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I need help,
I need help, but first, let me put my frustration into a story format.
The girl stands before the tall, windswept cliff, staring up at the expanse of sand coloured rock. Wind swirls around her as she steps forward. And pauses. Slowly, she reaches out her hand, fingertips brushing the rough stone. Placing her foot firmly into the first foothold, the girl slowly, carefully begins to climb. This is already one of her better attempts at scaling this impenetrable wall. On some of her others, she couldn't even force herself to take the first step. With a shout of frustration, the girl drops back to the ground. How can this be so difficult? Why is this such a challenge, when coming back down the cliff is as easy as breathing? The girl could jump off a cliff one hundred feet in the air without a second thought, yet taking the first steps to go back up it proved to be tremendously difficult. Yet the girl would try. Over and over and over again. Maybe one day, she would get it right. You wish for wings, yet you're afraid to fly, the girl berates herself. One day you'll be granted wings then you'll know exactly what to do with them, another voice whispers back.
__________________________________
Alright, so let me explain my situation. In triathlon, nearly every successful athlete out there is able to do something called a flying mount. It's when you run with the bike and just... Jump on it, without stopping or slowing from whatever speed you were running at. It's a fairly simple thing to do. I learned how to do it last summer, and it wasn't hard at all. Then, I had a really scary crash during a bike race. It really wasn't that bad. My bike got pretty messed up, but I was able to walk away with just a ton of scrapes and bruises. This was around mid summer. Fast forward to last week, when I try to practice a flying mount because I want to be as efficient as possible at this huge triathlon I'm going to in Virginia this weekend (ugh, I have to be in a car for 8 hours to get there!). The thing is, I suddenly just... can't do the flying mount anymore. It's like, every time I try to do the actual jump part of the mount, I get like a mini panic attack or something. It only lasts a second or so, but I feel like anything that feels anything like the feeling of flying through the air before hitting the ground is just off-limits to my brain. I know exactly the process, I know what I have to do. I've watched a million videos, my coach has tried to help me (he doesn't know about my mental struggle, though), I've spent time trying to practice it at a walking pace. Nothing seems to be working!!! It's like there's this wall in my mind, and I can't figure out how to get over it and just JUMP. You would think that it would be easier for me to do it on the grass, where I won't actually get hurt, but that doesn't seem to ease my mind's stupid fear either.
My question is, how do I keep myself from feeling like a failure? How do I get around my fear? My coach tells me that it's okay that I won't be able to do it this weekend and that we'll figure it out over the summer. He says not to beat myself up over it, but I don't think he understands just how big of a deal this is to me.
I'm really stressed out about this, and I'm really nervous for the race this weekend because it's my first national level race (people are literally coming from the opposite side of the country to be in this, but only 75 people are allowed per age group per gender).
I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this, I just... I don't know. Help?
Thanks for reading my rant.
submitted by Kestrel
(May 4, 2017 - 7:16 am)
(May 4, 2017 - 7:16 am)
Wow, that probably really hurts you... I understand the feeling, but for something else that I've been bullied over. When it comes to your situation, I know you said your coach doesn't know your mental hurt. My biggest suggestion would be to tell him how much this means to you, and how your injury last year somehow won't leave you.
Being marked by a past event, that is quite common for people. When I was a little kid, maybe 10? 12? I finally learned to ride a bike without training wheels. My first time doing it was on this nearly abandoned shipment road with like a truck a week on it. Well, Katie (one of my sisters), and my dad were riding beside me. I ended up doing really well, then lost control suddenly and crashed pretty hard, scrapping up my entire side. It was not that bad, but I was traumatized, unable to ride again for almost a year.
Do you want to know how I got over it? Well, time was one thing, which I know with your competition there isn't much of. Second, practice. When I'd gather enough strength to jump on the bike again - which was quite rare - I would practice, slowly and surely. For you, I know you have been practicing. Maybe the best thing is to take a deep breath, sit down beside your bike, and just watch it. The mind is a powerful thing, and not long after watching the bike, your mind will start drawing pictures of you completing the competition perfectly. If it starts drawing negative images, throw it out. Change it. I know you can do this, Kestrel, I believe in you! And I wish you the best of luck in your competition. If you are in nationals, that means you already have fantastic talent. So go blow them away!
(May 4, 2017 - 10:43 am)
Ugh, stinking mental blocks. I HATE those. I get them in gymnastics and they suck. You know you can do the skill, but your brain won't let you do it. They are the most frustrating thing ever.
Here's some stuff I use to get around them:
See if your coach will spot you lightly the first time. I don't know if this is a viable option in triathalon, but when I'm having trouble in gymnastics getting my coach to spot me helps a lot. I trust my coaches and know they won't let me fall. The downside to this is that you might get dependant on the spot and need to break that habit later. To avoid this, make sure you specify that you only want to be spotted the first time.
Another thing that helps me is having a certain phrase or set of words that I say before I do the skill. This puts me in the mindset and lets myself stay on the tempo I need. For backwalkovers on beam I quietly murmer: "One, two, three, four, back-walk-o-ver." I stand and get ready while counting, start the skill at the end of four, my hands go on the beam at back, I kick over on walk, my first foot touches the beam on o, my other foot touches on ver.
For backhandsprings on beam, I say: "Ready. Same thing. Focus. And go." This is honestly to make myself brave enough to do the skill. To ignore my fear. On ready, I show myself how my hands should be placed. On same thing (which is to remind myself that I've done this skill before and that there is nothing to be afraid of), I make claws with my hands (to remind myself to squeeze the beam hard). On focus, I bring my arms up next to my ears, and on 'And go' I swing my arms backward and go for the skill.
Saying the words makes me pay attention to the skill itself, not the fear. When I was first learning how to do those skills I could not let myself think anything beyond the words because if I think, fear comes. My body knows what to do, and so does yours. It's your brain that's not letting you. Focusing all my thoughts on the words themselves keeps my brain occupied, so it can't let me think I'm afraid.
I'm not saying don't be afraid. That is as impossible as trying to keep yourself from happiness. I'm saying ignore the fear. Don't let it take over. Your body knows what to do. It's all in the muscle memory.
Another thing you can try is relaxing breathing. That calms my nerves and lets me clear all thoughts. When I'm nervous, I shake quite a bit, so I just breathe slowly and deeply to relax myself before I attempt the skill. Imagine that as you exhale, all thoughts are flooding away from you. I do this before competitions, too.
Good luck, Kestrel! You can do it!
(May 4, 2017 - 10:53 am)
(May 4, 2017 - 12:46 pm)
Hmmm....I'm not at all sure what to say. I can do a flying mount but...I don't really think about it. Imagine yourself doing it, go through what it feels like to do it. Then just try doing it. Don't stop trying, do it again and again and again and if you fall, you fall, if you get it YAY! If not....do it again. Work at it.... That is the only thing I can tell you. Don't think about it and work at it. I'm really not sure what else to say. I'm so sorry. If there is anything else I can do...let me know! I'm always here for you and any other CBer!!!
Sorry if this wasn't helpful...I'm pretty sure it wasn't.
(May 4, 2017 - 7:18 pm)
Aww Kestrel I'm sorry :( I understand that fear though. First off, keep practicing the flying mount as much as possible. But second, let me give you something to try out. Every time you are getting ready to mount your bike, I want you to picture your favorite action hero. Maybe that's spiderman, superman, Indiana Jones, or a Jedi, it doesn't matter. But picture yourself as that hero, and as you are running and preparing for the mount, picutre yourself as that hero running and getting ready to jumo onto a motorcycle to chase down the villian, or something of that sort. Just something to think about.
Good luck!!
(May 5, 2017 - 8:48 am)
Thank you guys so much for the support. I haven't tried doing a flying mount yet since the day I posted this thread because my bike is currently in pieces inside the trunk of my dad's car. :P
But, I feel like just knowing that I have your support will make it so much easier. The next time I am able to go and practice, I'm going to try to focus on remembering everything you all said. I'll block out the bad stuff. I'll pretend that I am Celaena Sardothien, tackling my enemy by flipping over a railing XD. When I get back home, I'll make sure to update you all on how the race goes!
I am in a considerably better state of mind than I was at the time that this thread was posted, thanks to your words of comfort.
THANK YOU!!!!
(May 5, 2017 - 12:23 pm)
Yes, Kestrel! Embrace your inner Celaena Sardothien. May the force be with you, the odds in your favor, and the wyrdmarks... do good stuff. I'm not entirely sure about the wyrdmarks because I've only read the first book. XD Good luck!
(May 5, 2017 - 1:58 pm)
Awesome, go rock them, Kestrel! I know you will do amazing!
(May 6, 2017 - 1:22 am)
I know you'll do great, Kestrel! I believe in you!
(May 6, 2017 - 10:49 pm)
I'm hooomeee!!!!!! But I really don't want to be. :(
Richmond was such an amazing experience, and I love being able to just be with my teammates all day. They're like siblings to me. I love them like brothers and sisters. The race site was beautiful, and the triathletes had totally free reign over the hotel. It was great.
Anyways, I didn't end up doing the flying mount, only because I didn't want to risk messing up and losing too much time. I finished with a time of 38:36, and placed 58th out of 79. My coach thinks that if I were to go to Iowa, I could actually qualify for Nationals!!!! The Iowa race is the easiest to qualify in because they take the top 40 or 50 people, but it also happens to be an 18-hour car ride for me, so... yeah. My dad doesn't want to take me this year 'because it's too far' and I 'need to get more experience before I go to Nationals'. I am not taking no for an answer next year, though! :D
(May 8, 2017 - 8:05 am)
You were in Richmond?!?! That's where I live! Darn, we shoulda met! But good job on the race and good luck next year at nationals! Keep working on the flying mount and I know you'll get it!
(May 10, 2017 - 8:38 am)
Oh my wyrd you live in Richmond, Virginia???????
WE WERE IN THE SAME BREATHING SPACE PRACTICALLY???????????????????
The hotel I was staying at was the Hyatt, in Glen Allan. Technically, that's where the race was, too. But still.
Do you by any chance know a girl by the name of Eloise? She just moved to Richmond last summer.
(May 10, 2017 - 9:32 am)
Nope, don't know any Eloise! I mean, it's not like I know every girl in Richmond, even if I do live here XD! Let me know the next time you come to Richmond!
(May 10, 2017 - 1:32 pm)
(May 9, 2017 - 7:14 am)
TipsyTopsy! TipsyTopsy! TipsyTopsy! TipsyTopsy! TipsyTopsy! TipsyTopsy! TipsyTopsy! TipsyTopsy! TipsyTopsy! TipsyTopsy!
(May 9, 2017 - 7:48 pm)