My Novel The

Chatterbox: Inkwell

My Novel The

My Novel The Illusion

I wrote the 50k words for NaNoWriMo but now I really need to revise it. I'm having a bit of trouble though since I have all these other ideas in my head. Anywho, here's an excerpt of my novel:

~Rewrite Scene of Destruction of Fraytonia

The sand wouldn’t stop pouring in. It wouldn't stop. It came through the walls even though there were no cracks. It came through the door even though they were sealed shut. Lyra didn't know how and she doubted she would ever know. All she knew was that it was a curse for a wrong the Frays had done, a wrong they should have dealt with long before this could happen. Lyra remembered the voice in the sky echoing:

This is what you get when you mess with The Lightning.

She remembered the Sra that shot her father without a second glance. Lyra had to get back to the living room where her father was hiding, but the doors were sealed shut from the last command her father had made. She banged frustratingly on the metal door that separated her from her father. Lyra listened for her father, but all she heard was the sand pouring in.

 

I’ll get you out of there. Lyra thought determinedly. I’m not letting another one die in front of me. She winced at the thought of her falling down from the laser the captain of the Sras had shot in her chest. It was as if it had been in slow motion, and as if the laser was going through Lyra’s chest too.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

...Those who don't know what my novel is about: It's a sci-fi novel like Doctor Who about a girl named Gwen Blackwell who gets locked up (without her knowing) by the government since she has powerful abilities. She creates this Illusion and is stuck in it, or so she believes. I'm sort of stumped on how she gets out of the Illusion. (And Fraytonia is a planet which Lyra, another character lives on until it gets destroyed. I don't know how she gets involved in the Illusion though... oh and a Sra is an alien that looks like the Ood from DW except without tentacle thingies, has greenish dry skin, has large narrow eyes and a small mouth.) 

 

Now I'm just ranting but I guess I'm more excited than before about revising my novel. 

submitted by Moss, 13
(January 21, 2014 - 6:42 pm)

back to the Inkwell

*The sand kept pouring in. It wouldn't stop.

submitted by Moss, age 13
(January 23, 2014 - 7:02 am)

The sand wouldn’t stop pouring in. It wouldn't stop. It came through the walls even though there were no cracks. It came through the door even though it was sealed shut. Lyra didn't know how this was happening and she doubted she would ever know. All she knew was that it was a curse for a wrong the Frays had done, a wrong they should have dealt with long before this could happen. Lyra remembered the voice in the sky echoing:

This is what happens when you mess with The Lightning.

She remembered the Sra that shot her father without even a second glance. Lyra had to get back to the living room where her father was hiding, but the doors were sealed shut because of the last command her father had made. She banged, frustrated, on the large gray metal door that separated her from her father. Lyra listened for her dad, but all she heard was more of the sand pouring in.

 

I corrected some grammatical errors and added some more detail. The only problem is I don't really know what this is about...

This next paragraph makes no sense to me, so I'll let it be. 

I’ll get you out of there. Lyra thought determinedly. I’m not letting another one die in front of me. She winced at the thought of her falling down from the laser the captain of the Sras had shot in her chest. It was as if it had been in slow motion, and as if the laser was going through Lyra’s chest too.

submitted by forty-two, age forty-two, forty-two
(May 11, 2014 - 6:19 am)