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Ways to Annoy
Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen. Yay! I stayed up until 2:00 last night reading Twilight Parodies on the internet, which resulted in me creating this thread. Hey... annoying sparkly vampires can be a very useful skill!
submitted by Lovely L.
(June 28, 2010 - 7:39 pm)
(June 28, 2010 - 7:39 pm)
The first response that jumped to mind was, "Take him to a Ruth Chris steakhouse!"
XD
(June 29, 2010 - 12:20 pm)
1. Sneak into his room and rearrange his CD collection.
2. While you're there, track mud on the carpet.
3. Ask him why he drives a mom car.
4. Quote the Bum Reviews at him. "Dude, people from Egypt can tell you're a vampire! You don't hide it very well! The only thing missing is a shirt that says 'I am a vampire. Bite me.'"
5. Teleport Spike, Angelus, Drusilla, Dracula, Lestat, Lady Margolotta, and Otto von Chriek into the Twiverse. Invite them and the Cullens somewhere for a party. Bring up the fact that twipires sparkle.
Addendum: If unable to teleport, steal TARDIS.
6. Point out the plot holes.
7. Take every opportunity to send him shampoo.
8. Tell him he should stop being so emo because (a) it's annoying (b) his life is perfect (c) he doesn't have a Freudian excuse (d) nothing bad has ever happened to him and never will and (e) the only person who can make excessive pretentious whining attractive is Zuko, so he shouldn't even try.
9. If he asks "do I dazzle you?" say no, and that sparkling gives you hives.
10. Use the stolen TARDIS to teleport Azula into the Twiverse. Tell her that Edward is a Zuko!fanboy.
Addendum: Have glitter glue ready so you can reincarnate Ed after Azula leaves. We aren't finished yet.
11. While glitter gluing him back together, put his right hand on his left arm and his left hand on his right arm.
12. Steal all of his left socks.
13. Engineer an elaborate Xantanos Gambit that will put Bella in a ridiculous amount of danger.
14. Help Alice and Jasper in their ongoing attempt to kill Bella.
15. Use a polyjuice potion to impersonate Bella, and break up with Edward. Publicly, and with a lot of ranting about what an abusive jerk he is.
Addendum: Immediately afterward, start dating Jake.
16. Attack him with a rubber mallet. Diamonds are hard, but they still shatter if you whack 'em hard enough.
17. Tell him he's an abusive, controlling jerk and sign him up for therapy.
18. If possible, get Sokka to masquerade as the therapist.
19. Take the engine out of his car, and tell him it's because you think Bella isn't good for him. You're just protecting him, after all.
20. Think as loudly as you possibly can whenever he's in the same room. If you can handle it without going completely insane, think entirely in non sequiturs.
(July 1, 2010 - 9:03 pm)
Everything there is brilliance except part of #5... *do not ever* teleport Angelus/Angel anywhere near Edward. Angelus/Angel is just as annoying, abusive, and shallow as Edward, not to mention that their hair is *weirdly* similar. Seriously. They have twin personalities. Angel's only redeeming feature is that Buffy vampires are ugly when they change.
And he NEVER DIES. *headasplosions*
Everyone else, though, definitely.
(July 2, 2010 - 11:58 am)
Whoa, there. I agree completely that Angel is just as bad as Edward as to the annoying, angsty, shallow, etc. I said Angelus, though, and that's *completely* different, because Angelus is supposed to be a mildly insane evil souless monster. Which is what makes him awesome.
Also there's always the chance that he'll try to eat Bella, which would just about make up for all the flaws he has as Angel. But not quite.
...So I guess what I'm saying is I liked Angelus, who was a BA, but not Angel, who was lame.
(July 2, 2010 - 7:26 pm)
I see where you're coming from, but I can't even give him that, because as Angelus, he was constantly flirting etc with Dru, which broke Spike's heart. And I would take Spike over any BtVS character, any day.
Another (very petty) thing I hold against him is that he never wears a shirt. As both Angel and Angelus. I mean, go to a store. Buy a shirt. Wear it. It's not that hard. Yes, I understand, he looks good without a shirt. But it wouldn't kill you, every now and then. Grr.
Don't misunderstand though, I <3 David Boreanaz. He's amazing.
(July 3, 2010 - 6:53 pm)
These won't be very good............
Take him to a restaurant and tell him "Order all you want. It's on me" Suggest several dishes for him.
Point out to him that you are absolutely IN LOVE with werewolves.
Wear a shirt that says "Some day my WEREWOLF will come"
Tell him his driving is reckless.
Sorry if those have been used before.
(July 2, 2010 - 2:16 pm)