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Rad Sad Life
Rad Sad Life
My life is pretty rad, as lives go. But it's also kinda sad. I'm a stressed, insecure, helpful, nice guy with big dreams, high expectations of myself... and a rotten temper.
My mom is such a brat to me when I'm unhappy (which usually means I'm being a brat too, but come on, it's not helpful!), my dad is sympathetic and nice about it, though he mostly says what my mom does, but nicer, and my sister? Errgh. Somewhere in between.
About 45 minutes or so ago, my mom was all mean to me about how I'm not doing my homework (I kinda spent 4 months trying to make it perfect, and so harder on myself, and then what I turned out wasn't what I was asked for. I'm like that, one of my greatest weaknesses), and then we had a brief shouting match and she shoved me out the door. Well, I was super upset - I ran ran ran all the way to the Barnes and Noble and so here I am posting from the Nook.
My parents are bound to me by law, still in charge of my life, and what I do affects them and they are held responsible for my actions. It's something of an inconvenience to both them and me. But they're the best option I have. I could leave them but then someone else would be responsible for me, and they could be even worse, and they might not want to or have time to homeschool me (homeschooling is kinda the backbone of the radness in my life). I could get emancipated from them at 16, but the law says I'd have to send myself to school until age 18 if I did that, and I wouldn't be able to homeschool myself. I'd have to go to "real" school, and that would kinda defeat the purpose of being free from my parents. Out of their clutches, into the school system's. I'm incredibly depressed and stressed.
submitted by Joe the Stickfiddler, age 14, Rad Sad Vortex
(January 5, 2014 - 2:51 pm)
(January 5, 2014 - 2:51 pm)
I'm so sorry it's like this for you, Joe. But just remember that you can't run away from your life and its problems: you've got to face them bravely. If your mom is treating you like this, try to remain calm and tell her how you feel. She may be feeling stressed out, as well. You can even talk to your parents at the same time about your feelings. They don't know what you're feeling, and it's not like they can guess. They have to know! They're your parents and I'm sure they love you.
(January 5, 2014 - 4:20 pm)
That's wonderful advice! Problem is, I've already expressed these feelings to them multiple times, and my dad's like, "sorry, nothing we can do about it unless you want to go to foster care", and my mom says the same thing, but not quite so nice. More like, "oh, you want some of that? We can give it to you!" and cites the law again and again to make her point that I can't have everything I want, which is still unhelpful. Still. I suppose I might not have told her my feelings explicitly enough, but she's not big on listening to me and even smaller on understanding me. It's like we're not related and our brains function on completely different principles (which it seems they probably do). Like, I talk about something to her, and mention something, then a few minutes later continue about that same thing, and she 's like "what are you talking about again?".
I'm almost 100% certain we have similar feelings and that's why we're both being mean to each other, but when I try to get that across... well, see above.
(January 5, 2014 - 5:06 pm)
I don't really know how to help you, Joe. I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that your parents are so terrible.
(January 5, 2014 - 4:40 pm)
Not really terrible. Mostly we seem to just not understand one another (see reply to Nina). And like I said, my dad is generally nice. It's my mom who usually acts terrible.
Rodney says wrap. Food, wrapped in seaweed like a taco. My parents get annoyed when I do that. Me, wrapped up in a terrifying dramatization of my future. Not helpful. Another part of me, hoping I'll fly, and be a moviemaker, but terrified by the other part of me with the dramatization. My fanboyism, wrapped in Doctor Who, one of the great many good things in my life. Those great many good things overshadowed by my emotions and worries, wrapped in a cloud of stress inside my head.
Lotsa wraps, Rodney. No need to remind me.
(January 5, 2014 - 5:14 pm)
Sorry, Joe. I know how you feel; I get railed at now and then if my schedule is not up to standard. That's the one bad thing about being homeschooled--you often have really high expectations put on you by your parents. It is rad, though. Hang in there, Joe, everything'll turn out okay.
(January 5, 2014 - 5:10 pm)
Ick. Parent problems. I'm sorry you have them.
It seems to me that most problems between people in the world come from lack of communication. Party A doesn't understand Party B, Party B doesn't understand Party A, and then things clash and everyone is unhappy. I've noticed that when people calmly and rationally discuss their problems with those who they feel are causing problems, compromises can be reached. Compromises aren't usually fun. No party is really happy with the results, but it's an agreement and not a war anymore.
Your parents seem like pretty cool people. They take the time to homeschool you, they let you go to what seems to be a pretty cool camp, they let you get a bunch of Disney stuff, and they seem to let your pursue your interests. That's cool. If you find some of the good things about your family, you can smile and take it a little more. I don't know what you're arguing about, but I hope it's not too big. If it's pretty small, then just take it. I mean, you can do some really drastic things to change your life, but they're not easy or fun. Running away or emancipating yourself should not be done unless you're seriously suffering- as in, if they're physically abusing you, starving you, etc. For small problems, I think calming down and discussing things fairly usually helps.
(January 5, 2014 - 5:54 pm)
Wow. Most of this is the story of my life.
I face issues with my parents a lot too. About school usually. Or chores. I'm bad about both. I know this sounds really typical, ingenuine, whatever, but as best you can, try to bite your tongue. This is coming from a girl who has taken years to finally even start to be able to. I have a very rotten temper as well (just look at my New Year resolutions). But I CAN say, with all seriousness, running away absolutely won't help (I tried it once, don't ask. I was six.)
But don't try and run away. As you said, you have no idea what someone else would be like. Likely as not, they would be even less sympathetic. Plus, yeah, they probably would put you back in the school system.
But everything you said, I can relate to, whether it sounds like it or not (cause I hear this stuff all the time, and I know uncaring and ingenuine it sounds. Really, I do). I am massively insecure myself, I'm deeply and easily stressed, but I have big dreams too (okay, not so big. I'm a simple girl, with simple wants), and I am an perfectionist. But life is still full of those little things that make it all worth it. Your parents care and love you. If it came to it, I'm sure they would be heartbroken to ever have you leave them in such a way. Plus, just ignoring everything else, the school system is far worse than your parents. FAR worse.
You're in my prayers.
(January 5, 2014 - 7:05 pm)
Running away, even for a short time, isn't going to help things. It's just going to make it even worse. I would suggest going home (if you haven't already) and apologizing. You're probably asking what you should be apologizing for and I honestly don't know because I'm not there but I swear to gosh it will make your life so much easier if you just apologize. You probably really scared them & in my experience the only way to not make them even more scared/madder is to apologize. They may still blow up at you but I swear it won't be as bad.
I'm gonna second what Red said about them being better than you might think. Right now, they seem like the worst parents in the world. I know. I've been there. I've never run to B&N but I've been there. But some other time, I'm sure you told them they're the best parents in the world and meant it. It may take some thinking back, but I'm sure it's there.
Honestly, I feel ya. But since you're stuck with them for four more years, you're gonna have to take a deep deep breath and just try to make it better.
(January 5, 2014 - 7:10 pm)
Wow, Joe, I'm really sorry. I am in a similar situation--between my parents and school, I'm constantly stressed, insecure, and have zero self-esteem. It feels like my parents don't understand what I have to deal with every day at school; I get lots of comments about how "this is what the real world is going to be like" so I have to "deal with it".
I've found that it's nice to have a retreat to go to in these situations--maybe something you like to do, or a certain place you can go when things like this happen. It sounds like homeschooling and camp are places like this for you.
For me, I always enjoy going away on trips with church to places like the mountains. While I don't always agree with what is preached on these trips, it's nice to go away somewhere and clear my head.
I hope that your situation gets better, and until then, the Chatterboxers will have your back. Remember this random phrase (paraphrased for language) I've seen floating around Tumblr that is rather fitting to this post: "When you're feeling really sad, just remember you're really rad."
(January 5, 2014 - 7:12 pm)
I can understand. My mother often shouts at my sisters and me, and my dad doesn't really interfere, but sort of goes along, trying to smooth things out (a little bit). Sometimes, he isn't there at all to help. So, normally, my mother and sisters will be having a debate on this, this, this, and this, because of this, etc., and I'm on the sidelines, trying to smooth things out, but really siding with my sisters. I'm used to it, but it does get frustrating at times. But when she is calm, which is normally, and especially when we are in public (unless we have done something really wrong), she is amazing and really fun to be around! :)
Try to calm yourself down when you know you are about to have an argument. Try to explain your point in a controlled voice, with no shouting, anger, or "because of you", "your fault", or "she/he did it" kind of things in your tone. Give her a chance to state her side, and then try to see a) her point and b) how you can cooperate with that. Try to think of things in her point of view. Also, can you try going to your dad, asking him for his advise and/or his opinion?
Is your family all that bad? Can your sibling/s be of any comfort, source of happiness, or even bring a smile about? Can you think of any happy things with your family? Like Red said, unless they are physically harming you, DON'T RUN AWAY! They are your family, and they love you.
(January 5, 2014 - 7:23 pm)
Joe, it's going to be all right.
I know it might not seem like it now. I guess I can relate, my mother and I bicker sometimes. It's no fun. But I know they don't hate me. And I'm sure that your parents don't hate you.
Sometimes, when you're frustrated, angry, depressed, and/or feel all alone, try to do something to get your mind off it. Watch an episode of Dr. Who. Write a script for a film you're planning. If that doesn't take your mind off it, it might let you soften the hurt you feel. Maybe even confront it.
And sometimes sarcasm will be mistaken for real words. My family is super sarcastic (or should I say "isn't sarcastic at all" to prove my point) and sometimes my parents will say something blunt or sarcastic, and I'll take it the wrong way. Or vis versa. People will misjudge their tone, and others feeling. Sometimes I'll take my mom as insincere when she's being the complete opposite, and sometimes she'll thinking I'm being a pest when I say something in the most level headed way possible. Just remember, no matter how the words come out, your parents love and care about you, Joe. Don't run away. It will only make matters worse.
(January 6, 2014 - 9:45 pm)