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I'm leaving.
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
I don’t know a better way to phrase this.
If you had asked me three weeks ago whether I would ever leave the CB, I would have said no, never. I would never. But now…well, I don’t know.
I considered just disappearing without letting anyone know, (it’s not as if I post much anyway) but I guess I’m just not that kind of person.
I’m leaving because I need to leave. For a while, at least. I’m not comfortable with the Æ threads and other LGBQT et cetera stuff around right now, and I feel like if I keep seeing it I’ll explode and say something controversial to somebody and it’ll offend someone or other, and start a flame war—it’s all so delicate, isn’t it? I wouldn’t say I’m leaving to protect everyone else. I’m hardly that selfless. And I wouldn’t say you need protecting. But I don’t want to start a war.
And I can’t just avoid those threads because it simply isn’t possible for me.
Or maybe I’m leaving because we haven’t had a war in months and everything’s kind of peaceful and…bland, for me at least, and there’s not a lot for me to do. Maybe I’m also going because not a lot of the people I knew (I don’t use the term “friend” lightly) are gone or don’t post much anymore. I’m not nostalgic right now. I honestly couldn’t tell you what I feel like. Bitter, maybe. Sad. Tired.
Maybe I’m also going because sometimes I feel like I’m just this insignificant little person in the background, sitting in a corner, who has to shout to be heard and who’s not going to
be anyone here, so why even bother.
I’m going to stick around for a few more days to say goodbye, post a bit more. But I’m leaving. I’m leaving until I can’t bear it anymore and I have to come back. Because that’s what this is for me.
This might not be forever. In fact, it’s a hiatus of sorts, if that’s what you wish to call it. I could be back in a few days, or weeks, months, years. Maybe you won’t see me for a long time. But I’ll still be here, possibly. I might hover around without
posting, or maybe I just won’t be able to stand being away and I’ll have to come back in tears. In any case, this is me saying, for now, goodbye.
submitted by Leafpool, age Finite, This side of reality
(March 30, 2018 - 2:45 pm)
(March 30, 2018 - 2:45 pm)
I understand how you feel, and I respect your decision. Sometimes, it does good just to withdraw and refocus for a while.
(March 30, 2018 - 4:47 pm)
Thank you, Esthelle.
(April 2, 2018 - 11:09 am)
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling uncomfortable about the content you're seeing at the moment, and I fully understand that you have to take a break. I'll see you around, whether it be February 2019 or whenever else you come back if you do.
So I'll see you around.
(March 30, 2018 - 6:25 pm)
Thanks, Lucy. I'll see you when I come back.
(April 2, 2018 - 11:20 am)
(April 1, 2018 - 11:32 am)
(April 1, 2018 - 12:28 pm)
Oh Leafpool! I'll miss you! You're one of those CBers who has always been there in my mind. Do you know if you'll be back for February 14th 2019? I hope so! But whenever you come back (if you do) I look forward to seeing you then!
(April 1, 2018 - 2:19 pm)
Yes, I'll come back. Most likely before 2019. I'm not good at commitments and I have a weak will. But I'll look for you when I come back.
(April 2, 2018 - 11:18 am)
Oh, Leafy.
I understand completely. I've been feeling the same way lately. The LGBTQ threads and all that make me uncomfortable too, and half the time I don't know what do or think about it. I try to avoid it, but it's becoming harder, and I feel out of place sometimes. So it's good to know I'm not the only one.
I don't use the term 'friend' lightly, either, but I feel like you're one of the CBers I know better, and I don't think I'd be able to take it if you left. You aren't the insignificant person sitting in the background, unnoticed. At least not to me you aren't. The CB wouldn't be the same place without you.
So please come back. When you feel that you can come back, or when you feel that you can't stay away any longer.
Goodbye, for now, Leafy. We love you. <3
(April 1, 2018 - 4:48 pm)
Leeli, thank you so much for understanding and for always being there for me. I'll miss you so much. And I promise I'll be back. I love you, too. I'm sorry.
(April 2, 2018 - 11:22 am)
Oh Leafy...I followed this link from the thread where you asked about whether we care or not. My feelings and words on that thread still stand. Of course we care and I wish I knew you better before you left...but I understand. It's hard for all of us sometimes, I think. I understand and I won't hold you back. I'm not comfortable with the LGBT+ things either. I respect it, but I'm not comfortable with it. I have also stopped using my AEs besides for welcoming new AEs. I respect that you feel uncomfortable and that if you speak up it will offend someone. I'm the same way. And I understand the feeling of blandness. I hope you come back soon Leafy, and I hope that when you do come back, when you are ready, that the CB is fulfilling. Also, I wish you the best in the world. Forever. Good luck, we love you! <3
(April 1, 2018 - 6:41 pm)
Thank you so much for understanding. I love you too. I'll come back. <3
(April 2, 2018 - 11:17 am)
Leafy, I understand completely. If that's what you have to do, nobody will stop you. Sometimes, as Esthelle said, it's good to just take a break, to clear your mind. I will miss you, friend. See you on the flip side.
(April 1, 2018 - 7:38 pm)
Thank you. <3
(April 2, 2018 - 11:20 am)
I'm really going to miss you, Leafpool.
Just know that if you need anything, Brooklyn's always here for you.
You are wonderful and so special, and I hope that you use the time you have while you're away from the CB to do something awesome.
You are amazing, and I wish only the very best for you.
Tina says 'bbuu', and I just thought that was funny and symmetrical.
(April 2, 2018 - 8:55 am)