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Funny Quotes
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes
there's a ton other threads like this, but they all dead (grammar be going out the window :P )
just post funny quotes people say. the less context the better
I'll go first:
"Don't eat shark pee. shark pee is toxic"
"why are there feet??"
"his name is Cupcake. he has anxiety and diarrhea."
"We cannot trust the muffin."
"Go boop it."
"It is the Law of Milk."
submitted by Darkvine
(February 12, 2024 - 3:57 pm)
(February 12, 2024 - 3:57 pm)
Great idea! I was going to post this on Random Thoughts, but this is probably a better place. It's actually better with context: i literally rEaD iT in an article.
"Captain Crum was aboard a scow on Bulwagga Bay."
It's utterly CB-esque ;)
Also (not from articles):
- "They will write a funeral and conduct an epitaph."
- *British accent* "That's a sparrer."
- "And we can sit here, happily in the darkness, and squeak."
(February 12, 2024 - 5:10 pm)
(February 12, 2024 - 7:34 pm)
Me: "or is humanity really just this stupid…"
A: "I think it's just oklahoma"
(February 12, 2024 - 9:19 pm)
Some excerpts from my quote book:
"Hydrate or die by my hands!
-A friend of mine
"I am a squishy little man and I wear athletic pants."
-another friend (#2)
"Okay, but we are OUT OF WOMEN!"
-friend #3, 1973
"So, how does it feel to be a member of the opposite sex?"
-frien #5
"They were all identically birthed in the roll birthing factory"
-#6 (don't ask)
"I'm not making anybody go but we're all going"
-#6 again
"There are enough grimy cupboards for everyone!"
-#6 yet again
"Ever sniffed a blue crayon? Smells like freedom!"
-#7
"OWO Dave will shortly meet a terrible fate of liberal application of saliva by a moist meat napkin."
-#2
"Just draw your ears upside down like a normal person!”
-#2
“[jowls flapping]”
-Bluey, subtitles, “Mums and Dads"
“Then you have six piemaking children, and seven pie ingredient children.”
-#2 (all I will say about this one is that we were discussing the story of the pied piper)
“Kidneys depreciate in value.”
-#8
"Come nerds, come! "
-#3
"Dad, there's ketchup in our boat! AAAAAAAUUGH!"
-me
"I bet nobody has invented yellow lemons before! Oh... Wait..."
-me
“I would never throw the dog out the second story window. I was talking about Humpty Dumpty.”
-me
"It didn't look like anybody had been murdered, just stabbed a little..."
-me
"I just giggled. It's nothing personal."
-#9
"We're all very energetic fridge openers."
-me
“How do I explain the defecation of Roman emperors?”
-a random acquaintance
"I didn't fall, I just descended with style and a little bit of unwanted speed."
-#9
"I'm not screaming, I'm just aggressively yelling."
-#9
"I may be slightly insane but I know how to use a glue stick."
-me
“Thank you to all of you who are slowly becoming a hedgehog day by day. Boring.”
-Google Translate and some other people
“I’ve walked into at least 3 stalls to a large block of cheddar blocking the toilet esophagus.”
-unknown (again, don't ask. The things some people do to cheese at my school are scary)
“It's less about losing and more about crushing EVERYONE"
-#9
“Murder is great!”
-my Latin teacher
(February 13, 2024 - 9:50 am)
XD
my social studies teacher said, "the wonders of child labor!" Completely without sarcasm
(February 13, 2024 - 7:45 pm)
Oh my gosh scuttles this just made my day. XD
(March 8, 2024 - 11:00 am)
This happened at Youth Group last night...
J (one of the Youth Group teachers): *asks question*
Me: makes eye contact for 0.05 seconds*
J: Em (he wants me to answer the question)?
Me: All I did was make eye contact, that doesn't mean I know the answer!
Everyone else in room: *laughs*
Me: *thinks to self* this could be the start of my comedy career ;)
(February 13, 2024 - 1:26 pm)
My brother/me:
"Hey! You there! Give me all your gold, or I'll mug ya!"
"Whot's that ere? There's someone prawlin' around ere. I'll find you."
"For the peace of the kingdom! For king and country!"
(February 13, 2024 - 10:41 pm)
"Little magic women are dear creatures, usually."
(February 15, 2024 - 4:34 pm)
Repeated instance from both of the swim coaches: "Don't breathe."
One of them: "Breathing is overrated."
The other: "Try not to breathe, in fact most of you shouldn't breathe, but don't pass out--I don't want to go swimming."
(March 7, 2024 - 9:51 pm)
"Put the cucumber away!!"
"No, it's the OLD old Zelda."
Waitttt... wha? It's a tiny carrrr!!"
"PE IS SLEEPING!?
*dreamily* "the top of my mouth is so smooth..."
(March 8, 2024 - 10:53 am)
"I'm going to start frosting the bottom of my cakes"
"me: you've accomplished your to-do list to eat a muffin!
C: but I've forgotten to breathe!"
(March 8, 2024 - 8:40 pm)
Me: Remind me to be Zen.
H: I'll wave a lavender sachet under your nose.
Me: Smelling salts would be better. The r boy was perfect smelling salts.
No context guys sorry
(March 8, 2024 - 8:44 pm)
Oh I have a whole book of these...
Friend 1: I'm better at you... (Long pause) Wait no! I'm better than you...
Me: F if you don't shut up I will shut you up.
F: Ooo Shiver me timbers
Friend 1: I'm standing up because my feet hurt
Friend 2: B if you don't give me a kiss right now I'm gonna chuck this milk at you... (B had Chocolate kisses)
Friend 2: I like to wrestle with big oily men. (He's a wrestler... I really don't know)
K: We are the TTB's
Friend 1 & 3: Also known as the Trashy Trash Bags
Me: I writ those
Friend 3: Saved by the bell
Me, Friend 1&3&4: Ahhh (We were playing freeze tag at recess and we had a really big competition afterwards.
Friend 4: Ohanu means family.
Friend 4: I'm hotter than fire, I'm ice.
Sacrifices to the cheese gods.... (Don't ask)
(March 9, 2024 - 2:34 pm)
"you're kind of high-maintenance."
"these gummy bears taste like chlorine."
"why'd you give it butt cheeks?"
"you're gonna break your ears!"
"they didn't have enough characteristics to pass as a car so I peed on my wallet"
"you look like an old lady wrapped in a shawl"
"just give everyone sombreros."
"T'is not a corn snake! T'is the glorious CORMN SNAEK!"
(March 9, 2024 - 2:48 pm)