Places to Chat
HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!
HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!
Please help me, I have a huge problem! I have this one "friend" at school, she was nice to me last year, but this year she changed soooo much! She's being someone else, someone completely different. I feel like I don't know her anymore!!!! I really want to talk to her about it, to yell and scream! To throw all my feeling out at her! But I can't do it! When I want to speak, I am scared, and I don't want to make her really mad even though she mad me mad! I'm just so scared! What should I do? I need to talk to her something about how I feel, and possibly end our friendship if that has to happen, but I've never had friendship problems like this! I need help!
submitted by MaggIe S., age 13, st. Paul, MN :D
(March 27, 2009 - 12:58 pm)
(March 27, 2009 - 12:58 pm)
I'm so sorry I can't really help you!! :(:(:( I'm sort of in the same situation, wondering what to do also... :(:(:( So really, people, I need help, too! :)
(March 27, 2009 - 4:12 pm)
I've never really had problems like that, so I won't try and pretend to be an expert. However, I think maybe you should tell a parent or another trusted adult. Maybe they'll help? *shrug* I really don't know the situation, though.
(March 27, 2009 - 5:35 pm)
My real friends tried to help me with standing up. My friend would pretend to be mean to me, and I would stand up for myself, but I could do it because I knew it wasn't real! Afterwords, I got scared again. :(:( I just wish that people wouldn't change!
(March 28, 2009 - 6:39 am)
How is she acting? Is she acting . . . mean? Is she acting like she doesn't know or like you? If that's the case, it means she's being a--well, she's being like my "friend" Zannifer, and you really should get a new friend. But don't jump to that conclusion right away. She may have suffered a loss or a tragedy, like a divorce or an accident, or even something like breaking up with another friend, and she may be really depressed. If that's the case, give her some time and don't push her to much: she'll probably recover if she has a good friend at her side. If she's not depressed or acting mean to you, and she's just acting . . . different than she did before, she might just be growing up, like what happened to me and my friend Brenda: we were best buddies for most of my life, but now we're 11, she likes princesses and I like gorillas, she's shy while I'm bolder. . . . Thing is, between her and me, I was the one who changed, drastically. I think it was last summer and the summer before that. I used to be just like her, but I started reading historical fiction a year or two ago while she was still reading fantasy, going on long hikes while she was at the public pool, going vegan while she still ate meat--all these things brought me to new places, new ideas and dreams, and ultimately, to a new me. So people change, and though it's sad, you may not be alike anymore, you may not fit together as you used to, but it's one of those things about growing up.
(March 28, 2009 - 7:46 am)
Try going to other friends and just enjoying your friendship with them. Eventually, either your friend will come back, or maybe it's just time that you're going to drift apart! Either way, your other frinds will back you up and always be there for you.
(March 28, 2009 - 9:48 am)
People really change a lot in middle school. I bet she's changing under a lot of peer pressure, I think you really have two options:
1. Be patient with her, cause it could all be a phase, and still hang out with her a little. If it really gets on your nerves, then you can start hanging out with your other friends more. But if you still want to be friends with her, still talk to her some, so she knows you aren't trying to end the friendship. (unless you are! :)) You might want to bring it up with your mom, because she went through middle school, too. She might have some good advice.
2. Be brave and bring it up with her, but plan the whole thing out before hand. And don't do it at a time like first thing in the morning, so that if she gets mad you won't have to avoid each other all day or something. Maybe you should call or email her. She might not realize this is hurting you. But try not to make her sound like the bad guy, because chances are she'll get defensive. Always be open to what she has to say.
The same thing happened to a friend of my cousin: She'd been friends with S her whole life, and around the age of thirteen she really started changing. She got a cell phone and was texting all the time, and said a lot of stuff that was really stuck up. When my cousin invited her to her birthday party, the girl just texted the whole time and was really rude to my aunt. :( So they aren't friends anymore.
(March 28, 2009 - 7:50 am)
*nods sympathetically*
That's happened to me about three times now, so I know how u must feel.
My advice:
#1 is you can ignore her, most people do that for a reaction, and if you pretend that you don't care, she's most likely to leave you alone.
#2 is you can tell her that you don't like the way she's been acting and tell her straight out to stop picking on you. Then make new friends and pretend that you don't know her.
#3 is that u might be bugging her in some way, or maybe she's mad at you about something. If so, then apologize and kinda start over with being friends again. If you want to. But this rarely happens.
Or she might think you're immature or something and doesn't want to be your friend anyway.
Try these solutions. They've worked for me!!!!
(March 28, 2009 - 8:04 am)
Well, you see she did change a lot, but I don't think it's because of tragedy. Like last year, she always said she hated this group of girls who are popular. (and the beginning of this year) and sometime either before or after Christmas, she started hanging out with them all the time. I've tried ignoring her, but she hasn't seemed to notice. There was one point where I told her that we haven't really talked in a while, and she was nice to me for about a week, but after that she was the same! Now I am mad at her, but lucky me for having the whole spring break to plan out what I'm going to say to her. Oh, and I don't think the emailing will work because I think she blocked me...
Anywho, thank you all for your advice!
Oh, almost forgot! I don't remember being mean to her, if I was being mean, I wasn't realizing it. So I don't think that's the problem.
(March 28, 2009 - 5:00 pm)
Try this. Go up to her one day and just ask her what her problem is. Explain to her how you feel. If she won't tell you or ignores you, there is no use trying anymore. If she does tell you and clears up, give her another chance. If she seems unsure or if she seems surprised that she was being mean to you, and if she says she's sorry, but doesn't change, try this:
(March 29, 2009 - 7:38 am)
Basically, the same exact thing is happening to me. I realized a while ago that the girl that was supposed to be my best friend has been controlling me since about 2nd grade. Talk to your mom, she's the one who helped me see this. She told me all these stories from when we were little kids, and usually in all of them, I end up getting in trouble for ideas she had and I had to carry out. I never saw this before I guess. And now she is also best friends with all of the most popular people. She is not outright mean to me, but she tries to be very controlling. We are both changing a lot. I think I've figured out who I want to be, and that person is not someone who cares about popularity like she does. She hugs me every day like she wants all my other friends to see that I am hers, and that I am her best friend, not theirs. She is getting better, because now if I sit with someone else at lunch, she does not have a fit! She asks me in front of all our friends who my best friend is, and I always say I don't have one, all my friends are my best ones.
So yeah, I kind of know what your going through.
(March 29, 2009 - 8:30 am)
Thanks for your advice! I'll talk to her soon, after break. I could email her school email maybe, but I think I'd rather talk to her in real life to make sure she's not with another person or laughing at what I say with someone else! Oh, did I mention she gives me looks? Like once I said "hello" to her and she looked at me like "Are you dumb?" I cried that night.
(March 29, 2009 - 4:57 pm)
Oh, the looks!
I understand looks. Just this Thursday, I was half-smiling tentatively at my onetime """""friend"""" K, and she just gave me this ice-cold look that said very clearly, "What are you smiling about, idiot?" And the day before that, well, she was not saying nice things about me.
(March 29, 2009 - 8:22 pm)
Aww! *hugs Maggie and Jenni* I'm so sorry, you guys! Now I will copy TNO. *gives virtual choklit*
(March 29, 2009 - 10:12 pm)
I'm so glad you understand!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, I really want S (that's what I'm calling my "friend") to pay for everything she's done! (that means, NO MORE MISS. NICE GIRL!!!! (but don't worry guys, that's only to her! I won't ever be mean to you guys!))
(March 30, 2009 - 9:15 am)
The same thing happened to me!! One of the girls was never my friend, but the other used to be until...well, the guy we both like said he liked me. And that didn't go down to well with her. My advice is: stay calm whenever they tease you or whatever, and just ignore her. Don't worry; your real friends will stick up for you. Hope it helps and as we say in Turkey, "gecmis olsun!!"
(March 30, 2009 - 8:52 am)