Chatterbox: Inkwell

HypQuest Profiles

Hey guys! Sadly, these are not HypQuests. They are profiles of creatures who have taken part as elements in HypQuests. If you want, you CBers can make up HypQuests based on the information provided.

Fry Wisely, the Living Chicken Dinner

Before he was Fry Wisely, before we was an undead being, before he was even able to talk, he was an ordinary chicken, living his life on an ordinary farm, eating ordinary chicken feed. Like every other ordinary chicken, he was a stupid creature, giving no thought to anything except crowing loudly at dawn like the rooster he was and eating chicken feed every day. That was before he was sold to the slaughterhouse. He thought he was going to heaven, but instead he was slaughtered and sold as food product.

However, the Gifter of Relife (a strange and mysterious god worshipped by the Sacred Flaming Gorillas) took pity on him and planned to bring him back to life. His dead remains were sold to an unsuspecting family in search of a delicious chicken dinner. After they cooked him, he returned to life thanks to the Gifter's efforts, and then swiftly found the address of the butcher shop that sold him as food to the family by locating the receipt from the purchase. He ran to said butcher shop and avenged himself with a frying pan and lots and lots of flour, which resulted in no fatalities but an inconvenient mess.

He found out soon that the butcher shop was not his killer but that the slaughterhouse was responsible, and planned on avenging himself further at the slaughterhouse until he found out that it was in Korea and so it was too expensive an airplane trip. He searched for other living chicken dinners on dating sites for but found none. He then realized that, as he was now much smarter than he had been in his old life, he could use his new intelligence for some really awesome stuff. When he heard that there was a producer in Hollywood searching for someone to play a chicken dinner in an upcoming movie titled Rise of the Fried Furies, he went and auditioned, and got the part in a heartbeat. When the producers of the movie asked what they should credit him as, he replied, after some thought, "Fry Wisely."

Fry became an immediate success and somehow managed to get a lot of ladies despite his chicken-dinner-ness. He bought a cool click convertible with rockets that allowed it a maximum speed of 100 MPS (miles per second). He starred in the many sequels to RotFF and also found a job working at the Secret Museum of Supposedly Extinct Animals (in an alternate dimension) as a helicopter pilot and assistant to Mr. X.

Reggie the Flying Chipmunkey

Reggie was created in a science experiment gone mad. One day a biochemist named Dr. Tel Wortsler had been experimenting to see if it was possible to create a flying monkey. He got a monkey, and an eagle, and then combined their DNA and grew a new hybrid creature in a test tube. The creation was a success, but the resulting creature had a bad attitude and craved more bananas than there were to be found on God's Earth. It also had no knowledge of how to use its wings. He sighed and prepared to make some phone calls to arrange for the creature to be sent to a lab where it would be experimented on further by his co-workers.

While he was doing this however, his eight-year-old son was messing around with chipmunk DNA, and in his wild experiment, combined the DNA of the flying monkey with that of the chipmunk. As a result, he got a flying chipmunkey, which, while it was much politer by comparision, craved more bananuts than were to be found on God's Earth (which is, by the way, none). Dr. Wortsler arranged to send it to the lab, but it flew away in search of bananuts and was never heard from again (although several unconfirmed sightings of it have been heard, and sighters speculate about her on the internet often, referring to her as "Reggie").

Ted the Talking Banana

Ted came from Banana Planet, a planet to be found in Universe Triptolemus where all the inhabitants are talking bananas who brush their teeth with toothpaste made from monkeys. Ted came to our universe and tried to sell some of the monkey toothpaste from his home here, expecting it to be a great success. No one bought it. After finding that no one wanted it, he wandered the streets absentmindedly with no clue what to do on this planet until meeting Fry Wisely, who offered him a part in the upcoming RotFF spin-off TV series, for which he had also previously enlisted Reggie the Flying Chipmunkey.

Don, the Sacred Flaming Gorilla

Don formerly belonged to a tribe of Sacred Flaming Gorillas, sacred gorillas who were immune to flame and also had the ability to light controlled fires, which could be controlled by the gorilla(s) setting the fire. The tribe lived in an alternate dimension eating lots and lots of sacred fruit until a Canon Separation Fabric Anomaly opened a portal to our dimension from theirs, scattering most of the fiery primates all over our world. Don took this event in a much calmer manner than his other gorilla friends, who set several large fires before managing to get ahold of their emotions, and continued about his life eating lots and lots of not-so-sacred fruit.

Don later met Fry Wisely, Reggie the Flying Chipmunkey, and Ted the Talking Banana, and then went on to get a part in the latest RotFF film.

Flying Freak Cow

No one knows where it came from. It has three heads, eleven legs, one mouth, seventeen horns, and half a wing. It was found flying around someone's garden spitting at the plants in it one day and then apprehended by Animal Control shortly thereafter. It is currently being studied by scientists at Area 53. It has had no parts in any RotFF films or TV sequels/spinoffs.