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This is me
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
This is me
This is me wasting my screentime with free-verse poetry....
-----
i love all of you
but it's written in the pain of losing someone,
the sick feeling of how i just missed out on
being one of the older ones,
them always slipping slipping out of my
fingers
i love all of you, but i
was never one of those who would be okay,
okay to just let go, okay with saying
goodbye, and i
h a t e it
i lost all of them, the whispers in my head say,
they went on without me
they found each other
their arms are interlocked, they're walking down their own road and i'm
sitting here in the dust, whispering goodbye
and wishing it was all different, somehow
even though the air doesn't smell like smoke anymore, i think my clothes still do
i love all of you so, so much and i'm
jealous, jealous of you beloved ones who left,
i'm still here with all the rest, and it's
not the same, who are these people i don't know them
anymore
we lost the gold: it's dust now,
scattered to the wind and mixed with our
tears
goodbye, goodbye they say
i must've missed being part of them by
a month, a week maybe, because
i missed crowd sorcery: they were there
and connected, they know each other
g o o d b y e
i love all of you, but i hate nostalgia
it pulls me out to sea like riptide or
buries me in sand, breathless, choking, a
feeling of helplessness and despair
why
the weight on those words burns me, blisters on my skin and
i love all of you
something i can never quite seem to explain to
my family, or anyone else
i love all of you, but
we've lost our old ways, something i
can't describe but is
real, a tangible feeling, of something missing
(of course it is)
i know you won't understand
because i was there, i lived it, i lost
it, why does everything slip out of my fingers?
---
I wrote this out on paper, and then felt like there were a couple things I wanted to add to it, which is why some things may seem a little out of place, at least to me.
I was going to tell you who I am but I couldn't make up my mind about it, but feel free to guess. It might be obvious if you know me.
submitted by Some CBer who's deep, age .........., in nostalgia
(May 27, 2018 - 2:02 pm)
(May 27, 2018 - 2:02 pm)
Viola? ?
You recently posted a thread on Kyngdom explaining how you are slowing down and stuff. I posted, and now you can whittle down what my Kyngdom name is, but IDC. Please don't go, whoever you are!
Nihil says hdfn. No, this is not High-Definition Fun. That's Blueray DVDs. Go watch TV or something...
(May 27, 2018 - 3:46 pm)
No, I've been here much longer than Viola has, but I'm not leaving.
(May 28, 2018 - 11:33 am)
Leafpool?
(May 28, 2018 - 1:22 pm)
You're probably right.
(May 30, 2018 - 8:40 am)
No, I didn't write this, but it sounds like a song. I sang bits of it as I read.
(May 28, 2018 - 6:17 pm)
I can relate to this so much. I think you're Leafpool...
(May 29, 2018 - 7:41 pm)
You're also probably right.
(May 30, 2018 - 8:41 am)
Okay so Hi Leafpool! I'm sorry that you are melancholy about life, at least that's what I got from your entry. Please tell me how I can help you feel better! It's kinda my love language or whatever they're called. In this case a better phrase for it would probably be favorite way to enhance other people's lives but that's really long so I'm just gonna use friend dialect. :)
(May 31, 2018 - 1:44 am)
I don't know that you can. I just feel really nostalgic sometimes. It's nobody's fault but mine, I guess. Thanks though.
(May 31, 2018 - 11:37 am)
I know how you feel. Not on the Chatterbox, of course (I've only been here for four months) but... yeah, I miss the old days too. Hang in there.
(May 31, 2018 - 12:32 pm)
Last year all of my friends got into a magnet school but I didn't. And now I don't understand the jokes or know their friends or sympathize with them over anything but memories. It hurts. I feel the same way sometimes, but sometimes I laugh right along. Like Alizarine, I've only been here a few months, so I'm not quite on your level. But I notice you here, and I look up to you. And sometimes you are my role model.
(May 31, 2018 - 4:52 pm)
Leafpool--
I just want to start out by saying that I get you. I understand you.
I watched from a distance for a long time many years ago, only working up the courage to say hi once or twice. I knew those people, the ones that posted, however frequently, better than I knew myself.
And yet, and yet-- I drifted away. I left. For good, I thought, until a little January evening when my eyes fell upon the word "Chatterbox" in the magazine.
Vague memories resurfaced-- Poetic Panda. Ashlee G. Clouded Leopard. Air. Indigo. Cho. Mei. Booksy Owly. Shadow Dragon. Owlgirl. And so many others that drift though my memories as I type this. I decided to come back. To hear from those people again. To become Starseeker again.
But when I did come back...
they were gone.
A war (or maybe more than one) had happened. It ripped the CB apart. People, who I had once known, had left. It's taken me all this time just to find out what happened to some of them. Some I knew about-- the ones who posted a leaving thread that I dug up.
But others disappeared into the mist, into their own lives, just like I had before, leaving me wondering who these new people were.
I stayed. I dug out a little niche for myself, here in the bustling, busy clamour of the CB in all its glory. I know so many of you now and have connected both on and outside of the CB.
But every day, I think of them. The ones who faded like paper in the sun. Never forgotten, but never there.
And I get nostalgic sometimes, too. Oh, all the time. I can't tell you how many times I've typed out a nostalgia thread only to delete it because I wasn't bold enough to post it.
So thank you, person-who-may-or-may-not-be-Leafpool. Thank you for reminding me of the CB's past, no matter how painful. These people, the faded CBers of history, are real people. They deserve to be remembered. But it's also good to live in the present, too. To live in the age of Vyolette, Alizarine, Allie, Catsclaw, Aspen, Shy Peacock, and so many more. (sorry if I didn't list you-- these are just some recent-ish joiners.)
If you got anything from this post, it should be this--
remember the past, and remember it fondly. But don't forget to look forward to the future and live in the moment.
~Starseeker
I wouldn't say a war ripped the Chatterbox apart. There are always differences of opinions, some stronger than others. But people also grow older and develop other interests that may take priority over Chatterbox.
Admin
(May 31, 2018 - 8:43 pm)
I kinda agree with Starseeker. Nostalgia is good to have sometimes but it's not good to constantly compare the present to the past. The CB is always changing, new people come and old people leave, that's how it's always been. There's not a day I'm on here that I don't miss Shadow Dragon and Somebody and a whole lot of other people that have moved on, but at the same time it's good to appreciate the Chatterbox for what it is, and right now it's pretty dang great. Certainly we still have quite a bit of gold left.
(June 1, 2018 - 6:43 am)
Make new friends, and keep the old...
(June 1, 2018 - 9:45 am)
I know. I just get jealous, sometimes, too, when I hear about how like Cayke knows BHR and Ruby and Indigo and Will and people like that and even has some of their emails, and how some people've met IRL, and I'm just...nostalgic, too. I know the CB is still great. But I can't help missing how it used to be.
(June 1, 2018 - 1:21 pm)