the definition of an introvert; someone who feels like they need to recharge after engaging in social situations, but knowing that fact doesn't make life any easier. Maybe it's a good idea to set up a certain day of the week just to recharge and not have to worry about friendy-related pressures(and maybe you could incorporate your fancy new-style-clothes for bonus points.) If that's too much, then maybe setting time of the day, not necessarily even every day, to get it some alone-time would probably do some good.

Also... Oh my. Does she know you liked her? Clarifying that you don't like her romantically (and specifying, 'anymore,' if she already knew) might be a good idea, just to get you two on the same page. I think that giving her support is a good idea, duh; but not at the expense of your mental health. It's okay to listen to others' problems and all that, but make sure is doesn't start bleeding into you too much. If it does, it's a good idea to find a way to healthily get it out, or otherwise draw a clear line between your emotions and those of others around you. It seems like you're really empathetic, and that can be a good thing, but it can also be turned to a negative if it damages you to be around those other emotions.

And YESSSS continue posting! Continue posting! Continue posting! We got you, mate!!! 

Sorry that turned out really long. And even if you don't end up using any of the advice here, at least remember that we love you dreamii, and we're rooting for you! *high-fives or something* Good luck with everything!

Ciao~

Hi dreamii! *hugs* First of all, it's good to see you, I love you and I always like reading your update posts. It's good to know how you're doing! The struggle club has your back <3

For the clothing thing, I feel you. My entire family is very judgmental when it comes to expressing myself in any way, which sucks. I don't know how your family feels about the style you want to wear, but I hope they'd be cool with it! And your friends should support you no matter what you wear. I know it's scary, but I think you should go for it! If it makes you feel good about yourself, you can't lose. You could even ease into it, try wearing things you like outside of school first to see how you feel. Dress up to go to the grocery store! Why not? And as for the haircut, I bet it would look great on you! It's ultimately your decision, but it might be nice to try something new. (And I know how it feels to avoid the mirror- I hope you can make that feeling go away soon <3)

Friends when you're an introvert can be hard. You need time and space to recharge, and that's okay! Set your boundaries. Maybe even talk to your friends about it, try to work something out where you can still hang out, just maybe not as much or do something that isn't as stressful. Friendship is a commitment, but it shouldn't negatively impact your mental health. Sometimes a conversation can go a long way.

I am unfortunately still in the realm of having a crush on my best friend (yay), so I can't really help you there. I'm sure you haven't been a bad best friend- it can be easy to drift apart, especially given the circumstances of the last year. I've fallen out of touch with so many of my friends, which I feel really guilty about, but it happens. Sometimes relationships just change, and it's not your fault. If you both want to fix things, you can work together to make that happen- it's not just on you.

If you decide to talk to your parents, I really hope it goes well- those kinds of conversations are never easy. I think you should talk to them about your mental health, and about seeing a therapist if that's something you think will help you. Your mental health is so so important, you need to take care of yourself. The talk about being queer is a different kind of difficult, have that conversation when you're ready. I'm really glad to hear you'll still be posting (and don't you call your poetry bad ever again, you're an amazing poet)! Love you!!

Also! This is very random, but I was out shopping the other day and this hat made me think of you, so I took a picture of it! (It's a poor quality picture haha) <3

Dear dreamiing,

So our new policy is that talk about gender identity, labels, etc. is completely open. But we're still figuring out how to moderate discussion of romance and other types of attraction. There are often kids 7 or 8 years old on the Chatterbox, and we're not their parents—we don't know what their experience or needs for discussion on these topics is. We're trying to be careful and respect everyone's needs, and that sometimes means making sure the rollercoaster is safest for the smallest riders, so to speak.

Talking about crushes on specific people is pretty much fine—"I have a crush on this girl/boy/person," and we're happy to engage with that. But when we start getting into the differences between romantic attraction and other types of attraction, for example, that's beginning to touch on topics that we can't get into as a forum that includes younger kids, without their parents' permission. It's not that we're opposed to it—this simply isn't the space for it, because those are topics for a teen and up audience. 

I hope that clears up things a little. We'll continue to read each post and try to help you express yourself while abiding within the rules that we have to follow. 

--admin

Hallo! I'm just here to give advice on the one thing that I actually can–if you totally change your style, people will probably give it like two seconds of thought and say 'alright'. And people who don't know you won't even see the difference! Generally, uh, people don't care what you wear :D family might be a little more judging, but hey, what can they do about it?

hey dremii!

I know I have not been on in forever, and that you honestly probably forgot about me, but if it is in anyway a comfort, I think you're super cool! You are very creative and brave, and we love you! 

Everyone else is writing long rambling responses but all I can think of is I really like your poetry. And your username. And I totally feel you on like, a lot of what you said. And I don't have enough energy to respond in detail to all of it but I did read it. Thank you for posting this.

Hi! I can't say I understand what your going through, since I am known for bouncing of the walls and being way to energetic and happy, so... yeah. However, you might want to listen to happy music like don't worry be happy, that always cheers me up (Although your problems are probably bigger than just listening to one song, based of of reading your post)! I don't know your freinds, but maybe you can try to talk to them about what's going on. Then, they can help you get over some of it and then, you can have more fun together!! Don't worry about the mean people in your school. You'll graduate high school and then you probaly will never see them again, and then you might become super famous/talented, and they will be like: Oh wow I made fun of that person because they won a quizlet and maybe I should have been asking them for help on my studying because now they are really smart. And last thing, don't forget that we are all out there rooting for you! You aren't alone!!! 

P.S. Maybe buy some of the clothes you wanted, try them on and see how they look! They'll probaly look really good! You could also meet up with some of your closest freinds and see what they think, before you walk into school with them on because that might be stressful, esspecially with all the "popular girls" you are talking about. 

My CAPTCHA is practicing for fizzed in the spelling bee, it is fiwzd 

dreamii I totally get how you feel. <3 I have a lot of dysphoria about how I look too and I wish real life could just be like the CB where I can just look however I imagine. I hate looking at photos of myself because I just look so weird and it doesn't feel right. I also just don't like people saying things about how I look and my mom likes to comment on what I'm wearing and it makes me so nervous to try and wear new things. 

ALSO not only was I in love with my best friend but I confessed to her and I thought she liked me too but she actually didn't want a relationship. We're still kind of friends but she's kind of ignoring me and it makes me so sad. I tried so hard to make her happy and do everything she wanted me to do and I feel like it was all for nothing. I think like you I'm very romantic and I get emotional easily and I get overly anxious about other people what they think of me. I'm still trying to deal with that too. 

In short, we all love you and we can get through it together. <3

<3 Fidelity