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OK, I started
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OK, I started
OK, I started this story about 6 yrs ago when I was in 1st grade and now I am revising it.
Characters are as follows. (although I may add more later)
Main character: Fern, age 12, tomboyish, hot-tempered.
Other characters are as follows:
Fern's mother: Age unknown, very old-fashioned and gives big parties for other rich people and always makes Fern help with the guests, which Fern hates.
Fern's younger sister: Named Beckey, is about 8 yrs old and takes everything seriously and calmly. Annoys Fern greatly.
Fern's father: Age also unknown, very modern, helps Fern escape from the parties and sympathizes with her suffering when she can't escape.
Fern's older brother: Named Joey, 17 yrs old, very nice, is Fern's model of what kind of person she wants to be when she's older.
Here goes:
Chapter 1:
Meeting Fern
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"Fe-ern!" That was her mother yelling, first thing in the morning.
Today would be another party day. Fern groaned, then got up.
"Coming!", she yelled back, as she scrambled downstairs and got out her cereal before her mother could make her eat a 'more delicate' breakfast.
Her mother frowned, but made no comment. On what Fern was eating, that is. "Get dressed this instant!", she barked." Alright, alright!" A few minutes Fern was back, comfotably dressed in designer jeans and a t-shirt. " What are you thinking!?", her mother demanded, as soon as she came back. "Put on a proper dress. Now! And remember to do your makeup properly." Fern groaned, and reluctantly complied with her mother's demands. " I HATE dresses.", she mumbled as she went back to her room for the second time. " And makeup, too! It makes me look ridiculous!".
Finally,after about three more trips back and forth, her mother was satisfied. Just then, the guests started arriving.
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How is that? Please give me comments on what you think. This is one of my first stories, so I really want your opinions!
This is not a round robin story, I just want help, as this is my first story.
Jenjen
submitted by Jennifer T, age 12, Nowhere
(March 2, 2009 - 9:54 pm)
(March 2, 2009 - 9:54 pm)
WOAH!!! You wrote that when you were six?!?!??! That's really good!! :):):)
(March 4, 2009 - 6:07 pm)
Well, the first installment was written when I was almost 7 and then I kinda forgot about it. Then the other day I was digging through my desk and came across it and thought 'You know, Fern's a pretty cool character!' And decided to finish it, or at least write some more.
But the party is entirely brand-new, as in I wrote it yesterday.
Thanks!
(March 5, 2009 - 10:26 am)
YEAH!!!!!! COOL!!!!!!!!!!!! :):D:D:):D Continue, continue!! *sits on edge of chair*
(March 5, 2009 - 2:39 pm)
Look, I'm still drafting the next part, okay?
So don't push me!
(March 7, 2009 - 4:40 pm)
It rocks!
(March 8, 2009 - 5:29 pm)
Looking forward to more :-)
(March 11, 2009 - 6:09 pm)
Thanks, all! I have some more now! Please give your opinions!
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Later that evening, Fern climbed down into the woods from her window, as she did most nights to observe nocturnal animals, or just be alone to think without Beckey and her mother making a racket all the time. But tonight, she went straight to the big pine tree.
There was no one in sight. Fern gritted her teeth. "Why that-" she began to mutter, just as Robin dropped out of the pine tree itself.
"Thought I wouldn't show up, huh?" he laughed. "Don't worry, I try to keep my word. Now, I'm sure you've got some questions." Then he held up a finger before she could start. "On second thought, could you try to keep it to one question at a time? It would probably be easier for both of us."
Fern thought for a while, then asked, "What was that language you spoke in earlier, and why could I understand it?"
Robin instantly replied. " Why, it's the Speech, of course," then, seeing the puzzled look on her face, added, "The natural Speech of all Mageborns. You could understand it because you are a Mageborn."
"Wha--mageborn?" Fern spluttered, trying to understand what he had just said.
"Mageborns are the messengers of the Light, and Necromancers, Darkfriends, and Shadow-minions are the servants of the Shadow. The Shadow is trying to conquer the dimensions, and only the Mageborns can stop them. Unfortunately, the number of Mageborns is dwindling. Less and less people are born with the Gift. The School of Light is trying to find every Mageborn in the dimensions, but all those born with the Gift are given a choice, to struggle against the Shadow, or to live a normal life. Will you join us?" Robin's speech was passionate, furious about the Shadow-minions and gesturing with his hands to emphasize his point.
"Who wouldn't?" Fern said instantly. "But how are we going to persuade my mother to let me go to the School of Light? " As they disscused how to make that come about, in another dimension, a plot of a more sinister kind was also forming.
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I'm going to start drafting the next part tomorrow!
Hope you liked it!
(March 13, 2009 - 7:15 pm)
I really enjoy your story so far! It's very creative! One comment, though... I think you mean "Fewer and fewer people are born with the gift." Not to offend anyone, I'm just picky that way.
(March 14, 2009 - 2:56 pm)
Cool, Jenjen!!! I really like it!!
(March 14, 2009 - 6:54 pm)
Uh, I can revise it if u think it needs it.
But as I already have two drafts, I dunno.
(March 14, 2009 - 7:53 pm)
Heck, that's nothing. Usually stories have to go through lots and lots of drafts before all grammar, spelling, and plot mistakes are found and destroyed.
(March 15, 2009 - 12:06 am)
Heheheh........ Next time I will do spell-check w/my spelling dictionary and go through the whole thing before I post it!
(March 15, 2009 - 11:20 am)
Yes, that is what I meant.
I thought I fixed that in the second draft!?
*goes and looks at second draft*
*sees that it hadn't been fixed*
Oh well.
Thank you, Brynne!
Wanna be friends?
Oh I don't want to explain why I ask that, go ask BellaTrix, she knows, it makes me too worked up and depressed when I talk about it.
(March 14, 2009 - 7:10 pm)
Awww . . . *hugs*
(March 14, 2009 - 7:43 pm)
*gives even bigger hug back*
u r a good friend BellaTrix!
oh, and can I call you Hanna sometimes?
*does puppydog eyes*
(March 14, 2009 - 7:52 pm)