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Advice please!
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Advice please!
Advice please!
So, a little over three years ago I moved. It was a very short move, but I did lose contact with pretty much all of my old friends. I have made new friends, and though I wasn't happy with the move at the time, I am totally over it now. I did have a lot of trouble making friends when we first moved. This was due to a combination of bad luck, miscommunication, and a few other things. I think part of it was I that there wasn't any people my age, the people a bit younger were too young and the people a bit older were too old. It wasn't not really the age gap that was the problem, it's just that I was one jump in maturity behind. Anyway, now I've had that maturity jump. I think I could be really good friends with some of the people, but I'm not sure how to proceed. The problem I have is that I know these people, I'm just not friends. When you first meet people, it's not weird to invite them over to do something. When you do this, it's clear that the purpose is to get to know them. When you are friends with someone, it's not weird to invite them over to hang out, because you're, like, friends. I'm in the middle with these people. I'm not friends, so I couldn't invite them over in a friend way, but I'm long past the get-to-know-you stage. I've actually had this problem for a while, but I'm posting it now because I'm getting the urge to fix it especialy strongly for two main reasons. The first is that I'm just getting more extroverted, and I just like the idea of more friends. The other is that there's thing I want to do with them, but feel like I can't because we're not friends. For instance, a lot of people at my church swing dance. Some people have picked partners, practice with them, and learn cool moves. (My brother is one of these people. Some of the moves are super awesome! He knows one where his partner does a flip around his arm!) I would love to do this, but I don't have someone to do it with. There is one person who I think would work best size-wise, but he's a person I'm in the middle with.
So yeah, that's pretty much it. I guess the TL;DR version is, how do you get to know people you already know? Thank you in advance for your advice!
P.S. My CAPTCHA, Genn, says yeep. I think she's also excited for your advice.
P.P.S. Someone set the automatic search engine on this computer to Duck Duck Go, and it's really bothering me. Google is way better.
submitted by Impunity Jane
(August 24, 2017 - 10:06 pm)
(August 24, 2017 - 10:06 pm)
Awww, I totally understand this feeling! (Also sorry to everyone if I am not active, taking a break for something right now). I can hopefully try to give sound advice, but I struggle with the same issues sometimes. Actually, I struggle even getting to the "get to know you" stage. xD
But I'll try! So I am not sure how the whole friend thing works. Never asked anyone to do activities with me or hang out or whatever so... But I think maybe just ask them? I'd start small and work your way bigger. You first got to know them (which I also recommend to keep on doing! Talking is helpful in growing friendships), then assuming you know their hobbies, ask them to do one of those with you. Say one of them likes roller skating (assuming you do too) then ask if they want to go to the roller skating rink after school. Or come and play video games. Go on a group hike. Or... I don't know, whatever people like nowadays. xD
After you guys have done that for a while, then offer some of the things you mentioned. Like the swing dancing or a group movie night with peeps, or if you are older, a roadtrip with a bunch of friends. Just don't worry about judgment, be yourself, and start simple! I wish you the best of luck!
(August 25, 2017 - 10:33 am)
Thank you, Ashlee! I'll try talking I guess. It just feels a bit weird after I met them so long ago to try to get to know them. I do like the idea of a group hike. We'll see how things turn out.
Also, top!
(August 25, 2017 - 10:58 am)
You are very welcome, Jane! Yeah, I know it's kinda awkward doing it that way, but it's the strongest solution I've tried personally. Yeah, group hike seems nice! Hopefully all goes wonderfully
(August 29, 2017 - 11:27 am)
Maybe just casually sit next to one of them. It won't be a huge move, but it's not like saying "Hi, what's your name?"
(August 25, 2017 - 11:23 am)
I'm so sorry that's happening! I feel you big time. Honestly, try to get in on the same activities as those people are in. Try to break into their group, and mix and mingle. Mainly get in on the same activities. You know, the exact same thing happened to me. I used to be more of an introvert, but when I hit about fourteen I became extroverted. On that subject, (now this is going to sound veeeery weird) but if there is one person in particular who you want to get to know, just go over and ask for their number or email or something. A good friend of mine did that, and I didn't even know who she was, and she just came up and asked for my number. So we're friends now XD It worked for her, so it might work for you too. Just some random suggestions!
(August 25, 2017 - 12:50 pm)
Aww, I'm sorry this is happening to you, IJ. Honestly I would suggest just going up to them and talking to them. Maybe just bring some easy going thing up, what do you know about them? Do you know if one of them maybe likes to read? Ask them, if you don't and if you do then ask them what they like to read. Sit next to them, make yourself noticed. As for the person you would like to swing dance with, I don't know if it works like this at your church, but just go up and ask if he'd like to dance with you.
I don't know if any of this seems helpful to you, but I hope something works out! Keep us updated!! <3
(August 25, 2017 - 1:46 pm)
Thank you all so much for your advice, guys! I feel like most people are saying I should just go talk to them. People are scary though! I'm kidding, but I do always feel awkward doing that. Do you guys want an update? I might have one on Sunday after Mass.
Silver, I think at a dance it would work to just go up and ask someone, but as a long-term thing I'm not sure.
Kitten, most of the talking is done standing, but I can go and stand next to people.
Will, I do have most if not all of their emails, but some of them do have cell phones who's numbers I don't know. I will try that.
Again, thank you all so much!
(August 25, 2017 - 9:09 pm)
Top!
(August 27, 2017 - 8:45 pm)
Aw, sorry, IJ! That stinks. I'd give you advice, but I'm a pretty introverted person myself, and I'm actually. having the same problems. I moved almost two years ago, so all my good friends live in different states, and I'm still having trouble making new friends where I live.
I've actually been reading through the comments hoping I could get some ideas, too. And you're right, people are scary. It isn't as easy as it seems to just go up and talk to people in real life, where as on here, I feel perfectly comfortable talking to people!
Well, enough ranting about my problems. I hope you make some new friends!
Nugget said something very close to a bad word! Nugget, what has Devin been teaching you?
(August 29, 2017 - 9:34 am)
I'm a little out of practice with the whole 'friends' thing, but I imagine asking that boy or whoever you feel most comfortable with to be your practice partner would open up opportunities to have them over and get to be friends with them. Also, when school starts, you can use study sessions and group projects as an excuse to have them over, and hosting or going to parties is a year-round possibility. Parties are good, fairly easy places to make friends. Especially if you manage to get up to shenanigans with the other person or people. Just go, strike up or join a conversation, play some games or something, and if possible, shenanigans.
(August 29, 2017 - 11:25 am)
Instead of inviting them over, you could wait until a holiday of some sort, and have a get-together with lots of other people, and then invite them to the get-together?
(September 4, 2017 - 8:48 am)