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Chatterbox: Inkwell
Awhile ago there
Awhile ago there was a 101 ways to annoy Voledormt post, and I want to redeem that. Some of these are copied.
1. Send him a neon, glowing wig.
2. Write fanfiction.
3. Give him a list of all of the stupid things he's done.
4. Tell him he should try a new haircut.
FEEL FREE TO POST MORE!!!!
submitted by S.E.
(January 2, 2014 - 8:59 pm)
(January 2, 2014 - 8:59 pm)
Excuse me, master of annoyance coming through.
5. He's secretly a cat person. *whispers* Buy Lolcat merchandise and send it to him.
6. Round up the Voldy fan girls and sic 'em on him.
7. Ask him how his life with Dr. Moddington is.
8. Tell him, "Oh em gee, I love your hair! Is bald your natural color?"
9. Rewrite the entire Harry Potter series Lolcat style and send it to him. (Or, "rite all teh hairy pawter seris in LOLcat and giv to voldy." Bonus: Great way to annoy the Admins!) Admin: Hey, why would you want to annoy us?!
10. Give him cupcakes "SC" style.
11. Tell him to call Melody short to her face.
12. Tell him to call Ruby (or Sakura, for that matter) short to his face.
13. Tell him to call Ed from FMA short to his face.
14. Ask him how he got his ninja powers.
15. 100 hour Nyan cat video.
16. Carmelldansen 10 hour video.
17. "Drop" Little Women on his head.
18. Ask to see his collection of Bellatrix photos. Come on, you know he has one!
19. Convince him that Lucius Malfoy is actually an elf.
20. Reenact Harry Potter Puppet Pals with him. As Dumbledore.
21. Cast him as Odette in Swan Lake.
22. Force him to watch a Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch marathon. All the episodes at once. All 39 of them. (That's what, 14 and a half hours? That could be worse. Maybe. This is Mermaid Melody we're talking about.)
23. Repeat the above process with Sailor Moon. All 200 episodes.
24. "So, Voldy, if you had to take one of Lestrange sisters out on a date, which one would you ask out?"
I think this will be enough for now.
(January 2, 2014 - 10:22 pm)
Admins, I think we'd want to annoy you for the kicks. Whatever those might be. I personally see no kicks to be found, but... eh, people are weird.
25. Ask him what he's allergic to. Then feed him all those things.
26. Have an angel second class show him how the world would have been had he never been born. It would anger him to see a world where he could never kill Harry because he wouldn't exist to do it, I believe...
27. Sing "john jacob jingleheimer schmidt" to him repeatedly.
Is it really a good idea to annoy Voldemort? You know he could Avada Kadevra you... only annoy him if absolutely nessacary is my advice. He has a short and rotten temper!
(January 3, 2014 - 6:37 pm)
28. Tell him to brush his teeth.
29. Make up a book "The world's evilest bad guys" and "Forget" to put him in it.
30.Pretend he's invisible.
31. Ask him if he does weight watchers
32. Complain that his spells aren't good enough.
33. Call him Tommy baby.
(January 3, 2014 - 8:36 pm)
Tommy boy! *dies laughing*
I am not short, thank you very much.
34. "Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing on Rainbows" ten hour loop!
35. Recite all of The Little Mermaid to him. I'll start: "I'll tell you a tale of the bottomless blue and it's hey to the starboard heave ho! Look out lad, a mermaid be waiting for you in mysterious fathoms below!"
36. Stick a pink mustache on him.
37. Ask him who his plastic surgeon is, because "that nose job is to die for!"
38. Tell him just how successful those books featuring Harry Potter as a hero are.
(January 3, 2014 - 10:12 pm)
39. Ask him if he wants to play Got Your Nose, and then say "Oh, sorry, you don't have one!"
40. Interview him and ask questions like, "So how does it feel to be defeated again by a little boy?"
41. Call him Tom Riddle.
42. Say "I don't know why you hate Harry so much. He was just doing what you wanted by killing you. You know, ridding the world of halfbloods."
43. Send him an anger management therapist's business card.
(January 4, 2014 - 12:16 pm)
44. Ask him to try anti-stress aromatherapy.
45. Read him all of Hogwarts, A History.
46. Ask him if he played Quidditch.
47. Put him in a room with Cho Chang.
(January 4, 2014 - 6:15 pm)
47 is an evil unlike any other. There is no greater torture than being trapped in a room with Cho Chang, unless perhaps it is being trapped in a room with Cho Chang and Little Women.
(January 4, 2014 - 8:13 pm)
48) Sing the "Fifty Nifty United States" song
49) Lock him in a room and read a dictionary on a loud speaker from A to Z with descriptions of any images that might show up.
50) Mention how you really thought he should've been sorted into Hufflepuff.
(January 4, 2014 - 9:00 pm)
51) Ask him how he gets his hair to look like that.
(January 4, 2014 - 9:27 pm)
hahahahahahahaha 11-13
(January 4, 2014 - 8:08 am)
52) Photoshop a picture of him and Harry with their arms around each other
53) Give him shampoo and a manicure set (and a comb!)
54) Show him his reflection in a distorted mirror
55) Draw a map on his bald head
56) Tell him he got a job babysitting
57) Ask him for an autograph with his real name
Uh.. can't think of anymore.
(January 5, 2014 - 7:39 pm)
These aren't mine, but I HAD to post them
58. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'
59. Laugh at him.
60. Knit him things. Really hideous things.
61. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.
62. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only
response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last
of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
63. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
64. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
65. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to
add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare
pointedly at him.
66. Call him 'The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.'
67. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'
68. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.
69. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.
70. Be cheerful.
71. When he tries to impress you with his powers, say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'
72. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'
73. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What's that - a washing detergent?'
74. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.
75. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
76. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry
Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly
childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
77. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
78. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war.
79.Correct his spelling.
80. Tell you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways.'
81. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.
82. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions, 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you thought you were helping!
83. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
84. Buy him a stress ball.
85. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.
86. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.
87. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.
88. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some
89. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.
90. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
91. 'Imperio' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful.'
92. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry.'
93. Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.
94. Throw him a 'Carebears'-themed birthday party.
95. Politely exclaim now and again that you don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles.
96. Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment.'
97. Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery,
play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.
98. Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.
99. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'
100. Get him to play 'Twister' with you.
101. Tell him you know this great therapist in London....
we need a new thread...
102. Throw Tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.
103. Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.
104. Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.
105. Steal, snap and bury his wand.
106. Tell him Lucius did it.
107. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.
108. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
109. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.
110. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling.'
111. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.
112. When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms,
waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have
approved of that?'
113. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.'
114. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.
115. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
116. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy.'
117. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.
118. Cuddle him at random moments.
119. Sign him up for Little-League.
120. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.
120. Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie.'
122. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.
123. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.
124. Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.
125. Write sonnets for him.
126. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.
127. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.
128. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie.'
129. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak.'
130. Mock his baldness.
131. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')
133. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah.'
134. As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like 'Not gonna work, or 'stupid.'
135. Call him 'Champ' or 'Tiger.' Refer to yourself as 'Coach.'
136. Three words: Potter Puppet Pals.
137. Ask him where he gets his garlic-scented soap.
138. Make him dance in the rain with you.
139. Insist that this is to cleanse his soul.
140. Be offended by everything he says.
141. On the next Valentine's Day, decorate his lair.
142. ..make sure the decorations are pink and frilly.
143. Tell him that getting the same plastic surgeon as Michael Jackson was
definitely a bad idea.
144. Paint his fingernails hot pink while he's sleeping, then place a
permanent sticking charm on them so he can't remove the color.
145. Whenever you look at him cover your eyes with your hands and scream "IT
BURNS!!!"
146. Trade his black robes in for pink pajamas.
147. Insist that it's opposite day and paint a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sorry I maxed out the limit XD you sould do 1001 ways next time. it may be a lot but it won't get maxed out this fast
(January 7, 2014 - 11:19 am)
It is now officially 1001 ways! These almost made me die!
(January 7, 2014 - 8:14 pm)
I remember seeing this when I used to browse the CB and not join (I was scared then but now I'm fine ;) You people rock!)
(January 8, 2014 - 4:41 pm)
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
148. make him watch the My Little Pony episode with Discord in it. explain to him to morals of the episode.
149. buy him a new wand (see what happened to his other wand #105) and decorate it with glitter
150. In adittion to throwing him a carebears birthday party (#94) give him My Little ponys (all the pink ones) as well as all the CDs for the My Little Pony TV show. and a hairbrush.
151. when he says that he doesn't have a CD player to play the CDs, conjuer one covered with glittery pony stickers and say "look it evern matches them!!"
152. Show him a hologram of Molly Weasly, and when he tries to kill her (for killing Bellatrix, and being a blood traitor) video tape it and laugh.
153. a week later, show him how the video went viral on youtube.
154. when you find him attempting to delete the video off youtube, spank him.
155. make a video of that, and put it on youtube too.
156. ask him why you haven't seen him use the brush you got him.
157. buy him a 'sweet secrets' diary
158. invite his relitaves over, to yell at him for loosing over harry
159. make him a Facebook accout.
160. 'poke him' (on Facebook)
161. change his Facebook picture from the Slytherin crest to a frilly pink heart.
162. make him watch, then post off his Facebook account, the my little pony episode with the wedding in it. (I have had to sit through that one so many times.... it's torture)
I could think of MUCH MORE but, I have to do my school work. soooooooo
(January 9, 2014 - 10:46 am)